“That can’t be right.”  The surgeon’s gravelly voice resonated in the operating room.  “Somebody check the status of the heart monitor.”

“I checked it twice as we were setting up.”  The nurse looked up at the machine.  “It’s fully functional.”

“What are we looking at, doctor?”  An aide stepped up to the table, looking over the body on the table.  “A typical bleeder?”

“A bleeder, yes.  Typical, no.”  The surgeon sent another glance toward the monitor then looked back at the patient on the table, his eyes narrowing.  “Car accident.  Basic breaking in the ribs and left wrist.  X-rays showed significant bleeding in the abdominal area.  We found the appendix lacerated and the spleen ruptured from the force of impact.  Figure in the accelerated heart rate from the adrenaline rush, and we’ve got a sixty percent loss.  Class four hemorrhage.”

“Has he crashed?”

“No.”

The aide’s eyes shot back to the surgeon.  “No?”

“I don’t understand it.  He was trapped for nearly an hour before they were able to transport.”  The surgeon worked quickly, trying to ignore the red stains on his gloves.  “He’s lost too much blood to have a pulse that strong.  With the rate of the bleeding, we should’ve at least had to revive him by now.”  He raised his voice urgently.  “I have him clamped off.  Do we have the transfusion ready?”

“It’s on the way, doctor.”

“Page the runner again!  We need three liters now!”

Suddenly, the doors swung open, a younger man rushing through to attach a blood bag to the IV, setting the drip at the correct rate and stepping back to monitor the flow.  Once satisfied, he hurried back out, allowing the surgical team to proceed.

The aide’s gaze moved over the patient, pausing on his sleeping face.  “Doctor . . . take a look at this.”

The surgeon didn’t look up, concentrated on the task at hand.  “What is it?”

“He’s smiling.”

************************* 

Chris walked quickly down the hallway, making short work of the distance to the waiting room the desk nurse had directed him to.  He paused just outside the doorway, taking a moment to gather himself.  He felt like he’d been running ever since the phone had rung an hour ago, and he knew that Hope would be plenty upset already.  She didn’t need him to add to it.

“If anything ever happens to me . . . I need you guys to take care of her for me.  She’ll need people to lean on and I’m trusting you all to be there for her.”

The words flashed through his mind, a memory from years ago.  They’d all been standing in the back room of the church, shifting in uncomfortable suits and ribbing Lance for being the first to take the plunge.  He’d only laughed, reaching up to adjust his tie for the millionth time before getting serious.

After that, it’d been a given.  If anything happened to any of them, it was understood that the others would take care of those who were left behind.  They’d just never prepared themselves for the possibility of something like this actually happening.

Shaking his head, he took a deep breath and stepped into the room, his gaze immediately finding her huddled on the far side of the room.  He moved to sit on the couch beside her, placing his hand on her back.  “Hope.”

She raised her head to look at him.  “Chris?”  Swallowing hard as she processed that he was there, she threw her arms around his neck.  “Oh, God, Chris.  I didn’t call anybody . . .”

“It’s okay, sweetie.”  He hugged her tightly.  “I took care of everything.”

“How . . .”

“His parents were listed as contacts along with you.  The hospital called them, Diane called me and I called everybody else.”  He smiled slightly.  “You know Lance.  Always keeping his bases covered.”

Her eyes widened.  “Diane.  They . . .”

“They’re on their way.  I think she said they’d gotten a flight out sometime within the hour.”

“The guys?”

“They’ll get here as quick as they can.  Joe’s visiting family in New York, so he has to wait until a seat opens up.  Jace and J were in the studio when I talked to them, so they should be here soon.”  He sat back, not surprised when her fingers gripped his hand.  “Did they tell you what happened?”

“Something about the driver of a trailer rig falling asleep at the wheel and running him off the road.”  She blinked quickly.  “He . . . uh, the Escalade flipped with him until it hit a tree in the median.”

He tried his best not to flinch in front of her.  “How is he?”

“They took him back to surgery almost as soon as I got here.  He wouldn’t let them move him until he saw me.”  A soft laugh escaped as a tear rolled down her cheek.  “Stubborn man wouldn’t even take the morphine because it’d knock him out.”

“That’s Lance.  He wanted to see you, so he made it happen.  It’s always been that way.”

“Yeah, I know.”  She paused.  “He looked so bad, Chris.  All bruised and bloody . . .”

“What did the doctor say?  Was he optimistic?”

“The doctor said . . .”  Her voice trailed off as she tried to remember his exact wording.  “He has a concussion, but they couldn’t tell if there was any swelling to his brain.  His left wrist and some ribs are broken.  A lacerated appendix . . . and his spleen ruptured during the accident.”  She paused, forcing herself to take a deep breath.  “He was trapped in the car for an hour, Chris.  With the amount of blood he lost, he . . . it’s likely that he won’t make it.”

“Oh, God.  Did they say what his chances were?”

“Not really.  Bodies handle trauma differently, because some have a stronger will to live.”  Her head moved slowly back and forth.  “They couldn’t tell me anything about his chances, other than they weren’t good.  They’re going to go in and patch him up, give him a blood transfusion and whatever else they can do, but they told me to be prepared for the worst.”

“Hope . . .”  He looked down when her fingers tightened around his hand.  “You know that he’ll fight hell and high water to be with you.  He’ll put everything he’s got into staying alive, just so that he can grow old with you.”  A small smile crossed his features.  “I can remember the day after your first date.  He was so certain that you were it for him.  You had him in the palm of your hand from the second you opened the door and smiled at him.”

“Well, he had me from the minute he asked me out, so it’s only fair.”  Tears began streaming down her face again, her sobs muffling her words.  “What’ll I do if I lose him?  I can’t do this without him.”

He pulled her to him, giving her the only comfort he could.  “You’re giving up on him too soon.  Don’t give up on him, Hope.  He needs you to be in his corner, pulling for him.”

She just sobbed harder, her arms tightening around his neck as she let herself cry out her fear.

************************* 

Three hours later, JC and Justin had appeared, Lance’s family had arrived and the doctors were grumbling about news crews being parked out in the hospital lot, blocking traffic.  Everyone was on edge, looking up hopefully every time a nurse or doctor would walk in only to have them looking for someone else.

She’d just about given up all hope when a nurse leaned in the doorway.  “Family of Lance Bass?”

The entire group looked up, but Hope found her voice first.  “How is he?”

“They’ve moved him into recovery.”  The nurse smiled.  “He’ll stay there for an hour or so, for monitoring.”  Her eyes moved over the group.  “Hope?”

“Yes?”

“Dr. Thoms will be down shortly.  He wanted to speak with you.”

“O-okay.”

“If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you to his office.”

Taking a deep breath, Hope stood, squeezing Diane’s hand before following the nurse out the doorway and down the hall.

She was shown into an office, where she sat, shifting impatiently for what seemed like hours before Dr. Thoms came in, his white coat exchanged for a pair of blue scrubs.

“How is he?”

“He’s doing remarkably well.”  The doctor moved to sit behind the desk.  “I stood in to observe the surgery and I’ve never seen anyone with a stronger will to live.   It’s amazing that he was still alive when the team got him.  By the time he arrived in the OR, he was down to two working liters of blood in his system.  That’s a loss of sixty percent.  We had to give him three liters and his vitals became low a few times, but we never had to revive him.”  His eyes moved over her.  “I’ve seen cases like this one, with blood loss of only forty or forty-five percent, where the patient died on the table.  The only way I know to explain this is that by some miracle, he came through.”

“He has a lot to live for.”  She fought back the tears of relief.  “He’ll recover?”

“His wrist is set and his ribs are bandaged.  He’ll be sore as all get out for the next few weeks, his movement will be limited for a while and I don’t want him driving for at least four weeks after he’s released.  He went through a major surgery and those stitches need to heal before he gets behind the wheel again.  Despite all that, I’d say he’ll recover completely.”

“Thank God.”  Her voice was a whisper as she relaxed back in the chair, her hands trembling as she combed her fingers through her tussled hair.

“He’ll be in ICU until we’re sure the bleeding isn’t going to start again.”  He flipped through a few papers on his desktop.  “I’m still a little concerned about the impact to his head, so we’ll keep him for a few days to watch for swelling, fight any infections that might set in.”  She began to fidget in front of him and he couldn’t help his smile as he checked his watch.  “But you don’t really want to hear all the details right now.  I’m sure you want to go see him.”

Her face lit up.  “Can I?”

“He’ll still be out from the anesthesia, probably will be for a while, but he should be in his room by now.”  He stood.  “Let’s go.”

************************* 

The darkness broke slowly, becoming more and more light as his mind rose back to consciousness.

Keeping his eyes closed against the brightness, he became aware of the dull ache spreading over his body, of a sharp pain in his wrist.

Then he felt fingers laced through his own, holding his hand tightly.

The ringing in his ears dissipated and he became aware of a voice echoing around him.

“Your parents and the guys are all waiting to see you.  You really scared everybody, sweetie.  They need to see you for themselves, to make sure you’re really going to be all right.  You just need to wake up so they can come in.”

He couldn’t even process the meaning of what she was telling him, his brain too exhausted to be alert for that long, and he felt himself drifting back into darkness.

Some time later, he once again became aware of voices around him.  He heard a man talking, then a woman, then a laugh track . . . the television was on.

But there were other voices, too.

“Visiting hours will be over in ten minutes, ma’am.  The night nurse will be in shortly.”

“Okay.  Thank you.”

The familiar voice soothed him and he felt himself relax against the mattress, letting himself slip under for another minute or two.

“Ma’am, visiting hours are over.”

His eyes cracked open slightly for just a second, adjusting to the now dim lighting.

“Just a few more minutes.  Please.”  Her voice was pleading, coming from right next to him.  “Can you check the others first?”

“All right.”  A sigh carried from the doorway.  “I only have three more rooms, so I can’t give you more than five minutes or so.”

His eyelids raised again, just a fraction, his vision clearing slowly.

“Thank you so much.”

He felt her fingers tighten, squeezing his hand briefly before her lips met his forehead.

“I guess I should be gone by the time she gets back.”  She whispered to him.  “Good night, Lance.  I love you.”

His hand was released, the covers were straightened over him, her fingers combed through his hair and she kissed him once again.

Then she pulled away.

He forced his eyes open wide, but had to close them again, his head protesting the light.

Desperately, he tried to form words, to make her stay, but his voice refused to work.

Her movements were obvious as she bent to pick up whatever was lying next to the bed, straightened up, let her fingertips run over the back of his hand.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.  Maybe you’ll be awake by morning.”  Her voice was thick with tears as she leaned over him once again.  “And between now and then, until I see you again . . .”

Hearing her trail off into a soft sob, he blinked again, swallowing as he felt a drop of wetness hit his cheek.

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”

“Yes, I know.  I’m going.”

She pulled back completely, turning to step away from the bed.

“No.”  His voice was nothing more than a whisper, what felt like superhuman strength moving his arm so that he could grab her hand and pull her back.  He forced his eyelids up, clearing his throat as his tired eyes met those of the nurse.  “If you want any chance of me being a nice, easy patient, then you’ll let her stay.”

The nurse came over to the bedside, immediately checking his vitals.  “I can’t do that, sir.  This is the ICU . . .”

He cleared his throat again, trying to make his voice less raspy.  “I don’t care.  Talk to whoever you need to, but she’s staying.”  His gaze moved over to Hope, standing there with tears streaming over her cheeks and a bright smile lighting her features, looking more beautiful than he’d ever seen her.

It took an effort, but he managed to tighten his grip on her, his fingers lacing through hers as he pulled her close enough to kiss the back of her hand.  Then he let his eyes move down to her stomach briefly before raising them back to her face, a warm smile spreading across his lips as an indescribable joy flowed through him, making him forget any pain.

“My family is staying right here with me.” 

---------------------------------------- 

April, 2008

She lay still for a few moments, trying to figure out what had awakened her.

Then she felt the fluttering sensation again and smiled wryly.  As she moved carefully to get out of the bed without waking him, her eyes moved over to the digital clock on the nightstand.

The bright red numbers flashed 2:15.

A weary sigh escaped as she stood and she shook her head as the fluttering in her midsection became frantic.  Rolling her eyes, she walked over to the sliding glass doors and stepped out onto the wooden deck.

An inquisitive woof came from beside the door, just before soft fur brushed against her leg and a wet nose pressed into her hand.

With a grin, she bent to run her fingers over the dog’s head, scratching behind his ears.  “It’s okay, Cody.  Go lay down.”

His white coat shone brightly, reflecting the moonlight as he padded along beside her, joining her on her walk to the far side of the deck.  They walked back and forth together, until he yawned and went to settle down on his blanket, watchful eyes continuing to follow her as she moved.

After pacing for half an hour, she stopped to lean against the railing, glaring down at her swollen stomach.  “Why can’t you have these fits during the day?  Maybe then we’d both get a full night’s sleep.”

There was another kick against her ribcage, as if the baby were answering her question.

“Sorry, kiddo.  We’re not dancing tonight.  You’ll have to wait until your Daddy wakes up.  You can wait until morning, can’t you?”  She laughed quietly, turning to look out over the yard.  This time, the kick was sharp.  “Ouch.  Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

The gruff voice behind her made her jump in surprise, but when she felt his arms circling around her, pulling her back against his bare chest, she relaxed.  “It’s nearly three in the morning.  What are you doing up?”

“Looking for you.”  As he spoke, his lips brushed against her ear, sending shivers down her spine.  “And I found you.  Come on back to bed.”

As heavenly as that sounded, the kick she felt told her she’d better think otherwise.  “Can’t just yet.  Maybe in a little while.”

“Hmm.”  He hummed sleepily, his arms giving her a squeeze.  “It’s going to rain soon.”

“Are you okay?”  Looking down, she saw him flexing the fingers of his left hand, twisting it from one side to the other.  “Is your wrist hurting?”

“No, it’s just a little achy.”  He bent down to kiss the sensitive skin behind her ear, then straightened again.  “How about you?  Are you okay?”

“I’ll survive.”

“What’s wrong?  Couldn’t sleep?”

“Yeah, I could sleep.”  She tilted her head back with a tired smile, kissing the underside of his jaw.  “We just needed to walk for a while.  Sorry if I woke you up.”

“You didn’t wake me up.  I missed you.”  His arms tightened around her and he rested his cheek on the side of her head.  “Seems I can’t sleep unless you’re there next to me.”

“Yeah, right.”  She scoffed.  “You sleep like a rock and you know it.”

“Obviously, you weren’t there when I was in New York last week.  Why do you think I looked so worn out when I walked in the door?”

“You were in back to back meetings all week, sweetie.  Of course you were tired.”

“With black circles under my eyes and no energy at all?”  He fought back his grin.  “Baby, meetings didn’t do that.  Not having you there did.”

“You’re serious?”  She twisted around in his arms so that she could see him nod.  “What’s up with that?  You’ve always been able to sleep anywhere, through anything.”

“I don’t know.  It’s been that way since my accident.”  He shrugged.  “My mind will completely shut down, but I don’t sleep.  It’s like my heart knows when you aren’t there or something.”  She was quiet as his words sank in and he took the opportunity to look up at the starry sky.  “It’s a beautiful night.”

“Mmhmm.”

“We’re both awake, out here under the stars . . . think I could have a dance with my girls?”

His arms were already around her, so she simply rested her forehead on his shoulder, nodding against him as her arms came up to wrap tightly around his neck.  Almost instinctively, they settled into a slow, swaying rhythm, moving quietly across the deck to music that only they could hear.

The fluttering stopped for just a few minutes, letting her have that brief span of peace until it came back full force.  She flinched against him when she felt another sharp kick and he looked down at her with wide eyes.  “Good Lord, even I felt that one.”  He watched her as she breathed deeply, trying to ignore the soreness that seemed to cover the inside of her stomach.  “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“I’ll be okay.”  She shook her head with a sigh.  “Your daughter is either going to play soccer professionally or she’s going to be an awesome dancer.”  A series of flutters immediately followed, an argument to her words.  “Okay, she’ll be a gymnast.  Whatever it is, she’s going to be good at it.”

“She’s being feisty tonight, huh?”  His voice rumbled in his chest and she couldn’t help but snuggle closer to him.

“Yeah.”  Her eyes closed as she turned her face into his neck.  “Why couldn’t we have a computer geek, couch potato baby?  I’ve heard they’re calmer.”

“Because we don’t have computer geek, couch potato genes.”  He laughed softly.  “Do you want me to talk to her?  Maybe she’ll listen to me.”

She grinned against his skin.  “Be my guest.”

“Not out here.  Come on.”  He pulled her back inside, leaving the lights off as he led her through the moonlit room toward the recliner in the corner.

He stopped a few feet away from the chair, turning to kiss her thoroughly, his arms holding her solidly to him.

“As nice as this is . . .” Her words were cut off by his lips covering hers once again.  She leaned into him for a few seconds before she felt another kick and pulled back completely.  “As nice as this is, it’s hard to concentrate on you when there’s a little person doing somersaults against my ribcage.”

His lips touched hers lightly once more.  “I’m getting to it.”  His teeth flashed a bright white as he grinned, then lowered himself to his knees on the soft carpeting.  She looked down in confusion until she felt his fingers cupping the sides of her stomach.  “Wow, she’s really moving, isn’t she?”

A reply was on the tip of her tongue, but before it could pass over her lips he’d leaned forward, resting his forehead against her distended midsection, his thumbs sweeping back and forth in a soothing massage.  He began talking quietly, his lips moving against the t-shirt covering her skin, and she strained to hear his deep voice.

“Okay, Madison Joy . . . you’ve made your point.  You’re tired of being cooped up in there and you’re ready to face the world, right?”

Amazingly, there was a soft nudge against his palms, the only affirmative response the baby could give.

“Well, you’ve still got six weeks to hang out in there before you can be out here with us.  I know, it seems like forever, doesn’t it?  I can’t wait to see you, to hold you, to hear you laugh.  I want to see how much you resemble your Mommy and I want to see if I can find some of myself there, too.  I want to feel you holding on to my finger, to watch you as you sleep.  You’ve got four uncles who are just itching to see what they can get away with, so you’d better thank God that your Mom will be here to help me keep my cool.”

The more he spoke, the calmer the movements became.  His fingers flexed against her stomach as the fluttering became too soft for him to feel.

“I can’t wait to hear you cry for the first time, to see your eyes open for the first time, to see that first smile.  I want to hear that baby babble that only you’ll be able to understand.  I’ll be able to hold you and see if you fit in my arms as perfectly as your Mommy does.  I’ll be able to see you in your Mommy’s arms and know that I’ve finally got the family I always wanted.”

She bit her lip, swallowing hard to keep the tears at bay and felt his head turn, moving so that his cheek was resting against her stomach.

“Maddie baby . . . I haven’t even met you yet, haven’t really seen you . . . but I already love you more than life itself.  I used to think . . . when I met your Mom, I didn’t think it was possible for me to have any more room in my life, any more love for anybody else.  I thought she made me complete.  But I’ve figured out that I was wrong.  God knows that there’s always room for more when it comes to love.  So He blessed your Mom and I, sent us you, the perfect gift, the only thing I can think of to show exactly how in love with her I am.”

He felt her fingers combing through his hair and looked up into her eyes, smiling when he caught the glistening tracks of tears on her cheeks.

“I’ll never be able to put it into words.  I don’t think there are words enough to describe how I feel when I look at her, when I’m holding her, when she tells me that she loves me . . . and it’s impossible to describe how I feel when I know that she’s not there, when I can’t be with her.  When she hurts, I hurt.  When she cries, I want to hide her inside myself so that I can protect her.  And when she laughs, I feel like she’s just handed me the world on a silver platter.”

His hand left her stomach, reaching up until he could lace his fingers through hers before he tore his eyes away from hers, closing his eyes as if he were listening to the baby.

“I love her so much that sometimes . . . it hurts.  It’s going to be the same way with you, I’m sure.  My Daddy instincts will kick in and I’ll do everything in my power to protect you, to make you happy, to make sure you have everything you need and then some.  You’re going to love being here, just as much as we’re going to love having you here.”

He pulled back just a fraction, releasing her hand so that he could smooth his palms over the swollen evidence of their daughter.

“I may not be able to see you yet, but I can still see the signs that you’re there.  You’re a living symbol of the love your Mom and I have for each other.  Our little miracle.  But we still have those six weeks to go.  I know you’re impatient, that you’re tired of waiting . . . I am too, but you’ve got to give your Mom a break, okay?  She’s not handling all your fighting very well and when you hurt her, you’re hurting me, because it tears me up to know that she’s in pain and there’s nothing I can do about it.  Once you’re born, you can move all you want and be as feisty as you can be, but for now I need you to settle down.  Go easy on her for the next few weeks, Maddie.”

His thumbs pressed against her stomach.

“Can you do that for me, baby girl?”

It took a few seconds, but there was finally a faint movement under his touch, then everything went still.

“That’s my girl.”

She watched as he stood in front of her once again, then reached for him, unable to keep from touching him.  When his arms wrapped around her tightly, she breathed deeply and closed her eyes, memorizing everything about the way he felt, the way he held her, the woodsy scent of his skin, the way his chest moved with each breath he took and even the way she could feel the faint beating of his heart as he held her against him.

After a few minutes, his hands came up to frame her face, his thumbs wiping away the traces of her tears.  “Better?”

“Much.”  She nodded, then laughed quietly.  “She’s not even born yet, and she’s already a Daddy’s girl.”

“You’d better believe it.”  He grinned down at her, then pulled her over to the oversized chair in the corner.  “Come on.  I think it’s safe to sleep now.”

She waited until he’d settled himself in the chair, smiling slightly when he looked up at her with expectance, his hands moving in a silent invitation for her to join him.  Carefully, she settled herself in his arms, relaxing against him as he reclined the chair back, putting them in a comfortably snuggled embrace.

His breath tickled her skin just before he kissed her neck.  “Good?”

“Mmm.”  She stretched so that she could kiss him briefly on the lips.  “Perfect.”

He shifted a little, twisting so that she could turn her body to face him and he could wrap his arms around her once again.

Her head rested against his shoulder, her eyes moving over his torso, able to pick out the faint scar lines even through the darkness.  She felt him shiver when her fingertips traced one of the jagged lines, her touch cool against his skin.  “Maddie’s not our first miracle, you know.”

“Hmm.”  He tilted his head down, nudging her cheek with his nose until she raised up enough for him to kiss her.  “What’s the first?”

She pulled back just far enough to see his face, the eyes she fell into every time, the loving smile that he reserved only for her . . . then she felt his pulse under her fingers.  With a soft sigh, she leaned forward to kiss him again.  “You are.”

“I know, Hope.  I know.”  He took a deep breath, his fingers combing through her hair until he could cradle her head against his shoulder, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.  “Sleep now, baby.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

Her eyes closed and she grinned at his words.  “Until I see you again . . .”

His lips moved against her hair.  “I’ll be loving you.”

After a second’s hesitation, they finished together.

“Love, Me.”