false alarm....for now.



When I reached her appartment that evening just as it was getting dark I noticed there was no one in, I got in with the 911 key she gave me. it was strange the TV was still on, there was food still on the stove and plates not used ready on the table…this was bad Harri never missed a meal and even more so now that she was pregnant.

This had to be bad, so I did what had to I tried her cell phone (switched off!) Her moms (switched off), her friends….well they were just as clueless as I was.

So I paced and I paced around her appartment…waiting and waiting but there was still no sign of her

The suddenly just as I was about to call the cops for fear of a kidnapping they came hussling through the door.

“Justin, Ohh I totally forgot you were coming today…Hi” she said Hi? What the fuck woman I was going out of my mind with worry…

“Where were you?”

“Ooh long story” her mom began “but basically we thought harri was in labour.” I looked to her as she sat down.

“What???”

“No don’t worry, hello I wasn’t she's still in here…The doctor said it was a false alarm. Everything’s okay but it took em six hours to tell me that! How was your flight?”

Okay I did not wanna talk about flying when there were much more important things to talk about.

“Woman why didn’t you call me! I was so worried…”

“Im sorry, like I said I forgot….sue me…” man she was so relaxed about this, I felt like my blood pressure was through the roof. So I just did as she did I sat my ass on the couch beside her as she flipped through the channels.

“Ooh the OC; cool…you ever watch this?”

“No…”

“It’s so good…I think Marissa may actually eat something this week.” She cackled... “Speaking of crazy ass anorexic blondes where is Carmen?” She smiled sweetly over at me.

“Funny…” I added sarcastically “she's in LA she's working.” I think she knew by my tone that my mood wasn’t exactly in the best of moods that's when she smacked me in the arm.

“Look im sorry okay I forgot you were coming I thought it was tomorrow, I am sorry…but look I am glad you’re here…and what is that on your face?” she grabbed my chin

“Jesus woman skin, attached helloooo!!!”

“Eww no Justin tell me it’s not the beard it’s the snow beast hobo look again, oh this is bad…”

Yeah my ego reeeeally needed that.

“I like it…” I defended myself, I did like it I thought it made look manly.

“your about the only one then, god…its so…Icky lookin’ dude you need to shave before the baby arrives I don’t want my baby scared for life with that thing staring at her…”

Oh she was just a barrel of laughs wasn’t she?

“okay you two Ive gotta go, your in good hands now Harri…Justin keep her out of trouble for me will ya?”

Wait did she just compliment me? Jesus did hell freeze over or what???

“Um sure…will do Mrs Green. Cya…” she kissed harri and was on her way, leaving us both alone. I didn’t know if that was a bad thing or a good thing, but I had to ask.

“So is Andrew here?”

“Who?”

“You’re…boyfriend or whatever.” I shrugged.

“ADAM boy are you slow…and no he aint he's on a job…In Thailand” she mumbled the last bit but I was sure I heard her.

“Wow…” I laughed “for how long.”

“A month…” she shrugged again still not looking at me.

“So he just left you…when your about to-“

“Stop gloating Justin It doesn’t suit you okay? Now, you’re here so make your self useful…help me up” she was getting big I was surprised she could walk holding all that baby up.

“Sit there…” I said switching hands with her. She was right I needed to be useful for her. “Ill run you a bath…so sit and enjoy your show okay?”

She just smiled at me, like she was surprised id offered….

“Don’t look at me like you know im awesome…be just a sec.”



**********

I had to admit having him there with me was a blessing, he was a total sweetheart. He treated me like a princess, waited on me hand and foot. It made me almost want the pregnancy to last a little longer, just so he could stay and be my butler.

But then there was this other side to it, you know those hormones I was talking about? Yeah well they were back and worse that ever, for example. Day two of his stay, I woke up to find him topless and doing sit-ups on my living room floor.

I remember those sights and I had to say, I missed em’. He caught me looking too. It didn’t bother me, id seen him fully naked plenty of times, we had nothing to hide from each other, so I just told him to keep doing what he was doin’ and he did…and I loved every second of it.

Now I know I keep blaming my hormones on this attraction and hotness for him, and I know that that's not just all it is. There was always a connection with him that I couldn’t explain. Our sex life was more than healthy; even when our relationship was sinking we some how always managed to want each other. I was still extremely attracted to him; it was safe to say I was in trouble.

“Have you given any more thought as to what we’re gonna call her?” he asked me setting down my scrambled eggs.

“Um yeah I really like this name…it came to me when I was in one of the offices that are connected to our network I looked out the window and saw it.”

“Well what is it already???” he laughed sipping his coffee, still very much topless. It was distracting.

“I saw her…the Statue of Liberty…”

“You wanna call the baby statue???”

God help us if she takes after him.

“Justin…Liberty, I like that…What do you think?”

He seemed to think it over for a few seconds, then he grinned and then he grinned ever wider. “Liberty…yeah I think I could see myself yelling that…Yeah I like it”

“You do?”

“Yes I think its sweet, and hey it means freedom right? I like that even better.”

“Wow that was easy…”

“Well you have good taste…just look at Me.” he primped. Ass…

“Yeah, yeah white boy…enough.” I got up and before I caught on to what id done, I kissed him once quickly on the lips…big giant OOPS.

“Harri, why did you just do that?” he blushed.

“Um…I don’t know really…” I walked with my mug and plate to the sink.

“You don’t know?”

“Nope…Look I have to go pick a few things up from Marie…um ill be back in a while…” I was mortified, id kissed him? What the hell possessed me? I knew we’d slipped into the comfort zone, but damn….

****



It wasn’t weird that she kissed me; it was weird that I didn’t mind…I was in love with someone else now wasn’t I? It wasn’t normal to expect and welcome kisses of ANY kind from your ex right? I mean that was not NORMAL?

I didn’t have feeling for her, I didn’t it was all for the baby. We’d be friends again for the sake of our child, but I had to admit if only to myself I still wanted her more than ever I wanted to be with her. But she was happy with underwear man and I think I was happy with Carmen, why disrupt that? So id always wonder what if…so what? Our baby was what we should have been thinking about. I saw what happened in my family when my dad decided to “admit” his feelings…he left me, and mom…and it was so hard on her…I didn’t want that for either of them, and least of all myself.

For the next week she and existed in relative harmony, as we waited for her to pop…it was like watching a ticking bomb, every twinge and id freak out. The nights were the worst though when she’d be there, and Id be on her huge and comfortable couch…just thinking.

The one night, it was the 28th a couple of days before she was due, the baby started kicking uncontrollably.

She couldn’t sleep so she came up to and order me to talk to her.

I obliged since I wasn’t having much luck in the sleep department either.

“I miss my skinny jeans…” she said glancing to the late night shopping commercials and then back at me.

“Yeah I miss em two; your ass looked great in those dark ones…”

“Perve…”

“No not perve, like you don’t love people noticing your ass-ets…” I joked. “Beside, you’ll get it back soon enough…”

“What if I don’t, what if I stay fat FOR-EVER….ill end up an old spinster!”

I had to laugh, “No you wont, how could no one love…I love you…just the way you are.” I said more platonically than I expected.

Wait was I quoting Bridget Jones?? Wow…

“Wait a go Mr Darcy!” she giggled “ahhh I don’t mind now really…I just wanna meet Libby in here.”

“Me too…”

“Justin?”

“Yeah sweetheart?”

“Im so scared…” she looked over at me nervously. “Its gonna hurt so bad…so, so sooo bad. What if I die of the pain?”

Well she had a way with words…

I turned to her and placed my hand on her cheek. “No you won’t, your gonna be fine because im gonna be right there with you…” I caressed her cheek, maybe a little more than I should…but I knew she used to like that.

Then I did something id wanted to do for nine months. I kissed her, properly, lovingly. Hard and passionately.

So much so she moaned a little as I did. God id never got so turned on so quickly.

She kissed me back with just as much urgency than I had kissed her.

“Oh god…” she said as I started in on her neck… “Justin…”







“What?”

“We…wait…whats…” she was signalling me to stop, but then her hands were all over me…Talk about mixed signals.

“What are we doin’ this isn’t right.”

“It feels right though doesn’t it…?”

“God yes….!” just as she did that my cell started buzzing.

“Shit…” I looked at the buzzing thing on the table it was Carmen. “Fuck!”

She sat back and ran her fingers through her hair awkwardly. I answered the call.

“Yeah?”

“Baby?? Hi it’s me…Listen I know it’s late with you and all but I couldn’t wait to tell you, ive got out of the movie you were right I should have been more supportive so im coming out to new York tomorrow! And ive planned a little get together for us and a few friends in town for your birthday…”

“Oh…” I looked over at harri, she seemed embarrassed and I couldn’t say I didn’t feel the same.

“Baby were you asleep?” she asked still excited.

“Um yeah I was sorry, that's really great carm…”

“Ok and hey maybe if Shaharra is feeling up to it maybe she’d like to come?” I was officially convinced she was high…

“um yeah look ill call you tomorrow okay im real tired…”

“Oh of course…love you.”
“Yeah uh me too…” cop out.

I flipped my cell closed.

“So she's coming huh?” she said “that mean y’all will be checking into a hotel right? Probably best, your back must be fucked sleep-in’ there…” she stood up “Ok well goodnight J”

“NO wait…Har, look im sorry about just now…I over stepped the mark and I apologise.”

“Well me too it’s a hormone thing I think, lets just blame that okay?” and with that she turned and left walking into her bedroom and slamming the door. What made matters ten million fuckin’ times worse is that I swore I could hear her crying through the door.

I was such a bastard…







I can’t really say that he led me on, I wanted to kiss him and I knew he felt the same. The heat between us, the attraction was never one that really went away. Maybe it would have done had we ended things in a more hateful manner. But we didn’t, he still respected me as much as I did him. But at that moment when he answered her call I wanted to hit him. I wanted him to know right then that I still loved him, that I wanted him with me more than anything in the world…but call me chicken but I just couldn’t. What if he said no, what if he said that even though he fancied me still that he didn’t love me, he loved her….i was in a fragile state I knew I couldn’t handle that kind of rejection, so I left him there and I went and wallowed in my pathetic state – I cried like a baby.

The next morning I woke up and he wasn’t there, he was more than likely gone for his morning run. And usually I liked witnessing the aftermath of a lap around five blocks but on this occasion I just couldn’t face him, I needed to be gone.

So I left him a note and caught a cab to a friend, someone I knew would have my back and convince me I was better off without him.

Leesa.

“Girl what you mean he KISSED you, was this just a peck on the lips or was this LAAA” she opened her mouth to signify and it looked so funny I laughed hard.

“It was LAAA…okay and I kissed him back which is what makes this shit…well shit! I am so stupid!”

“Na ah your not…your just you that's all, do you still love him?”

“No….”

“Harri do you still love white boy for GOD only knows what reason…Do you?”

“I might do…Ok fine I do okay I love him I want him and I NEED his ass!!!!” I ate another Oreo “I mean if it was just the sex thing id get it, I mean I haven’t gotten any in NINE months okay and the shit with Adam its not “real” sex so that doesn’t count…its fun but it aint the real thing you know?”

“So, wait its not just you want his scrawny lil self all in you…you still LOVE him, like love, love?”

“YES! See this is why its bad okay cuz he loves the cheerleader and if I tell him it will make things weird…I don’t need that. My baby don’t need that…Tell me what to do!” I pleaded eating yet another Oreo.

“Only you know whats what…if she comes now his girl…feel it out you know? She may not be all sweetness and peroxide – see if she's a bitch.”

“What will that accomplish?”

“Nothin’ ill just go smack her face in if she's rude to you…” she cackled “Look baby girl your main concern now is YOUR baby girl…deal with mr “No ass at all” later okay, he aint worth stressing over okay?”



She was right of course she was right…Now all I needed to do was avoid him and Blondie until I went into labour, damn it one more day…I was praying she decided to arrive early, I needed a diversion. I needed something else to think about other than him…

This was so hard!

********

I hadn’t seen her all day, not for lunch not for dinner. When I called she said she was fine and that I should just worry about Carmen, oh yeah her. She arrived off the plane with my Gucci luggage set that she scratched all up…bitch that cost me the shit…well that and she was smiling so wide I thought her teeth would fall out.

“Baby I missed you sooo much!” funny I barely thought about you…wait that wasn’t the right thing to say.

“Um yeah me too, how was your flight?”

“It was so good I slept all the way here…where’s Harri?”

“I don’t really know…”

“Cool…can we go back the hotel room then?” she smirked at me; oh I knew what that meant.

“Don’t you want dinner or something…it’s late?” She shook her head no..



“SO? J we haven’t seen each other in two full weeks okay I want us to be alone for a while…”

Okay so I punked out, I didn’t necessarily want to sleep with her, I was thinking of Harri all damn day, thinking of that kiss…but then again she didn’t want me – Carmen did.

So fuck it…I was going to have sex with my girlfriend.



Staying at Trump was always nice, I like their rooms and the staffs were cool with my lady’s demands…

As I came out of the oversized bathroom after my quick shower she was still laying on the bed.

“J…”

“Yeah?”

“I think we should get married.”

I dropped the jeans I had in my hand. “Im sorry?”

She got up putting the sheet into place. “Yeah I think we should get married…”

“Are you pregnant?”

“NO….God know…I unlike some people remember my birth control…” Dig at Harri, who the hell she thought she was I had no idea.

“I love you, you love me too right…I think it’s the best idea ive had!” you mean you’ve had other ideas, as in thoughts? Wow...

“Carm…um I do…you mean a lot to me but I just don’t think we’re ready for that kind of commitment.”
“But you love me right?”

I thought I did…

“Yes…but we’re young we have lots of time for that…lets just have fun like we have been okay?”

She looked at her feet. “I guess…it’s just I need some kind of…”

“What?”

“Assurance…I need to know that once she has this kid that you won’t leave me for her…I don’t think I could handle that…”

“Don’t be silly, Im not leaving you carm…okay?”

“Okay…” then my cell beeped on the table, every time it went off that day I damn near jumped out of my skin, sure Harri and I were avoiding each other but Liberty was due today, and I got the honour of picking her second name, since harri got first dibs…It was an important job she didn’t wanna end up like I ended up with fucking “Randall” for god sakes.

Hell no.

It was her texing me, “Still no sign of her ladyship, Im off to bed…Ill call you if there's any change. Harri xxx.” Well it was almost one am, and I was so tired. Apparently Carmen really did miss me, and she insisted on showing me just how much – three times.

So id wait to hear from her, and if I didn’t id get ready for my “surprise” birthday party. 23rd to be exact, man this year was gonna be a challenge.

One I was gonna face head on. Even if it killed me