Now the glitch is…
Five months went by, very slowly. She didn’t call so I didn’t even know if she was back in the US or not. My guess was that if she was, she moved back to New York…she always said it was more her home than anywhere she had sent her thing to her moms when we…broke up so even then I didn’t know where she was.
Her family didn’t like me very much. She was raised by her mom so she was pretty against me talking her baby away from her like that…I was the millionaire with no manners apparently.
I always hoped she’d get over it but she never did, no matter what I did or didn’t do I wasn’t good enough…guess she was right.
In all this ive failed to mention, I met some one. A real someone.
She wasn’t like the others id dated. She was like me in the way that she was well known…extremely well known actually. In fact we bonded over our hatred of the press – romantic huh? Yeah well…she's an actress her names Carmen.
So we’ve been a thing for three months and four days.
She's sweet and funny and cute she laughed at my stupid jokes…so I have no problems with her at all in fact id go as far as to say I was…falling in love with her.
Stranger things had happened.
*****
Going back to the US was a big step for me, id spent months away and I wasn’t even sure what I had to come back to. I went home to my mom, after being gone longer that id planned.
Well I had something’s to think over. Id been gone four and a half months when I decided to make the trip home.
It wasn’t something I was looking forward to. But I did it, I was safe in the hands of my mamma and that's just how I needed it then.
See in my time away id gone through a lot of changes, spiritually – seeing all I saw helping all id helped, emotionally- losing my love and restarting my life. Physically….well….we’ll get to that eventually.
I managed to get a job via the amazing recommendations of “Tennman productions” id over seen and produced two tours for Justin – all filmed for the company and for MTV, then did a few Christina things, and even NERD too.
Apparently I knew my shit now, so MTV rehired me….As production executive for Cribs.
I was in heaven, most of the time any way.
But I missed him with all my heart I missed him. And it killed me not to be able to call him…when I was going through all the changes; I missed not having him with me.
But as my momma kept telling me, it was what I wanted…what we both wanted. And I wasn’t stupid I saw her – the actress he was seeing. In my…his house…with my…her boyfriend…like I said it was tricky getting used to that.
Settling back into a routine was good for me though, as much as my charity was amazing and it was still going strong I needed a life in this world. I needed to start rebuilding.
Looking for an appartment was first on my “to do” list – the others would come after that.
“Honey now come on…up town is UP town do you know how hard its gonna be for me to visit…my hips a’int my own anymore baby…”
“Mom please your 49 not 70 and don’t joke about shit like that…”
“Are you cussing me? I know my only daughter didn’t just cuss at me!” she exclaimed loudly from the kitchen as I flicked through Doctor Phil.
“No momma I didn’t cuss at you…” I rolled my eyes. I was a grown woman and she still treated me this way…well I grew used to it.
“I didn’t think so, now just because you’re about to become a mommy too doesn’t give you the –“
“I know, the right to sass you…I know the drill im sorry it’s just this is freaking me out SO much. I need a place to be, to put this little one for a start.” I rubbed my ever expanding belly, being five months pregnant and working full time wasn’t fun at the minute.
Ooh I forgot to mention that didn’t i…
Well yeah, im pregnant and loving it. And filled with guilt, I know its wrong not telling him. But look at it this way, we’re both happy now. He seems content with the actress that I refuse to name. What kind of ghetto ass name is Carmen anyways? Please!! My bet it isn’t even her actual name…she's tall and blonde and just has that look – you know the ever peppy cheerleader look.
Typical of him isn’t it… but like I said he was happy I was…getting there.
So now it was just me and my baby…my little bun in my ever escalating oven.
Five months and counting, I can’t say Im not looking forward to the due date. Im small usually and im not loving the belly much, its hell to work and log around the extra weight. Ill just be happy when ever he/ she gets here…and wait for it, my due date? The day before Justin’s birthday…Karma, I know it is…
Ive had to deal with a lot since I announced that I was pregnant not only from my mamma…but from my friends, ive avoided the lot of them in LA through the simple fear that word will get back to Justin.
And my city friends, well…they just give the “the look” you know, the look whenever they disapprove of something? That one, every time they bring up the subject of me telling my baby daddy.
It’s just not something I want to do…we’re done – end of story. He doesn’t NEED To know…
Does he?
Boxed up memories….
“Justin are you sure you have everything? We can’t come back again”
“I know, I know I just forgot my wallet was in the other jeans carm, sorry baby...”
She smiled.
“Okay…let’s go…” I took her hand in mine and headed out the door. Finally some anonymity, it was one thing I loved about New York. The people we’re so relaxed about the presence of a “celebrity” that it made it so easy to just go out and have dinner – no bodyguards needed.
“I love serendipity…it’s so cute…and I love these…” she said as we dug into our frozen hot chocolates…the only reason I sat through dinner was to have this at the end.
“I know…it’s this I love, id ship em to LA if I could…No where does this like THIS anywhere else…” I slurped away.
“Justin…”
“Yes carm?” I looked over to her…she seemed so unsure of something.
“I just. You know how we've talked about our past partners and everything.”
How could I forget, it was the most uncomfortable hour id spent with her since we met.
It was particularly bad when I got all emotional about Shaharra…it wasn’t pretty.
“Yes…what about it?”
“Well” she took a deep breath “you said you were over that girl…shakarra.”
“Shaharra…” I corrected “and I am…why do you ask?”
“I was looking through your closets the other day. I figured I left my sweater there…and I found this box.”
Oooh noo…
“I can explain that…” no I really couldn’t. “I am over her, it’s just those things…well I don’t know where she is so I can’t really send them.” I lied.
It was a rather big box, with her things in it…some clothes, hats and most importantly our photos…all of them. I boxed them all up in one of my very drunken “I don’t need her” nights. I never did have the heart to just bin it.
“Well why don’t you just get rid of them…you say you’re over her…why would you even care about some stupid shit…”
“It’s not shit!” I blurted out granted without much thought.
“Well then if its not why keep it in a box…im sure you’d love to decorate the halls with the pictures of you too…they are cute!” she all but yelled, yeah id done it. Id pissed her off big time.
“Baby…”
“No don’t baby me Justin…if you love me like you say you love then you’ll get rid of all her crap!”
“Ok, okay…ill do as soon as we get back home. I promise.”
She softened, thankfully and we continued on with our meal.
The conversation was sparse, and I was a little distracted with the laugh that came from the back booths of the restaurant.
Carmen made some remark about “people having no manners” but I was too busy listening to notice what else she was yakking on about.
I knew that laugh, hell I loved that laugh…
It was Shaharra; I knew it even before I looked over.
And I was right, as always…okay well this once anyway.
There she was, sitting with her mom, and some blonde girl.
Laughing at the top of her lungs, looking completely adorable. Her crimped hair in tiny tendrils.
I wanted so bad to go over and talk to her…then again I had a jealous enough girlfriend with me, I didn’t want to add to the weirdness between - oh who was I kidding she’d get over it…all I wanted to do was go over there.
Damn it! I was a man, I wanted to do something I was gonna do it…although no doubt id pay for it later.
“Carm, excuse me one moment…”
“You’re joking right?”
“Ill be right back…” I got up and made my way to the back of the restaurant. Where I still heard her laughter ringing in my ears.
Or was that the ringing from holding my breath? Eh well either way I was headed HER way.
I took a deep breath again before I reached the corner where she was sitting.
The laughter stopped short as her mom saw me. I swear if looks could kill…Id be a dead ass man.
“Hillary…Long time no see…”I walked to the other side of the booth, so I could she her. “Shaharra…hey?”
“JUSTIN? Ooh...Hi…” that's it, a HI?
“Hi…how’ve you been?” she looked at her mother with daggers, you the kind people use when they wanna say something REAL bad…
“Ive been good…great…you?”
“Cant complain…when did you get back?” she leaned into the table, just as she grabbed her massive purse to sit it on her lap.
“Umm a few months ago I um…had a few things to take care of here, so I…uhh…”
Yeah, it was awkward…to say the least…but it wasn’t like I expected any less. We were Ex’s now this is how it was supposed to be.
***************
I swear to god when he showed up at the table I thought id die of shock…then the obvious came into view so the only thing I could think of was grabbing my big ass handbag to block his “view” of all things…if he was going to find out it was NOT gonna be in my favourite restaurant.
Hell NO.
“So…is that your new…I mean is she” I looked behind me, well I had to I sensed the daggers staring me right in the back of the head.
“Uhh…well” he blushed, it was cute really – like he didn’t realise I read the enquirer? “She is yeah that's Carmen…uhh.”
“J its okay I know who she is…” he took a deep breath while my mom still stared him down – I prayed to Jesus that she wouldn’t rat me out.
“Shaharra sweetheart excuse me im going to the ladies…” she violently pushed past Justin, even when he stood up to let her out of the booth, Leesa on my left looked at me awkwardly and then made her excuses to the ladies also…bitches leaving me alone!
“Harri, can I ask you something?” he leaned in and I clutched to my Chloe leather purse.
“Um, sure…” I was going to hell…
“Why didn’t you tell me you were…?” See I was sooo going to hell. “Home.”
I looked him in the eye for the second time since he’d scooted to sit down, and his eyes caught me off guard- id forgotten just how blue they were…Intense, I hoped my baby would have those eyes…
“Harri?” he snapped me out of my daze.
“OH…um…well I um….” He grabbed one of my hands and I swear to Jesus I almost died.
“Relax ok…it’s just me…” he smiled, I loved his smile….
“Justin…the thing is that...”
“Shahara? Baby ive hailed us all a cab its waiting outside.” My mother inserted standing over me with that one arched eyebrow – it was meant to say “if you don’t hurry up and tell him I will…
“MOMMA, I can’t go now!” I glanced back at Justin…then I gave her the Back off eyebrow.
I was having trouble breathing, I was gonna be busted for sure…she didn’t like him but she thought he and the baby had a right to know each other…
Damn wisdom.
“No honey you know how they are, at its almost 9 I think we should GET GOING.” She stressed again through a tight smile, and I was sure Justin knew what was going on, what with all the physic fighting she and I were doin’
Then she did something I wasn’t expecting. She grabbed my hand.
“Come on!” Justin just looked at us both like we were on drugs.
I got off the chair, still somehow managing to clutch my bag again my massive belly with the other hand.
“I do have to go…”
“Uh well listen it was great seeing you again and maybe if im in town again we-“
“J” I whispered “you have a girlfriend…”
“Well as friends then…” he persisted. Damn him and those eyes…those lips…had he been working out? A HORMONE overload…that’s what I blame.
“Umm maybe... I…” and just as MY luck would have it some hapless waiter walked into the section, to our table to clear, and he just knocks into me, causing me to….yeah you guessed it DROP the bag…
Now I can’t tell you what happened after that, all I saw were his eyes journey from my eyes to my belly…then they expanded so wide I thought they’d pop right outta his pretty lil head...
Then I punked out, and passed out….
Yeah I was busted now alright…..
Author's Chapter Notes:
well im not sure if any ones reading this, but if you are I thank you and will love you if you review
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