You know that new sensational feeling you get when you know you’re met someone amazing in such a short amount of time? Try saying that without coming up for air. Well, it’s happening, and right now, it feels just great.
Who would have thought just 30 minutes ago I was all Sonya Blade on JC and now all I want to do is hang out with a Backstreet Boy. Talk about a switch-a-roo?
Ok, this was a habit had growing up but I still love nothing conversations. My definition of that is, you know, those instances where there really isn’t a theme of topic of conversation. You kind of wing it and it’s the best feeling out there. Knowing the other person understands how lame you’re capable of being. It’s a thing of beauty.
Brian has this thing he does with his eyes when I mention something inappropriate. He turns into a cartoon character in a split second. He’s a goofy guy. Life definitely needs more of those. I kept laughing at everything we said and I’m not one who laughs on a daily basis.
I have to be real here, and I don’t live under a rock as I say this; I was never a fan of The Backstreet Boys. I mean, they had pretty decently written songs. Much better than cyber sex and space cowboys. What the fuck is up with that? Anyway, in fact, I may have related to a song or two along the line. But I never thought too much about them. I guess he was relieved to know I don’t know his basic stats. Really, I couldn’t keep up with all the gossip.
Maybe Brian thought it was refreshing that I was out of the funk. Pop music is what it is. I’m more into classic rock. The Who, early Stones, Aerosmith, and some modern bands like The Goo Goo Dolls and Vertical Horizon. I love bands with great songs. That stuff will last forever and we never get tired of hearing them. It’s really all about the words, melody, and the style for me. That’s what makes a great song. I’m not so much into that tattooed shit I mean I hate Tommy Lee impersonators. To me, they’re mostly all about sex and money. There’s no room for talent and whatever talent they have is usually thrown away on groupies and drugs. It’s so typical honestly.
I like songs that I can relate to. I tried my hand at writing some rock cords but I could never write the actual music and composition. I guess my writing style is more like Mariah Carey than anyone else. Her style is pretty much free verse poetry and real poets (not the slit your wrist kind and I forever worship Satan) know exactly how to capture feelings as opposed to straight out telling a story with dialogs. Oh man, I hate it when someone writes spoken words in a song; it takes me right out it no matter how good it was so far. It’s like hey; it’s a song you douche, if I wanted to hear spoken words on a recording I’d buy an audio book.
But oddly, we didn’t talk about music this time. He was telling me about a story about when he was his son’s age and since he was from the south, there’s normally a lot of details and dialogue. It’s funny how people there are great storytellers. I also didn’t know Kevin was his cousin, I’m guessing from marriage because they look nothing alike.
He’s a good father. Its odd saying that so soon but I feel it. He mentioned that he doesn’t get to see Baylee often and when he does, it’s the best feeling in his life. I can’t say I know what makes a good father really but I can speak for is me. My dad was, when I was very young, there for me more than my mother. She could careless about where I was or what I was doing. She was more into how old she looked. The typical Tippi Hedren of our generation and she had no shame about it. She watches a lot of Dr. 90210 and used makes me write down the doctor’s name for future visits. The more she asked me about her age, the older she looked in my eyes. She really is a hot mess minus the hot part of the equation.
I know I said my dad was there for me but he wasn’t any better either. I mean, yeah, he took me to all kinds of places but his heart wasn’t into it. It was almost like he was there in body but for all the wrong reasons. I guess he felt compelled to do it. But I think most Dads feel that way about their daughters. The ones that think it was all an accident but they do it to sleep at night.
He was pretty much an apathetic guy and I hated it. I finally understand that and its complete bull shit because that’s the way he wants it. He put the distance there and I just stood back and let it took it without question. Mainly because I didn’t know why I knew he was getting away with it. Never changes and you wish you had strength in those key moments to speak up.
The thing about people I’ve learned so far is that no matter what you can do, you really can’t change free will. Its normally given to the unstable ones. Some people don’t have that luxury in life. Thank god I don’t live in that mindset regardless of what I’ve been through, I never wanted to end it all. I always knew there was more for me and I wanted to bath in that thought for the rest of my life.
Brian wasn’t the type of guy to straight up lie. Again, you’re scratching your head on this but hear me out, I read people very carefully. I’m not paranoid or anything just; I pick who I let in my life and there are so few which is better than nobody or being around the wrong crowd. I’m not holding anything against it if he doesn’t tell me personal things but so far that’s what it’s been. He still wears his wedding band strangely. I didn’t want to say anything about that. I assume it’s ultimately up to him and its not my place to pry or know why.
We were walking around a trail and reached Serrania Park . This used to be a place I went to a lot in my childhood. It was always so quiet and tranquil here. There was so much life and people from all kinds of places bringing their families and pets coming here to relax. I haven’t been here in 5 years. I used to go there by myself sometimes; I don’t want to say to escape, that sounds like I had a bad childhood, although, while it wasn’t the worst, it could have been better.
I used to go there every Saturday when my parents were pretending to be together. But honestly, it wasn’t very important in my life. In fact, it was one of the best things that happened.
We were walking along the park trail and I suddenly stopped at how elevated we are. I didn’t realize most of the bright colors in the sky were seeping downward. It was almost as if they all joined together to settle somewhere else.
There was this Monet-like picture straight of a canvas that nearly made the sky looked like they were on top of each other. It was such a beautiful site. This wasn’t just any sunset. I’ve never seen prism colors like this in a long while. They were blended together looking like a picture perfect scene from Casablanca or some romantic outing. This was like one of those images that just burns in your mind; breathtaking.
I almost didn’t want to talk but I had to say something.
“This view is just incredible… How often do you come here?” I asked with excitement sustaining in my voice.
“Gosh, I haven’t been around here since, well, Leighanne and I used to bring Baylee here all the time when he was very young. I didn’t know we were here.”
As did I. “I almost forgot this place was still around. It feels like a museum here now, it’s so old.”
Brian smiled, “I only knew about this place from Kevin. He said it’s one of the few places in LA that has a soul. I think because he took his son here too. Funny, things haven’t changed here one bit. It’s kind of nice actually.”
“I grew up here. It’s humbling to relive these things over again.” I laughed and moved some hair that the wind had blown in my eyes.
I huddled my shoulders and let my eyes wonder around at the various park benches. I noticed everything was pretty much where it was and it made laugh inside. I was so happy places like this weren’t destroyed and there was a chance to gain lost innocence back.
I looked in the back area even though it was always the one place where parents never let their kids go. I’ve heard a lot of stories about people, well, couples going there to fornicate and shit like that, which is completely weird and gross. A park is so public and that’s something I would see in a porno honestly. What kind of loser would do that?
“Oh my god?!” My eyes narrowed and my worst nightmares were coming true.
