**
The cab ride to my mother’s was very short, but it seemed like it was hours away. The cab stopped in front of a house, with red shutters, and a white picket fence. This is the house that I grew up in. I paid the driver his money, and I grabbed my duffel bag and the diaper bag, readjusted Jay on my hip, and began my journey up the driveway. I didn’t know if she was even home. She could have been at the hospital with my brother. When I got up to the door, I took a deep breath, and rang the doorbell. I waited there for a few seconds and decided to just turn around. Upon walking down the driveway, I heard someone open the front door.
“Who’s there?” The person said in a shaky voice.
“Who are you? What do you want?” She asked.
“Hi, mama.” I said looking down. I could see from the corner of my eye that my son was looking at me like, ‘what the hell is going on?’
She kept quiet. I looked up to see her shaking hand across her mouth as she looked like she just seen a ghost. “Janae?” She whispered, the tears started to fall from her eyes.
“Yes, mama, it’s me.” I said as the tears started to fall from my eyes also.
“Oh, my baby.” She then leapt to grab me in a full-on embrace. She sobbed in my arms and I sobbed in hers. We pulled apart and she placed her hands on my face. “Is it really you? Let me take a look at you.” She began to search my face, and her eyes directed to a pair of baby blues who had snuggled into my neck. “Oh my God, Nae?” She looked back and forth between me and my son and saw the little resemblance we had. “Oh my God.” Was all she could say as she pulled me back in for another embrace. “Come on in. Come on.” She took me by my free hand and led me into the house.
“So…uh…how ya been?” She was the first to speak.
“I’ve been hanging in there.”
“Where were you? I mean, where do you stay?”
“I live in Nevada. In a little town outside of Vegas. I stay with a friend of mine.” It then got quiet for a couple of minutes.
“So, you’ve been living in Vegas?” She broke the silence again. “For how long?”
“A year and three months.” I said matter-of-factly.
“What happened? Why’d you leave?”
I could feel the tears started to form in my eyes. “You’re were right, mama.” I closed my eyes to let the tears fall. “I should have listened to you, when you told me that he wasn’t good enough for me.” I couldn’t help myself. I’ve let the flood gate open and the tears just came pouring out.
“What happened, Janae?”
“He cheated on me.” I whispered.
I then heard her sigh. “I’m so sorry, Janae.” She rubbed her thumb across my knuckles smoothly.
“No, ma, I should be sorry. I should have listened to you.” I wiped the tears that were cascading down my face with the sleeve of my hooded jacket. “You told me that he was wrong for me…”
My mother cut me off. “Shhhh. Don’t, Janae. Don’t beat yourself up ok. Why didn’t you come to me? Why did you leave?”
“Because…I was afraid that you wouldn’t except me after I chose him over you.”
“I don’t care. I love you. You are my daughter. No matter what, I am always going to be here for you, Janae. You should have come to me instead of running away.” I nodded. “And you should have at least told me that you were pregnant. I missed a vital year of my grandson’s life.” Tina began to play with my son who was perched upon my lap, who still didn’t have a clue to what is going on. “He’s so beautiful Nae. He looks just like Justin.”
“I know.” Janae bit her lip. I began to ruffle threw the wild mess of blond curls upon his head.
“So, does he know? Does Justin know about him?”
“No.” I shook her head. “I found out I was pregnant after I left him.”
“Did…or do you plan on telling him?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know.”
“Look, sweetie, I know that he hurt you, but don’t deprive this little guy his father.”
“I know, ma.” I wanted to get off of the subject of myself and my son and get to the real reason why she was back at home. “Mama, how is he? How is Jason?”
“How did you…”
“I found out over the news. I heard about him…and Cassandra.”
“Your brother, he’s…he’s stable. They took him out ICU last night. He’s breathing on his own again now.”
“How’s Sandra’s family taking it?”
“Not well.” Janae saw her mother beginning to tear up. “Is that why you came back?” I nodded. “You and your brother. I’ve never knew two people as close as you were.”
“Until Justin.” I said in a low tone.
“I actually just left the hospital. I’ve only been here for the past twenty minutes before you got here. I didn’t want to leave his side, but your Aunt Mary insisted that I come home and get some rest. But I can‘t. Knowing that my baby is lying in that hospital bed, fighting for his life, and I can‘t do anything about it.” Tina began playing with the rim of her coffee cup. “It’s all so surreal. It’s taking me back to your father.” She turned her head, and slowly the tears fell from her eyes all over again. “I’m so sorry, Janae. I should be stronger than this.
“No, mama.” I got up from her seat. I grabbed her mother in an embrace, while she still sat in her seat. “Mama, it’s going to get better. Jason is going to come out of this. He’s strong. Remember when he broke his foot, but didn’t tell anyone and kept walking around like nothing happened.”
My mom chuckled through blurred eyes. “I think it was you that broke his foot.”
I chuckled. “Well details aren’t that important. But he’s gonna get through this. He’s a fighter.”
My mother looked at me. She pushed my light brown curls behind my ears. “I’m glad you’re back. I’m glad you’re home.”
“Me too.” I hugged her mother tighter.
**
Justin sat on the couch of the recording studio. He’s been trying to write a song, but he can’t seem to get the right flow. Every time he writes a sentence, he ends up scratching through it. This has been going on like this for the past hour. Every time he begins to write something down, flashbacks of her fill his mind. Her face, her smile, her beautiful light brown skin. The way she touched him. The way she looked the next morning after a night love making. She had taken over his mind. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but he missed her. But she left him. She walked out on him. And she destroyed his home. Yeah, he knew it was her. She was the only one to have a key to his place. He knew it wasn’t a robbery, because nothing was taken. And she left her key on the table next to the door. It’s been over a year, and he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He didn’t know why she left. He just came home one day, and all of her stuff was gone. He tried to call her, tried to find her, but he had no such luck. He wanted an explanation to why she left. But all he got was unanswered calls. He loved her.
After scratching through another sentence, he just decided to give up, and he threw his notebook to the side. He needed some fresh air. He got up from the couch, grabbed his jacket, and walked out of the studio. Upon reaching outside, he took a deep breath. It was a beautiful fall day in California. It was sunny and a bit breezy. He wasn’t outside for five minutes when his cell phone starts to ring.
He flipped open his phone and sighed when he saw the name flashing across the screen. “Hello.”
“Hey, sweetie.”
“Hey, what’s up Cam?” He said referring to his girlfriend, actress, Cameron Diaz. He’d been dating her for almost two years.
“You still at the studio?”
“Yeah, but I think I’m going to cut it short today. I just don’t feel creative today.”
“That’s unlike you, J. You’re the most creative person I know.”
“Yeah, I know.” He scratched his forehead.
“Well, since I am about done with work today, how about I come over, cook you dinner, and we take a nice, relaxing bubble bath. How does that sound?”
“Cam, babe, you can’t cook.” He chuckled.
She also chuckled. “Well we can order in. And I know you’re not talking, Mr.-I-Burn-Water.”
“You’ve got jokes.” He smiled. He hasn’t smiled like this all day. It’s things like this that made him realize that Cameron is the one he needs. “So, I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Give or take an hour.” She responded.
“Ok.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.” He flipped his phone down, stuffed it back in his pocket, and walked back into the studio.
**
Later that night, I lie in the bed of my old room. With my son snuggled close to my body, fast asleep, I lie on my back just staring up at the ceiling. Sleep hasn’t taken over me yet. Actually for almost two years, sleep hasn’t been easy for me. Every time I close my eyes, visions of them appear in my mind. Him and her. Her and him. It’s so hard to shake those thoughts out of my head. Because they’re there. And I feel like they’re not going anywhere.
I looked down at my sleeping child. He’s so beautiful. He’s so precious. Like I said before he is the only pure thing that came from myself and Justin. I love this little guy. He means the world to me. He’s the only thing that kept me strong this past year. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t know where I’d be. He saved my life. I gently placed a kiss on the top of his head. God, he looks so much like him. I want him to know who his father is, but I don’t know how his father would take the news.
Tomorrow I am going to the hospital to see my brother. It’d be the first time I’ve seen my brother in years. I can’t believe things have turned out this way. Maybe in some weird way, this is my way to get back to my family. Maybe this was GOD’s way of telling me that I need to get back to my family. It’s not the best way, but as they HE works in mysterious ways.
I guess I can try to sleep now. But I don’t know if it’s going to be that easy
**
Also later that night, candles surrounded them in the bathroom, as the couple sat in the tub, enjoying a relaxing bath while listening to the soothing sounds of Brian McKnight.
"So, you going to tell me what's up?" Cameron asked Justin while she gently massaged his shoulders.
"What are you talking about?" Justin asked confused.
"Well, you've been quiet all day. I didn't want to pry, because I know you are having a little trouble with your music, but you know...I'm worried."
He chuckled. "Well, you don't have to be. I'm fine. I've just got a lot on my mind."
"You want to talk about it?"
He shook his head. "It's nothing, really. And besides I don't want to talk about me. How was your day?"
She sighed. "Tough. Jared has been an ass all day. He's really starting to piss me off."
It was Justin's turn to sigh. "Said the ex-girlfriend."
"Justin. I thought you said you were cool with this. It's just a movie. What Jared and I had was a long time ago."
"I know. And I am, it's just that ever since you've started doing this movie with him, it's been Jared this and Jared that." He snapped.
"Well you asked." She retorted.
"No, I asked how your day was. Not how Jared was acting."
She sighed again. "Whatever, Justin." She then pushed him off of her. "I'm going to bed." She then climbed out of the tub.
"Cam." He called after her, regretting what he said. "Cameron, baby." He called again, but she had already left the bathroom. "Shit." He mumbled. Damn you, Janae. He thought to himself.
