“One question: Do you need... someone, or do you need me?... Forget it, I don't really care.”
”Say Anything (the movie)
“Do we really have to go to this party?”
I was lying on my back, face up and staring at the ceiling of my bedroom. Fionna was lying on top of me, her head tucked under my chin. She hadn’t moved or said anything in so long that I was beginning to wonder if she’d fallen asleep on me.
She laughed. “There’s a party going on and you don’t want to go?” Rising up just enough to look at my face, she frowned and touched my brow with the back of her hand. “Are you feeling okay?”
Grinning, I pulled her back down on top of me. “I just think we could find something more…” I paused, letting my hands, fingertips only, glide across smooth, soft skin of her arms, since it was the only flesh that her jeans and a t-shirt outfit left uncovered. But it was enough to make her shiver slightly in my arms. “interesting to do with our time.” I finished, my arms firmly back around her waist again.
“Oh, really?” She chuckled, her head resting against my chest. “Hmmm. Well, are any of those ‘interesting’ things fake couple appropriate?”
When I didn’t say anything, she smiled and pushed me away to stand beside the bed. “That’s what I thought. Now get your head out of the gutter, we got a party to go to. Our last, if I’m lucky.” She said, walking into the bathroom.
I frowned. “What do you mean?” I asked, sitting up now.
“I was thinking we could end it tonight.” She said, casually as she slipped into the bathroom.
I sat in the middle of my king-sized bed for a few minutes in silence, wondering and hoping I wasn’t hearing what I thought I was hearing. I stared at the now closed bathroom door. I could hear her moving around inside. The sound of ruffling, clothes being discarded. Naked flesh being revealed.
Dammit, that’s not what I’m supposed to be thinking about right now. Pushing myself to the end of bed, I swung my feet down so that I had both feet planted firmly on the floor. I was still staring at the closed door. I wanted to go inside. But joining her in the bathroom was a short-term plan and right now it sounded like my longer term plans were in jeopardy.
“I’m sorry, I think I heard you wrong. Cause I could have sworn you said something about breaking up with me at the party.” I had raised my voice so she could hear me, but I hadn’t risen from my spot on the bed.
Popping her head out of the bathroom, she smiled. “That’s because I did.”
I would have frowned at her if she hadn’t of closed the door so fast, leaving me with the door to frown at instead. Pushing myself off the bed now, I knocked on the door and waited for her to reappear. Again, only her head popped out of the opening. “Yes?” she smiled.
I should have known something was wrong. She was smiling too much. She only smiled this much if Richard was around and since I wasn’t Richard, something had to be wrong.
“Why would you want to go and do that?” I asked, resisting a frown and trying not to cross my arms against my chest.
She smiled softly at me for a moment, before sighing. The door opened a little more. I could begin to see what she was wearing. There were only glimpses of the outfit that I could catch. But all the glimpses that I saw were fleshy ones. Forcing my eyes back to hers, I realized she’d started talking and allowed another moment of distraction to go by as I wondered how much I’d missed.
“You’re the greatest fake boyfriend a girl could ever have, but c’mon, it’s gotta end sometime, right?” When I didn’t add anything, she repeated, “Right?”
“Yeah,” I nodded, pushing a long breath of air out. “Right.”
She eyed me for a moment, like she didn’t believe me. “You okay?”
“Just peachy.” I grinned at her, before walking out of the room.
It wasn’t even two seconds later before I heard, “You’re a horrible liar you know that?”
I turned around to face her, but didn’t say anything. I’m not sure my words would have come out right if I’d tried anyways. It’s not that I was mad, per se, just extremely distracted. Now that she was fully out of the bathroom, everything that I’d seen was brought to the light. That and so much more.
I’d always figured Fionna had a beautiful body and with the skirts and things she’d started to wear for Richard’s sake, I’d seen a little more of it. But now, there was no need to guess, figure, or wonder. It was all right there for the eye to behold.
She stood before me in a white low scoop neck, midriff top with a hot pink mini skirt, showing off her long, long legs. Standing in her hot pink pumps, she was taller than me by at least an inch. Which put her roughly at six-two. That height alone should have made me think beast, but everything about her was too much beauty to be beast. Too many soft feminine curves to be frightening.
But it was shocking, nevertheless. A straight shot, which hit right below the belt.
“So you’re going to ignore me now?” She frowned, tilting her head to the side. Her curly shoulder length brown hair, the only thing that had remained unchanged and only because I liked it that way, moved with her head’s movement, curls bouncing.
“It’s a little hard to ignore someone with a rack like that.”
Looking down at her own bubbling cleavage before meeting my libidous gaze with a smirk, her hands were on her hips as she said, “You choose these costumes remember?”
That wasn’t exactly something I was in danger of forgetting. When I had first thought of the idea of us going as Barbie and Ken to this costume party, I had only meant it as a joke, but once I mentioned it to Janice, the joke had quickly formed a reality, with Fionna complaining the entire way.
“I knew you were going to make a hot ass Barbie.” I said, feeling a slow smile spread across my face. “And as usual, I’m right.”
She rolled her eyes, fingering the pink bow on the side of her hair that I’d made her wear. “You know this…” she said, pointing to the bow. “isn’t going to stay on my head much longer.”
“I’m surprised it’s even lasted this long.”
“Me too.” She smiled, still fingering it, before letting the hand fall to her side. “It’s not fair that I gotta wear all this pink, girly stuff and you get to wear the stuff you’d normally wear.”
Her eyes took me in from head to toe. There was nothing spectacular about my outfit. Just some khakis and a baby blue sleeveless shirt, which brought out the color of my eyes. But then again, if I’m going to be Ken, there really didn’t need to be anything spectacular about my outfit. All eyes would be for Barbie anyways.
I knew mine were.
The kiss of perfection had touched her body in so many precious places”from perfectly manicured fingers, pedicured toes to her long lashes that seem to flutter every time she blinked to her lips, which I didn’t even have a beginning of a clue what she’d done to them, but for some reason tonight, right in this moment, they looked irresistibly kissable.
Feeling like I had resisted touching her for long enough, I pulled her into me, wrapping my arms low on her waist. Just as my lips grazed hers, the door flung opened and in walked Trace.
“Don’t mind me,” he said, strolling over to my closet.
Fionna didn’t waste any time pulling away from me, looking embarrassed. Her arms crossed against her stomach, as if to cover herself up, when only moments earlier she had been nothing short of confident.
“He said, ‘don’t mind him.’” I whined, trying to pull her back to me as she started to move away from me and walk out of the room.
“Richard and Janice are downstairs.” Trace said, his head buried in my closet already.
As I was wondering if the rest of him would fit in there, I frowned watching Fionna’s feet move faster out the door at the mention of her precious Richard.
Standing in the room alone now, save Trace still rummaging through my closet, I turned my back with a sigh from where Fionna had made her hasty exit to face Trace again.
I frowned down at him as I said, “Man, aren’t you supposed to be off in some tropical isle with Elisha?”
“Hurricanes.” He said, simply still digging through the closet.
“A little water never hurt anybody.” I said continuing to frown.
Straightening up, holding a pair of my shoes in his hands, he said, “I’m gonna let that slide cause I’m sensing your bedroom has become a no pussy zone, so you’re understandably a little cranky right now.”
“Whatever. Where are you going with my shoes? My new shoes, no less.”
“Richard’s sorry ass shoes fell apart in the car. You know that fool had duct taped his soles back on again?” Trace said, laughing at the thought. He shook his head, before adding, “A fucking NBA player using duct tape to hold his shoes together.”
I didn’t laugh, I didn’t even smile as I said, “So he can’t even come and get them himself?”
“I’m detecting some extra hostile vibes coming off of you. How long has it been, dude?” He said, clapping a sympathetic hand to my shoulder.
“Man, fuck you.” I said, shrugging off his touch as I moved away from him and deeper into the room, before plopping down on the bed.
“That long huh?” He chuckled. “Well, with Fionna looking as good as she is tonight if you don’t manage to seal the deal…”
Trace had been talking this ‘seal the deal’ shit ever since he first discovered his Mr. Pee-Pee’s not so secret identity.
“Just take the damn shoes and go.” I said, cutting him off.
Of course, he ignored me. Staring at me for a silent moment, he shook his head at me. “Dang, I haven’t seen you this pissed since…since Britney suddenly wanted to get all virginal on you.” He chuckled, sitting down beside me. “So what’s up?” When I did nothing but sigh, he said, “Besides that tent in your pants.”
“What?” I gasped, moving to cover myself, embarrassment seasoning my face with a warm red flush. “Fuck you, man.” I said, realizing there was nothing to cover. Not to say there was nothing there at all, but it was just safely asleep”damn near dormant from lack of activity.
“Damn,” He hissed, and in that one word. I knew he knew. “You haven’t hit that at all?” His disbelief and disappointment swam the air, greeting my face with a harsh slap.
“Of course I have.” I huffed, my arms crossing indignantly against my chest without thought.
“You’re a horrible liar.”
I shrugged, letting my hands fall back to my side. “So I’m told.”
I could feel Trace’s eyes on me, staring me down. I tried looking around the room to ignore it, but when Trace wanted to, he could make himself very hard to ignore. “What’s wrong with you?”
“That’s what I was just getting ready to ask you.” He smirked. “It never takes you this long to…”
“Look,” I said, holding my hand up as a stop sign to this conversation. “This is really none of your damn business anyways.”
A moment’s silence was all the restraint he had. “So how was it then?”
“What the fuck, man? Are we in high school again?”
He chuckled. “You know ain’t nothin’ much has really changed since high school. Same game, same basic rules. The age on the box has just upped a little that’s all.”
“Man, fuck that.” I snapped, jumping to my feet. “Fuck this conversation, fuck you and fuck that lazy mofo who couldn’t even walk up the damn stairs to take my shoes from me.”
“Oh, I see what’s going on.” He said, with a knowing smirk.
“I doubt you do, so just get out and shut up.”
“No sex, plus jealousy…that’s the combo punch that’s got you all bent out of shape.”
“Take your corny ass Dr. Phil shit back to Oprah, ‘cause I’m not trying to hear it.” I grumbled, my anger raising the heat in my chest like a thunder storm about to break loose across a cloudy sky. “You don’t even know what’s going on.”
“So why don’t you tell me?”
So I did. I didn’t really want to, but this was Trace. My best friend. My homie. My roaddawg. Practically, my brother. If I could tell anyone, it would be him. I told him everything from the rocky start, to how much closer we’d gotten, to how much more much comfortable she was with me in both private and public, and just how generally great everything was going between us. And how now, despite all the fun, all the laughs, she was getting ready to dump my ass publicly, just so she could get with Richard. Like Richard even compares to me.
“Well, damn, dawg. I would have never guessed all that shit had happened. So what are you going to do?”
I frowned. I hadn’t planned on doing anything. “What do you mean?”
Now he was one frowning at me. “I mean, what the hell are you going to do to stop ol’ boy from getting the lovin’ you put in work for?”
“Well, I hadn’t really thought of anything yet.”
“Then get to thinking. If you like her as much as I think you do, cause I’ve seen Model Behavior and Edison so I know you ain’t this good of an actor.” He chuckled. “Also I know you’re not going to want to see her with another man, ‘specially not one of your friends.”
“But what can I do? Her getting with another man was the whole point of this damn deal.”
“Well, tell her you changed your mind. Tell her, she changed your mind.”
I stared at my toes for a moment, realizing I didn’t even have socks on, let alone shoes. “I need to finish getting ready.” I said, my tone signaling the end of the conversation.
“Alright, but think about what I said.” He called over his shoulder as I ushered him out of my double-doored bedroom, which Fionna hadn’t been impressed with. I think ‘ridiculous’ was her word for it. “Don’t be a lil’ bitch!” He yelled, now standing on the outside.
Hardly five seconds passed before the door flew open again and my mouth instantly opened to tell the intruder off.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Fionna said, throwing a hand up to my yet to be spoken words. “C’mon let’s go.” She said, eyeing me carefully from head to toe. She must have noticed my lack of footwear, because she grabbed some black socks out of my drawer, picked up the shoes she’d laid out for me by the door, and stood up straight again to her full six-foot height, six-two in her heels. “Well, what are you waiting on? Let’s get this show on the road.” She said, switching the items into one hand, as she reached and grabbed for mine, pulling me out of the bedroom and down the hall shoeless.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa…hold up. Let me just put my shoes on right quick. I’m not trying to look Shoeless in Los Angeles right now.”
“Alright,” she relented with a heavy sigh. “But hurry.”
“What’s the rush? I usually have to drag you kicking and screaming to parties and now you’re all anxious and impatient to get to this one, what’s up?”
She shrugged. “I just wanna go, is all.”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded, disbelievingly. “Richard was looking sharp and now you wanna make sure you get a seat next to him for the ride over there.” When she didn’t say anything, I said, “Am I right?”
She frowned before she eased the pressure from her face, letting her lips curl up. “Nah, that’s not it. I actually haven’t even seen him yet. I just can’t wait to show off my man and our costumes. We better win best dressed or something, for all this cleavage you got me showing…among other things.” She laughed, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“You’re a horrible liar.” I smiled, standing with both of my shoes on now.
She smiled back, taking my hand in hers gingerly linking our fingers together like she always did and guiding us out the door. “You couldn’t handle the truth.”
I wanted to argue with that, but when you’re battling truth”what is there to argue?
When adults play make believe, it’s called not cute. It’s called denial.
But occasionally, we can get away with pretending to be something we’re not. This costume party we all were headed to was one of those times.
I was dressed as the Ken to Fionna’s Barbie, but whereas she looked completely different from her regular dress, I didn’t really have to change too much to step into Ken’s shoes. Which meant that I would spend a good amount of the night answering the question, “Where’s your costume?” To which, I’d probably respond by pointing to Fionna and saying, “I’m Ken.”
Richard had a red bandanna tied around his head. His normally rather short cut dark brown, nearly black hair was hidden completely from view under a long scraggly black haired wig. He wore a white, puffy sleeved shirt with a black vest over top of it. A very plastic, dollar store looking sword in his right hand, his left hung uselessly at his side. When I looked at him, all I saw was a pirate costume. As soon as Fionna had laid eyes on him, she’d squinted, cocked her head to right and said, “Jack Sparrow?”
“Captain Jack Sparrow.” Richard had said in return with a smirk. Then they both laughed and said, “Where’s the rum?”
I shared a confused look with Janice, but we didn’t have an inside jokes to exchange.
Janice was a vision in white. A low cut white snap up mini dress hugged her body. Her long legs were wrapped in thigh-high white stockings with her feet matched up in white stilettos. A stethoscope dangled from the long line of her neck, which was exposed due to the fact that she’d swept her long blonde locks up, allowing it fall around her face is soft cascades. Dressed as a delicious doctor, Janice, as always, was the perfect blend of intelligence and sex appeal.
She’d caught me gawking and smiled. I opened my mouth to say “Wanna play operation?” But before I could get a word out, Richard and Fionna had shifted the conversation to transportation, which was probably for the best anyways. I’m sure this would have been one of those times when my words sounded much better in my head than spoken aloud.
I wanted to drive my own car, so I could leave when I wanted to. Everyone else wanted to get to ride in Richard’s new Hummer. I had always thought those cars were a waste of space and gas and only made sense to get if you were planning to be an army of one out in some foreign desert. I thought Fionna would have agreed with me on this and maybe she would have if she wasn’t too busy swooning over Richard’s every word.
I was trying very hard not to frown. Not to start to hate him. He was my boy after all. He was an easygoing, down for whatever type of guy, so if there was something going on I always knew I could call him up to roll with me, without worrying about him trying to steal my shine in the process. We had always gotten along well, no personality clashing. The only thing I’d ever had a problem with was his job: he played for the Clippers and with some sick sense of proud felt that they were a better team than the Lakers but were always shafted as the unwanted step-child.
Through the Kobe and Shaq seemingly endless saga , Kobe’s Trial, Marlone hopping on the bandwagon looking to get the ring that he’d been denied by MJ, I was a huge Lakers fan through and through.
But even his delusion was a forgivable offense. Watching him and Fionna giggling, her playfully hitting his shoulder, I wasn’t so sure this was one, too.
I was out-voted, my opinion becoming null and void as everyone slid into their respective spots in the car.
Richard was at wheel, Janice shotgun. Trace, who’d come as one of those hobbits from the Lord of the Rings trilogy which Fionna had considered hilarious, was just behind the driver’s seat. Fionna sat in the middle with me at the door, next to her.
We’d been riding for a few minutes. Nobody was talking. Silence had gotten friendly with everyone, caressing us into staying within our own thought bubbles.
Richard was staring straight ahead. Janice was staring out the passenger side window. Trace was shifting as if he wasn’t comfortable in the silence. Fionna was sitting, stiff, with her hands placed on her lap. The only contact we had was our legs that brushed against one another during turns.
I reached for her, taking her hand into mine, watching my larger hand nearly swallow hers. She turned to me then, looking at me like she’d nearly forgotten that I was sitting next to her. She looked like she was going to pull away and she hadn’t done anything like that in weeks. Then she blinked and the edges of her lips glanced upwards. Her fingers linked with mine. She didn’t pull away, instead she leaned into me.
Releasing a slow breath that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding in, I relaxed as she relaxed into me.
I saw a movement from the corner of my eye that made me turn to face Trace.
He was grinning and giving me a thumb’s up like I’d just accomplished something. Glancing down at the woman in my arms, who laid there willingly, her fingertips tracing along my arms”maybe I had.
Kissing the top of her curly head, I smiled down at her as she tilted her head up towards me. She just watched me for a long while. Blinking, no words. I watched as her eyes fluttered to a close, her body leaning into mine, I realized what she was going to do. Putting up a hand, I blocked her advances. Those chocolate brown orbs opened and stared at me with confusion. I had never stopped her before. Not that she’d given me very many chances. The fact that I stopped her now when she was doing exactly what I wanted her to do, what I wanted to do myself, confused me too.
“In everyone’s eyes, you’re still mine and I’m still yours. That’s not changed yet.” She whispered.
“But it’s going to.” I said, keeping my hand up, on her shoulder, keeping her from moving forward again. “You want it to.”
She blinked at me for a few silent packed moments, before she glanced away. Sitting back in her original position, but looking more pulled into herself. Her voice came softer than before. “You’re supposed to want it too.”
“I do.”
And as soon as I said it, she turned towards me, her mouth slightly slack. Then all the emotion was pulled from her face, leaving it empty and blank. Her head facing straight ahead now, she nodded. “Good.”
But nothing about this felt good. She’d gone back to being distant. My eye caught more movement from the other end of the backseat. Turning my head toward him, I saw Trace shaking his head and frowning.
Hearing Richard clear his throat in the driver seat, before starting up some pleasant silence filler conversation with Janice, who immediately broke into soft giggles, I frowned. Frowned, sighed, and leaned against the door, head resting against the cool glass. Eyes watching the scenery blur past as my thoughts became just as blurry.
As soon as we were free of the entrapment of the car, Fionna slipped away into the crowd, throwing one word in her wake: bathroom.
The only problem was the bathrooms were in the opposite direction. The only thing that was in the direction that she was heading was the bar and maybe Richard, since I had lost him in the crowd not that long after we’d gotten here too. Actually now that I think about it, I’d lost everyone. Or maybe it was the other way around, maybe everyone had lost me.
“Well, let me just be the first to say, you’re doing a great job.”
Turning at the sound of the voice, I frowned at the smirking short man now before me. “What are you talking about, Trace?”
One glance at my face and the playfulness in his face drained away, fell back and give way to a look that looked far too serious for his face. “You’re giving up.” He didn’t make it a question as he shook his head. “One bad start and you’re giving up. What’s next you’re going to find Richard and push her into his arms?”
“I don’t need this.” I sighed, striding in the direction Fionna had left, but not to find her. The bar was calling my name.
“Well you need something.” He said, and just the fact that his voice wasn’t fading away into the distance I was trying to put between him and me, let me know he was following me. “Something to replace your missing balls.”
“What I am supposed to do?” I asked, swirling on him. Forcing him to take a few staggering steps back to keep from plowing into me. “What the fuck am I supposed do? We made the deal. This is part of it.”
“Breaking your heart is part of it?”
Biting my lip and turning my eyes towards the ceiling for a moment, I couldn’t find the words I wanted so I settled for shrugging.
“You’re giving up.” He repeated. When I looked at him again, the anger on his face was clear as day. “You love her. You want her. You fucking need her. But you’re giving up?”
“Why are you getting so heated about this? What does it matter to you?”
He took in a deep breath of air, as if trying to calm himself down. “Other than the fact you’re my best friend and I don’t feel like dealing with your pathetic ass…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Let’s just say I know a little somethin’ about giving up.” He was smiling, but there was no ounce of happy in it. No teasing, no playfulness, nothing I’d come to expect from Trace. “Maybe, maybe I’m not really mad at you so much as I’m mad at myself, but it’s just easier to push it off onto you.” He’d been staring at his hands, but now he raised his suddenly regret-filled brown eyes to me. “I’ve done the whole love and lost thing, but maybe I only lost because I gave up.”
“Elisha...” Trailed out of my mouth before I could stop it.
Regret, confusion, anger swam his eyes in a painful swirl. Shaking his head, he pushed them all down and when he raised his eyes again, they were nearly empty. “There were no hurricanes that stopped me from being somewhere with her right now. I wish that was the reason I’m standing here, talking to your dense ass.” He laughed and it sounded almost as empty as he’d made his eyes go. “I wish a lot of things now.”
I didn’t know what to say. I felt like I should say something comforting, but I didn’t have any details to know what would even begin to be comforting and he didn’t seem like he was ready to give any.
“Looks like your little underage love has been carded.”
I turned to him again, finding a playful smirk on his face. Nudging me, he said, “Well, here’s your chance. Go get her drunk.”
Shaking my head at him, I couldn’t help but grin though. “Already been there and done that.”
“Then keep doing it, you don’t want all the present tense to turn past on you. Trust me.” And just like that, all the emotions he’d been holding back swam to the surface again, only this time his control wasn’t as good. But instead of sticking around and forcing me to find those comforting words, he turned on his heel and lost himself in the crowd.
So I was alone again. I could see Fionna sitting at the bar, looking as if she was contemplating her next move. She didn’t see me, which made slyly sidling up next to her so much easier.
“If I buy you a drink, will you come home with me?”
She swirled in her chair, looking fully prepared to cuss me out and even upon sight of me, she didn’t look like she’d ruled out the possibility of cussing me out. It took a few blinks before her face relaxed, followed reluctantly by her body.
“The last time I let a man get me drunk, I nearly wound up sleeping with him.”
“Well, let’s hope my luck is a little better.”
She shook her head with a smile so tiny that if you didn’t know her, you wouldn’t have known it was there.
“If you’re not going to let me get you drunk, then the least you do is dance with me. One last time.”
Much to Fionna’s annoyance, Paris’ party had only been the beginning of our dancing. Wherever there was music, a beat, I was trying to get her up and moving to it with me. She was a much better dancer than she would ever give herself credit for. Her body had this natural, sensual rhythm that she would easily match to mine. Slow jam or uptempo, we could groove together. Bodies close together, moving as one.
I loved grinding with her, not just for the sensations, the closeness, but I loved watching her face as we grinded. Her bottom lip getting sucked into her mouth as she bit down in concentration, her brow slightly wrinkled, her eyes sparkling, her lips usually murmuring the words of the song, which I would only be aware that the music was still on because of her singing along. Somewhere in the moment, the music would become just background noise and all I could hear, feel, see was the ebb and flow of Fionna’s body against mine.
I loved when she’d close her eyes, her arms wrapping around my neck, pulling me in close. Sure, it didn’t sound like anything special but felt like something that was just beyond words.
Music or no music, we danced. We didn’t have a song (unless you counted “Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch”), but we really didn’t need one. We had a groove. One that was strong enough to keep us together, in sync, even when the real music stopped.
The sweetest thing I've ever known
Or so I had always thought. But standing there in that moment, with my hand outstretched to her, I suddenly wasn’t so sure.
Was like the kiss on the collarbone
Her hand fell into mine as her body moved toward me, she was smiling now, wide enough for anyone to see. But once she was in the circle of my arms, she said, “How do you want to do this?”
The soft caress of happiness
“Do what?”
“Break up.” She said, like the words didn’t affect her. “It probably needs to be loud, loud enough to get a lot of other people’s attention. We need to plan it perfectly so that Richard will be there to console me.”
“Can’t we just dance?”
She licked her lips slowly, shrugging as her arms went around my neck. Her manicured finger tips lightly scratching my neck. “We dance all the time.”
“But this is the last time.” I said, pulling her in close, so that we were cheek to cheek now. The song that was playing was uptempo, but we had our own groove. So we swayed gently as the other bodies around us worked up a sweat.
The way you walk, your style of dress
I wish I didn't get so weak
I felt her frown, before she sighed”her breath coming out in a hot rush against my neck. “We can dance even if we’re not together. Dancing isn’t just solely a boyfriend/girlfriend experience.”
Oooh, baby, just to hear you speak
Makes me argue just to see
I shrugged. “True, but would you have danced with me all these times if you weren’t my girlfriend?” I asked, pulling back just enough to stare into her chocolate brown eyes.
She hesitated. Licking her lips, she said, “No.”
“Exactly.”
A frown settled down on her thoughtful features. “We’re dancing, but we still need to figure out the break up since it is happening to”.”
How much you're in love with me
She couldn’t get the rest out, not with my lips pressed against hers she couldn’t. Her body stiffened at first, but a few more kisses and she relaxed with a sigh. With her arms still wrapped around my neck, she pulled me into her and her into me. Our bodies flush against each other, her hands stayed where they were as mine began to wander her body. She swatted my hand when it fell lower than the small of her back, which made me smile against her mouth, but other than that, each caress, each stroke, rub, touch, brush was welcomed with a purr and moan from her.
See, like a queen, a queen upon her throne
When the kiss ended, it was she who had ended it. Usually, I managed to be the one to both initiate and terminate the kisses, but this time she broke it. This time she frowned at me, like I’d done something wrong for starting it in the first place.
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known
“We can’t be making out one minute, then breaking up the next.” She said, adding distance between us as she continued to frown at me.
I get mad when you walk away (Don't walk away)
“Exactly.” I said, licking my lips and picking up the last tastes of her. I took two steps toward her, she took one away from me.
Her frown deepened. “We didn’t come this far not to go the whole way.”
“You want to go all the way with me, huh?” I asked, eyebrows rose.
So I tell you leave, when I mean stay
She stepped closer to me, just to punch me in the shoulder. “Stop trying to distract me.” She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “I’m not saying that this is easy for me. I’m not saying that I don’t care at all. I’m just saying that we had a deal, a plan, this is part of it.”
“Plans change.”
“Justin,” She stretched my name out with exasperation. “Why are you so hell bent on making this harder than it needs to be?”
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known
It was my turn to sigh. I looked away from her. She was right. This was part of the plan. I’d agreed to it. So I had to stick to it now, now even when the thought of going through with it hurt like hell.
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known
Nodding, I said, “You’re right. You’re right.”
She frowned, her head cocking to the right. “I’m right? You’re agreeing with me?”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Yeah, stranger things have happened. So how do you want to dump me?”
“Who said I was going to be the one doing the dumping?”
“Why wouldn’t you be the one?”
“Why would I be the one, when the only two options are pop star trying to turn movie star who often frequents the tops of sexy lists or high school drop out, runaway, no-name?”
“You ran away?”
She waved my words away, with a dismissive swipe of her hand. “That’s beside the point.”
“You’re not a no-name.”
She rolled her eyes and blew out another annoyed breath of air. “The point is, you’re you and I’m me. And when those are the choices, no one is going to believe that you’re the one getting dumped.”
I thought about what she’d said, thought about telling her that it didn’t matter whether she thought it was believable or not I was the one getting dumped. “Okay, fine,” I finally said, nodding. “I’ll pretend like I’m kicking you to the curb.”
“Yeah, you’re really going to have to pull out the big guns of acting skills out for this one.” She said, her voice dry as the Sahara.
It was the...Ah
I tried to explain
Ah...but baby, it's in vain
I ignored her sarcasm, ignored the slight upward turn of her lips as she watched me. Focusing on business always helped to keep my emotions in check, so that’s exactly what I did. “So how do you want me to do it? And I gotta have a real reason. Something that I can be yelling about.”
Her brow wrinkled in thought. “I-I don’t know. Haven’t you done this before? Can’t you just make it up as you go?”
I almost smiled at the confusion on her face. “I’ve always been the one getting left.”
She frowned harder than I think I’ve ever seen her do before. And that was saying a lot. “Yeah, right.” She said, and she started to laugh. Started and then looked at my face and she nearly choked on her laughter. “You’re serious?”
I just nodded, looking away from her and her surprise. I wish this moment of getting left behind again was surprising to me.
“Well,” She tried to start again. Licking her lips, like she did only when she was nervous, she said, “You’re serious?”
Now I was the one frowning. “Can we focus less on my loser status and more on how we’re going to break up?”
Her face softened until all traces of the frown disappeared. She just stared at me like she was seeing me for the first time. She was watching me so closely, so openly, I shifted under her scrutiny, cleared my throat and said, “Look, when you come up with something, just find me.”
I didn’t make it more than two steps away, before I felt a hand on my arm, holding me back. Turning back around, I just stared at her, watching her lick her lips.
“You’re not a loser.”
I laughed. It sounded bitter even to me.
“Don’t laugh.” She frowned, her hand falling down my arm and into my hand. Her fingers linking with mine. “It’s not funny.” She glanced down at our hands as if she didn’t remember doing that, before looking back at me. “I don’t know how your other girlfriends did it. Or why they did it, but you’re not a loser. If anything they’re all losers for being stupid enough to let you go. You really are something special. I’ve been with you for a short time, but I don’t need years to know that you are…wonderful.” Dropping her eyes from my gaze, she shook her head. “I don’t say things like that, so you better have appreciated it.”
A big goofy grin stretched across my face, ear-to-ear. “I know and I do.” I said, taking my free hand and stroking the side of her face.
“And even if you tell someone I said those things, I’ll deny it.” She smiled that tiny smile of hers.
“Your secret is safe with me, Sugar Pie.” I said, kissing the top of her head, before kissing her forehead.
She sighed, leaning her head against my shoulder. “You need to stop being so sweet, it’s making this deal more complicated than it needs to be. And we don’t need anymore complications.”
How sad
Smiling softly at her and stepping out of touching distance, I said, “Richard is standing over by the bar by himself.”
How sad that all things come to an end
She frowned. “And?”
The fact that she didn’t go running to him and away from me normally would have made me smile. But I was focusing on business and business was nothing to smile about today. “Go to him.”
When her frown deepened and she opened her mouth to say something, I cut her off. “Go to him and I’ll think of something so I can dump your ass.”
She smiled, slow, easy. The slow ones were always worth the wait. Just nodding, she turned on her heel, disappearing into the crowd.
But then again, I'm, I'm not alone
“You know, when I asked you if you were going to find Richard and push her into his arms, I wasn’t trying to give you ideas.”
Turning around, I frowned at Trace, who was staring after Fionna. Fionna had already made it to Richard. They were talking, smiles everywhere.
“It had to be done.” I said, forcing my eyes not to look back and see them together again.
“Is that what they told you after the castration?”
“Man, you need to worry a lot less about me and little more about your damn self.”
That stopped him, but only for a moment or two. “If my girl was here, then maybe I could do something. But yours is here and you’re doing nothing.”
“I am doing something. I’m trying to think of a believable reason why we would be breaking up tonight.”
“Oh, yeah,” He rolled his eyes. “Because sabotaging your happiness is really something worth doing.”
I shrugged. “It has to be done.”
“So you keep telling me.” He sighed. He fell silent for several moments, making me think this was a good sign. But of course it was anything but good. “They do look good together.” He said, causing me to follow his eyes over to Richard and Fionna. Her hand was on his arm, his was on her thigh. They were leaned in, probably under the pretension of trying to hear one another better. They looked so damn cozy, like they’d forgotten other people were in the room.
I knew that feeling. That absorbing feeling that sucks you in and all you can see is the person sitting opposite you. Nothing and no one else matters.
I knew as I watched her smile at him as he smiled back at her that I was probably the furthest thought from her mind.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “They do.”
His head turned toward me. “You’re giving up?”
“I’m giving up.” I nodded.
He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter how good they look together, when you’re with her…she glows. Did you ever notice that? She really lights up for you. I don’t know her, but she doesn’t seem like the type of person that lights up for just anybody.”
I frowned. “I’m giving up.”
He nodded, his gaze on them again. I was watching his face so that I wouldn’t watch them. “You’re giving up.”
I don’t remember what was said. I remember yelling. I remember her yelling back. Hands in the air, a crowd forming around us. I remember saying something that made her stop in her tracks, she’d been walking away from me at the time. I don’t remember what I’d said, but whatever it was”it hurt and it showed.
She bit her bottom lip and the tears looked so real, I was ready to take everything back. I was ready to do most anything to make her stop looking like that. She’d just looked at me. Just looked at me, wordlessly, letting the tears fall where they may. I was reaching for her, before I knew that, that was what I wanted to do. She flinched at my touch, like I’d stuck her. That hurt nearly more than anything she could have said.
That was when Richard came. All angry and protective. He stormed through the crowd and pushed me away from Fionna. I let him. If he would have tried to kick my ass right then and there, I would have let him do that too.
He cursed at me for a moment, before turning his attention to her. His features instantly softening. His hand wiping away tears that I’d been trying to wipe away. She didn’t flinch when he touched her. She embraced him. Glaring at me, over his shoulder.
It was only as he was walking away with her and she’d turned back her head to look at me once more, that she smiled that tiny smile that you had to know her to know it was there, that I remembered”this was all fake.
All of it. From our relationship’s beginning to its demise. It was all a hoax.
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known
I swiped at my face, just under my eyes. I stared down at my hands, stared down at my hands that were now slightly wet and sighed. It had felt all too real for me.
But it was over now. We were over. No more Justin and Fionna. Suddenly, I needed a drink. And quick.
I was tipping back my third or”was it my fifth?”shot of vodka when I heard, “Hey, maybe you want to slow down, huh?”
Turning slowly, so that I didn’t lose my balance on the stool, I went for a sneer, but when I saw the owner of the voice, my expression took on a grin like a damn fool.
When I was able to do more than stare at Fionna, and I’d found my frown again, I said, “I’m nursing a broken heart.”
I tipped another shot back. Straight, no chaser. I wanted to get good and drunk and as soon as possible.
She was still standing there. I wasn’t looking at her anymore, but I could feel her presence there, lingering by my side. Hesitating. If she didn’t know what to do or say, I couldn’t help her. I was just as clueless, I didn’t know what to do or say either.
She continued to watch me silently for a moment, before she nodded and smiled. I don’t know why she was smiling, maybe she was thinking about Richard.
“Oh right. Good luck with that.” Her smile hadn’t faltered as she leaned into me, planting a gentle kiss on my cheek, before immediately checking to see if anyone saw before she bounced.
And then there was just me. Just me and an empty shot glass in my hand. Just me watching my heart and my ride home leaving me stranded.
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known
If that didn’t deserve another drink, I don’t know what did.
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This chapter featured: Lauryn Hill “The Sweetest Thing”
