So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
I’ve seen the movie “Two Weeks Notice” and if you have, you’re probably thinking how I was. This was the part when he should have realized what a jackass he was and try to come crawling back to me. Well, that would have been the case if well…he’d done something to feel like a jackass for. But instead I was staring unemployment dead in the eye, with bills heading my way via the mailman.
There was a reason I’d quit, I just couldn’t remember it. Actually, I could remember. Somehow just as my hand reached for the phone, I’d magically remembered why.
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Yeah, true I ‘d been getting a little desperate to find another job and despite how much being the one to crawl back didn’t appeal to me, it would be a small price to pay to get my job back. But if I went back, then what? Then do I pretend that nothing happened between us?
What did happen? I really don’t even know now. It felt like big things were going down, but now in the wake of it all I can’t really see anything all that big.
Nothing's quite the same now
We might have slept together once; he might have almost said the L-word once. Might.
I just say your name now
Oh well, time to move on. That job wasn’t that great anyways. So for the next couple of weeks, I spent my days looking through the newspaper and circling possible job choices, going to the various job sites, getting rejected and starting all over again. One day, on my way to an interview for a mind simulating job as a sanitation engineer (aka a janitor) when my car did one of its cute little tricks. You know the one where it shudders, sputters, then as a grand finale”dies. It did this right in front of some upscale animal shelter place called Pamper Pets.
I was too pissed off at the world and my luck to notice the ‘now hiring’ signs posted at the entrance, but when I walked in to ask to use their phone (since I’m probably the last human being in the world without a cell phone) I walked out with a headache, a tow truck on the way driven by a guy named Larry with a heavy ‘don’t worry about it’ New York accent and a brand spanking new job, which entailed pampering rich snotty folks’ dogs better than most people ever dreamed of getting treated.
Some might say that I’d chosen this job in the hopes that one day I’d look up and Justin would come strolling in with Sadie in tow. Well to that some, I say, fuck you”might be right.
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
Boxes were piled up by the door. Bags packed and ready to be taken out to the car.
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
"If I just wanted someone to stand and stare and be in my way, I would have just waited until your father got home from work." Ma said, smiling as she hip bumped on her way past me. "Stop looking so glum."
"I-I'm not."
"You're frowning. The same frown you frowned when you found out about the divorce. The same frown you frowned when we packed up all our stuff and moved from Tennessee to Florida."
"I..." I stared at the house my father had bought after my mother had followed me from Florida to LA. The house that my father had bought thinking that moving across the country and buying her a house would be a sure-fire way to get Ma to come back to him. The house that I was currently in the process of helping my mother move out of. I stared at the U-haul truck, which we’d spent the last hour and half trying to fill with all her stuff. "Am I really?"
Laughing, she pushed her long curly blonde hair out of her face. "Yeah. You really are."
I tried to relax my face, but soon gave up when all I felt was another frown coming on. "Sorry." I muttered, bending down and beginning again to move all of her things into the truck. I wanted to pay someone to do this for us, before Ma just smacked me upside my head and said, “Boy, don’t be such a lazy ass” when I’d mentioned it.
"Don't be. I've been feeling sorry for the last I don't know how many years and it hasn't done a bit of good for anybody so far."
She's got me love stoned
Another half an hour later and finally all her stuff was in the truck which just left driving her to her new place, which was also her old place, since by some strange chance of luck the apartment she’d been living in prior to moving back in with dad was still open.
We drove in silence after I’d given up trying to fight with the radio to play something other than static. Ma had been staring out the window from the moment we’d pulled out of the garage. I wondered what she was thinking about, but knew better than to ask directly.
"Ma, have you ever loved someone so much that it scares you? Like you know you'd do things for them that normally you wouldn't think you were capable of doing. They make you feel things that you don't normally feel. Your mind goes places it doesn't normally go, when you're with them. Permanent, forever...type of places. Not just I wanna see you tomorrow. But I wanna see you everyday. And you know you love them this much, but that doesn't make it any easier to just say it."
I think I'm love stoned
There was several seconds of silence, before she laughed. Loudly. "For God's sake, sweetie, lay off the estrogen pills."
Laughing too, softly, I shook my head, keeping my eyes on the road. "It was all hypothetical."
She's got me love stoned
"Right and Barney the dinosaur isn't a black man."
"He's black?"
"That's besides the point, sugar. So tell Mommie all about this little girl that's got your nose wide open. Is it Jane or someone else?"
"It's..." Half of my brain thought to say yes, it was Jane and then change the subject. The other half wasn't as smart. It won. "Someone else. But not originally. I wasn't going for her, I was going for Janice. That's who I wanted. On paper, she's everything I want in a woman. But..." I sighed and shrugged, staring straight ahead.
"But this other girl...she caught your eye."
"Justin, if you don't get away from me right now. I'm gonna stab you in the eye with this plastic spoon."
"A plastic spoon? You're gonna stab me with a plastic spoon?" I laughed. "Be real." I said, taking a step forward toward her, lips poked out for a kiss. "We have to practice."
Shuddering, she raised the spoon. "The only thing I'm gonna be practicing with you tonight is how to further develop my eye gouging with a plastic spoon skills. And you can bet ya sweet lil' high note hittin' ass that this practice will make perfect."
Laughing at the memory, I shook my head. "Y-yeah, you could say that."
"So does this mysterious girl, who you've yet to mention before this, have a name?"
"Fionna."
"Fionna..." She echoed with a frown, before snapping her fingers as her face lit up with recognition. "Your dog-sitter?" she laughed.
"Yeah..."
"Do you even have a dog, Justin? Or is dog-sitter code for some freaky deaky nastiness. ‘Cause every time I come over here, I never see the supposed furry one."
"Lately, Sadie's usually with Fionna. I think she might like her better than she likes me now." I laughed, shaking my head.
"That's her Momma."
I knew that’s something I’d thought of Fionna as, even something I’d called her out loud, but there was something about someone else acknowledging it that left me with the brilliant response of: "Huh?"
"She takes care of her all the time. That's her Momma. 'Course she's gon' like Fionna better than you."
I resisted making a comment about how easily she was remembering Fionna's name yet she still couldn't remember Janice's. I bet if I brought Janice up again, she'd still call her Jade or something. She was remembering Fionna though, that made me smile.
"So does Fionna know how you feel? How does she feel about you?"
I think that she knows, think that she knows, oh, oh
"I can't believe you just did that to me. How can you just tell her that we're dating?! No offense--actually take offense to this if it'll help your dense head to understand it: I don't even like you."
"Though I find that impossible to believe, yet impressive that you managed to get it out without smiling," I said, as Fionna rolled her eyes at me. "Who says you have to like me to date me?"
Laughing, she said, "Oh, Justin, your logic is something that should be preserved for history."
"Pretend, Fi. That's all I'm asking you to do is pretend."
"Okay, well can you pretend like you've been listening the last fifty million times when I told you my name is Fi-on-na, not Fi?! And certainly not Fifi."
"Fifi?" I laughed. "That's kinda cute. Can you make an exception and let me call you that?"
"Only if you like being kinda dead."
"Sometimes I think she could like me. Then other times...not so much."
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
"Okay, well...use some of that Timberlake charm to help her see the light."
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
"I can't see anything, but your white ass in my face."
"Well, maybe if you'd stop your infatuation with staring at my ass for a second you could see."
"See what?"
"That in a matter of two, maybe one, more spins, I'm gonna have kicked your ass at Twister...again."
"That's because you're a goddamn cheater."
"How do you cheat on Twister?"
"You grope people and pretend like you have to have your hand right between their legs in order to make your next move."
"I didn't grope you, Sugar Pie. And I'll show you what it would be like if I was...once we're alone of course." I winked.
Groaning and moving so she was right over me, her face over mine. "You're lucky I'm a nice fake girlfriend, Honey Bunch." She whispered, so that Janice, Richard, and Trace (the designated spinner) who were playing along wouldn’t hear.
"Since when?" I laughed, until she knocked my feet out from under me.
"Ass."
"See, even when you're abusing me, you still can't get your mind off your favorite subject: my ass."
"If you don't shut up, you're gonna make me have to kick my favorite subject.”
I'm love stoned from everywhere and she knows
"Fionna's not the type to be impressed by that type of thing."
"Then what does impress her?"
I think that she knows
Think that she knows, oh, oh
Richard walked into the kitchen. Magically his shirt had disappeared.
I frowned noticing Fionna practically drooling on herself over the sight of him. I walked up behind her and whispered, "You want me to get you a towel?"
At the sound of my voice her face wrinkled into a frown of its own. "For what?" She turned to me, putting her back to Richard, who was currently bent over, head buried as he rummaged through my fridge. "I'm allowed to look."
"And drool while you're looking."
Rolling her eyes, she said, "There's nothing wrong with appreciating a little eye candy."
"And what the hell am I?" I scoffed, holding my arms out to display my sleeveless top and basketball shorts wearing body.
"A boy in need of a shower." She said, fanning the air around her nose.
"He just got back from the same game as I did...yet he's eye candy and I'm just a smelly boy."
"Good, you're catching on." She smirked, before strolling away.
And now I walk around without a care
"Not me."
We drove in silence for a few moments, before I couldn’t take it anymore. Looking over at my mother, I sighed and said, "What are you thinking about?"
She's got me hooked
It just ain't fair, but I...
"Nothing...just all the guys I've passed up on, because they weren't impressive enough to me." She sighed, her eyes on the scenery rolling by outside her window in a blur of greens and browns and the occasional gray where man-made interrupted nature. "Nothing."
"So do you think she'll regret turning me down?"
I'm love stoned and I could swear
"No."
"Thanks, Ma. Glad we had this talk."
That she knows
Think that she knows, oh, oh
She laughed. "I mean, I don't know. She might."
That was anything but comforting. I sighed. "But then, she might not."
She knows, she knows, oh, oh
New job. Starting over.
I hated that. I hated being the new person. I hated trying to get to know people and suffering through all of their nosey ass getting-to-know-you questions. If there was a way to get around that, that would be perfect for me. Like if there was some kind of handshake magic you could do, shake someone's hand and then they know whatever you want them to know about you. However much you want them to know. Live and in color. And then, if they wanted to know something else you hadn't thought of, you could tell them. But then again, that might speed up when you arrive at the awkward I-don't-know-you-you-don't-know-me-we-should-be-saying-something-but-I-don't-have-anything-to-say-to-you silence.
Small talk is overrated.
After a couple of weeks of working at Pamper Pets, I think I had figured everyone out well enough to know who I wasn't going to like...ever. Cora was a short, chubby ball of loud, never going to shut up energy. The woman laughed loud, breathed loud, ate loud, played her music loud (you always knew when her car was coming). She sung occasionally (also loudly, of course), although everyone wished she wouldn't. Or maybe that was just me.
Josh was tall, lanky and had that cross country track star build going on. He never said too much, but when Cora’s around who can? By some stroke of bad luck he wound up dating Cora for the last three…years.
Within the few weeks I've known Kelly, she's changed her hair color at least three times. Brown with blonde highlights. Red, more orange than red, but it was supposed to be red. Then all green for some reason unbeknownst to me. She has 4 tattoos and counting”those are the ones I can see and I don't want to ask if there's more. She had her nose, ears and back of her neck pierced. I didn’t notice the back of the neck one until she pulled her hair up one day randomly. That shit shocked the hell outta me. But despite her off-the-wall style, she's a nice, quiet, calm before the Cora storm.
Then there was the 5’4” redhead Tom who loved to strut around. He was under the delusion that he was a pimp and thought his pinky ring and 70’s styled platform shoes, big lapels having ruffled shirts, and elephant legged pants were proof of that. And don’t you dare try to help bring him into new millennium because that would only cause him to go on his “I'm bringin' it back, baby!" tirade. Tom was always trying to run game on girls. It was hilarious one time when he was hitting on a girl who he had no idea was more man than he was. I don't know how he missed that adam's apple. But then again, nowadays, maybe he didn't miss it at all. I didn't say anything. Let 'em have their little Jerry Springer romance if they wanted to.
"All I hear is raindrops..." Cora was singing, so that meant one thing: God was no longer answering my prayers. “Falling on the rooftop.”
“Oh baby,” And apparently Kelly was singing too. “Tell me why’d you have to go.”
And Tom. “‘Cause this pain I feel it won’t go away.”
And Josh. “And today I’m officially missin’ you.”
"You too, Josh?" I laughed, shaking my head. "Can't we just turn off the radio?"
"No, this is my song." Cora laughed. Loudly, as if there was any other way for her to do…anything. "...every little thing you do, hey, baby. Said it stays on my mind. And I-I’m officially...”
Everybody had joined back in on the ‘on my mind.’ If I wasn’t so busy trying not to laugh at their horrible off-key notes, I might have gotten a headache. "Are y'all even missing anybody?"
A chorus of nope's was my answer as everybody continued to sway about the room, singing along. And before I knew it I was singing too and just as predictable as the song choice from the radio station after everything that had happened in my life, then when I looked up, who else would be there to catch my gaze but...
Mike fucking Tyson.
Just kidding, you know it was that dastardly bastard and master of all things annoying. Some people call him Justin Timberlake.
"Ooooh, can't nobody do it like you. Said everything little thing you do. Hey, baby. It stays on my mind...And Iiiiii...I'm officially missing you.” Cora was still singing, but she’d moved closer to me now, bumping me with her wide full hips. She smiled at my frown. "You were singing before, even though you before thought nobody noticed. So why did you stop now?"
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I've ever had
I shrugged and tried my best not to make eye contact with Justin or anything in his general direction. Tried not to notice the woman he'd walked in with. The pretty woman. The pretty long wavy brunette haired women with the gucci pucci fucci designer clothes and a super model strut.
You don't want me back
You're just the best I've ever had
“Because I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
Cora frowned at me for a moment, before shaking her head. Strolling away, she called back to me over her shoulder. “Weird, girl. You’re very weird.”
“Weird’s just gonna get me a few frowns and heads shaken at me. But crazy…crazy is gonna get you a new self-love wardrobe and a new room with nice padded walls.” I said, wrapping my arms around myself and mouthing ‘hugs, not drugs.’
When she stopped in her tracks and turned back to glare at me with her hands on her made for baby bearing hips, my face must have shown my thoughts (as it often stupidly does) of “Oh, shit, did I say that out loud?” But with no retaliation of her own she just laughed and went back to singing.
Cora’s singing was fading off into the distance”exactly what I wished Justin was doing right now. Instead of strolling his way over toward me, talking casually to the pretty woman at his side.
I had purposely made sure Janice never mentioned him and their almost would-be relationship. I didn’t want to know. I didn’t care to know. I didn’t want to have to explain to her after I’d kicked her ass why telling me about intimate details about her and Justin being…together wasn’t the best idea and how despite kicking her ass that didn’t mean that I cared somehow. In fact, it only meant that I cared that much less.
I’d told her this, more or less”to which she’d maturely replied a la Miss Congeniality, “You like him. You love him. You want to kiss him.” After I’d thrown my second sneaker at her head she finally shut up.
The closer he got to me, the more and more I became interested in organizing the forms and countertop displays. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that he was a few steps away from me. As my mind fumbled for a reason that I would need to get away for a minute, or sixty.
That’s about the time that Tom sidled up to me, still singing. "Well, I thought I could just get over you, baby. But I see there’s something I just can’t do."
"From the way you would hold me." He sang, wrapping his arms around my waist before I could get the chance to smack him. "To the sweet things you told me." Tom was whispering in my ear as I shoved his silly ass away from me. "I just can’t find a way to let go of you."
"Unprofessional. Completely unprofessional." I said, shaking my head at him as he continued to sing and sway. He just laughed and strolled away singing, "Ooh...can’t nobody do it like you..."
"That's an...interesting group of co-workers you have."
I turned at the sound of the voice. I had almost forgotten that he was here. And now he was directly in front of me, with those sea foam blue eyes of his dancing as they watched me, a smirk playing on his Kool-aid red lips that looked suspiciously similar to the same color of the pretty woman at his side’s lipstick shade. I took a moment to try and remember if that’s just the way his lips always looked.
Scoffing, I said, "Interesting...hmmm, I guess that's what you could call them that."
"So do y'all usually burst into song at work, or is this a special occasion?"
I didn't like the way he said that, didn't like the way he was watching me with those sparkling sea foam blue eyes and smirking Kool-aid red lips. "These freaks don't need a reason to turn this place into a bad musical. Especially not that one over there." I pointed over to Cora, who was still singing and now was swaying to the song with some golden lab puppies in her arms.
Turning back to face Justin again, I told myself ‘whatever you do, don’t make eye contact again.’ My brain of course sent out that signal as ‘whatever you do, make eye contact again.’ Fucking typos.
Justin was staring. Openly staring like he had nothing to hide in his eyes. Like there was something in my face that he needed to find. I glanced away, clearing my throat and looking at the other woman. The flawless one was standing to his side, holding a leash, quietly. If Justin's open staring at me bothered her, she was a damn good actress. Clearing my throat again, I said, "You did come here for a reason, right? One that didn't involve rudely staring me down? And don't you ever blink?!"
Blinking silently for a moment, he just grinned back at me. "Since my girlfriend dumped my ass for one of my good friends I've been playing the Debbie Downer role. So I've decided to get out of the funk, I have to get out of this..." He said, arms moving in a circle around him. "environment. New air, new people, new vibes..."
"Well, that's all sounds terribly interesting. But in case you didn't notice from the dogs coming in and out of the door or the damn near incessant barking”this isn't a travel agency."
"And that's where Sadie comes in..." He said, trailing off as he reached up and scooped the white furball up and into his arms. The second she was raised to the point where she could see me, being her little idiot self she started to freak out. Trying desperately to claw out of Justin's arms, her tail wagging in a blur of long white hair.
"What's wrong with her?” Egad, the flawless one can…speak. “She normally doesn't react this way to strangers."
Justin was too busy grinning at me like I’d done something to be proud of to notice that Sadie was still clawing the shit out of his bared arms. “That’s no stranger. She recognizes her Momma.”
“Her Momma?” The flawless one said, raising a questioning brow as she turned to examine me.
Clearing my throat, I said, "So why don't you just have your dog-sitter keep her?"
I watched as his grin fell away from his lips, before he frowned like I should have known that answer already. "Cause she quit on me."
Glancing away, I sighed. "But that was awhile ago. Plenty of time to find someone new."
He opened his mouth and goddamn it, I wanted him to say some corny shit about how he didn't want someone new, how he wanted me. Back. Back with him. Back for good. For always. When his mouth closed wordlessly and his shoulders gave a slow, lazy shrug, I let out a long soft sigh. Like one of those freaks in movies, I had been holding my breath.
Nodding, I glanced away from him and began to shuffle papers around on the counter top. It was just a distraction tactic at first, to give myself time to shake off my previous stupidity then I realized that these were release forms he needed to fill out. The perfect way to get him out of my face. At least for the moment.
"I need you to fill out this, this and this." I said, handing him the papers and a pen to write with. "You can fill 'em out over there." I purposely pointed to the seats furthest from me.
That's when he should have walked away, right?
Of course, he didn't. The pretty one did, wandering over towards a magazine rack in the direction I'd pointed to.
"You don't seem to follow directions very well, Mr. Timberlake."
"Maybe you just aren't being clear enough in your directions, Ms. Houston."
"Get out of my face and fill out the papers. Was that clear enough for you, Mr. Timberlake?"
Sighing, he shook his lowered head. "I see you're still running, Fi."
"I used to be a track star. That's how we do."
His head rose slowly with an even slower smile playing on his lips. Licking those lips, his smile grew into a smirk. "You didn't correct me."
My eyes forgot to roll, my mouth forgot to sigh, and my hand forgot to give him the happy finger as I said, "I know."
He just smiled at me. "That means you..." Leaning in slightly, he whispered like he was about to tell me some top secret confidential information. "love me."
"Just because there's a counter between us, Mr. Timberlake, don't get bold."
He smiled and leaned fully across the counter, his lips resting against my ear. "I'm not worried." He said, his warm breath tickling my ear. "You know you can't hurt your Honey Bunch, Sugar Pie." He added, walking away with the delusion that, that was actually true.
So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
While he was busy filling those forms out, I was busy trying to ignore his existence, but my eyes kept wandering back to him and then over him with thoughts of what it would be like to be under him. And being the bastard that he is, he kept catching me in act.
Strolling back to the counter and handing the papers back, he smiled at me for a moment in silence before saying, “It’s nice seeing you again. You look good, Fi.”
And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
I watched him for a moment, watched him watching me. Glancing away from him, I noticed the flawless one sitting over in the corner playing with a giddy Sadie. “Wish I could say the same thing about you.” I said, before disappearing.
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
My days went a little something like this: Wake up, bitch, shower, bitch, eat, bitch, Janice bitches at me for a few minutes about how I was so stupid to not have stayed with Justin and how I’ve been moping around (though I wonder how she can even tell the difference) and being an extra pain in her pilates loving ass (all the while she’d be smiling and sugaring it up with honey, silly and sweetie) then I drive to work, bitch on the way there, work, bitch while I’m there. Then I come back.
If Janice is there she’ll start off with something nice and disarming like ‘Hey, how was your day?’ but that would just be the sneaky beginning to what inevitably turned into yet another lecture, then I would inevitably have to remind her to shut the fuck up and mind her own business.
Friendship. Apparently, this was what friends did. Remind their friends of their mistakes, over and over again. And over a-fucking-gain. I didn’t necessarily agree that I had made a mistake, Janice apparently thought I had since according to her I didn’t go five minutes without bringing up Justin’s name into every conversation even though I’d banned her from talking about him around me (which clearly she was failing at doing). So maybe she did get that right, maybe I did bring him up a lot, but that doesn’t mean I made a mistake. She doesn’t know about the deal. We had a plan. Justin and I being a real couple wasn’t part of that deal, or that plan.
Friendship. Since I wasn’t exactly an old pro when it came to having friends, when Janice was trying to befriend me at first I thought something was wrong with her. I wondered to myself, ‘Why is this chick being so nice, asking me all these pointless things?’ Then one day she just asked if we could hang out sometime outside of work, my immediate thought was, “Shit, is this chick coming on to me?” That’s how rusty I was in the friendship department. I couldn’t even comprehend something as simple as she was just trying to be my friend, instead my mind instantly jumped to her having to be a lesbian.
Needless to say, she turned out to be heterosexual, although there was times when I wondered about her though. Times when she’d talk admiringly about other females a little too long, but when I’d say something about it she’d laugh it off saying, “I’m sorry, I forgot when I talk like that you get all jealous. But don’t worry, you’re the only girl for me.” At which point, I’d laugh too, shove her and say, “I love you too, bitch.”
Friendship. Singular. She was my one and only true friend and now she was in the process of telling me how stupid I was. And it was times like this when I wondered why I’d ever wanted this annoying ass thing called friendship in the first place.
“If everything you do and everything you see reminds you of him, isn’t that like some kind of cosmic sign?”
“No.” I frowned. “I’ve been delusional before and looked at those yellow construction ground sign thingies and seen McDonald’s Golden Arches.”
“But that reminded you of the Arches because you were hungry. Everything reminding you of Justin is because…”
Raising my eyebrows, I supplied, “…I’m hungry?”
“For him.” She giggled, wiggling her eyebrows in a manner which I’m sure she thought was seductive in some odd way.
“Oh, fuck off, Janice.” I groaned, waving off her stupid little theory. “I don’t desire anything right now but for you to change the fucking subject for once. You’re the one constantly jabbering about him. If I bitch about some idiot customer at work who let their dog take a dump in the waiting room and didn’t bother to clean it up, then you chime in with, ‘Oh, well if you hadn’t quit on Justin you could have just had to deal with one idiot and one dog.’”
“I never called him an idiot.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s because you’re too nice to call things what they are.”
“And if I wasn’t so nice, what would I call you?” She asked, raising her eyebrows at me quizzically as she leaned into the kitchen counter propping her head on her hand.
Narrowing my eyes, I watched her smiling at me with her arms folded in front of her chest now. I pushed away from the counter and rose from the stool I'd been sitting on. “Nothing,” I smiled, crossing my arms against my chest, mimicking her stance. “Because you don’t have a death wish.”
She giggled. “Whatever, silly, have a good day at work.” She said and with that she wandered off somewhere in the house.
I should have known that wasn’t just well-wishing and was actually some kind of curse. I figured that out when my luxury vehicle (’89 Mazda hatchback) decided that morning it didn’t care what I wanted, it wasn’t going to start.
Cut to five minutes later, after I’d sufficiently kicked the tires and slammed the doors and cursed all the curses I knew, I called the one person I knew who would come over and pick my pathetic ass up.
“Your chariot has arrived.” Richard smiled through the rolled down window of his big body Hummer, right before he hopped out to run over to the passenger side to open the door for me. He knew I wasn’t into that ridiculous chivalry crap, but every time I reminded him of that he was quick to say, “You like to sarcastically abuse people. Sometimes even physically so. I like to open doors for ladies. Deal with it.”
As he closed the door on me, leaving me alone inside the gas guzzler, my eyes fell to his…CD carrier? (I feel like there’s another word for it, but being that CDs are damn near in the dinosaur era, I’m sure even if I asked someone what it was called, they’d just get confused and say something retarded like ‘data CD?’) Flipping through the pages, with damn near half of it being hip-hop, a quarter R&B and then the rest a miscellaneous slew of jazz, oldies, and the random rock band, I was nearly to the end when I saw one that made me smile. Pulling the record out, I popped it into his CD player as he slid into the driver’s seat.
Hearing the opening chords of “No Strings Attached” Richard’s eye bugged out. “Where did you…I-I…you…I don’t…”
“No need to explain.” I laughed. “Everybody and the pope got that album.”
He shook his head and sighed as he swung us out into the street. “You really know how to fuck up a man’s gangsterism.”
“I can’t believe you just said that with a straight face.” Shaking my head, I laughed. “You’re so gangst-er with your flip-flops and your tight shirts.”
Frowning, he glanced down at his shirt. “You think my shirt’s tight?” He asked, tugging on it.
“It’s not tight. It’s gangst-er . Just like this NSA album.”
“You aren’t going to tell anyone about that, are you?” He asked, nervously glancing from me to the CD player to the road again.
“Who am I gonna tell? Justin?” I laughed.
He frowned for a moment, eyes straight ahead on the road. “Have you talked to him lately?”
“Not since I quit.”
“Really? “ He glanced at me, eyes darting quickly back to the road. “Well, I was talking to him yesterday and he mentioned seeing you…”
It was my turn to frown. “Oh, yesterday? At work?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, glancing at me again.
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I saw him. He was bringing Sadie to drop off.”
“When I saw him Sadie was still with him.”
I frowned at his profile, wondering where the hell this sudden interrogation was going. “Why do I get the feeling that I need a lawyer present?”
He laughed, but it wasn’t his usual laughter. This laughter didn’t make me want to laugh along. “I was just asking…”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded, unconvinced. “Well, he was just setting everything up. He’ll drop her off right before he actually leaves.”
“When is that?”
“How should I know? I stopped babysitting him more than a month ago.” I snapped.
He glanced at me for a second as if he was looking for something this time, before his eyes went back to the road. Nodding, his body slowly relaxed. “Hey, how about after you get off work we…”
Turning up the volume, I cried, “Oooh, I always loved this song!”
If he felt better after our little game of Q&A good for him, but all it had done was given me another reason to be pissed. I didn’t need another reason. I was pretty good at coming up with irrational excuses all on my own. So I let the boy band rhythms drown out his words.
I had about a minute to go before I was late, so I was doing something that I rarely did. Running.
And as I’m busy being late and rushing in like I have the po-po on my ass, who would I find waiting for me to make my morning just a little closer to hell?
Why, Justin and the flawless one, of course!
So you sailed away
I noticed him from half-way across the room and stopped in my tracks. He was laughing and talking with Flawless, hands familiarly close.
Into a grey sky morning
He must have felt eyes on him, despite the fact that he should have built up some kind celebrity immunity to things like that, because he turned and those sea foam blue eyes locked with my chocolate browns, but he didn’t move away from the woman. I don’t know why it disappointed me that he didn’t jump away like he’d suddenly realized she was on fire. He had nothing to hide.
And why would he? He was never really mine.
Now I'm here to stay
But sometimes never is a hard pill to swallow.
Love can be so boring
Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I pushed my feet to move forward again. He was still watching me. Flawless was talking to him, but he was watching me.
Nothing's quite the same now
Since they were doing such a splendid job of watching Sadie, she managed to get away and make a dash to me. In a matter of seconds my pants were covered in white fur and Sadie couldn’t have been happier about it if she tried.
“I guess I missed you with your pretending to like me just so you could use me for belly rubs.” I laughed, watching her quickly roll onto her back, getting belly rub ready.
“Sometimes my belly needs rubbing too.”
Rising to my full height, I sighed. Why did he have to look even better up close?
He smiled and I started to relax, until he suddenly moved forward, forward into my space, forward and taking me into his arms. Trying to resist it, but failing as always, my arms went around his neck, his around my waist. “Aren’t you supposed to give a girl a warning with the finger wiggling thing first?”
“Giving you a choice doesn’t always work out so great for me.” He said, pulling away from me before I was ready to let go.
I just say your name now
I was already late, so what the hell… “Justin,” I started, pausing as my eyes flickered to the other woman. Flawless had moved over to Sadie and had become the new belly rubber. “Can I talk to you a minute?”
“Sure.” He smiled. Turning back to Flawless, he said, “Excuse me, we’re just””
“Oh, that’s fine. I gotta make a call anyways.” She smiled, waving off any follow-up words he might have had and pulled out her cell, leading Sadie over to a chair.
Moving over into the lobby and closer to the glass doors, so as to give myself the illusion of privacy, I sighed. It was just Justin and I. That hadn’t happened in awhile. And now I couldn’t remember why I wanted to talk him. My mind was too busy worrying over what my hair was looking like, why hadn’t I picked something better to wear, but I couldn’t have picked anything better really. We had a uniform. I could have done something with my hair though. Some make-up. A little nail polish. Did guys ever notice things like that anyways though? I mean, unless they had some kind of fetish for feet or hands, maybe, but otherwise did they care about things like that? Better yet, why the fuck am I suddenly caring?
Glancing into his eyes, I found him calmly watching me, a slight smile dancing on the edges of his lips.
My eyes dropped to my toes. My sneaker covered toes. My dirty sneakers. I definitely should have picked a different shoe. Since I didn’t know how to start, I just said the first thing that came to mind. “You look nice.”
“I look nice?”
What was it you wanted?
“Yeah?” I nodded, my brow wrinkling slightly, more uncertainty settling in.
“I’m not doubting that I look good ‘cause that’s a given.” He smiled that cocky arrogant son of a bitch smile of his and that only gave me one option: smile back. “But you never compliment me, so it makes me wonder if there’s an apocalypse about to happen that only you know about. I always knew you were psycho.”
“You mean psychic?”
Shaking his head with a grin, he said, “No, I had it right the first time.”
Glancing away I smiled, checked my toes again. Yep, they were still there. Now I could maybe try to look at him again. “Actually,” I pushed myself to start, forcing my eyes to stay on his at least for a few more seconds, then I could check on my toes again. “I just wanted to ask your opinion on some things. Be honest, okay?”
Could it be I'm haunted?
“Alright. Hit me.”
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
He asked for it, so I smacked him upside the head.
“Guess I forgot who I was talking to when I said that.” He grumbled, pretending like my little hit actually hurt as he rubbed his head sullenly.
Taking a deep breath, I decided to just dive in. “Abortion. Pro-choice or Pro-life?”
“Pro-life.” He said easily, though I’d been expecting to at least frown at the seeming randomness. Leave it up to Justin to not be so predictable. “Now before you start with all the women’s right to choose what she does with her body stuff, I agree with that to an extent. But that’s a life, you shouldn’t just kill the baby just because you were too lazy to strap up. It’s a hard call though ‘cause even if you make that hard choice to keep the kid even though you know you aren’t ready for a baby and give it up for adoption you never know what could happen to your baby. But you got to hope for the best, give the kid a chance at least”a chance to fight.”
“Capital punishment, for or against it?”
“Again since it’s a matter of playing God and taking a life, I’ve gotta be against it. Plus I think it’s worse of a punishment to live out the rest of your days in jail than simply being executed and then that’s it. And you never want to kill an innocent person, which happens too often since not everyone gets fair representation, making the legal system automatically in favor of the privileged: rich, white people generally. But green is always the most important color.”
“Creation or evolution/big bang?”
“That’s a hard one since science and religion both go about trying to answer the same question, only they use very different methods. Science is tentative and subject to change by new theories and evidence, but religion is solid, unchanging”a straight forward answer. Having said that I don’t see why the two can’t be combined. God could have put all the necessary materials for evolution together and just let it happen.” A frown suddenly overcame his features and I got the strange urge to kiss the frown lines away from his forehead. “Why are you asking me all this?”
Shrugging, I said, “I was just wondering.”
“Just wondering if underneath all this delectable sexiness and mop of curls, which I so stupidly grew back, if there was a functioning brain…well, surprise, surprise there is.” And on that note he started walking away.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Justin.”
Laughing, he stopped short in his next step causing me to nearly run into his back. “Yes, you did, stop frontin’.” Turning to face me again, he wore a playful smirk as he tilted his head to the side slightly. “So since you’ve grilled me. I’ve got a question of my own. Be honest, okay?”
“Okay. Hit me.” I smiled as he pretended to slug me in the jaw.
“You were testing me because you love me and you don’t want to. You wanted me to fail.” The more I began to frown, the bigger his grin became. “Now speaking honestly, of course, I passed, didn’t I? I aced that shit, didn’t I?”
I don't want you back
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t even fully look at him.
But he knew anyways.
You're just the best I ever had
Chuckling to himself, he nodded. “Yeah, I definitely aced that shit.” He grinned. “When you’re done playing games, call me.” He said, strolling back the way we’d come.
I watched him walk away for several beats, before I frowned realizing that if I didn’t say anything soon he was going to get the last word. And I obviously couldn’t have that.
The best I ever had
“Even if you weren’t with that twig with perfect store bought boobs, I still wouldn’t call you!” I yelled after him. All he did was laugh, shake his head and continue to walk away. Turning my back to him, I sighed, muttering to myself, “Not because I didn’t want to”I just haven’t paid my phone bill yet.”
The best I ever…
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This chapter featured: Vertical Horizon “Best I Ever Had”
J. Timberlake "I Think She Knows (Interlude)"
