Having considered everything that we’d been through, from the very, very beginning to now, it had been one hell of a ride so far hadn’t it? If you take into consideration – as I did – all of it.
All the pain both caused and inflicted, the love – requited and unrequited….all the lies, especially the lies and all the people they’d hurt in the process….and then there was the truth.
The truth that in essence sets you free? Remember that corny line…well whoever said it, they were right.
The truth, it does it things and let’s face it – without it we’d all be miserable.
Enough of my self involved ramblings, I had to get married.
As I stood in the bridal room of the Bel air hotel, a room that had been especially decked out just for me, with mirrors in every space to allow me a 360 degree look at me, myself and I. to see and admire just how I looked in the amazing one off, Vera Wang dress that was made for this day alone. Id taken all the dyes from my hair and replaced them with a few carefully selected blonde stokes here and there in order to lighten up my otherwise natural chestnut hair.
Id had it straightened and swept up into the most amazing creation, with two tiny white rose buds in the very back holding in all my hair with diamonds.
On top of that, for when I walked to the alter id be covered in a light lace veil that ran down the back of my dress and further on down, it ran for metres.
“Baby are you ready?” my mom peeked her head in the door, with her baby pink hat that matched her dress and wrap in hand.
“I am, come in mom.” I checked my hair one more time before reaching for my lengthy veil.
“God, you look so beautiful, like something from a fairy tale…”
“I know, that's what it feels like right now” I laughed, id been doing a lot of that, that morning. Then I saw the tears in my mothers eyes, “Mom, don’t! Because if you start, then I will…and ill ruin my make up!”
She shook her head, “im sorry, I just never thought id see this day”
“Thanks a lot mom!” I grimaced.
“No, no I mean you, my baby girl all grown and woman like…it’s wonderful.”
Oh, that's okay then, as long as she didn’t think id end up an old spinster!
“Speaking of baby girls, where's mine?”
“She’s with Lynn; she's fussing because she doesn’t want us to do her hair! And it was a fight to get her into her little dress too!”
“Well, she's a fighter” I smiled
“Harri, she's you”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, she's so like you at that age…so stubborn and self aware, the girl knows what she likes…”
“I know, you can bring her in if you want…I want to see her before we leave.”
My mom went next door to where she and Lynn where getting dressed too, they had the baby.
“Mom” came the little voice to match the little princess that's head popped through the door.
“Baby come in!” in she marched with her tiny baby pink dress and her hair all fro-ed out and wrapped in two pink bows.
“Mommy you look real pretty” she looked up at me and touched my dress. I picked her up “well so do you sweetie, did gran ma do your hair? Its beautiful!” I sweetened her up, if I didn’t she may just wreck the whole do, and set us all back!
“Thanks…are we gonna see daddy now?”
She may only have been three but my baby didn’t take after her daddy – she was sharp.
“Yup, remember what we talked about? We’re gonna go in front of all those people that we met at the dinner last night, and the minister, and mommy’s gonna change her name.”
“To daddy and mines last name right?” her little blue eyes questioned
“That’s right, and then daddy and I will be married…”
“Like gran ma and grand dad Paul?”
“Yup!”
“And we’ll live in daddy’s house here?”
“That’s right, you’d like that right? To stay here all the time….instead of going back and forth to New York all the time like we’ve been doing.”
“Ye-ah, I don’t like planes mom” she stated like they were evil.
“I know baby…” I saw my mom in the doorway again, “okay you go with gran and ill see you in a little bit okay?”
“Okay….” She smiled and kissed me on the cheek “cya”
She had quite the personality didn’t she?
Lynn then arrived into the room, followed my Kali and leesa.
“Shaharra you look….” She was already sobbing “so…”
“Thanks Lynn…have you seen Justin?”
“I have!” she smiled “he's a bag of nerves, and trace is just taunting him, he keeps saying you’ll come to your senses and not show up!”
“Well that's Trace for ya, but otherwise, he's good?”
“He’s wonderful…nervous but excited, he told me noon can’t come fast enough.” She smiled.
“Good, im glad, because…I feel the same!” again ill admit, I couldn’t stop smiling.
It was eleven thirty, and we had the beach awaiting.
We’d cordoned off a large section of a certain Malibu beach. Right off the beach house we’d purchased just weeks before.
That's where the wedding would be, and the reception would be at the house at various marquees that we’d have set up.
We agreed that after everything we’d been through that the stress of a huge media aware wedding would just either kill us or…well kill us.
So it was planned that we’d have family friends and a few others that we loved on the beach with us as we exchanged our vows.
Then? It was a free for all so to speak. The party was huge, and Justin had planned on inviting just about everyone he’d ever met, to as he put it, “show me off.”
I was so happy that we’d finally seemed to have settled into each other that I didn’t care if he invited US weekly.
I was getting married!!!!!
****
“Did you see my tie?” I asked Trace as he handed me my jack and coke.
“Nope….wait…” he shifted in his seat “this it?” held up my silk gentleman’s tie.
"Dude you realise its pink? That’s kinda queer isn’t it?"
"No...It’s the colour of the bridesmaids and Libby’s dresses so I have to match"
"Yeah, but pink?"
It wasn’t PINK, pink. It was light very light – almost white really so I don’t know what all the fuss was about. I was man enough to pull it off…No really I was.
"Just shut up, I like it...and besides im not as pale as I was, me and my new tan can pull this off..." I scoffed. Since Harri and I had just gotten back from an impromptu trip to Mexico - I was positively crispy.
"Are you ready, they'll be here in a little while" I looked around the new beach house, I loved it.
It was right on the water and it wasn’t just a "house" no, it was huge.
Not as huge as the one in the hills, but it was very nice. It boasted five bedrooms and two pools, as well as an impressive deck and balcony that circled the house itself.
It also had for its impression a private section of the beach, which caught the sun rise perfectly.
“I don’t really need this you know…” I held up my glass.
“Um, yeah you do…im telling you, ive been to dozens of weddings man, and your nerves will start soon, that” he pointed to my glass “will calm them down.”
“Trace I don’t want to be up there with the smell of whisky on my breath.”
“Take a tic TAC?” he said casually as my cousin the clown, Nick made his entrance.
“Dude the car just pulled up!”
I shot upright, “she's here? Lemme see!”
“NO!!” he pushed me back. “i’ve been given my orders not to let you out of here, this bedroom is where you have to stay till Har and the girls get into the living room, then im meant to take you down to the beach – where we wait I guess!!” he smiled “So sit the hell down.”
I sat back down again, knowing full well that I wasn’t aloud to see her, some shit about it being bad luck? That's shit, it was us, and I think we’d had all the bad luck there was to have for a couple.
I thought that, I didn’t say it; therefore I haven’t officially jinxed us.
Yet!
“Nick?”
“Yeah?”
“Go see her, tell me if she's okay?” I pleaded and he just rolled his eyes at me.
“Fine…you want anything from down stairs?”
I looked around again, “No I think I got everything.”
“Your nerves shaking you up yet?” Trace asked me from his sitting position on the balcony with a sneaky smile.
“Im not nervous, im just excited that's all…I mean im gettin’ married man, that a big step.”
“It’s meant to be the easiest one you ever take….isn’t it?”
“With my Harri? Of course! It’s just…I don’t want to fuck it up you know?”
“I hear ya.”
With that the bedroom door opened, but it wasn’t Nick or my mom, or my dads. It was Libby.
“Daddy, mommy said check on you.”
I smiled, as she looked up at me with curious eyes. “Im fine baby, how are you doin?” I picked her up.
“Okay, but gran-ma Lynn won’t let me have juice…”
Because she’d spill, she always spills.
“Ill tell you want, after we go down to the beach, Ill make sure you get juice…or better yet…a chocolate shake!!” I whispered and she smiled wider, bearing her two new teeth. “Cool im a tell mom okay?” she wriggled out of my arms.
“Lib” she looked at me again “what’s your mom look like?”
She laughed “she's pretty daddy.”
“Okay…go on!”
“He's okay right nick?”
His cousin chuckled “he sent me here to check that YOU were okay…what is it with you two, each one of y’all thinks the others gonna run away or something!!”
“Im not…”I glanced at everyone as they looked at me “I just wanted to know that's all, since this lot” I motioned “wont let me see him!”
“Girl, don’t play the blonde you aint, you know its bad luck…”
I groaned “see?”
He laughed again “ill go tell him and ill also get him down to the beach. It’s almost time”
I noted the time, and it was ten to 12. He was right. It was SO almost time.
“Okay…”
I huffed for breath again; my nerves were getting to me. Mainly because I knew that all our families and close friends were waiting on that beach for us to arrive.
I was nervous, but I was also really excited. I was going to be MRS, Mrs Justin Timberlake.
Now that could hardly be classified as a bad thing now could it?
I heard shuffling around the side of the house, but the doors were closed so I couldn’t see shit. But I knew it was him, mainly because of the walk…yes I even recognised his walk.
He was heading down to the beach, where everyone else but me and my mom would soon be following him.
As everyone kissed and wished me luck my ‘maids primped me one last time and told me they’d meet me there.
That left me and my mom. “You ready baby?”
“I sure am…bout time too don’t ya think mom?”
“Well…” she smiled “it’s only taken y’all six years in total…so yeah I guess it is about time.” We walked out of the double doors onto the sand “you know Shaharra, I know I gave him a lot of slack in the beginning, but now? Well I do love him you know….” She winked
“I knew his charm would wear on you eventually momma….he’s like that, he grows on you till you just can’t shake him off!” I laughed recalling how we first met “he just sticks like glue.”
“Handsome glue” she giggled.
We stopped at the end of the made up alter, that was build just for us. I heard music playing, a soft tinkling of a piano and violin that came from the 20 piece band. That mixed with the smell of the sea air, the roses and the light heat that beginning to rise made it breathtaking.
No one knew what we were doing that day, thank god. It was the middle of June and no one thought a thing of a “party” on the beach. And since we’d tipped the press to a different location, we were in peace. Thankfully for once.
As I approached my girls, they smiled and fixed my baby up and gave her the tiny silk pillow which held the rings.
“Now baby don’t rush, so you’ll not spill them ok” I cautioned
“Okay mom.”
“Okay….” I breathed in and out deeply again. “Y’all ready?”
Leesa and Kali smiled, as did my mom.
Then the music started playing, soft strumming guitar
And I knew it was time…at last.
My stomach wasn’t just doing flips, it was doing a whole circus worth of tricks. I was so nervous. I saw everyone, my friends, my parents, my step parents, Harri's family...Just looking at me.
I was starting to sweat.
"Dude she’s coming..."Nick pointed out as the music changed, I hadn’t even noticed.
I saw her finally, standing next to her mother and behind Leesa, Libby and Kali.
Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
She looked...Amazing, breathtaking, incredible. Whatever the word was for it, it just didn’t seem enough.
That was my Harri.
She smiled and I saw her laugh nervously, well, I wasn’t the only one then!
Everyone "awed" as they saw her pass by, her mom approached and placed her hand in mine, just as the preacher asked "Who gives this woman" her mom nodded and said "I do...Finally." And everyone laughed including us both.
She walked up to me, and the smell, her smell wafted over me. It was always something like strawberry or jasmines I could never tell what exactly. But I knew I loved it!
She mouthed a small “hi” to me, as I did the same to her.
This was it, we were getting married.
As the preacher began his ceremony, I could do nothing else but look at her. It all seemed to haze by. Kinda dream like and confusing at times, but I held her hand in mine and I knew it would be okay as long as she was by my side.
The preacher blessed us as a union, as a family, and as partners.
And she began talking, quieter than usual I almost heard her voice crack a few times as I saw familiar tears form in her eyes.
“Justin, when im with you…It makes everything else that’s not a part of us seems so unimportant. So trivial. Because I know that when im with you, I have the power to become the person i’ve always wanted to be, and that person doesn’t work with out you, I don’t work without you by my side baby…” she smiled “So today as we stand here in front of god, and all of the people that we both love and treasure, im vowing to love and cherish you, because you are the love of my lifetime - and not just this one, every one that might come after, and I know no one could ever give me what you give me, every day.
Your love lifts me up, no matter what…. I take this vow to become your wife, your partner and your friend – till death parts us both.”
By the end of her vows, I had to admit I was a little bubbly myself as I watched her try and stop her tears.
I coughed slightly, how did I follow something like that?
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday
“Shaharra, when I met you I was at a crossroads in my life…I wasn’t sure where to go or who to trust with my heart and with my love.
Meeting you made my life seem worthwhile, you were the light that shone on me when I was at my darkest and you became my compass when I was lost.
Because I knew no matter what, with you at my side id be headed in the right direction…So today I stand in front of god and I vow to love you, cherish and respect you and I can only hope Ill become your compass so I can lead us both in the right direction – till death parts us.
“How are you feeling right now?” I asked her as we "jumped the broom" at her request and slowly reached the end of the aisle that led us both onto the beach; she smiled at me, that thousand watt smile I knew id never tire of seeing from her.
“Im feeling….excited? I guess that's the only way I can explain everything that's happening to me right now, it’s hard to explain!”
“I know what you mean, it’s like every inch of me is suddenly aware that its there you know? Its like I feel fully alive for the first time, and my body knows it….”
“I know what you mean, it’s like im tingling from head to toe…I think this is happiness j?” we stopped right in from of the first marquee.
“You ready for this?” she asked me nudging me slightly.
“After you Mrs Timberlake…” now it was turn to smile like the idiot I was, and you know what? I just couldn’t help it!
The entrance to the marquee opened and we heard the applause as soon as the drapes widened, I also heard Trace’s voice coming from inside via a mike. He introduced us for the first time as Mr and Mrs Timberlake, and I had to admit that fact made me pretty damn happy.
The large tent was decked out to perfection, a creation of my wife’s imagination, and it was truly amazing.
I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
The lighting was key she said, and it seemed she was, as always, right. There were deep set lights in every corner that let a soft haze drift through the crowds, the band were set up on the opening to the beach so they could be heard throughout the entire place no matter where you were. They played soft Jazz and strings to entertain as we spoke to all our guests who all wished us well and congratulated us both, the colour scheme was amazing it was pink – of course, it was after all harri’s signature colour, it was the back drop and material of that baby pink covered all the tables, and on top were these amazing centre pieces of overly huge pink roses wrapped in silk with tiny white light bulbs inside to illumine the tables themselves.
It was like her, breathtaking.
“Well, y’all finally made it baby.” I heard my mother’s familiar drawl approach me as I talked with JC and Joey.
“I know right? Took us long enough” I kissed her on the cheek as she embraced me. “Where’s Paul?”
She rolled her eyes, “he's having a deep conversation with Hill, something about her retirement fund options? I dunno? He's always working I guess…but enough ‘bout him, where's my new daughter in law?”
I heard her laughter even before I saw her; she was standing with Kali champagne in hand her laugh just seemed to travel through the entire marquee, “excuse me…” my mom made a b-line for her as she talked, and she immediately went into a cuddle, the jolly kind that meant she was seconds away from jumping up and down.
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
Well that was my mom, she was crazy. As I saw Leesa approach me, I tensed up. I was sure she was just gonna get on my case again about how I should and should not treat her friend, which I know is meant to be her “job” or whatever, but I was her husband now – she didn’t have to meddle.
“hey leesa, havin’ fun?” I managed a smile.
“Im having a great time, you sure know how to throw a party, I just ran into Mariah Carey in the bathroom dude!” she laughed, and im not kidding I always thought witches couldn’t do?
“Um, well that's cool I guess?” I handed her a glass of what ever it was the waitress offered me.
“So I see harri’s having a ball…she needed this you know.”
“This?”
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow
“a fun day, with the people she loves” she looked around the room “and im glad you could do that for her man.”
“I can do a lot more for her you know, not just nice parties or pretty things Leesa, and I know that's what you’ve always thought of me…”
“What’s that?”
“That I was just some dude, who’d buy my way into her heart….Ive always known that.” I sipped my drink as we both observed the going’s on, on the dance floor.
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
“That’s not….” She looked me square in the eye “okay so yeah maybe I did think that, and yeah maybe I thought you were just some asshole who was just fucking with her….”
“Thought?” I grinned in surprise “don’t tell me you’ve actually stopped hating me enough to see the real me now?”
This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
“Me?” she laughed “never…hating you is my all time favourite hobby.” She jammed me in the shoulder “but seriously, I see now that its you…LORD only knows why, but its you that makes my girl happy….So….I guess im okay with that.”
“Ghee, thanks…”
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way
she rolled her eyes and walked away smiling, just as my new and ever beauteous wife came into view.
“Hey…what’s going on?” she embraced me again
“Nothin’ we were just talking…”
“Talking? You two? Never….” She looked around dramatically “But there were no chairs smashed, no yelling, HOW can this be!” she giggled. I loved her giggle.
I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
“Mrs Timberlake?”
“Mmmm?”
“Dance with me….” I took her hand and led her again out into the crowded dance floor. I don’t think id ever get tired of dancing with her.
I was a married woman? Something I was sure would never happen in reality. Not just with Justin and the merry go round we rode but in general, I just wasn’t one of those little girls that planned her wedding from the age of 5. I think it was due to the lack of a male role model, I was raised by a woman, alone. I didn’t need a man in my life to make it complete, to make me complete or to even make me happy? Or at least that's what I always thought, then I met his ass and my whole opinion changed I guess, and I realised no matter how silly or immature he was ( or is) that I needed a little of his silliness to off set my serious side. It was an even trade you could say.
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay
“Baby…” I asked as we swayed to the soft music that helped fill up the glass dance floor filled with lights.
Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
“Humm?” he lowered his head to my mouth so that he could hear me properly, he always did that, since I was a midget practically.
“I have something to tell you.” I grinned again, I knew I had something to tell him but id been keeping it to myself for weeks, mostly it was because I wanted it to be the right time, and with the wedding and his schedule being what it was with the tour at that time, the right time, just never seemed to arrive.
“What’s that sweetheart?”
“Well first off I want you to know that today has been the happiest day of my life…” I kissed him once “and that I don’t think I could ever ask for anything more in a man that I have in you…”
“Aww I think the champagne has gone to your head, you’re never usually this direct Har?” he scoffed.
“No…I only had one glass…”
“For real? Oh, here I was thinking Id get you sauced up for tonight” he winked playfully. “you should SEE what I have planned for our honeymoon….I know you’ll love it!”
“I know I will, ill be with you wont I?” I agreed with a nodded, and he knew then to listen up. “Baby….”
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
“Harri…I love you too” he interrupted “and this is it for me, you and Libby and us….” I think he was boarding on tipsy “and that as messed up as you and I have been, I promise I won’t spin any more shit, Im spun out baby….” He finished for me with a deep kiss. Deeper that I would have gone for in front of all our friends, but whatever right?
As we parted again the song changed.
“Baby, I love you, but that's not what I wanted to say.”
His eyebrows raised “ooh, im sorry darlin’ carry on…” he giggled warmly, he really was happy. And I just couldn’t wait to tell him, just how happy my news made me…
“Justin, im pregnant!”
He wasn’t the only one that had been spun, right round and back again now was he?
This time we'll take it slow
The end
Lyrics : JOHN LEGEND
Ordinary people!
