One year and three months.  That's how long it's been since I left California.  In order to get away from him, I had to leave the state.  I was even thinking about leaving the country, but then I realized I didn't have two nickles to rub together,  so I just settled for some city outside of the Las Vegas strip.  I had no choice, but to settle because that's where my car ran out of gas.  With no money and no close by relatives, besides the child that I was carrying, I was stuck.  I had scrounged up every last cent I had and ended up staying in this cheap, rat-infested motel just outside of the interstate.  While having breakfast at the local diner that was next door to the motel, the next morning, I came across a 'Now Hiring' sign, and applied to be a waitress.  I was hired on the spot.

Megan Hart was a bubbly, blond from Texas, who was a waitress who also worked at the diner.  She was the only one there that befriended me and took me in.  Turns out that she had a three year old daughter, Casey Rae, by her exhusband, who used to abuse her.  Megan was really into sharing past life story.  I wasn't.  So to make a long story short, I told her that things weren't working back at home, and that I had to get away.

I know that you're probably wondering about the child that I was carrying.  I had given birth to a beautiful baby boy.  I named him Justin Randall Timberlake Jr.  Crazy huh?  I wanted him to have some part of Justin.  He looks just like him too.  He has his crystal blues eyes, and wild tame of curls.  Sometimes he also has his father's funky mood swings.  Which by the way aren't very pretty.  He's all the family I got, that's blood related.  He's the only good thing that came out of mine and Justin's relationship.  I don't regret him for a moment.

"Janae...Janae!"

"What?!"  I turned around to see Megan staring at me wierdly.

"You were staring off into space again."

"Oh...sorry."  I have a habit of doing that.

"Here take these and put them outside of on the table."  She handed me the plastic forks and spoons.

"Yes mam."  I said sarcastically as I grabbed them from her hands, and began to walk outside in the backyard to place the items on the neatly decorated picnic table.

Looking around the backyard that was decorated with colorful balloons, streamers, banners, and 'Happy Birthday' signs, i can't believe that my son's first birthday is finally here.  Seems just like yesterday, the doctor placed him in my arms.

"You're doing it again."  Megan broke my thoughts as she walked byt me carrying the party favors.  "What is wrong with you?"  She says as she places them down on the table.

"Nothing.  I've just got a lot of things on my mind, today."

"Well could you stop thinking so much, and help me get get the hambugers and hot dogs ready for the grill.  It is your son's birthday."  She emphasized on the word 'your'.

"Yes mommy."  Again I said sarcasticallyy walking back towards the house.  I walked into the kitchen where I saw Megan's new boyfriend, Kevin, searching through the fridge.  "Looking for something?"  I asked him.

He stood up from the fridge.  "Oh hey, Janae."  He said looking at me up and down.

"Hey Kevin."  I said.  "What are you looking for?"  I rephrased my question to see if he would understand this one, so he can get the hell out of my face.

"Where's the brew?"

"In the cooler on the back porch."

"Thanks."  He smiled and winked at me before he headed towards the back porch.

Ugh.  He makes me want to sick.  I mean he's cute or whatever, but he's an out of work quote on quote actor with two kids from a previous relationship.  I told Megan that he was bad news, but who I am to judge?  I just spent three years of my life with a man who didn't appreciate what I did for him.

"What is wrong with you, Janae?"  I can't leave you alone for five minutes without you drifting off into space.

"I'm sorry Megan."  I grabbed the box of frozen hambugers from the freezer before heading out to the back porch.

On my way to the back I passed by the living room to see Kevin sitting on the couch, drinking his beer, and watching t.v.  I noticed that he was watching the world news when a familiar looking picture flashed on the screen.

"We go over to news  in California, where twenty-two year old Cassandra Jackson was in a fatal car accident this morning around 6:34.  The only survivor was twenty-three year old, Jason Williams, the victim's boyfriend.  Apparently Jackson and Williams were both headed to work when a drunk driver struck the side of their vehicle causing it to flip.  Jackson was killed instantly.  As for Williams, he's in critical condition..."

Oh my God.  I nearly dropped the frozen hambugers on the carpet.

"What's wrong with you?"  Kevin asks me, but I just block his question out.

I couldn't stop looking at the television screen.  Seeing the pictures of my brother and his girlfriend on there, I felt sick to my stomach.  I felt like throwing up right there. 

"Hey, what's wrong?"  Megan came from the kitchen, to see why Kevin asked what was wrong.  Still I couldn't answer.  I was still in shock.  "Kevin turn that off."  I heard Megan yell in the distance.  "Come on sweety."  She took me over to the couch, and sat me down.  She sat on the arm of the couch and began to soothly rub my back.  "Now tell me, what's wrong?  Why are you crying?"

I didn't notice that tears were slowly streaming down my face.  I placed my hand across my face to quickly wipe them away.  "I'm fine."  I finally regain consciousness, and stood up from the couch.

Megan was shocked at my 360 degrees turnaround.  "But you were just crying.  You saw something that was bad.  Didn't you?"

"I'm fine, Megan."  I took a deep breath.  "Now can we just get back to Jay's birthday party?"

"But..."

"Megan..."

"Sure."  She stood up from the couch, and we finished getting ready for the party.

**

In just an hour, the house was full of crazy kids running around terrorizing things.  I didn't know that many people, but Megan was so friendly.  Most of these kids are from people she knows, and from Casey Rae's daycare.

I stood at the glass door that led to the back porch.  I was just watching my son run around with Casey Rae and the rest of kids.  He was having the time of his life.  My mind then began to wander about my brother and his girlfriend.  I haven't spoken to him in four years.  In fact, I haven't spoken to anyone from my family since I started dating Justin.  They didn't like the fact that I was with him in the first place.  Especially my mother.  She had read stories about him in the tabloids that weren't too flattering of him.  But I didn't listen.  I had to learn for myself about what kind of person he was.  The stunt I pulled about an hour ago was to get Megan off of my back.  I told you I hated sharing past life stories.  So I just shook it off, and pretending like nothing happened.

I took a long drag of my ciggarette while wiping a single tear that had fallen to my face.  I blew the smoke from my nostrils.  It's been too damn long since I've had one.  I had cut back after I had my son.  But I needed one right now.

"What did I tell you about smoking?"  I turned to see Megan's brown eyes boaring into my hazels.

"Megan, don't start."  I retorted.

She walked over to me with her arms firmly crossed acrossed her chest.  "Don't Megan me."  She took the lit ciggarette from my hands.  "Because of this," she held it up, "Jay has asthma."  I put my head down in shame.  Because of my smoking during the pregnancy, my son ended up with a breathing problem.  The doctors told me that it could have been worse.  "Here."  She handed me one of those Nicorette patches and tossed the burning stick outside.  I took the patch from her hands, peel off the plastic and stuck the it on my arm.  "He's getting so big."  Megan turned to look at Jay running around outside.

"Yeah."  I looked also.  I then turned to look at Megan.  "Uh...Megan.  I have to go away for a little while."

"Go?  Go where?"

"Back to California.  I have some things to take care of.  I'll be taking Jay with me."

"Does this thing have anything to do with what happened earlier?"  She placed her hands on her slender hips.

I turned back to face the glass door.  When my son saw me he smiled, and I forced a smile back.  "I just have to go back."

"When will you be back?"

"In a few days."

"Nae..."

"Megan, just trust me on this one."  Was the last thing I said before walking upstairs to my room, to start packing mine and my son's things.