JC's POV
So... how am I going to explain this? I already know what she thinks of me and now I can add crazy to the list. That’s not the problem here. We rode in complete silence for 5 solid minutes. I could tell she was scared to say anything. I would feel a little skived too. If I think about this too much, I'll forget to say it.
I looked at her from the corner of my eye. She nibbled at her nails and stared out the window. I slowed down my driving and pulled over to a dark residential corner. I slammed my eyes shut then opened them wide. I was making sure this was still real. She hasn't said a word yet and I took this as a que.
I could actually hear myself turning to look at her, that's how quiet it was. What I got was the back of her head. I looked down and swallowed hard. It was sharper than I thought.
"I know what you're thinking."
She continued staring out the window. I continued.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. My brain was just--it stopped. I don't know why I was acting that way."
"Its OK." She whispered.
But? She left that part hanging in the air. I turned my eyes back on the road and realized I was going the opposite way. Or was I? Shit, I can't remember where she lives. OK, I know what to do.
I veered the car around and parked on the side curb. The second I shut off the lights it was pitch dark. I reached above and felt for the overhead light. I clicked it on and waited. I had so many things to say but I didn't know where to start. I had to start somewhere.
"You know, I never thought you were this crazy. I actually pushed back the idea when you started acting human. I was shocked. Now I realize it was all for show. You enjoying playing games with people."
Wow. OK. What now? What more can I add to someone who's already made up their mind? I shook my head and leaned back.
"I get it. I think I understand what you mean..."
"You think?" She retorted.
"No, I mean, yes I do. I do understand what you're saying."
"Well, at this point, I should hope so. Unless you want to add retarded to the list of things wrong with you." There was so much venom in her voice its was like being stabbed with each fine syllable.
Alright, she hit me there, but come on. Give me a chance to tell my side. "I'm not perfect you know? I never claimed to be anything special."
She burst into laughter. I just looked at her. How could she think any of this is funny now?
"Of course you never claimed it. Your actions did. You're just lonely. Don't need a shrink to pull that out."
How could she possibly know my life? She's never walked one day in my shoes to understand what I go through. Wait, what do I go through?
"Look, spending a few hours with me, doesn't make you an expect on my life. You have no idea what you're talking about." After a minute, I remembered what I forgot, "Where do you live?"
"Haha, why, so you can scope it out and follow me? Please, I'm not taking my chances."
Man, what a confusing girl. She wants one thing, says another, gets in my car, and isn't grateful that someone offered her a safe ride home. What. A. Bitch.
"So why are you sitting in my car wasting my fucking time? Take yourself back. You have feet. See if I care what happens to you."
I got her there. Ooo, yeah, silence. Ugh, why can't I be an X-men for a second so I could hear what she's hiding from me.
"I know you don't care. You don't care about anyone else except what you want. You step on people for sick pleasure and you act all high and mighty when you don't get what you want. Didn't your mother ever teach you how to treat people? I guess not."
Oh she did not go there.
"Look, you little bitch, get your fucking ugly face out of my car and my life. Get out... Now!" I screamed in her face and snapped the unlock button.
I could see out of the corner of my eye her movements. I felt them. Oh god, she needs to go now. I should have left her behind. Why the hell did I come back?
She shook her head as if she was feeling sorry for me. But why, I never made such harsh comments about her personal life. She should not have ripped so deep. She has to go.
"You have no idea what its like do you? What makes you think I haven't seen this same story before? Do I give you the impression that I'm just out to hurt you?"
I snap my head toward her angrily, "You already did. I'm serious, you should just leave before I just, just go, OK?"
"You're getting defensive. My dad used to say people who get defensive really quickly are masking their problem."
"There's the door, you're free to walk out. The stop is close to this corner." I gestured outward, exasperated.
I could feel her eyes on me, on all of me. Not just my body, somewhere else.
"Its weird, I actually thought you were naturally like this. But its not beyond your control. I wonder what it is."
Huh? What the hell is she doing? "What are you talking about?"
"You." She said like it was an obvious answer.
I really don't feel like figuring out what she's trying to say now. My head hurts and I just don't feel like going into it that deeply.
I still found myself saying, "What?!"
She squeezed her eyes together and looked away quickly. "Forget it. Where's the stop again? You know what forget it, I'll find it myself."
I locked the doors without thinking. She could easily pull the lock out so I held my index on the button so she couldn't.
"You need to tell me what you meant."
"You're keeping me here for that?" Her eyes widened.
"Tell me what you meant and I'll unlock it." I said simply.
"You realized you've reached a new level of crazy by keeping me here?"
"Tell me..." Was I begging now?
She looked away from the window and stared me down with a serious demeanor. "Or you'll what?"
I gulped silently, "I'll take you home. I just wanna know."
She pulled back into the seat. She tilted her head to the side and took a deep breathe. "348 Rexford Ave."
"Then, you'll tell me?" I hoped.
After a few seconds, "Yes."
In the silence I pulled the car finally from the curb and started toward Santa Monica. I had no idea Rexford was so close. I guess the bus trip wasn't so long after all. She actually could have walked back, if it weren't for me. I don't know if I regret spending time with her tonight. Maybe I just can't admit a lot of things to myself.
As soon as I reached the corner of the Avenue she lifted her hand and placed it on the handle.
Not so fast. Just because the ride was short, doesn't mean I'll let her slip away. Jeez, I sound like a stalker. Sue me, she's the vague one.
"Hold on, you need to tell me what you meant."
I could feel her breathing strongly. It honestly terrified me. I almost didn't want to know. I stood my ground. She gave me her word. I may be an asshole, but I still have some manners left.
She sunk back into the chair and leaned back into it closing her eyes in slits. "I don't really know. Can you at least open a window? I promise I won't escape from your clutches. I could seriously scream rape now and put you away where you belong."
I snapped down the window with a huff and scratched my head.
"Why do you hate me so much? You don't know me at all. How do you judge someone you don't know like this?"
She opened her eyes and looked at me sadly, "What do you want from me JC? You have a great life, why you care what I think?
She squinted her eyes at me accusingly.
"You didn't answer my question. Why are you judging me like this? Bringing my family and personal life and saying such shitty things out of nowhere? Come on! I don't deserve the wrath like you think. I'm not a bad person."
She sat up straighter and I hadn't realized I was invading her personal space. I pulled back immediately as if I was burned.
"You don't know what its like for me. You don't understand... You don't. You haven't lost anyone in your life that meant more to you than anything else. You can't say that isn't true--"
I objected, "There you go judging me again. Why don't you just twist my balls some more? As if I asked for it. How the hell do you know I haven't been through that stuff? Really? Are you some expert on my life just by chatting after a few hours? You don't know. I watched my grandma pass right in front of me. I actually saw her soul leave her body. It wasn't fair, OK? Look at me."
She was avoiding my eyes. She was really trying my patience.
"I need to leave, you need to let me leave. I don't need to know this. I never asked for this. I don't want to listen anymore."
"Well, sweetheart you kicked down that door yourself. You shouldn't have gone so deep. In a way, you did ask for it."
She reached over me suddenly for the door lock. I caught her before she could touch it. I ignored the cool rush my body felt as I was fending her off the button.
"This isn't funny anymore. Let me out or I'll-I'll--"
I had her by the wrists now. My death grip was overpowering everything. I loved it. I loved feeling of the complete control I had over her.
"You'll what?" I teased.
She was fussing around in my hold. Clearly looking around for an idea. "Break your window. I will. I swear to you."
I was really close to her now. Touching her everywhere all the while pushing away the feelings of desire I felt as she continued to fight me for her freedom.
"Give up Amelia. Whoa." Shit, maybe I shouldn't have said that.
She pinned me against the seat with her own little death grip. Holy shit is this a woman or I don't know? Oh god, I feel like one of the fighters in Mortal Kombat. I'm the gazelle now. She's gonna finish me off. I can feel it.
"You have no right to keep me here like this. Let me out or I'll break your window and your face." She sounded deadly serious.
Her face was mere inches from mine. Any closer and, hell, I don't wanna find out so I said, "Fine."
I was way too close to her. I really don't want to feel this way about her. She's the only girl to terrify me this much into doing anything. Wait what?
"Move."
"Say please." Still trying to find my sense of control.
God I can't imagine what she's like in bed.
She loosened her grip on me just a little and started to back away slowly almost fluidly. I hated how all of this was making me sweat. I could smell her neck and all I wanted to do was take a bite. A nibble. Something. I wanted to taste her scent. Overpower her. Show her who's the boss.
"Why are you tormenting me?" She looked down then faced me with fierce, tired eyes, "I just want to leave."
Her grip was getting looser with each word. Maybe I was being a dick. I get that. But fuck, I was so curious. I felt like a vampire. I wanted to taste her. I wanted to control her. She smelled too good to let go now. Its a sickness.
"I know. Sorry."
She pushed back all the way. She cleared her throat softly and took a deep inhalation. "Let me out. Now."
She growled the last word like she meant business. I looked at her then at the button. I submitted. I didn't want to hurt her anymore. She looked like she was in pain and it scared me.
"I didn't mean to make you upset. I'm sorry." I wanted to sound as sincere as I could. I really did feel bad.
Silence. I could hear her breathing and suddenly I was feeling pain. God, not now. How is any of this turning me on? Not the pain part. The OTHER thing. No, not the thing in my pants. But I wanted to say one last thing before she went. She had to know and this was not coming from a place of tortment.
"Be careful with Brian, Amelia. I really don't want to say I told you so." I whispered it almost like I was telling a friend something bad was about to happen.
She looked wooden now. It was like she wasn't real. It deathly scared me. She was staring straight ahead, blinking roughly.
She looked down, "I can take care of myself Josh." She looked up with defeated eyes, almost like a child, "Don't concern yourself with my life."
I let out the breath I was holding. "OK, my finger's off the button."
She stared at me, "OK, goodnight Josh."
Before I knew what I was doing I brushed my lips against her cheek. It felt like my lips were stung. Like an inferno covered them. I was shaking and knew I fucked myself over. She is going to kill me. I lingered there for a moment, not knowing what else to do and jammed my eyes shut, anticipating the slap or worse, scrotum crushing.
Her breathing was the only sound I could hear. "Josh," she gulped. "I'm scared."
My eyes opened as if I heard a shot gun blast. I was still near her face and I didn't know how to move. She didn't move me herself.
I croaked, "Sc-cared of what?"
She blinked slowly, she looked like she was holding back tears. "I don't want to be alone tonight."
I really didn't expect to melt at those words. It was the way she said them that got me. I don't even know what's happening to me. I don't think I can go back. I don't want to ever go back.
"You want me to--?"
"Yes, I want you to. Please..." She choked the last word and barely got any in as tears started falling down her cheeks.
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