There are very few times in his life when Justin has felt inadequate. Even fewer times he would readily admit to, but standing in the center of the pasta aisle at his local Ralph’s, he would gladly admit his defeat, even if to just make some damn sense of it all. The idea was to Make Mae dinner. A rare occasion when they will be together sans Jonah and it calls for something special. Not that Justin wishes for time apart from his son, but he isn’t even sure if he and Mae have ever had a ‘real’ date. Because one thing he does know is that bathing Jonah and then falling into bed does not count as a date.
His whole body tenses as his eyes scan the selection again. Pasta was supposed to be the easy choice, the ‘idiot proof’ option as his mother had so delicately put it. Most of the names he can’t even pronounce much less deem if it suits the cream sauce he is going to attempt making.
Aside from the current pasta debacle, Justin can’t think of a while hell of a lot to complain about. Kate has died down to mostly tolerable and he has the better art of a record laid down, which might be the best he’s ever done. A fact he attributes mostly to Jonah and growing his own ass up. Which leads to another reason for the somewhat special occasion, things in his life were about to get a little more hectic and he had questions for Mae. He knew what he wanted, but it was her turn to call the shots.
‘What kind of sauce are you making?”
Justin shook his head to rid it of his haze of thoughts and focused on the new voice. He would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t notice she was beautiful, it didn’t help that she was grinning at him,. He always thought teeth were oddly sexy.
“Um, I’m going to try this cream based recipe I got from my mom,” he offers. She nods thoughtfully.
“May I?” she asks gesturing towards the demonic wall of pasta.
“Please do,” Justin answers readily. Any help was welcome. She reaches across him and plucks a box off the shelf. There’s an effort on her part to brush his arm as she pulls back. Instantly he fells on edge. The move has been used too often on him for it not to be recognized. First it’s the arm brush, then the grip on the shoulder and not long after that some kind of suggestion leading to her bed.
Justin steels himself as he holds out the box.
“Use the shells, they’ll trap the sauce inside,” She tells him. He smiles tensely as he takes the box from her outstretched hand.
“Thanks. My girlfriend will love this,” he replies. Her face falters a little, but the smile is back almost instantaneously.
“She’s a lucky girl. You should get some wine to go with it,” she adds. Justin nods lamely. He should have thought of that without help. She’s already pushing her cart down the aisle before he can even think to say anything else.
“Thanks again,” he calls after her. She turns and flashes him one more smile. One that a couple of months ago would have assured her a phone number if nothing else. And once again he is reminded that he is in deep with Mae, probably too deep.
It surprises him to say the least. After Kate he made a stupid oath to himself that he was done with women for awhile. He was going to focus on his son and keep things casual if anything. But then Mae can spinning in and he was in deep shit before he could stoip himself.
He leans heavily against the cart and eases it towards the alcohol. He should probably go to a liquor store and get something a little more expensive, but he knows it won’t make any difference to Mae. The turn into the new aisle is wide and slow. It takes him a moment to recognize the other person in the aisle, even thought few people are more familiar to him.
The other person remains unaware, in a similar staring contest with the alcohol that Justin just ended with the pasta. Justin moves slowly towards him as if nervous to scare off a skittish animal. The wheel of his cart catches and makes a noise that causes them both to cringe. Their eyes meet and Justin smiles weakly.
“Hey.”
It’s a lame greeting, but something needed to be said.
“Hey,” Trace reciprocates. Justin takes it as a good sign and inches even closer.
“How have you been man?” Justin asks. Trace breaks his glare with the cooler long enough to glance at him again.
“You know, the same old shit.”
Justin nods even thought he’s really not sure what that could mean. Standing before him is the singular downfall of his relationship with Mae. The only person other than his mother to have stood with him through the entirety of the fucked up process that is fame.
The awkward silence settles in, but Justin is unwilling to let something so menial ruin this moment.
“For someone who claims to be able to taste the age of whiskey, you sure as hell are giving that liquor the once over,” Justin states. Trace snorts just a little.
“There will be no doubting my masterful whiskey knowledge. I’m trying to pick something out for this chick I’m seeing. No doubt she likes all that fruity shit,” Trace rambles. Justin chuckles and points at the hard lemonade.
“All women love that shit,” he suggests. Trace nods and drops a six pack into his car.
“So, who’s the girl?” Justin asks. Trace pushes his cart back and forth with quick movements.
“Someone I met at one of the fashion events,” he answers.
“She hot?” Justin presses. Trace’s face breaks into a slight smile.
“Unlike you, I like my women with something in her head jackass,” Trace laughs. Justin shrugs off the comment.
“So, she’s dog,” He concludes. Trace laughs again and shakes his head.
“You’re such an asshole. No she’s not a dog. She used to model for Victoria’s Secret or something,” he corrects.
“Nice,” Justin quips. Trace resumes his cart movements and the silence takes over.
“You should bring her around, see if she passes the Timberlake test,” Justin says.
“More like bring her around so you can harass her,” Trace replies.
“Either way. Plus you see Jonah. The kid os huge, you’ll shit a brick,” Justin adds.
“Maybe I will come by,” Trace affirms. Justin has to bite his tongue to hold back his excitement.
“Anytime man,” he states.
“As long as you can keep your paws off,” Trace teases. Justin rolls his eyes.
“Man I am so fucking whipped even I thin its sad.”
The words fall from his mouth before he can censor them. Trace tenses and Justin inwardly curses himself. Of course he would fuck the reunion up.
“So you’re still with Mae?” Trace asks. Justin kicks at a rogue fruit loop at his feet and nods.
“We’re making a go at it,” he replies. Trace takes a deep breath.
“Is that what your sorry ass is doing here? You’re cooking? I thought you liked her,” Trace gaffs. Justin smacks him in the shoulder.
“I am fully capable of cooking,” he argues. Trace feigns shock and widens his eyes.
“Tell that to Jamie Sherman. Your pork chops nearly killed that girl!”
“I had never used a grill before. I just assumed they were fully cooked,” Justin rebuts.
“Sure man, keep telling yourself that.”
Their laughter slowly dies down.
“I’m sorry about the way things went down. I never meant you any disrespect and I sure as hell wasn’t trying to step on anyone’s toes,” Justin sighs.
“Let’s just call it over. I was an oversensitive prick and you were your typical egotistical ass self,” Trace states.
“Still man, no more of this feuding shit. I need your hairy ass around. I mean, I have a fucking kid and you need to make sure I don’t screw him up,” Justin informs him. Trace chuckles again.
“Kid couldn’t turn out any worse than us,” he states.
“I gotta go man. Cynthia is waiting,” Trace ends. Justin nods and extends his hand. Trace pulls him in for a quick embrace.
“See you later ass wipe,” Justin calls after him. Trace holds up a middle finger as he disappears and Justin laughs.
He grabs a bottle of wine off the shelf without paying much attention to the year or color. Things are just going hi way.
Traffic on the way home can’t even touch him, he’s even tempted to roll down the tinted windows on his car. He kicks open the door from the garage and lays out his spoils. Jamie Sherman his ass. This is going to be the best meal Mae has ever had.
The sauce is coming to a boil and smells surprisingly edible when the doorbell echoes through the house. Justin bounds towards the front door. He opens it to find Mae facing away from him yelling something across the street.
“The Clash kick Good Charlottes ass any day,” She shouts.
When she turns to face him her normally bright face is cloudy.
“Educating America on good music?” Justin asks. She grumbles her response as she enters, pausing only briefly to kiss him.
“Let’s just say it’s been one of those days,” she sighs and drops her bag and jacket to the ground. She reaches behind her for his hand, intertwining it with hers.
“Where did you order from? It smells fantastic,” Mae comments. Justin grins to himself as he takes the lead, pulling her into the kitchen. He watches as she surveys the pots, pans and general destruction he created while cooking.
“This baby is all a result of Chef Justin,” he boasts. Mae raises a single eye brow and fights off a smile.
“Chef Justin huh? Well he better be good,” she warns. Justin scoffs and leads her to a stool at the car.
“Chef Justin is good at too many things to mention,” he assures her. Mae laughs and Justin simply watches.
“So, what are we having then?” she asks trying to lean in and sneak a peak. Justin slams down the lids and wags a lone finger in her face.
“Don’t even try. Not til it’s done,” he scolds.
“How long will that be? I’m starved,” she pleads. Fighting off the urge to roll his eyes he passes her a roll.
“Gnaw on that,” he suggests.
She takes the roll and rips off a piece, popping it into her mouth. He was going to wait until after dinner to really talk, but he can’t keep it in any longer.
“So I have some news for you,” he begins. Mae chews and motion for him to continue. Justin bites down on his lip a little.
“You know I’ve been working on my new album…”
Mae swallows thickly.
“I love what you’ve showed me so far,” she interrupts.
“Thanks love, but I’ve decided to do a quick small tour at the release instead of the huge drawn out tour later,” he states. Mae’s face is unreadable, mostly because she is making eye contact with the roll rather than him.
“That’s really exciting,” she offers lamely. Justin chuckles and tilts her chin up towards him.
“I want you to come,” he finishes. The shock is more than evident on her face. The roll drops from her hand and stumbles across the tiles floor.
“On tour?” she asks.
“That would be the idea Mae,” he affirms. He searches her eyes for the ‘yes’ he assumed would be there.
“You want Jonah and I to follow you around on tour?” she clarifies. Justin offers her a small half smile.
“Not Jonah, at least not the whole time. Mostly just you,” he answers. Mae swallows again even though the roll is long forgotten.
“But what about Jonah?” she whispers. Justin settles down next to her on a stool and pulls her stool between his knees. He knew there would be a little hesitation, she wouldn’t be the woman he was quickly getting to….that point with, if there wasn’t.
“Kate has a nanny included in her rider for the new movie. They’re going to provide it for her. And since it overlaps with the tour, when he’s not with us, he’ll be with her and the new nanny,” he replies. Mae chews on her bottom lip furiously.
“But that’s my job Jus. I mean, am I losing my job?” Justin chuckles a little.
“Babe that job is yours for as long as you want it, just think of it as an extended vacation,” he suggests. Mae pulls out of his embrace a little.
“And what about my life here? My school, my apartment, my bills?” she rambles. Justin leans back and sighs. This is more resistance than he expected.
“I’ll take care of all that. You’ll still get paid, you’ll just be having a little more fun watching a bigger baby,” he tries to joke. Mae’s forehead remains furrowed.
“You’re ok with Jonah just being thrown in with whoever some movie company deems fit?” Mae demands. Justin throws up his hands.
“You’re not his parent Mae, I get that you’re worried, but that is not your concern.” As soon as he hears the words echo in his mind he knows they were below the belt. He reaches for her instantly, but she stands and backs away.
“I’m more than aware that I am not his mother Justin. I’m just a little confused why the person who isn’t the parent seems to be the only one concerned for his welfare,” she spits. Justin grits his teeth and kneads his hands together.
“Don’t pull that shit on me. No one loves that baby more than me.”
Mae sighs and raises her eyes to meet his.
“I just, I don’t know why you would want to do that to him. Take two of the most important people in his life from him and shove him into the arms of a stranger,” she sighs.
“I’m a little confused here too Mae. I thought what we had going here was a good thing. Between us. Don’t get me wrong. I fucking love the fact that you love my kid, it’s one of the things that makes me so crazy about you, but this is about us,” he argues. Mae nods slowly.
“The thing is Jus, I don’t know how to be us without Jonah. I mean he’s been there for every moment of this. I’m not even sure there is an us without him,” she stumbles out. Justin fixes his gaze on the floor trying to block out what she just said. He hears her shuffling towards him and then feels her arms wrap around his torso.
“So you’re saying that you don’t want to go,” he clarifies lowly. Her deep breath shakes his whole body.
“My place is with Jonah. My life is here,” she answers. Justin nods even though he doesn’t understand.
“I still have to go Mae, you know that,” he says.
“Of course, it’s what you do.”
“And I’m not going to pretend that if you don’t take this step with me that things are going to be the same when I get back,” he states. Mae pulls back a little. He doesn’t want this to end, but if she’s not willing to move with him in life, he can’t stand still and wait for her.
“I get that, I mean it’s completely fair.” Her voice shakes and betrays her words. The sauce pan lid teeters and some of the sauce spills over the edge.
“I just thought we were on the same page here Mae. I thought you wanted to see where this was going,” he hisses.
“We were on the same page, but this tour, this album and every where its going to take you is a new page and I just don’t think I was written in to it,” she replies. He reaches for her hand one more time.
“But you could be,” he suggests. She smiles slightly at him and rubs a hand over his head.
“I don’t think its for me,” she finalizes.
“Because of Jonah,” he states.
“No because of me,” she corrects. The kitchen is overcome by the noises of a good dinner going bad.
“I think I should go,” she finally says. Justin doesn’t argue. This wasn’t the way this day was supposed to go. He wasn’t ready for this outcome.
“Maybe I watch Jonah on my own til I leave,” Justin decides.
“Probably for the best,” Mae agrees. She backs away slowly and even though it’s not being said Justin knows its over. And the worst part is he’s not ready or willing.
Author's Chapter Notes:
so close to done. i want to thank thank thank everyone whose read and reviewed, it's really kept me going through all of this. so thank you so much and enjoy!!
Incomplete
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