About last night….


Waking up was a little strange, I heard gurgling and sucking. I opening my eyes and there was Harri, holding Liberty in the bed beside me. Feeding her, her bottle.
“Morning you…” she said not needing to look.

“Hey…Hey lady...” I put my hand over, and she grasped on to it for all her might.

It was too adorable.

“She was hungry, thankfully her fever has gone! I don’t know what that doc did but he's a saint! She back to her old little self again, thank god.”

I just nodded, cleaning my eyes from the sleep and sitting up against her big
leather head board.


“What time is it?”
“It’s just after 7.”
“Oh…early.”

She smiled, still looking amazing even though her hair was all over
the place and she was make up free.

“Did you notice…?”

“What?”

“Her eyes, when she was born they were chocolate like mine, now…they’re blue, like

yours. I always hoped she'd have your eyes…”

I looked into them as she laid beside us both. “Oh god…yeah look at that. Baby
you take after me!” I kissed her little cheek and she giggled -the most amazing
sound in the world. But then again I am a little biased.

“It’s nice. I like that its clear there's some part of me there….you know?”

“I know, but it’s not about appearance….right?”

“Yes, of course…but it’s still nice…” she nodded in agreement with me then.

Just as she laid the baby in the cradle beside her bed. She sat up again next to me.

Something in her face, her eyes told me that she wasn’t about to offer me
breakfast.

“Justin we need to talk.” See now that's not a mans favourite phrase, not AT all.

“Okay…”

“About last night…what we did”

I could help but smile, the memory still vivid in my head. “Yeah?”

“Well…as much as I enjoyed it, and I did, don’t get me wrong I did, and in a sense
I’m really glad that it happened”

“Right, me too….so then what‘s the problem?”

She sighs, I knew that sigh only too well.

“There’s a lot of elements here j its not that cut and dry you know?”

“No? What is it Harri?”

She ran her hands through her hair as she faced me again.

“I…it shouldn’t have happened I mean you’re with Carmen, and I…don’t even know
what Adam and I are right now…”

“What are you saying, that it was a huge mistake just, something to ease the tension kill some time, what??” I got to the point for once...

She looked down at the baby, then at me. “Justin I was emotional! My baby had
just been sick, I was fighting with my man, you…”

“I what Shaharra?…I what?”

“You were there and you…Justin I was…I hadn’t had sex in a REALLY long time, my
attraction to you… it’s always gonna be there, nothing will change that…”

“SO what has changed from you tearing off my jeans to this?”

“J don’t do this; don’t get all defensive on me okay? You knew this was wrong, you
have a fucking girlfriend!”

“I don’t care this isn’t about her, it’s about us and I want to know what changed.”

“I’ve changed Justin, I’ve changed. I’m not the same girl you fell for all those years
ago, I’m different I want different things…”

“One of them being my body…or was it just my dick?”

She looked hurt at that, I didn’t really care she was being so fucking cryptic.

“One of the reasons you and I didn’t work, Justin your life isn’t my life. I don’t
want what being with you entails…the media the celebrity…I don’t want that, I want
a normal life with a normal guy. Baby I love you…I will always…” she began to tear up as
we both stood in the middle of her bedroom. “but you and Carmen are ‘Americas
sweethearts’ or whatever…and I know you wont admit it, but you love her, you wouldn’t have
lasted all this time if you didn’t….so let yourself love her, let me go.”

It was like id entered the twilight zone for fuck sake, what was she on.

“So that's it for me? That’s it? All you wanted was…”

“If you need to hate me, then hate me baby…but I can’t be with you the way you
need, I just can’t.”

“That’s pathetic you know that!! You’re weak!”

“Am I?” she fought back.

“Yes, you’re weak and you’re scared shitless that if you let go for one second you’d
open your fucking eyes and see, you need me…”

“Like shit I need you…” she folded her arms,

“You need me just as much as I need you, it’s always been that way baby, you
were craving for me it’s the reason you couldn’t fuck you own boyfriend…so don’t
stand there and lie to me, you do enough lying to yourself!” I pulled on my jacket
as well as everything else id thrown on.

“You know what? Maybe you’re right? Maybe….it would kill you to be with me
again, because I know it now, Harri you love being miserable”

“Fuck you.”

“No baby we took care of that last night.” I smirked at her in the mist of my
madness and stormed out.

*****

I was so angry with her stupid ass; she knew I would have done anything for her,
anything…I guess that was the main problem right there. She didn’t want
everything done for her….at the time I just didn’t see it, which led me not seeing
her for the good part of six months. Every time I was due for the baby id send my
mom or dad or Trace to get her for me, and then id take her to LA, or stay in New
York.

Never once did I come in contact with her, and I think that was for the best.
In a way she was right I had been wasting my energy on lusting after her. So I gave Carmen my full attention. When I wasn’t working on movies I was with her when she was working on hers, we went on numerous vacations together, we appeared to be the perfect couple – unless you scratched the surface, then all you'd find would be pain and a carefully practiced charade that we had gotten almost too good at.

And it was killing me.

Even at Christmas, she had her for Christmas Eve, I had her Christmas day till st Stephens day... we were turning into the clichéd “broken home”, it was really sad.

The one thing I couldn’t avoid was Libby first birthday, we agreed on a party at her place with all her little friends from day care.
I had to be there regardless of her, I wasn’t about to miss my baby’s first birthday.
Hell NO.