Amelia's POV
I sighed, "I don't really think about it anymore. I wasted my time, a lot of my time just going over someone who's not even worth it. I'd rather think about myself for once. Things I want. Why waste it on someone who doesn't care? I don't know, I just think my time could be put to better use."
Brian rolled over on the bed so he was facing me. "I'm glad you're seeing that. Honestly, Mia, someone like him just likes to fight if you give him the attention. Believe me, I've been around all kinds of people just like him. Heh, you look like you're tired."
I shrugged, yes and no, "4 hours, more sleep than I've been getting for a long time. Why, how bad does it look?"
"I don't know. Just seems like your mind is somewhere else. What time did you wake up today?"
I sat up against the bed board. "Its in and out. But today it was 7:20 or something. I'm getting used to the cycle."
He moved closer to me, "That's gotta suck still. Have you ever tried meditating? Its pretty effective when I can't fully sleep. I don't know, its not for everybody. Just try shutting your eyes and not think so hard. It gets easier when you don't focus so hard on what worries you."
He is a godsend. I'm starting to love him. I sucked in my lower lip and popped it out like a child. Maybe he was right. He did have somewhat of a point. I didn't want to live in such clutter. I'm finding it less difficult to worry when Brian's around. It's different with him. I don't have to worry about what I say or what I'm wearing. Every women's dream. I speak for myself here.
"Yeah, I know. Do you ever really think about how much we worry? Man, I think I could write a thousand page book just on the last five years alone. How do you deal with stress like this? Do you think everyone's stress is the same?"
"Ah don't know, it could be. I guess its hard to think about someone else's stress when you're dealing with your stuff. But I think its all the same. I'm not thinking about that stuff right now. I'm with a nice girl I met at a coffee shop. Hung out with her all day. Still hanging out with her. I don't have to worry about anything."
My goodness, this is like straight out of a fairytale. I didn't know people still talked this way. Who am I to complain? It feels real. I only wish I could steal some of his strong will and be more secure. I didn't want to tell him how scared I was. I didn't want to spoil things now but spilling my entire truth now.
But its weird how much my fear has taken over my ability to be honest now. I don't--I can't live this way. The room was quiet and I soaked in the peacefulness. I brought my hands up to my shoulders and rubbed them gently. The air felt a little chilly suddenly.
I didn't shiver long. Brian's arm came around me and hugged my body against his.
"Sorry, normally I'm lukewarm. I think I might have left the window open." I whispered into his arms.
His breath on my neck was so warm and his lips brushed against the bottom. I moaned gently, I couldn't help it. I think I felt myself melting into the touch.
"I'm really tired. I feel like my eyes are gonna drop before I notice it. I can't believe I'm this tired." I closed my eyes as I admit this.
He kissed my cheek, lingering there for a long moment. "Do you want me to stay?"
I turned my head, closing in the gap of small space between us. "Yes... I do."
His eyes jogged up and down my face as he smiled. "Hold on..."
He released himself from the grip and took off his jacket, followed by his socks, shirt, and jeans.
Wow. Ok, I must have forgotten that people don't sleep in as many clothes. I guess it was my turn to change too.
Ok, I can do this without shaking. Thank god he wasn't touching or else he'd notice.
I sprung from the bed and walked over toward my dresser. I left my pants in the basket I think. Wasn't sure now. Can't really think straight right now. I sighed and opted to grabbing purple hot pants and a night tank. Not too revealing, right? Not giving off any mixed signals or slut alerts. At think I think so. Besides, I always slept like this. But Brian doesn't care. How great is that?
I held up the clothes and signaled to the bathroom, "Hold on one second."
He was looking between me and folding his clothes. After he finished, he placed them on the chair in the corner.
"Ok, take your time." He sat on my rolly computer chair twirled around.
I couldn't resist, I ran up to his twirling and stopped it.
I smiled and leaned down, "Don't get too comfy."
He reached up and brushed the back of his hand against my cheek. "Just waiting for the real comfort."
I rolled my eyes and turned around, walking back to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and took in a deep breath as if I was crawling through the dense ocean coming up for air. Too good to be truth, right? All of this is. Well, not all of it. I'm starting to believe him. That's the scariness that lives at the pit of my stomach. The one I try so hard to ebolish. Words, words, words. Aren't they just solid, fanciful words? They should be, but its not like every other guy I've met. I've never felt this way before and I have to shut my eyes to calm down all these weird emotions. I have to step back and collect myself.
He's a friend. This is what I know. We get on quite well. We have a lot in common. Our personalities are pretty much linked up. He's a great listener. Certainly someone I would trust my secrets. He knows about my mother. I have never actually talked about it with anybody. My father couldn't care less. He's busy with new life with new wife #3. He wrote me off the day I came into this world.
But Brian, he's the kind of father I should have had. You know, actually, a sperm donor would have done more than my dad did. Brian is a real father. His whole face lights up every time he brings up his son. He makes every effort he has to see him. He's made him a man. Desperate his difficult marriage, least I haven't suspected anything yet, he seems pretty levelheaded and learned to get along with the mother of his child. I have never brought up Leighanne but when he does, I can't help but wonder. Are there any feelings left? Is anything still there? They were married for 10 years and have known each other for about 2 years before then. Plus, she's much older than him. Nearly 8 years I believe. Same as me actually. I can't help but think there's a history somewhere there. Something that I can't take away. I would really not like to be in the middle of anything like that. Its not my business to get involved that far into it.
I just want to be careful. That's all I'm out for. Not just myself but him. I don't want to hurt him or our friendship. I just want to trust him in my life.
I forgot it was dark in the bathroom. I just remembered what I needed to do and started to change.
I opened the door softly and peeked my head inside. He laid his back against the headboard and his eyes were closed. He looked so gentle I almost didn't want to move. I took my clothes I had bunched up in a ball and place them in my basket hamper. I'll take care of the load later. I feel like I'm going to faint now if I don't start a semi-normal cycle.
I walked over to his side and sat gingerly on an open spot. I just looked at him. He didn't move. His face was completely relaxed and peaceful. I can't imagine what its like walking in his shoes. I don't think for once I've ever sat and thought about what everyone else is going through. Sometimes people have it so bad they are so grateful to be breathing. I really shouldn't be complaining as much as I have. Looking at him now, I'm realizing that I shouldn't waste my time worrying about what JC thinks.
I have Brian. I have him here. Right here on my bed. He asked me to stay because he wanted to be here. He isn't running away.
My hand came up to his cheek, brushing against his skin. He surprised me and caught my hand, holding onto it. He slowly opened his eyes and gave a tired smile.
"Seems like I can't keep my eyes open either. Come lay with me." He speaks barely above a whisper.
I nod slightly and crawl on my side, still holding onto him. I was afraid if I let go he would disappear from my life. Just like that, its possible. People can just leave without you know. For that reason, I'm not letting go. I can't. I crawled next to him inside my covers.
"You think its bad to be weak?" I asked him, twitching my nose a little bit.
He started to laugh and hugged me tighter, "Probably not as much as you think. I know I can be. Sometimes a little too much. But no, I don't think that you are in a bad way. There's actually nothing really wrong with that. My parents didn't make me feel so horrible about being honest with emotions. In fact, my dad was more emotional than my mother sometimes. I don't think she knew that actually."
"I should really leg go of everything. Just not live in the past anymore." I took a deep breath, "You know?"
His even breathing seduced me in ways that I knew I was trouble. In fact, everything about him was so promising I just wanted surrender myself. Just for once. What would that be like? To make a promise and risk everything to trust them. But I have and I do trust him.
He feels so safe to me. I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to need me. I wanted him to love me. I wanted him. He doesn't know that. Maybe he doesn't or I'm not very obvious.
"You know, you don't have to feel so alone all the time. Its a dangerous thing to do to yourself. All I'm saying is you have me. And you have me whenever I want."
God, I'm just falling for him every second. I looked up at him and gazed, "Thanks, I'm working on not being so much of a tree-hugger. But you don't have to worry, things are alright for now."
He kissed my forehand and lingered on for a few seconds. "I can't help but protect you. I can't help myself."
I raised my head so I was level with his eyes. I brushed my lips against his which ignited him to move forward a little and return the favor. I closed my eyes in the moment, I felt like I was floating. I felt his hand cup the back of my head. He was so gentle and savory.
I pulled away, my eyes were still closed. In fact they were kind of hard to open now. This moment was perfect and I really didn't wanna do this but I had to.
I kissed him just slightly and opened my eyes. His were still closed. I smiled and touched his face.
"I'm turning off the light now, getting pretty tired," I had to, I kept repeating to myself.
"Ok," his eyes remained closed.
I nodded and moved to switch off the nightlight on my right. Once it was pitch black I felt myself fading. I got a little more comfortable inside the covers and turned to face his direction.
"Bri? Brian?"
"Hmm?" He whispered, lifting his eyebrows.
"Thank you, " I said sincerely, I really mean it this time.
I felt him move down the bed with me and come closer. It was safe. This is where I belong. This is home.
Author's Chapter Notes:
A Brian and Mia chapter, just for you.
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