Who the hell are you?????

I hadn’t seen Harri in two months; it was so difficult being away from her like that now that I knew what was happening. But I was busy working and trying to build “something” with Carmen.

It wasn’t easy I tell you, when ever Harri would call Carmen would get all prissy at me and pout like a six year old. Id have to tell her again and again that I wasn’t in love with her, that I was just making sure she was okay – for the sake of the baby and nothing else.

I never spent so much time in Tiffany’s in all my days.

She was a hard woman to please but diamonds seemed to do the trick…Id hate to have see what im gonna be paying out once the baby gets here.

I decided to pay Shaharra a visit when I was on TRL. I made my way to her appartment, gifts in hand…she was less hard to please but she loved pink roses so I brought the nicest bunch in the store.

But when I knocked…it wasn’t her that answered the door. It was a 6’2’’ black man…with no shirt on. What the fuck was going on.

“Uhh…hi?”

“Justin right?” he said extending his hand.

“Yeah…um wheres…”

“Shaharra? She's in the back…come in.” I made my way into her large appartment that was now painted a nice deep ginger and smelled of fresh paint.

Ooh he was the painter…that made sense.

Then I saw her, sitting at the kitchen table writing her glasses on the tip of her nose.

“Hi…” I announced.

“Justin? What are you doin’ here…I thought you were working.”

“I was…am…I just thought id call in see how you doin’” I had to admit she was huge. In the best possible way of course.

“Oh well im fine she's fine we’re all getting bigger!” she smiled and then the painter dude came into the room again.

“Oh Justin…this is Adam…”

Wait who now?

“Yeah baby we’ve met who’d you think let him in?” he laughed as she stood next to him, and he KISSED HER!

“Duh me right?”

“Right…” he mocked her both smiling like idiots. I felt like a tool standing there.

“Well baby…Im gonna go now, ive to meet with my agent in a half hour. Ill see you for dinner right?”

“Of course, you’re cooking right?”

“Of course…” then the son of a bitch did it again he kissed her AGAIN.

He bid me goodbye and then he was gone, leaving me with a grinning Harri.

Jesus it was like id entered the twilight zone.

“So who is he?”

“He's Adam Anderson…”

“The dude…the LA dude THAT'S HIM????”

“Yes Justin” she dismissed sitting back town again “that's the dude, and we’re seeing each other…”

“Your 8 months pregnant…how are you “seeing” each other?” I knew at that point my voice had got so high pitched that only dogs in the street could here it.

“Ooh so just ‘cause im expecting that im not allowed a social life!!!” she yelled…oh id pissed her off.

“No im not sayin-“

“Yes you are, just because I have your baby inside me im not allowed a social life while you get off Scott free to shag whoever you want!!!!!”

Wow, hormonal much?

“that's not what I just said…I mean you didn’t even tell me you were seeing someone let alone him!!” why was I yelling , I knew yelling at her achieved fuck all.

“Why should I? Im under no compliment to you…I mean you’re too busy off shagging lil miss new boobs to even care what or who Im doing these days Justin…”

“Are you sleeping with him?”

“How is that your business?”

“You have my baby inside you, if he's up there too I think I need to know…god knows what he has…”

“Get out!”

“What?”

“you heard me…” she expressed shoving me to the kitchen door, “LEAVE, you have no right coming in to my home and insulting my friends like that Justin…so just get the fuck out will you!”

“Harri come on, I didn’t mean to insult him, it’s just that….Jesus, are you sleeping with him?” sure it was nosy considering, but damn it felt bad – the idea of her with anyone else let alone underwear 5000, “are you.”

“Again IT’S NONE OF YOUR….ouch…”

“What?”

“Ouch…” she bent over… Shit she was in pain.

****

“Are you okay?”

“No…does it fuckin look like im okay?” I panicked shit, well wouldn’t you?

“Well what is it…” I took her over to the couch.

“It’s…the baby, it felt like a kick but a real really big one this time.”

“Should I call-“

“No…here…” I took his hand and placed it over the area that was active. I was sure my face lit up, changed and I silenced all at once.

It was so cute. Id forgotten I never felt her kick before.

“Wow…Har, that's fuckin amazin’”

“I know…” she continued to guide my hand over the various bit when she moved. I was completely entranced. It was the most amazing thing id ever felt in my whole life.

“What does it feel like?” I asked her as she opened her eyes again.

“It feels…like im being tickled. But from inside…it feels nice…except for just now.”

“Yeah I think she wanted us to shut the fuck up…in her own little way huh?”

“Maybe it was her way of getting us to bond…we’re bonding now you know…”

“Really is that what the books say?” I laughed at the stack of books on her coffee table, one that mimicked my own in LA.

“I dunno…” she giggled. “But listen J…”

“Yeah…”

“I really like Adam, but we’re not sleeping together yet.”

God why did she have to say yet.

“I mean he respects…this…” she pointed to the bump again “And I can wait to move on…she's our priority at the minute.”

“So…” I tried to begin in the sweetest way; I didn’t want to piss her off again that's for sure “is he sticking around?”

“Yes…is Carmen sticking around?” she answered with her usual sass.

“She is…” I think.

“J are we cool now? I mean we’re both over us right? We’re friends now?”

“Of course…why?”

“Good, well then we’ll all just have to work this thing out because Justin…I think im falling in love with him.”

I swear I almost damn near passed out “Your….you are?”

“I think so…I mean its only been a couple of months but J what man do you know who would by pass sex to take care of a woman pregnant with another mans kid…its really rare…he's so sweet and nice.”

“The pope is sweet and nice but it don’t mean you’re in love with him…” I defended. Why I wasn’t really sure, I was over her…No I really was.

“Justin come on, you said we’re cool…whats with the tone”

“There is no “tone” okay…Im just looking out for you; I mean maybe he's some con artist that's just using you”

I sounded like a complete spaz I knew that, but I was scared…she wasn’t mine anymore I mean she REALLY wasn’t now.

“Justin…ugh im not even gonna argue with you about this…help me up” she nudged me.

“Why?”

“I gotta shower and get ready…but could you stick around I might need you in a little bit.”

She needed me; see that's more like it. “Of course.” I said as I sat back down after pulling her off the couch and watched her head to her bathroom.

I waited and I waited for her to reappear, and when she did I noticed she’d showered and changed, she was wearing a really sweet pink dress, with a wrap in hand…was she wanting to go out.

“Sorry, umm could you maybe zip me up?”

“What?” I snapped for my dazy state to look at her face that emerged into a laugh.

“You spacin’ out on my or what boy? My dress would you mind zipping me up.”

“Oh sure…” I added getting up to do the honours. As I did so I noticed her tattoo, on her shoulder. It was a tiny butterfly with pink and yellow wings. I remember the night she got it too, it was the same night I got my tat for my mom on my back – she got so bored with waiting on me she decided to get one done herself.

“There you go…”

“Thanks…Listen I don’t want to be rude but I said id meet some of my girls for coffee at 7 so…”

It was quarter too, she wanted me to leave.

“Ooh well then I should…” she interrupted me

“Its not that I want you too, it’s been a nice surprise seeing you again and all but I did say id meet them…I mean id like to stay and-“

“Then stay…call kali and cancel…im sure they won’t mind.” Yeah I reeeeally wanted her to stay.

She was hesitant but I need her with me, I just didn’t want to go back to that hotel room alone.

“I…maybe I could…I mean she’d get over it, I see her all the time.” She thought out loud I knew she was gonna stay. “Okay I will…” she reached for her cordless and made her way into her kitchen, giving me a minute to look around.

She’d used all the furniture I knew she had in storage – the reason I knew it was because I helped her pick it. The tables and lamps from Pottery Barn…mats, candles…All in her arrangement of perfectness that she was so adamant about.

When she came back from the call, she was smiling…wasn’t a bad thing I loved her smiled…it just made me realise how much id missed it over the last three months.

“I have some scan photos to show you…” she exclaimed heading into the kitchen again.

“Ok great Ive been dying to see them, can I use your bathroom first?” she ordered me to the room next to her bedroom and I went…on a detour into her room.

Call me crazy, and most people do….But I just needed to know if there were any signs of HIM in there.

And wouldn’t you know it there was, it made me sick…his shirts, cologne, stuff…and most of all photos of them in central park…I knew it shouldn’t have but it burned me, I was meant to be over this to be over her – romantically anyway.

But I wasn’t, it was clear to me then that I was no where near over her. So I left it and did my thing in the bathroom. Came back and looked at my ever expanding baby on the blurry pictures….she seemed so excited, but when she told me what colours “Adam was painting the nursery” I knew I had to get out…“Hey you know since your all dressed up and everything, hows about we go out…”

“Where?”

“I don’t know…there's this cute little movie place not far from here I spotted on my way. They’re showing a “Classic and modern” Rom com double bill with “Bridget Jones” and “Sleepless in Seattle” if your interested?”

“Justin you hated me making you watch those movies…why would you wanna watch them again?”

I didn’t know…Maybe I just didn’t want to leave her so soon.

“I’o’know…come on, Ill treat you…popcorn big ass bag of peanut butter cups…”

Her eyes lit up, that was her tick…She lived for Reese’s buttercups. Can’t say I blamed her.

“Ok fine ill go but you can’t complain if I swoon once Colin firth comes on screen”

I rolled my eyes, I don’t honestly know what she saw, and all I saw was some pasty ass English toff, she saw a god apparently. I swear it’s the accent, women are hypnotised by it.

Some say the same about my accent from time to time…now wasn’t one of those times apparently.

I led her out, always watching our backs….we laughed and joked, teased and argued our way in and out of the two films…

“Aw, I still never tire of those films…”

“I know…” I grumbled, a little two much feminine time, I needed to do something manly.

“Hey remember you offered white boy…”

I smiled at her then, we had dumbass nick names…we hadn’t used them in a while. She was cute like that, she was silly and spontaneous…she was fun. Carmen wasn’t, she was all career, career…photo op, tabloid…that's her agenda…Harri wasn’t like that she was happy to just make people smile.

I missed that.

“Look man its late I should be getting back, Adam is gonna be pissed that I missed dinner.”

Ugh him again.

“Yeah underwear man might get his panties in a bunch.” I scoffed.

“J don’t be an ass…”

“I am not!”

“Yeah ya are, and stop it doesn’t suit you baby….” She linked arms with me and it felt nice, of course what I didn’t know at the time was…we weren’t alone. Of course there were paps in the damn bushes just snapping away. Yeah id later find that out the next day when Carmen would be screaming at my half awake ass as to why I was on a “date” with my knocked up ex…

Damn media.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

When he left that night I knew it was because he was freaked out, and I can’t say I really blame him. I mean I did tend to go on and on a bit didn’t I? Well I was happy and at that point I hadn’t been in so long that I was just unwilling to keep quiet about it.

He was the one that visited me on several occasions with his new girl…shoved in my face under the pretence of “getting to know each other” I didn’t want to get to know her, she was a skank and her movies where just as skanky as she was….

I was happy and blooming, with less than four weeks to go I settled down and got ready for my first Christmas with Adam…I wanted it to be perfect.

Christmas in New York was always special for me, I loved everything about it. From the hustle on the streets, the cold, the snow the ice skating, Rockefeller centre, central park covered in ice…All of it I loved. And more than that I loved Christmas shopping. I was never very practical when it came time to buying for myself but I could buy for others all the day long and love it.

Adam and I were going from strength to strength…and when I said no sex, I didn’t necessarily Vito on all “forms” of contact shall we say :@) but I was ready to have this baby, she was huge therefore I was huge and just wanting my figure back again….was that so wrong.

When Christmas came I received several packages in the mail, all while Adam was out.

One was a given – it took me by surprise but it had been a tradition every year among Justin and I.

We’d exchange our favourite song from that year on a sheet with written music for the piano, an instrument we both loved…and this time his to me was framed it was the lyrics to the classic re-released Beautiful from Mrs Christina Bratman herself… with a note attached with simply “you are you know, even this huge. Merry Christmas beautiful, J xxx”

“Ass…” was all I could think…as I looked for somewhere to hang it.

“I am not that huge…”

“I bet you are now though girl, it was a guess but this is our kid – she's gonna like her food”

“Okay you need to shut the fuck up, you’re not supposed to imply to a heavily knocked

Up woman that's she's fat….”

“I said you were beautiful too now come on…”

“Yeah, yeah whatever…so you heading to Memphis for the holidays?”

“You know it…”

“And Carla?

“Carmen and you know it…she's staying in LA, she has some video thing to do.”

Wow…

“So you’re going it alone? That's new…its like the first time you haven’t had a woman to save you from your grandmas match making since you were what? 11?” I laughed knowing the family ALL two well.

“don’t even joke about that…Man its gonna be rough, but after that im all yours up until Lady baby decides to come and say hi…that's if you want me?”

“I want you….to be here.” wow Freudian slip if ever I heard one. “We need to be thinking on what we’re gonna call this little one…have you thought of any names?”

“Umm…my moms pushing for Lynn in there somewhere but I told her if we name her Lynn we gotta include your mom and that's too much pressure for one kid to live up too!





“Was she telling you she and Paul came up to visit me last month? It was so cute J all she could do was shop for pink things…she said with you she never got to buy any of the really cute stuff…pink I think was mentioned a few hundred times…it was adorable I think at one stage she cried when she saw these lil booties…”

“that's my mom, and hey don’t let her fool you once when I was 7 she tried to convince me this pink sweater was just “light red” na-ah…be thankful it is a girl…it’s a wonder im not more screwed up you know…”

“More? Is that even possible?”

“Ha bloody ha…listen I gotta jet my planes leaving in a hour and-“

“You still haven’t packed?”

“Ah you know me too well…”

Yeah I really did…didn’t I.

“Well go, tell everyone I said hi and merry Christmas Justin.”

“Yeah merry Christmas baby girl.”

Dinner went off without a hitch, my grandma came from her “retirement community” yes I really had to call it that since if I didn’t I got hit over the head with a small dishcloth apparently she wasn’t “Old” just…getting there… well anyway she came over, my uncle James…aunt rita…all crammed into my moms house, it was perfect. Until the subject of you know who came up.

“I can not believe he just knocked you up and DUMPED you like that…” my geriatric aunt Ritawho was deaf in one ear began shouting as we all sat down to watch the TV after dinner.

“Rita he didn’t dump me, we’re friends…and Im with Adam Now and you remember Adam right?” I winked to said boy on my left who was at that point trying real hard NOT to laugh

“So wait he aint the boy who knocked you up….I thought white boy…Jack…was it him.” She yelled again.

“No auntie it’s Justin and yes it was him…” LORD SAVE ME PLEASE.

“Ooh I liked him…he had nice hair…good manners…nice tight ass.”

“Rita!!” My mom corrected as the rest of us just held ourselves trying not to laugh at her and make her mad.

“What? I did…is he coming today then?”

“No auntie he aint….hes in Memphis.”

“Aw…Memphis did I tell you that I was once propositioned in Memphis by none other than Elvis himself…Now there was another boy with a nice ass…”

Sweet Jesus…

“Okay then who wants desert…” everyone who wanted (which you know was mostly everyone agreed and I made my way to the kitchen.)
”You okay baby?” I heard Adam creep in beside me.
“Am good, you okay? I know they can be a lot to take sometimes…” I handed him the peaces and the strawberries and the chocolate chips to mix into the ice cream sundaes I was making. It was my speciality.

“They are real funny, so it’s not bad at all….how’s baby 2” he pointed to my belly.

“she's good, she has the hiccups…its funny but damn will I be looking forward to next month…I need to be able to sleep again on my stomach…hate sleep-in’ any other way.

“I need to tell you something…Im going on a modelling tour next month.”

“Oh…ok where too LA again?”

He took a stance beside me, he didn’t look so good.

“Umm no, not LA…Thailand…”

“WHAT?”

“I know im sorry baby, I tried to get out of it but its part of the terms of my contract, look I leave New years day and if it goes well I should be back before the 30…so its not like im not gonna be there for you when you go into labour…its…”

“that's not what am worried about Adam…I cant believe you wait till NOW to tell my your leaving me for three week or a month or two months…I know how these things good…”

“Look I promise you, you won’t have to go in and deliver her alone…”

“I Know that, Justin’s gonna be there…he's coming in two weeks to-“

“What?”

“He’s coming to be in New York…for when the-“

“So he was…Is gonna be there for you, were YOU gonna TELL me that?” ok now he was mad.

“WHAT? Jesus you knew he’d want to be there, for me…to see his daughter be born…” I just didn’t understand his madness, I mean why was he?

“His daughter…” he mumbled.

“Yes Adam his daughter…Look, I know you don’t like him and to be honest he isn’t too keen on you but she will be his daughter if you have a problem with that then I think I need to know now.”

He just shook his head in frustration “All I ever here is him…its always gotta be about him his feeling what he thinks…what about me?”

“What about you…” yes ill admit the most selfish answer to that question…my bad.

“Do I not deserve to be apart of her life too?”

“Of course you do baby, I love you and I love that you love the idea of this baby together…we’ll be together if you want it that way, but baby Justin will be her daddy there is no changing that…”

He seemed to think it over for a second.

“You know I don’t like him…I don’t trust him…”

He feels exactly the same way about you….
“But give me time and I think ill be able to live with the idea of him around…time…”

“In Thailand?” I finished for him.

“Yes….”



Most of New Year went over relatively peacefully, minus the three pretty serious rows I had with Carmen when I suggested that I pack for New York. She was livid at the fact that I was going to the city to be near Shaharra. Livid…

“Baby we never get any time alone these days…its insane! I miss you”

“we had Christmas but you chose to work when you didn’t have too, we’ve had two weeks into the new year…alone, what else do you what from me? Carm…seriously I have a lot on my plate at the moment, I need your support here…Im so scared.”

She stood dumbfounded almost, hands on hips…chewing her staple meal of cherry gum.

“Well, im sorry but I don’t know if can put up with much more of this Justin…you’re always on the phone to her, she’s all you talk about…”

“Because of the baby…I thought you understood.”

“I don’t think that's the reason, I think your still in love with her-“

“CARMEN it’s been months of this, me trying to convince you that I don’t LOVE HER, I LOVE YOU….”

“If you do then stay with me…”

“What?”

“Stay here with me…wait until she calls you when she's in labour…”

“I cant do that and you know it…look maybe id you could come with me, to NYC stay with me at the hotel…see that there is nothing between us but…the baby.”

“I have to work until the 25th you know that, I have that movie with Lucy lui…I can’t drop it.”

See she wanted me to surrender the biggest event in my life – the birth of my child but she wouldn’t give up some shit B-type movie that I knew would flop.

“Im sorry carm but this is important to me, and if you loved me like you say you do then…come with me, help with this okay? I am so scared about this…I don’t think I can do it alone…”

She just shrugged and grabbed her ever present nail file, “what do you need me for you’ve got your little family in Shaharra let her take of you…” with that she marched herself upstairs.

God I swear it was like she was two different people, she just was one minute loving and funny, happy…then BAM one mention of the baby, or Harri or anything NOT to do with her and she just freaks, it was really starting to get very, very old.

*****

With Adam gone, it was just me and my mom, she had moved in with me temporarily she was worried in case I went into labour alone….well that's mothers for ya. I liked the fact that she was enjoying the pregnancy with me and strangely enough she wasn’t so annoyed any more with Justin.

I knew she had her issues with him, her first one was – he was white.

Yeah I know stupid right? He wouldn’t be any different had he been black white Chinese or purple…well maybe purple, but you know what im sayin’ she was wary…she didn’t like his reputation.

And when we first got together she was cruel to him on a regular basis…it was safe to say she hated him no matter what he did to try and get her to warm to him, she was still adamant that he wasn’t good enough for me.

Now though that we aren’t together, she's thrilled….

She loves Adam, he's ‘perfect’ she says, and hey who was I to know…

So there we were putting the last touches to the baby’s room when I felt something, a twitch, it wasn’t a kick and it wasn’t a cramp…it was just something else.

I ignored it of course then it seemed to get worse.

“Mom, I think I need the doctor…”

“WHAT what, what is it?” she came around the corner to witness me doubled over in pain.

“Well I think I maybe in labour….”

“Oh sweet Jesus….” She exclaimed before reaching for the phone, cab then doctor, then me and her – out the door in a panic.