Lonely Hearts, Crowded Minds....
“So how’s this been? Being her with her alone again?” Kali asked sipping her hot mug of coffee from my breakfast nook.
“It’s been good and bad really. I mean I love being with her all the time, and this working from home thing has been good but I am in need of a little more adult conversation that's why im heading in today…its just…”
“Just what?”
“Just that, it’s just made me see what ive missed. In the six months that Justin and I had ‘reversed’ our roles, she's started talking more, she's got her own little personality forming fast and I see just how much he’s influenced that, its surprising….you know, that, and the fact that I barely talk to him any more I knew id miss him, I just didn’t think id feel this lonely.... We some how seem to miss each other ALL the time, I swear ive spent more time having a relationship with his cell service this last month than I have with him personally.”
“I know it’s hard…but come on, you’re all but done with work aren’t you…then you'll be off to sunny LA! I wouldn’t mind switching with you!” I glanced over at a playing Libby, who had set up “shop” on the kitchen floor.
“I know, and I really can’t wait to see him again one more week and im there! Besides there is only so much ‘love’ you can express through the telephone lines you know?”
She nodded and smirked “but I bet y’all had a helluva time with a little phone bone baby….riiight?” she laughed.
“KALI!” I hissed glancing to Liberty again “she can hear us!!”
“HA! But you didn’t deny it did you!” she stuck her tongue out at me smiling.
“ANYWAY…” I felt my cheeks flush. “That’s NOT the point! Moving on…”
I hopped off my stool to get the rest of the chicken salad sandwich I was enjoying “Har, how’d things go with Leesa and that cutie I saw her with the other night…”
“Who Zack?”
“Yeah, isn’t he the boy that works with you?”
“Oh yeah he has done for a few years now…Zack’s cool.”
“Zack’s hot…” she mocked my tone. “I mean tell me you, of all people have seen it…you are the one out of all three of us that has a ‘thing’ for vanilla in your chocolate girl…”
I rolled my eyes “okay so he's attractive, big deals…im taken remember.”
“Leesa said that all he talked about was you.”
“If you knew what went on with them, why even ask me?” I turned to my seat again.
“I just wanted to see how you’d talk about him….”
“Why?”
“Leesa’s convinced that he has a serious crush on you….big time according to her.”
“Okay, one…he's a friend, he didn’t want to date but I asked him to date her…simple. He told me he had fun but that she was a little too…forthcoming…”
“Ok…man that explains why she was a complete prissy ass bitch to me today.”
“Yeeah.” I sounded “look she seems to think that its because of me, or his ‘feelings’ for me…which he DOESN’T have, its because he's getting over a serious break up…that's all!”
“You sure?”
“Of course!!” I shooed off her looks with my hand “Of course!”
After getting the baby washed and ready for her grandma’s I was all but ready for my work. When the house phone rang.
“Yeah” I answered in a real hurry while I held the baby in one arm and the phone in the other.
“Harri?”
“Hey baby…” it was a tired sounding Justin. “what you doin’”
“Callin’ you…” he laughed.
“Yeeah, I get that Jay leno…isn’t it like…” I checked my watch it was 8am here… “It’s like 4 in the morning’ with you right now, what are doing calling at this hour?”
“I just felt like hearing your voice…I just got out of the studio, me and some of the boys were thinking of heading somewhere.”
“At 4am???”
“It’s LA Har, remember? There’s always somewhere to go…no matter what time…But I just wanted to say hi, in case I miss you again later on….”
“Aw, well… Hi to you too…you sound tired, maybe you should get some sleep….” I offered.
“Nah am all good baby…” he didn’t just sound tired now, he sounded high.
“A-huh…well I gotta go drop the baby off with ma, then im at the office all damn day…be thankful you aint got no schedule to keep boy! I love you…”
“I Love you too…”
And with that I clicked off and made the manic race to find a cab in the morning rush….it wasn’t easy.
“Hey Justin what happened with that chick the other night man?” Pharell spoke up from the other end of the booth, beer in hand.
“What chick?”
“You know, the other stripper….No offence ladies…” he nodded to the women dancing in front of us, who – lets face it, didn’t care one way or the other, but six beers in and he got a little stupid.
“Nothin, she made a move on me…I backed off…simple.”
“Really? Dude she was a hot motherfucker, id’a tapped that.”
“Im sure you would, but im not like that no more.”
“No? You tapped every ass in LA when you were with that actress chick, what changed…”
“I changed…”
“Surrre, look I like harri an all man, girls down you know…but come on…this whole “fidelity” thing you got goin, how long you think it’ll last huh?” I loved Pharell don’t get me wrong, it was just sometimes he was a stupid ass mother-
“I love Shaharra man, she's IT…” At that moment I cursed myself for calling him to hang out.
“For real?”
“Ahuh…”
“So then why isn’t she here?” I was half drunk, exhausted as shit and more than already irritated with his line of conversation.
“P, what the fuck…are you the relationship police or what?”
“I was JUST askin’ Jesus calm the hell down!”
“Im calm, but damn…I get that im not the same good old Justin that would go out, get completely shit faced and screw anything in a bra, an am sorry if its hard for you to get used to me, as I am now! But ive changed and if you or the rest of y’all…” I nodded to the three other so called friends of mine at the same table “Can’t handle that, then fuck y’all!!”
I pushed my chair back and made my way, ill grant you – like a spoiled child to the nearest exit.
Call me crazy, but I just couldn’t stand everyone’s constant questioning into my relationship with the woman that I did love, more than anything.
It made me question it myself, it made me question everything.
From the move, to the reason’s we were doin it, from the wedding, to the marriage we both knew we wanted but were both a little shady on the “how” in achieving it….all these questions that I had simply pushed into the back of my mind in order to concentrate on just being with her…all of which were now fully up front and nagging on my mind every second….I just needed to see her again. If I did I was sure I would be able to get things that were swirlling around in my head, sorted out.
Maybe.
Having spent the third day alone, working on my script, getting more rest than I needed, I was bored.
As easy as it sounds getting into trouble in LA wasn’t difficult but for me it just wasn’t what I wanted either. So I decided to go through the messages that Trace had outlined for me.
It was mostly business, some old acquaintances – one that caught my eye.
“Carmen called something about a meeting sometime. Call her back?” was the note on the side of that particular post it.
So I did, I typed her number off from memory and waited for an answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey…uh is Carmen there…”
“Who’s calling” sounded her Spanish housekeeper
“Um, it’s Justin….”
“Aw, Mr Justin…one moment please.” I waited several when her happy chirpy tone came on the line
“J?”
“Hey there…”
“Oh god, I never thought you’d actually call me back!! Hi, how are you…” she drawled. “It’s been FOREVER man!”
“I know…sorry ive been…”
“Busy, I know baby….” She sounded overly happy
“So…Carm why where you callin’?”
“OH, right…well I have some news…really good news, but I was hoping I could see you in person…if your not busy maybe you could come over for lunch?”
That wasn’t the best idea, and I think she sensed the hesitation in my voice “ummm….well”
“Well, Nothin, its just lunch…completely harmless, I promise!”
“Fine, I guess I could do that….where?”
“How bout my place? Ive just stared making some chicken salad…I could make more?”
Well I didn’t have too many offers that day, and I was starving, so yes I accepted.
I approached her large estate that was dripped in the bright blinding sunshine that was typical of LA at that time of day.
She answered her door wearing a smile, and not much else.
Id almost forgotten that she lounged at her pool most of the day when she didn’t work, so the sight of her in a white bikini took me by surprise.
“Hi you…come on in!! Ive wanted to talk with you for a while now…”
I walked into her kitchen as we exchanged pleasantries “why’s that?”
“Well…I met someone. Ryan Reichmann…he's a new player for the dolphins.” She smiled “he's really great…”
“Aw, that's real nice carm, im happy for you….”
“Are you? Cause I wasn’t as….happy for you.” Her smile died for a second “in fact, I hated you…hated her…I was so angry after Vegas…” she huffed a breath but then smiled again “BUT, since I met him my whole attitude on things has changed….really im not the same girl I once was.”
“How’s that?”
“I think I feel for Ryan the way you’ve always felt for Harri J…and I get it now.”
“Get what?” I asked sitting at her breakfast bar as she placed the plate of food in front of me as well as a fork and a drink.
“The reason you couldn’t get her out of your head...or your heart for that matter.”
I blushed. I didn’t want to but I did.
“Carmen you know I never did set out to hurt you…you know that don’t you?”
She nodded and smiled again, “well I just wanted to tell you, that Ryan and I are getting married next month! And that its gonna be at his place in Florida, and if you wanted to, you and Harri are invited…”
Wow.
“You are? But isn’t that a little soon? I mean you hardly know the guy?!”
she looked at me, like I was an over protective father telling her off, “dude, we’ve been together a month from when we broke up, he really helped me get over you, that was almost a year ago now…I know him plenty, he's really open and honest with me, and he has his own money so I know its not about that….he loves me Justin, and I cant ask for more than that….”
“I guess your right…” id lost my appetite “well, im really pleased that you’re happy, you really deserve it…” I moved in to hug her “Congratulations.”
“Thanks baby. So…when is your big day? Ive been amazed I haven’t heard something about you and Har by now…I was sure that's what you wanted more than anything…”
“It is, and we are! We’re engaged, but we just haven’t set a date.”
She rolled her eyes “Harri is being picky again huh?” she laughed. As though she was her friend all this time and not my ex.
“Yeah something like that….Look girl I gotta be going…so…”
She walked me to the door, and she stood there looking at me as if I was to say something.
“Well girl, it was really nice seeing you again, and I really mean that!” I laughed
“Yeah it was…don’t be such a stranger okay? Ive missed seeing you, as a friend…”
She hugged me again outside her door “we were never friends’ carm.”
“I know.” She laughed “but there is a first time for everything baby…”
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