JC's POV

The usual hangover came at me like a ton of bricks to my forehead. Man, my temples started buzzing suddenly. I felt like I was super human. I could hear everything. I could feel my ears getting red and overheated. I forgot how it all feels suddenly. I don't remember ever drinking that much. I decided to lay in bed for a few more minutes. I could just feel everything aching; I knew if I stood up I would probably faint right on the spot. I opted to just relax instead.

I closed my eyes, trying to will this to cease for at least 5 minutes. I pulled the covers up over my body up to my neck. I was shivering now. All the usual shit that happens whenever I do this. Which is not everyday. I rarely go over my limit. The last time I drank like this much, my parents were in the middle of separating. I never thought I would do this to myself again. I remember blacking out a few times and then waking up, my face covered with tears. They would dry on my face because I never bothered to wipe them. Sometimes I forgot they were still there. I was so numb to everything around me.

Other than that, I'm still trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I mean, I have everything. I have the best life anybody can have. And I'm happy. Very happy actually. I'm in love with my life. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything. But, I'm still not quite together. Maybe because its been about 3 days since I had any. Maybe I'm in serious withdrawals. Yeah, that's probably it. And it had nothing to do with pretty boy Brian or his goth chick. Not at all. In fact, I was drinking because those party fuckers (who I called friends) left me alone in that shit hole beach house. Fuck them. That's the last time I go to a party without knowing if its legit. Whatever. I'm over it.

Who cares if she's with Brian? I don't. In fact, I don't really give if they suddenly eloped because he knocked her up. Don't. Care. One. Bit. I mean, even if I did, let's say I did, for whatever reason. I was smoking some nasty weed laced with some other shit. Hypothetically of course, let's say I did gave a second thought to what she's doing right now, well, I'd probably still like pick a nice healthy fight. I'm good at those. And I always win. Maybe things can get a little physical. Like say, I'd grab Amelia's waste in a haughty manner, then she'd slap me one good and hard. One hard slap outta send me over.

Then, I'd push her against the wall, pinning her there so she was helpless. Inescapable. I’ll make her surrender. I'd wanna make her squirm under me. She'd probably pound me on my chest with her fists, trying her version of beating the shit out of me. She knows all too well that I'm going to win. She knows how badly I want to win. How much I wanna see her turn into mush. Make her scream. Shout my name out loud. She'll deny it. She'll completely deny me, oh no question. In fact, she wouldn't stop the flood of insults. Saying its not true. She doesn't feel anything. I can't make her feel anything ever. She really doesn't know what I'm capable of. The things I could do to her. Just the sounds I could make come out of her alone, there's no doubt about my abilities over women.

But I'm only thinking one for now. I think deep down she wants it too. Her denial and jealousy clouds what she feels. She wants my life so bad she decides that's a good enough reason to hate me. Well, yeah, who could blame her really? Life is what it is. They all want it eventually. Some are just too good at hiding it. She certainly isn't. She wants it. Nobodys really thrive on our lifestyle so badly.

The phone starts to ring, and extra loudly. My head banged against the wall, I didn't realize it can get so loud. I didn't wanna answer it but I had to make it stop ringing. I picked it up and cleared my throat.

"Yeah?"

"C, where were you last night? We went back to the party and you weren't there. What the hell happened to you?" I had to take a few moments to register the familiar tone.

I pinched my eyes shut, it hurt like hell and everything seemed too bright. "Yeah, the party that everybody decided to leave me at? It was fucking boring anyway. Why are you calling me?"

A girl? Was I really saying that to a girl? Just hang up. You don't need this now.

"What the fuck? JC, why are you acting this way? I waited for you. I thought we were gonna have our usual fun?"

"Yeah, well, I don't really feel like seeing anybody right now since I was blatantly abandoned. Honestly, honey, take that ass of yours and go bother someone who gives a shit." I clicked off the line and turned off the cell, tossing it away.

Good god. I need a break. I really need to get rid of this headache first. I stood up finally. The effects were starting to somewhat wear off. Some good news at least.

I decided to take a long shower and just go somewhere. Maybe just drive to Malibu and sit somewhere. Close my eyes, listen to the wind and ocean kissing the shore with ease. How do things like that just happen? How does nature not know stress and pain? It just glides through life. Unhurt, never tarnished.

Maybe nature will give me some answers. Maybe nature will tell me who I am; as unrealistic as that sounds. I'm hating feeling so lost. Hating that this is really it. This is my life. I had a handle on things for a long time. I knew myself too well. Thought I did. But who knows? Maybe on this path of "self-discovering" I'll realize this was all really stemming from a gargantuan headache.

All because I was drinking. Why the hell did I do that to begin with? Because my stupid patrons left me to watch something I knew I was going to regret. I thought drinking might erase it. But no, I can still remember it. Suddenly, my headache vanished. But I'm thinking about her? Wouldn't that make it worse? Stop thinking about her. Stop it. She won't go away, no matter what I do.

Have I officially lost it?