Birthday girl.


When we pulled up, I had to check. “Trace do I look all right?”

“Why you lookin to score? Dude it’s a one year olds party…what she gonna know.
All she's gonna do is barf on it!”

“Shut the fuck up…”

He smiled. “Man I cant believe my goddaughter is ONE, a whole ONE.”

Yes he was a dumb-ass, but he meant well.

“I know, it seemed to go so fast…”

“I can’t believe she's crawlin’ now…soon she’ll be walk-in’ shit!”

“I know…” it was unbelievable able. Really it was.


When we walking to her apartment the place was crowded with kids, and their
moms.

“Oh my…you must be Justin…Shaharra mentioned you’d be here, Hi I’m Mindy Sean’s mom” said the thirtyish looking woman with a really bad face lift.

“Well hi it’s really nice to meet you…this is Trace.” And that's when I sped to the one side, walking further in to the building.
Then I saw her, my little girl. Sitting in her high chair, pink dress and ribbons all up
on her.

She looked too cute. Her tiny brown curls just in bunches and her sparkly blue
eyes lighting up as she saw me, I went to take her from her chair and she said it. Well what sounded like it anyway it was kinda gurgled…But still it was a moment.

“Dada…” her little hands reached out, I was amazed....Did she just speak?

wow…

“What??” I looked at her and she just blew threw her lips making that sound she always made when she got excited.

“She said dada. She's been saying it all week.” I looked behind me there she was,
as gorgeous as ever in the tightest jeans I’d seen and a white tank top, her arms holding
up candy in bowls.

“She has???”

“Yeah...” she smiled. “She said it when you and Trace came on TV…she got so
excited, she crawled over and that's what she said…Dada..”

“Jesus…” my baby was talking, and about ME!!

“Its pretty cool…of course im a little annoyed about her ignorin me, who was there
at the time….but eh what can you do. Her other favourite is ‘fliimoped‘ I‘ve no idea what that is, but its what she says for everything she points to.” She smiled again and you'd think we were
old friends, but we weren’t. She served the candy and the sugar bombs of
chocolate to the other kids, and then she headed to the kitchen again.

I followed of course.

“So…”

“So…” she handed me a plate. “How…are you?”

“You care now?”

I answered as her pleasant tone reverted to the one that had answered all those
calls.

Damnit.

“Yeah I care but your making me question why right now. Don’t let me keep you; I
just wanted you to be here for this so…go see your daughter.”

To hell with her, that's just what I did, I saw my mom had arrived, with her mom.
They always got along since Libby was born, they just clicked. And bitched as to
why Harri and I could no longer be “civil” to each other…yes they didn’t know we
hooked up and then rapidly unhooked the day after.

It was for the best that they didn’t know, my mother already hated Carmen I
didn’t want this to be another add the “reasons to dump” her list she was keeping
in her head.

So I did what I came to do, I doted over my baby, I gave her and her friends all
the things id bought, gifts, toys, all the good stuff that id basically cleared out the
FAO toy store getting for her, what could I say I liked to spoil my baby and why
shouldn’t I. Everything was going great until the cake, it was then it happened.
Adam was the one carrying the cake; no one told me underwear’d be there.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Liberty….
happy birthday to you…”every one sang along and of course she had no clue what to do, so Harri and I leaned in for her. Looked at each other…smiled, well laughed
really and blew them out for her. Libby just looked at us like we had two head.
Poor kid.

After four hours of constant kiddie chatter and all the single mothers trying to feel
me up, it was a blessing when Harri arrived with the kiddie goodie bags; with yeah
you guessed it MORE sugar.

Those poor parents they weren’t getting any sleep.
****
“So Justin, it’s good to see you again man, we’re glad you could come for this.”

“We?”

“Yeah, I mean I know you and Harri have been at loggerheads this last…well its
been rough I know that. But I know it means a lot to her that you came today.”

“Yeah…” I swigged my beer trying my best to ignore him. Smiley ass mother fucker.

“You know Adam, I didn’t know you and Harri got back on…since when?”

He smiled again, “a few months now, it’s been really great….”

“Oh so I take it you’ve now been allowed to tap it right…” crude sure but it stopped
him smiling.

“What?”

“What I mean is, has she finally allowed you to fuck her.” Some of the mothers,
ones that I assumed were Harri’s friends looked over at us. What the fuck did they want, the kids had been sent home with the nannies, and they were sipping
daiquiris this wasn’t kid conversation time.

“I don’t see how that is any of your business…” I just rolled my eyes.

“That means yes…” at that her lady ship made her entrance.

“Baby…”

I got almost confused as to who she was talking too. Then he slid his arms over
her.
Bastard.

“Everything okay?” she smiled at him,

“yeah baby everything’s fine.”

“Justin…”

“Harri…” I swigged my beer again.

“Are you okay?”

I mimicked her question in the kitchen. “You care now?”

“God, you are so childish.”

“What?”

“You the way you’ve been acting all day…childish and immature.”
“Why because ive been seeing to MY daughter…and not rowing with you.”

“No because you ignored everyone else all day….”

“Oh for god sake what do you want? I came to see her, like you said…”

“Yeah well she's in bed now…” she looked to the door.

“You want me to leave…” yeah I think I was drunk. “I don’t have to leave! I didn’t
even get to say goodnight to her…”

“Go do it now, then leave man…” Adam spoke up.

“What gives you the right to order me around ass wipe?” Harri just rolled her eyes,
grabbed mine and her own coat and grabbed me by the arm.

“What the fuck are you doin?’ ”

“Im…taking you for a walk, you need to cool the fuck off!”

She basically dragged my ass out the door and I planned on ignoring her until we
reached the end of her street “why the fuck did you drag me…”

“Because you’re drunk, and your even more stupid drunk than sober – and that’s
sayin something!”

“I hate you.” I pouted.

“Yeah I hate you too!”

“Well yeah…I don’t HATE you, but shit…you’re a bitch you know that!”

“Am I now, really that’s nice to know." She paused to look at me then, "Justin
come on we’re adults, in theory at least and we need to get past this, we need to
grow up?”

“No”

“NO” she smirked finally looking at me up close. “Justin for god sake!”

“What? You expect me to be just la de da” I motioned with my hands “when really
I hate this, it’s awkward and weird and I don’t like it. I don’t like being around you,
I don’t like seeing you, I don’t like this whole fucking fucked up situation it SUCKS!”

“Because you hate me right?”

“NO because I love you" I blurted out of nowhere "…and this. It’s too hard. You
think that you and I shouldn’t be together for whatever reasons and I get that, I
do…you weren’t happy with me, I get that too! But it doesn’t mean that I have to
like it.”

“Justin…” she tried to touch me.

“No…don’t…Harri I love my daughter, I don’t not want to see her I want her to
know me, to have a relationship with me…but I can’t have a relationship with you.
Not like this, I don’t want to be your friend…its not enough for me.”

“Well I can’t change that. I can’t change that you only see the happy times with
us…I remember the rows, I remember the fights and the tears…”

“Cynical much?”

“No realistic…” she walked ahead again.

”So you and “Adam” never fight, its all roses…that’s why you fucked me.”

Low blow I know…

She turned to me, and she walked up to me. And she slapped me – hard.

“No, asshole its not…its not all roses but I’ve moved on, im in a real relationship…
Unlike you, whose girl is in a different country every week, who doesn’t know how
to even hold her boyfriends child…who has FAKE breasts who eats TOFU for god
sake! I’m not the one living in this fantasy that can’t come true! Yes I love you…I
LOVE your dumb-ass self, I know that, you know that…but loving you…it’s just too hard
Justin.”

“Since when do you only settle for what was easy…” it wasn’t like her.

She didn’t look at me… I knew I had her.

“Look at me Harri…I know you like a challenge. Why not let this one be it.”

“I don’t…” she just looked around but not at me. “Justin loving you is just too damn
hard and I just can’t fight…I fought with and for you for a long time, I don’t have
the strength to fight any more.” She had tears in her eyes; I knew id pushed too
much. “you know its not just you, the guy…as a person loving you is the easy part. Sharing that and you with the WORLD? Not so much. And, I wouldn’t ask you to give that up - that’s your life. You love it, and they love you. You can’t have us both.”

I hated this, this back and forth this constant pain from having my heart stamped on every time I saw her.

I knew I had to give up, this was it, this was the last time id fight…hell she wasn’t
willing too why the fuck should I…sure I loved the bitch, I loved her so much it
actually physically hurt when id see her with underwear dude…I loved her because
she was the mother of my child, the woman who gave me my angel…but she was
also the woman who was stomping over my bleeding and sensitive heart. Fuck
her, fuck this…I was done with Shaharra Green, this was it people I was MOVING
ON!