[Two]

It’s been two months, three weeks, six days, eighteen hours, forty-three minutes, and thirty-seven seconds since I broke up with Justin. I’m not counting though. But to tell you the truth, I’m miserable without him. I’ve missed him so much that I sat for hours watching him in the park playing with his daughter, just so I could get a glimpse of him. And apparently he’s doing a lot better than I am. I’ve tried to take my mind off of him. I’ve tried to stay focused on my job at the art gallery, which is hard because that is where we met. I’ve tried painting, but in the end I always end up placing him, in the painting one way, shape, or form.

My best friend, Jade Smith, has been my rock through this whole thing. She’s put up with a whole lot of shit from me. From the whining, to the complaining, and the moping, she’s been there for me. And she has not complained once. You see Jade was the only person I told about Justin’s and mine relationship. She’s my best friend. I’ve known her since the second grade. I am the quiet, reserved one, and she is the loud, tattoo having, curse-your-ass-out-in-a-second one. Even though our personalities are complete opposites, we balance each other out. She’s got my back, and I’ve got hers. She’s the yin to my yang. She’s more than my best friend, she’s my sister.

And speaking of, she’s at my door.

"You’re still in you pajamas?" Was the first thing she said, walking into my house. "I though I told your ass last night to be ready by noon." She walked straight to the kitchen, and I dragged behind her.

"I’m sorry, Jade. I just haven’t…I’m not feeling well." I said wrapping my robe around me, and sat down at the kitchen table.

"But you know we planned to go shopping for my wedding dress today." She said searching through my refrigerator, when she found a water bottle, and pulled it out. She closed the fridge. "And you know that I hate shopping."

"I’m sorry, Jade. I’m just not feeling well." I repeated.

"You’ve already said that." She said hopping onto the island in the middle of my kitchen.

"Well I’m not."

"AJ you promised." She opened up the bottle and took a sip.

"I know, Jade, but look at me. Does it look like I’m up for anything? Or going anywhere?" Jade shrugged then place the bottle towards her lips again but stopped before taking a drink. She looked at me strangely. "What?" I asked.

She narrowed her eyes. "Are you pregnant?"

"What?" I half screamed.

"I guess not." She continued to drink.

Where the hell did that come from? "What made you think that, Jade?"

I don’t know. It was the first thing that came to my mind." She hopped off of the counter to throw her empty bottle into the garbage.

"Well erase it from your mind." I snapped.

"Fine." She then walked towards me and stood in my face.

"What?" Again I ask confused.

"Get your ass up and go get dressed." She demanded.

"Jade!" I whined

"Don’t Jade me. Now get up and get dressed. You promised."

I smacked my lips. "Fine." I got up and walked upstairs.

**

I’m not really feeling up to go shopping today, but I did make Jade a promise. A promise is a promise. And I always keep my promises.

We’ve been up and down Rodeo Drive looking for Jade’s ‘perfect’ wedding dress, but she has the pickiest style. You see Jade is not a girly-girl. She would rather be comfortable in jeans and a tank top, guzzling miller lights, and chain smoking. Shopping, especially shopping for a dress is not in her repertoire. That’s where I come into play. But today, I feel like kicking back in my sweats, and waiting to see what is going to happen between Lucky and Sam on General Hospital. While eating bon-bons.

Right now we’re at Mika’s Shoppe and Jade has tried on her fourth dress, and she is still not satisfied.

"Why don’t you like this one?" I said fixing the white strapless number on her.

"Because it’s stupid. And I look stupid in it."

"No you don’t."

"And white is so cliché. Everyone knows I’m not a virgin."

"That’s not the point, Jade. The white symbolizes the pureness of your heart, not of your…stuff."

The then turned to me. "In what world?"

I smacked my lips. "There are a lot of women who wear white on their wedding day, knowing they should be ashamed of their sexual past. And besides it’s traditional."

"Fuck tradition. Let’s just go to Vegas. I can wears jeans and a tank-top. And we can just go to the casinos and drink ‘til we puke."

See, I told you. "Jade, we are not going to Vegas. Jason’s parents have already paid for half of this wedding. The invitations have already gone out. Everyone’s coming."

"Jason’s parents can kiss my ass, and shove that money right up their…"

"Jade! Be nice." I scolded.

It was her turn to smack her lips. "Whatever. I’m going to take this hideous thing off." She walked back into her fitting room.

I was standing around looking at all of the beautiful women trying on their wedding dresses, laughing with their girlfriends. My mind began to wonder back to Justin. He had told me when he divorced his wife, he was going to marry me.

As if reading my mind, or if my mind is playing tricks on me, he appears in the store. I blinked twice to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating again. But he was really there. He had on a pair of blue jeans, a black AC/DC vintage tee, and black sneakers. It looked like his beard was growing back in, which I’ve found completely sexy. His head was shaven, and his gorgeous sparkling eyes were hidden behind a pair of silver ‘cop’ shades. There he was…with her. Or to what I believe is her. I’ve never seen her before, but I know it’s her. I just have this gut feeling.

Quick thinking, I dashed into the dressing room that Jade had occupied. She was changing her clothes.

"What the hell are you doing, AJ? One person to a room." Jade said once I closed back the curtains.

"Shhhh." I hushed her. "He’s here." I whispered.

"Who’s here?" She whispered back. "And why are we whispering?"

"Justin’s here." I whispered again. "He’s here with his wife."

"Let me see." Jade put her head outside of the curtain, but I pulled her back in.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to see what she looks like."

"Are you crazy? I don’t want him to know that I’m here."

"Why?" She looked at me confused.

"Because…I just don’t want him to."

"So, you broke up with him. It’s over."

"That doesn’t mean I don’t still love him." I looked away getting ready for Jade to scold me.

She sighed. "Here we go again. AJ, he’s married. You wasted a year of your life because he didn’t want to leave his wife."

"Well, he just didn’t want to lose his daughter." I tried to justify.

"Bullshit." Yeah, I know it is.

"Look, Jade, just drop it ok. I just want him to see me."

"Whatever, dude." She placed her shirt over her head. "I’m going to the car. You can stand in here, not let him see you, but if you’re not with me in the next few minutes I’m leaving you." She looked at me one last, before leaving the dressing room.

I stood there, letting Jade’s words settle. She’s right. We’re over. We’re done. Taking a deep breath, I open the curtain and walked through. I briskly walked to the front door. Holding my head down, I had no clue to where I was walking until I bumped into a hard body. Their arms quickly caught me around my waist.

"Excuse me. I’m sorry." I heard him say. I then looked up and directly gazed into his crystal orbs. "April?" Justin asked. I couldn’t say anything. All I could do was stare. I took another deep breath, before breaking his grip, and walked away. Before walking out of the store, I turned around to see him still looking in my direction. I then turned back to the door and walked out. He didn’t call or chase after me.

**

Later that night, I lied still in my bed, relishing in the events of today. Running into Justin today was heartbreaking for me. I really do miss him. But he’s married, and they have a child together. But a part of me wanted him to chase after me. To make me feel that he still loved me. I guess he doesn’t. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Sighing, I push my thoughts to the back of my mind, and head downstairs. It’s probably Jade, coming to curse me out. Ever since she dropped me off at home, I have ignored all her phone calls. I’ve turned off my cell phone, and I have not answered my house phone.

I went to open the door. "Ok, Jade, let me have…" I stopped mid-sentence when I realized that the person at the door wasn’t Jade. "Justin." I whispered.

"Hey, April." He said in a low tone. "How…how are you?"

"What are you doing here?" I ignored his question.

"I came to see you." He said looking me in the eye.

I took in a deep breath. "You shouldn’t be here. You need to go." I said closing the door, but he stopped me.

"April, talk to me." He pleaded.

"Justin," the tears began to well in my eyes, "I can’t do this." The tears began to fall.

"Baby," he patronized.

I shook my head. "No, Justin. It’s over. We’re done."

He then shook his head. "No it’s not over. I love you." He pushed in the door, walked in, and kissed me, passionately.

God, I missed the feeling of his lips. The feeling of pure silk. I then openly excepted his velvety tongue into my mouth. This is wrong. So wrong. I have to stop this.

"Justin." I broke the kiss. "I can’t do this."

"Don’t you miss me? Don’t you love me?" He asked searching my eyes trying to see if I still had loved him.

"Of course I do." I cried. "But I don’t want to do this, and I want you to go." I pushed him off of me.

"You don’t want me to. I see it in your eyes. You don’t want me to go."

I nodded, the tears still cascading down my face. "Yes, I do. I want you to go." I began to push him out. "Just go. Leave." I finally pushed him out of my house, and slammed the door in his face. I turned around, leaned up against the door, and slid down, crying hysterically.

I just pushed the man I love out of my life. For good.