“A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.”
”George Jean Nathan
I never understood those animal freaks who could somehow justify why an animal's life was more precious than a human's. I never understood how they could look down so heavily on meat-eaters when they turned around and started mass consuming veggie's lives. Therefore limiting their precious little Bambi, Thumper or Dumbo's next meal ticket. Vegetables are living things to you know. In order to survive you must kill, as horrible as that sounds.
But looking into the adorable eyes of the little collie, German Shepard, black and golden Labrador, and beagle puppies Pamper Pets raised for adoption, I was starting to see how much easier it was to get along with and therefore like animals over humans. Sure animals could be annoying, but it was all so innocent with them. They didn’t know any better. People knew better and did it anyways. People could talk to you, whine to you, bitch, moan and groan, and nag you to death about a whole bunch of pointless things. People could lie, cheat, and lead you on. People could make simple things so unbearably complicated. But not animals.
There was no talking, no nagging, no complications. Just love, happiness, fun. A dog wags its tail, its happy. Growls, not so happy. Straightforward. They didn't try to be cryptic. Didn't try to spring hidden emotions on you. Didn't have to try to get you to love them. Just looking at a little puppy rolling around or chasing its tail, you'd have to be an icy ass bitch not to fall in love. And once you fell, it doesn't hurt, because they just loved you back and that was it.
But best of all, animals didn't stalk you.
Unfortunately, people did. And some people were pretty damn good at it, too.
"Fionna!"
I cringed at the sound of the voice. Looking up, I wasn’t surprised to see Cora. "I think my ears may be bleeding."
She just smiled for a moment, clearly satisfied with herself. "The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Remember that. So holding things in and pretending like it's not there for the sake of not being the squeaky wheel is just plain...dumb. You're not dumb so stop trying to make a habit out of it." As she was walking away, she added, "He's back again."
I sighed and nodded, walking out towards the waiting room and lobby. Justin was standing by the doors with his hands in his pants pocket. I sighed and started walking back the way I came.
"Now you're starting to make me reconsider that you not being dumb thing."
Looking over to my right, there was a smiling Cora, shaking her head at me.
I didn’t feel like arguing with her at the moment, so I turned on my heel and marched back over to Justin. This would keep her quiet for the time being. Standing a few feet away from him, he hadn't noticed me yet and I was still thinking about turning around and going back to huddling in the back. Turning to walk away again, my eyes connected with Cora. She shook her head and pointed at him. I frowned and shook my head back at her. She shook her head again and stabbed her finger in his direction. Before I could do anything else, Justin turned around, making the decision for me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Cora smiling. Bitch.
"What happened to your silicon loving shadow?" I sighed.
He smiled as his eyes landed on me. Taking a moment to just observe me before he said, "They’re real."
Not the answer I was expecting. All I could do was blink for a few seconds. "I'm assuming you know that from some kind of guy intuition and not from..."
"Cupping, squeezing, rubbing, kneading and kissing them?" He smiled a smile that I didn’t like. That I didn't like at all.
Definitely not the answer I was expecting. I blinked several times and swallowed back words he might misconstrue as me caring in some way, before saying, "Y-yeah, that. All that."
He just smiled.
"Well, I'm glad I dropped what I was doing for this." I started to walk away. "This thought scarring moment."
"Friend. She's just a friend."
That stopped me.
"No more open to being groped by me than you are."
That didn't exactly help to ease my fears about his relationship with Flawless. Well, they weren’t so much fears”as they were…well, nothing. They were nothing because I didn’t care. "What's her name?"
"Sara Jo."
Sara Jo, how hillbilly snaggled tooth cute. "Does she always look like she just stepped out of the pages of Vogue magazine?"
Laughing, he nodded. "Pretty much. It's one of her tragic flaws."
"I can see how that would be annoying." I smiled. "Meeting the first person in the world who probably looks better than you at the buttcrack of dawn. Must have killed you inside."
He smiled, pretending to be all aww-shucks about it. "Two compliments in two weeks, don't tell me, but the sky is falling right now isn't it?"
"Yes, Chicken Little, it is." I smiled.
"Speaking of chicken...you, me, PF's, whaddaya say?"
"The same thing I've been saying. The same thing I've been saying for the last two weeks. The same thing I've been saying for the last two weeks in which you were supposed to be away on vacation instead of busy stalking me."
"When I came in here two weeks ago, I wasn't expecting to see you here."
"So?"
"So, when I saw you...it just..." He trailed off with a shrug. "I changed my plans."
Sighing, I said, "Have you gotten a new dog-sitter? Who's Sadie with while you're being creepy stalker guy?"
"I thought I was more suave flirty guy who waits around for your lunch break that never seems to come."
"No, definitely creepy stalker guy." I laughed.
"She's with her grandmother." He watched me quietly for a moment, a smile growing on his face. "Look, well, if you don't want to go to lunch with me, then come to dinner with me. I won't take no for an answer on this. I want you to meet my mom."
"You made two mistakes. One, you assumed that if I didn't want to go to lunch that by changing it to dinner I'd suddenly want to come--that it was somehow timing vs. the you-ness. Two, by changing it to dinner you've made it more a couple of thing. Because everybody knows lunch is for friends and dinner is for lovers. And three, I can't meet your mother. Girlfriends meet mothers."
"You said it was two mistakes. That was three."
"As if that's surprising or note worthy. Just ask anybody who knows me lately and I'm sure they'll be able to fill your ear with just how dumb I am."
Since Cora was conveniently walking by at the moment, she just had to add in her two cents. "She can be pretty stupid sometimes."
"Yeah,” Tom said, co-signing to Cora’s statement. “Like the one time when she went on a long tirade about why dog biscuits shouldn't be called biscuits at all, since they look and taste nothing like a biscuit."
Laughing, Kelly joined in. "Yeah and then we asked her how would she know what a dog biscuit tasted like..."
What the hell were they all just standing around waiting for their chance to jump in and piss me off? Well at least Josh knew how to mind his own business.
"And she said..." Josh said, before getting cut off by Cora.
"I was hungry, okay!” Cora said, imitating me. Poorly. I mean, I don’t sound that whiny-annoying, do I? “It was just sitting by my opened granola bar and I didn't think or look, just popped it into my mouth."
Laughing, they all finally strolled away with murmurs of "Oh, man, she's dumb,” in their wake, off to work (aka eavesdrop on more unfortunates).
"See, what did I tell ya?" I shrugged.
He just frowned at me for a moment. "Who are you and what have you done with my Sugar Pie?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" I laughed.
Circling me, he narrowed his eyes, watching me suspiciously like I was public enemy number one. "My Fi would never let a group of...of...freaks just openly assault her like that. And she sure as hell wouldn't agree with them."
"They're not freaks, just...misguided goofy at times fools."
"See!" He pointed at me, in horror. "You didn't correct me. And you...you defended them."
"You're starting to annoy me now. Stranger things have happened in the world."
"Starting to annoy you? I've spent at least five, ten minutes around you and I'm only starting to annoy you? Usually by the first two minutes I've already succeeded in pissing you off and have you off looking for something to strangle me with."
I shrugged. "Maybe I'm going through that God forsaken thing of growing up, Peter Pan."
"Oh, yeah? Prove it."
"Prove what?"
"That you've really changed so much. That you're really 'growing up.'"
"And how do you propose I do this?"
"I like you, Fi. I really, really like you. Girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, fake girlfriend, whatever. I like you. I like spending time with you. Fi, I want you to come to dinner tonight. I want you to meet my mom. Fi..."
"FI-ON-NA!" I groaned, holding my head. It was people like him that kept companies like Tylenol and Aspirin in business. "Damn, is it that hard to say? My goddamn name is Fi-fucking-on-na. Nothing more, nothing less. And if you weren't so much of a lazy, stubborn, pain in my ass, asshole, you would have figured that out by now." I hissed, trying not to let any of the customers hear me.
Grinning broadly, he threw his arms around me. "Aww, now that's my Sugar Pie."
"And that's my spine you've so kindly decided didn't need to be in one piece anymore."
He pulled back, still grinning like the fool he was. "I'll be back when your shift is over to pick you up."
"Pick me up for what?"
"For what?” He laughed, shaking his head at me. “Have you not been listening to a word I said?"
"I really try not to."
"Dinner. Tonight. You. Me. Mom."
"No."
"Yes."
"...No."
He smiled. "I'll see you later."
"Oh, no, no." I shook my head, hoping the words combined with the movement would help the message to sink into his thick skull.
"Oh, yes, yes. Actually, instead I’ll pick you up from your place at seven." He smiled, disappearing out the doors, as I frowned after him.
I sighed. "I'm..."
"Stupid?" Cora supplied. They did this shit so much, I couldn’t even be surprised with them suddenly appearing out of nowhere.
Josh said, "Dumb?"
Tom added, "Functionally retarded?"
Before Kelly could chime in, I said, "Oh, fuck off, all y'all. I was gonna say screwed."
Cora laughed. She seemed to be always laughing when I was frowning. "I wouldn't be frowning at the thought of being screwed by a guy as fine as he is."
"You know your boyfriend is right here."
She just smiled and sidled up next to Josh. Wrapping her arms around him, she said, "Look, but don't touch. That’s the rule."
"So if you went to dinner with another man, say another man that looked and sounded and acted like Justin and also met his mother at this dinner, that would be cool? As long as you looked but didn't touch?"
"Well..." She trailed off with a frown.
"Exactly." I sighed, too busy frowning myself to enjoy her frown. "I'm screwed."
“What exactly do you think you’re doing? It’s Friday.” Janice said, curled up on the couch in front of the downstairs TV.
She had rollers in her hair, faded pink pajama pants that I knew for a fact were high-waters, but they were her favorite so that wouldn’t stop her from wearing ‘em and a bowl of ice cream in her lap with the remote beside her”all signs pointed that she was in for the night.
Frowning, I glanced into a nearby mirror. I had a long skirt on that hugged me in all the right places and flared out at the bottom with an orange V-neck which showed just a hint of cleavage--and heels on. I'd even fumbled with make-up. I wasn’t a happy camper. All I needed was one semi-bad comment and I’d be sitting on the couch right next to her. “…Yeah.”
“A Friday night.”
“Yeah.”
“Where’s your usual Friday night get-up of jammies and a scowl?” She stood up and walked over to me, before circling me. She gasped. “Are you doing what those under seventy-years olds do…and…and…going out?” She pointed out the darkened window. “There.”
Rolling my eyes, I laughed. “You’re the sweet Betty Bop one, I’m the sarcastic bitter Janeane Garofalo.”
“Betty Bop? Couldn’t I have been some pretty princess instead?”
“Be whatever you want…you’re just gonna have to be it alone.” I said, heading towards the door.
“I thought you said Richard called and canceled y’all’s date?”
“He did.”
Her eyebrow raised in an unasked question. “So…”
“So…what?”
“No Richard, means you usually don’t go out.”
“What are you talking about? I go out all the time. It’s not like the mail gets delivered to the door.”
“Actually, it does. Remember, we posted that mailbox on the front of the house, right by the door.”
“Well, there’s still the newspaper.”
She frowned at me. “We don’t get any newspapers.”
“Oh,” My brow furrowed in confusion. “Oh, no wonder Miss Gersher was always waving her arms at me wildly when I went to get the paper. I always thought she was waving, so I smiled and waved back.”
“A friendly thief.” She laughed.
I shrugged. “The best kind.”
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten.” She said, watching me closely.
“Forgotten what?”
“Who are you going out with? Not me, not Richard. Then who?”
“You know I know other people than you two…”
“Like who?” And she actually had the nerve to laugh at that. “Sadie? Justin?” Her laughter died as soon as she said his name. Her smile was gone as she shook her head. “No, Fionna. No, no, no.”
“What, what, what?” I frowned.
“You can’t. Not like this. Not when you’re still with Richard.”
“Can’t what?”
“You suck at playing dumb, you know that?”
“I wouldn’t say…suck…more like…”
Cutting me off, she said, “You’re going out with Justin. Justin ‘your ex-boyfriend, ex-boss’ Timberlake.”
“Yeah,” I nodded, laughing. “that would be the unshakable idiot.”
“Why?”
I sighed. “That’s what I’ve been asking myself all day.”
“All day, huh? So when did y’all set this little rendezvous up?”
“It’s not a rendezvous. It’s dinner.” Coughing through my next words, I said, “With his mom.”
“With his mom?” She gasped. “You’re meeting his…mother.” She whispered it like it was a dirty word.
“And the award for Most Dramatic Performance in a Mundane Conversation goes to…” I made a drum roll sound before pretending to struggle to open up the invisible envelope. “Janice Mitchell.”
“God, you’re in love with him aren’t you?”
“And the award for Most Creative Random Delusion in a Mundane Conversation goes to…”
“If it wasn’t for Fionna Mackenzie Houston and her frustratingly sickening denial of her true love with a certain Mr. Timberlake, this award would have never been possible. Thank you!” She said, taking a bow.
“You ass-wipe, who said you won that?” I laughed.
“You know what’s the worst part is that I can’t even blame this pointless turn in the conversation on your weirdness. It’s his weirdness rubbed off on you, turned Fionna, then rubbed off on me.”
Smiling, I threw my arms over her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “That’s what friends are for…”
“So you and Justin are…just friends, huh?”
Hearing honking from outside our house, I peeked out the blinds. It was Justin. “Well, I gotta go.”
“He just honked. What, he can’t come to door and pick you up like a nice young man would?”
“You mean like Richard would?” Rolling my eyes, I said, “I’ll be back later, Mom. Don’t wait up.”
“Call me if you need anything, sweetie! Don’t stay out too late! Ooh, and don’t let him near your goodies unless…”
“Mom…” I whined.
Jumping in my space, she gave me a tight hug. “Have fun, okay. Open, carefree, adult, “ She winked. “Fun.”
“Okay.” I groaned, half-out the door.
“Even though I don't approve of the timing...just make sure you remember where you put your panties, makes the walk of shame easier.”
“Lawd, have mercy…”
I practically sprinted out the door, with Janice standing in the doorway, smiling and waving goodbye.
I was in his car. Justin’s car. Driving somewhere I didn’t even know. I watched him driving in silence for a moment, staring at his profile. My eyes wandered over his body as my nose was falling in love with his cologne.
“You look…clean.”
“Clean, huh?” He laughed. “As opposed to all those other times when I looked like a shower was a foreign concept to me, right?”
I just shrugged and looked out the window. That was all the compliment he was getting out of me.
“You’re looking pretty…clean yourself.”
Turning back to him, I said, “What are we doing?”
“I’m driving us to dinner. You’re sitting there, half ignoring my existence, half struggling to find an out of character for you compliment.”
“Oh,” I laughed. “Yeah, that.” Dinner. His mom was going to be there. We were going to have dinner with his mother. This was a bad idea. Why the hell did I agree to this? I was no good with mothers, I couldn’t even get along with my own. “Meeting your mom isn’t a big deal, right? I mean, it’s normal for ex-couples to have dinner together and meet parents.”
“Well, it’s parent, singular. And she doesn’t know that we used to be a couple.”
“What does she know?”
He smirked, keeping his eyes straight ahead. “Enough.”
“She knows I’m coming?”
“Yep.” Smiling, he glanced over at me. I was biting my bottom lip, my right knee bouncing anxiously. “Relax. It’s just my mom. No reason to be nervous.”
“Who said I was nervous?” I frowned. Nervous? Where was he getting this shit from? Forcing my hands away from my mouth so I wouldn’t start biting my nails, since I’d actually taken the time to paint them for once, I said, “I don’t have to impress her. It’s not like we’re dating or anything. I already have a boyfriend.”
“Where is he tonight?” He asked, glancing at me.
“At home sick.”
“And you’re not being a good girlfriend and staying in to take care of your man?” He tsked, shaking his head at me.
“Why don’t you take me over there to his place instead.”
Glancing at me, he smiled. “Because we’re almost there.”
“Almost doesn’t count.” I said, rolling my eyes. “And where exactly is there?”
Taking a right, he pulled into a parking lot that I’d been to too many times not to know the route there. “Here.”
“Are you serious?” I asked, staring at PF’s.
He slid out of the car. “What?”
Following his lead, I said, “This is where you’re taking your mother to eat?”
“It’s where I always used to take you to eat.”
“Yeah, but that was our thing.”
As soon as he started grinning I knew I had said the wrong thing. “We had a thing, didn’t we?”
“No,” I frowned, shaking my head. “I misspoke is all.”
“Of course.” He smiled, holding out the bend of his arm for me to take.
“Since when did you learn manners?” I frowned, slapping his arm away.
“Since you’ve been gone…” He sang, hand-banging and throwing up the devil horns.
“Freak.” I laughed. “You’re such a freak.”
“If you had of been a real good girlfriend you would’ve come to appreciate that about me.” He flicked his tongue at me, undulating it in ways that made my brow wrinkle and would probably make my toes curl.
“Eww…” Scrunching up my nose, I shoved him away from me as he laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh too. “How did you get to be so…‘special’?”
He shrugged, then put on heavy country accent. “Just lucky, I reckon.”
“Your backwater country accent sucks.”
“What? I am backwater country. How can you say that?”
“Easy, first I open my mouth then…”
Cutting me off by grabbing hold of my lips and pushing them closed, he said, “You’re annoying, you know that.”
I shoved him away again. “Apparently annoying isn’t a good defense against stalkers. Hmmm. Maybe I’ll try pepper-spray next time. What do you think?”
“I think you’ve gotten more annoying since you’ve been dating Richard.” He sighed, shaking his head. “But it’s okay, I can deal with annoying, Sugar Pie.”
“Damn. Pepper-spray, it is.”
My eyes scanned the crowd nervously, but before I could even be conscious of what and/or who I was looking for Justin said, “Charlene came down with the flu yesterday and…he’s not going to be dumb enough to show his face anytime soon.”
I looked into his reassuring sea foam blue eyes for a moment getting lost on a peaceful thought-wave, then I blinked. Frowned. “I wasn’t thinking about that.”
He smirked and nodded. “Of course not.”
I sighed, rolling my eyes. “But if I was thinking about things like that, which of course I wasn’t, then…” I trailed off with another sigh, forcing my eyes back to his. “Thanks for lookin’ out.”
His smirk graduated to a full blown smile, warm and gentle. “Anytime.”
I turned away from him then, not wanting him to get any bright ideas of turning that into one of those staring contests he seemed to like so much, when I cleared my throat, he finally seemed to take the hint. With him leading the way, we snaked through the rows of tables to the back corner spot that in delusional times I used to think of as our booth.
Standing awkwardly to the side, I watched an older curly-haired woman stand up from the table we were heading towards and embrace Justin in a tight hug before proceeding to smack him upside the head while muttering about how he was late. I smiled. If this was his mother, I liked her already and that was saying a lot coming from me. Though she had a whole dinner to change my mind.
Justin turned away from his mother, rubbing his head with a playful scowl. “With a mother who greets me with violence, I guess I was destined for an abusive woman.” He said, winking at me like that was some kind of inside joke between the two of us. I just rolled my eyes. Seeing that, his smile grew. “Fionna, this is my Momma, Lynn. Ma, this is Fionna, my girlfriend.”
If I had of been eating or drinking at the moment, I would have surely choked and died. Laughing, I said, “Justin, I never knew you were a comedian.”
Moving to side to let me side in first, he frowned. “That’s because I’m not.”
“Well, you sounded hilarious with that girlfriend thing.” I said, scooting to the furthest side of the booth.
Lynn’s eyes darted back and forth between us, an amused smirk playing on her lips. “So you’re not his girlfriend?”
“My luck is pretty bad,” I laughed, shaking my head. “But not that bad.”
Lynn threw back her head, laughing. “She’s funny. I like her.”
“She just insulted me.” He pouted and even I had to admit he looked kind of cute, sitting there with his little bottom lip poked out. But I didn’t have to admit that out loud.
“Doesn’t make it any less funny, though.” Lynn laughed again, shaking her head. ”You always were…overly wishful. You can’t just say someone’s your girlfriend and then expect that to automatically make it so, Justin.” She scolded, hitting his arm that rested on the table. “I raised you better than that.” Apparently Justin wasn’t a very quick learner, because despite the fact that he’d pulled his hand away after the first blow, he’d put it right back. She hit him again. So far I still liked her. “Only a fine as hell, rich beyond measure, smoother than silk man could get away with shit like that.”
Justin’s lip was hanging pretty low now and I just couldn’t help but laugh.
“Thanks, Ma. Thanks, Fi. I’m definitely feeling the love right now.”
“Thanks, Fi-on-na. Say it with me now: Fi-on-na.” I corrected him, grabbing his lips and physically making his mouth form the words. “He never seems to get that right. If I’ve told him once, I’ve told him a thousand times…”
“What can I say? My son’s dense.”
Justin sighed and looked as if he was starting to regret this dinner.
My smile grew.
It only got worse from there, with one horrible, embarrassing baby story after another. I guess it was only so many times Justin could say “Aww, Ma, not the _____ story.” Or “Please don’t show those pictures. Please do not have them in your purse.” Of course she had them and of course she showed it, to me, to the waiter if he happened to be around at the time. Mr. Striptease apparently didn’t like his bare baby ass being exposed to strangers, or me for that matter, though I’m sure he would argue that I was a stranger too, on the account of my being strange.
Anyways, it was only so much torture Justin could take before he had to go seek refuge in the men’s room (or in his case, the little mama's boy's room). Now it was just me and his mother. I wasn’t nervous until he was out of sight and she turned towards me with a smile. I glanced at her bag wondering if she’d found some ‘goodies’ on me.
I watched her smile grow a fraction of an inch to the right, before she started, “I know I joked around about him a lot tonight, but Justin’s really one of those one in a million guys. And I’m not just saying that because I pushed his big head out and raised him, but it’s true. I know he tries to be all smooth and whatnot around the ladies, but underneath all the bullshit, he’s really just that horribly idealistic romantic.”
Shaking my head, I laughed. “Well, that’s definitely not me.”
“That’s good though. You both shouldn’t have blinders on with your heads in the clouds all day. Someone’s gotta be grounded and realistic. But the thing about romantics versus the grounded realistic folks, is that not only do they allow themselves to dream, they go for it. Y’know, they go for want they want in life. And sometimes you can become too grounded, too bogged down by reality. Sometimes you need that rosy-tinted view of life that only a hopeless romantic can give you.”
“I’m getting the feeling that all of this is going somewhere, but for the life of me I can’t figure out where. Or I do know, but I’m just hoping that’s not it.”
“Whatever you don’t want it to be, that’s exactly what it is.” She paused then, a smile growing on her face. “I’ve seen Justin with a lot of women…and I don’t mean that in no man-whore kinda way. For better or worse, he’s pretty much strictly the relationship type. But with you…” She shook her finger at me with a smile. “There’s just something about him when he’s around you, but I can’t put my finger on it. He’s different.”
“A good different?”
“Definitely. Definitely good. He smiles a lot, his eyes twinkle, he looks at you…and I know he’s proud. You’re not even his girlfriend apparently, but he’s showing you off like a proud in love boyfriend would.” She paused again, this time a thoughtful frown overtaking her features. “Fionna, you seem like a nice girl. My son’s a nice boy. So what does that mean?”
I frowned. I thought this was dinner, not a pop quiz. “…we’re nice people?”
She smiled, shaking her head. “That y’all would make a nice couple.”
“Oh,” My frown deepened. I think we were finally getting to the point where I might have to change my mind on liking her. “Well, I already have a boyfriend.”
She was frowning now. “Do you like him?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“I mean, y-yeah, I like him. Of course, I like him. He’s my boyfriend.”
“Okay, then,” She nodded. “Do you love him?”
“I”well, you see, we”he”“ I sighed. “We haven’t been together that long.”
Lynn smiled and calmly repeated, “Do. You. Love. Him.”
Pushing a long breath of air out, I stared at the ceiling for a moment. “I guess not.”
“You guess?”
“I dunno…no?”
“I’m not trying to get you to change your answer. I’m just trying to understand.” She paused, watching me for a moment and just as I was starting to squirm she said, “What about Justin?”
If I was frowning before, I was scowling now. Where the hell was Justin? “What about him?”
“Do you like him?”
“No.”
She laughed. “You said that pretty easily.”
I shrugged. “There’s no doubt about that one.”
“Okay. Do you love him?”
My mouth opened and closed four times, before I heard, “Who’s ready for dessert?”
Justin was back. About damn time.
“I had a surprise for you, but I think I’m not going to give it to you now.”
Dinner was finally over. Justin’s mother was safely tucked away in her apartment to torture some more helpless innocents on another day. Despite giving me a headache, I still can’t say that she'd changed my mind towards disliking her. Though she had moments when she came close. Better luck next time. Though I was betting there wasn't going to be a next time.
“Awww, what a shame. Truly. Take me home.”
“What? You don’t want to see it?” Justin asked, glancing at me for a moment, before turning his eyes back to the road.
I’d had enough fun and excitement for one day. I just shrugged, staring out the window.
“You don’t care?”
There was something about the way he said that, that forced me to look at him. I watched his profile for a moment as he drove. “Would you care if I didn’t care?”
“Would you care if I cared that you didn’t care?”
“Would you care to stop this inane line of conversation and just k”“ Catching myself before I got too lost in the moment, I trailed off with a sigh.
I could feel his gaze on me and the grin in his voice, but I was too busy staring out the window and wondering how much it would hurt to tuck and roll myself out of this car and this conversation to fully notice as he asked,“And just what?”
“Stop doing that.” I frowned, having made the mistake of making eye contact again. He needed to keep his damn eyes on the road.
“Doing what?”
“The eye dart thing that people do in the Soaps and romantic movies. It’s weird.”
Laughing he said, “You were going to ask me to kiss you, admit it.”
“No,” It was my turn to laugh. “I wasn’t.” I was going to demand it.
He just watched me for a moment with a small smile, before his eyes thankfully went back to the road. “Just admit it.”
“I don’t have to admit anything other than the fact that your eye darting is really starting to annoy me.”
“Do you want to have your surprise or not?”
“Sure.” I sighed, that sounded bored even to me.
“I mean, if you don’t want it, I can just take you home.”
“Fine.”
“So you don’t want to have it?”
“Justin,” I growled low and frustrated. “You’re so annoying! If we ever got together for real, I’d be bald in a week from pulling my hair out every time you aggravated me.”
“Then maybe you should learn to control your anger in a more constructive way.”
“Would strangling you be a more constructive way?”
He smiled wordlessly. Eyeing me for the entire time we were stopped at the red light. I had started to wonder if the damn thing was broken, when his foot went back to the gas, we were moving again and he said, “You’re getting your surprise. And you'll smile and say 'Thank you, Justin! You rock my world! Though I'm never gonna let you get the chance to do that for real, because I already have a boyfriend, as I like to so kindly point out every--" He said, imitating my voice as being whiny-annoying.
He was still talking, but all I could think was, 'Damn, do I really sound like that?!'
“It’s an art gallery.” she said, her voice flat and deadpanned, as soon as I’d removed the blindfold from her eyes.
“Yes,” I nodded, becoming a little disappointed myself. “Nothing gets past you, Fionna.”
She rolled eyes with a sigh. “Justin, you don’t even like art. So I’m surprised you would even know where this was, let alone bring me here.”
It was just the two of us inside the gallery. I knew the owner, so I’d pulled some strings, made some IOU’s and we were in. Just the two of us. Well, three if you counted Fionna’s ungrateful attitude.
“Well, I must say, you hide your surprise very well.”
“Justin,” She sighed, kicking her feet aimlessly. “I’m not trying to be mean, but…”
“…it just comes naturally for you.”
Laughing, she nudged me. In the olden days that nudge would have been a punch, hard and swift. I smiled. Change was good.
“I was going to say that you don’t even know anything about art. You thought Picasso was a place in Italy, for Christ’s sake.”
I frowned. “It isn’t?”
“No, he wasn’t. He wasn’t even from Italy, he was from Spain.”
“Well, Spain and Italy are practically bosom buddies aren’t they?”
She watched me for a long moment, probably hoping that I wasn’t serious”which naturally I wasn’t. When I laughed, she laughed, her laugh was the kind of laugh that reeked of the relief of having narrowly escaped sharing air space with a complete moron.
“You’re right. I don’t normally do the art thing. But this artist, I liked the stuff so much that I had to show you. I know you know all that artsy fartsy shit, so I figured you could appreciate this.” I said, pulling the blindfold out of my pocket.
“Not the blindfold again.”
I smiled at her frown. “Yes, but it’ll be a quick thing. You still trust me, right?”
Her chocolate browns rolled as she said, “Stop asking me that, you know I trust you.”
Smiling, I resisted the urge to kiss her lips as I blinded her to the world again. “Okay, just hold on.” I said, moving away from her, toward the light switches in the back. Flipping them randomly for a few seconds, I finally figured out which ones I need to use. I walked back over to position her in front of the pieces I wanted her to see. Removing the blindfold from her eyes, I said, “And let there be light…”
Blinking into the light, she said, “Don’t even try to act like you’re g”” She trailed off as her eyes stared at the pieces in front of her. A mixture of paintings and photographs in front of her. They were all hers. Every last one. “Y-you did this for me?” She asked, turning to look at me with her eyes brimming with tears. When I just nodded, she turned to stare at the wall again, moving closer this time as if the extra inch or two could make it more real. “But why?”
“Because I lo”“ I trailed off with a shrug. Unable to finish it way I’d originally started, I said instead, “Because I love you…er…yo-your work. I love your work.” My teetering smile fell away as I noticed her doing the eye dart thing. “Stop it.” I said, my raised hand and I realized I was doing the point and scold thing I always used to hate when my mom would do it to me when I was little.
“Stop what?” She smiled, sniffling and wiping at her eyes. Her eager eyes that wouldn’t stop drinking me in.
“The eye dart thing. It’s weird.”
“I told you! Now you know how it feels.” She grinned, nudging me. “So what do you love about me? I mean, my work.” She said, still watching me with an amused smirk, clearly enjoying seeing me squirm.
“You obviously have a good eye. I mean, look at this one. It’s gorgeous.”
She rolled her eyes, seeing that the photo I pointed out was of me. One of the late night photo sessions. “Could you get any more conceited?”
“Strangely enough though, most women are attracted to the conceited, stuck on themselves, cocky bastards.”
“That may be.” She conceded with a nod and a smile. “But I’m not most women.”
“Believe me, I know.” I laughed.
Life would be so much easier if you were.
“Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?”
After a quick stop over at my place to pick up my car so I could drive back when I pleased, we were at Justin’s place now, sitting on his couch, in his family room. The TV was on, muted, we weren’t watching it though. Don’t ask me how that happened. It was nearly one in the morning, but I was trying not to pay attention to little details like that. I’d turned my cell phone off an hour or two ago, with the thought that I didn’t want it going off during the movie. We hadn’t watch the movie yet. I hadn’t turned on my cell. I had two missed calls when I’d turned it off, I didn’t check to see who they were from. I didn’t want to know. I was trying to not pay attention to little details.
“Angelina, no contest. Brad’s no fool.”
“Okay,” He nodded, then asked, “Halle Berry or Beyonce?”
“Hmm, that’s kind of a tough one, but I’m gonna have to go with my girl, B. I mean, Halle is pretty, but she’s too skinny for my taste. Plus I kinda dig those singers turned wannabe-actors type.” I laughed and rolled my eyes when he smiled at that. “Okay, my turn to ask now, Taye Digg’s smile or Tyrese’s?”
“I dunno, I don’t be looking at dudes like that.”
“I answered all your questions.”
“Because girls are different than guys. They can look at each other in that way and it’s cool. Dudes can’t be sitting around discussing other dudes’ smiles.”
“Fine, whatever, punk.” I said, throwing a piece of popcorn at his head. “Just turn on the movie, so then the quicker it’s over the quicker I can be rid of you.”
“Oh, so it’s like that? After all that I’ve done for you?”
“Yeah,” I smiled, sticking my tongue out at him. “It’s like that.”
“Alright then.” He laughed, attempting to try to snatch my popcorn away as he moved to turn on the movie. Two hours and some change into the movie, I was wholly into it, even though I’d already seen Titanic and knew exactly how it was going to end. It was the only movie we could agree on though. But knowing the ending, never stopped me from watching and hoping it would somehow change this time around. “Taye.”
“What did you say?” I asked, turning to him with a grin.
“You heard me.”
Pausing the movie, I said, “No, I didn’t. You were mumbling.”
“I said,” He coughed, dropping his gaze from mine. “Taye.”
“Oh, but I thought dudes can’t be sitting around discussing other dudes’ smiles.” I laughed at his frown. “Is this when you come out of the closet with your boa and high heels? I always knew you knew too much about make-up and clothes.”
“Man, shut up and turn the movie back on.”
“You would prefer that I was a man.” I laughed, pressing the play button on the remote to start the movie again.
“Girl,” he stressed. “just shut up and watch the movie.”
He spent the last half hour of the movie, motionless and quiet, his head resting in my lap. My hands running over the curls that were growing unruly atop his head. Just as the credit rolled and I was sure I was going to be able to slip out without having to worry about goodbyes. He proved to me that it wasn’t going to be that easy. He wasn’t asleep after all.
Damn it.
“Would you have jumped back onto a sinking boat to be with me if something like that happened to us?”
“Do I look stupid?” I laughed. “’Sides, she’s the reason he died. If she had of just kept her ass on the life boat then Jack probably would have been able to save himself. He’s a survivor, that’s what they do.”
“But what about love?”
“What about it? The supposedly unsinkable ship was sinking into icy waters. It’s a life or death situation, not life or love.”
“What if you knew that if you got on the boat I’d die, so you’d never see me again?”
“And how would my dying with you change that? Not that you’re the Jack to my Rose anyways.”
He frowned at the last comment, sitting up now. “Hypothetically, of course.”
“Then hypothetically, I’d get on the boat and have to miss you.”
His frown deepened. “That’s not very romantic.”
“Well, it’s very real.” I shrugged. “I just don’t see the point in uppin’ the body count, just to pull some silly Romeo and Juliet nonsense.”
“You don’t mean that.”
I shrugged, not fully meeting his eyes. “Love isn’t worth dying for. Half the time it’s not even worth fighting for.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Can and I am.”
“What if I was the Jack to your Rose?”
My first thought was to laugh, but the way he was looking at me, the way his eyes were searching mine like if he looked hard enough he’d find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I realized that this wasn’t a time for laughter. “Stop it.” I sighed, lowering my eyes from his gaze.
“Stop what?” He asked, his eyes still searching mine for pots of gold.
“Stop the eye darting. Stop…this.” I said; my hands making swirling movements to include the two of us and everything in the room. “Stop everything.”
“I need to know.” He pressed.
“Need to know what, Marc Anthony?” I said, letting my annoyance drip from my words.
“If we…” He trailed off with a sigh, his eyes gazing at his feet as if he was trying to rally the courage up through his toes to his vocal cords. “If we have a chance.” He finally finished, his eyes now focused solidly on mine.
It was my turn to summon some courage. Forcing my eyes to stay on his and hoping his courage would wane, I said, “A chance to do what?”
“Be.” He said, simply as if that explained everything.
“Be what?” I asked, almost certain I didn’t want to hear the answer.
The right half of his lips curled up, letting me know he knew what I was doing. He knew I was trying to distract him with all my questions, distract his courage enough until it fell back down to his toes and out again. He said, “Don’t play dumb, it doesn’t look nearly as cute on you as it does on me.”
I smirked at that, he had me there. Shaking my head, I tried to be resilient. “We can’t be together.”
“Why not?” He asked, so innocently, so earnestly, so…
…stupidly. “You really are dense. We’ve already gone over this.” I said, getting up and heading towards the door.
Following, he said, “No, I tried to have the conversation, but you just quit on me. Literally.”
“Maybe that’s a sign then.” I said, stopping in my tracks and swirling to face him again. “A big red stop sign to the stalking.”
He scoffed, as if he could be indignant about the truth. “I haven’t been stalking you.”
“Justin, you’ve shown up at my job more than I have! You did the Say Anything, John Cusack boombox thing three or four days ago blastin’ Tyrese’s ‘Sweet Lady’ and embarrassing the shit outta me in front of my neighbors.”
He grinned as if that embarrassment he’d caused me was a fond memory of his. “Well, there’s an easy remedy to all that.”
“What, have you commited?”
He laughed, low and seductive. “Crazy in love is…”
“…still crazy.” I interjected.
“Okay, no more hypothetical. This is for real. Let me just say this and then you can flip the switch, let the guillotine blade drop”whatever you want to do to kill the moment. But just let me get this out.” He said, his eyes beginning to do the ear dart, before he rested them on his feet. He stood like that for a moment too long and just as I was about to speak, he looked up and said, “So far, you've gotten the best of me. In every way. And if you hang around long enough, you'll get the worst of me. And that's okay, because I want you to have it all. All of me, all of everything. And I want the same from you. No more, no less." As his words trailed off to silence, his eyes fell back to his feet. Biting his lip, he looked back at me again. "You know what? You are the best of me. As much as that probably makes you want to roll your eyes and call me corny. It's true. You are. I want to be that for you. If you would just let me. Let me show you that for whatever reason you've talked yourself into believing that loving me wouldn't be a good idea...let me show you that it can be good. More than good. It can be great. If you would just let me." His eyes moved back and forth, focusing on each of my eyes individually, before looking at my face as a whole. He sighed, rubbing his face, cursed under his breath softly and stared at his toes for a second. "I love you. Did I say that already? I just want to make that perfectly clear. No interruptions, no lies”” He smiled slow and tiny, his eyes searching mine again. “It was never a lie to me. I love you, Sugar Pie."
I could feel my eyes filling with that dreaded liquid. Turning my back to him, I swiped at my eyes. Two times in one night, he got me to cry. He was on roll.
“You not saying anything, is good right?” He laughed, shakily.
I smiled. Didn’t turn around, but I smiled. I looked skyward, I wasn’t asking for help, because I was almost certain the big woman upstairs found this all amusing. “I think we have a first.” I said, taking a deep breath and thinking it would be okay to look at him again.
“What do you mean?” He smiled, but his eyes were worried.
“I just racked my brain for something sharp to say to crack on you with and”” I sighed, shrugging. “I’ve got nothing.”
His unsure smile grew. “Maybe that’s a sign.”
“Not all signs are good signs. Maybe you’re too busy looking for signs to see where you’re going.”
“If it’s with you, I don’t care where it is.”
I laughed, shaking my head, letting my curls be of use for once and cover my face momentarily. “You get one corny pass and I believe you’ve already used yours up.”
He just continued to smile at me with those dreaming eyes of his. “That’s probably more than you usually give. So that means something.”
“It means that I’m getting soft in my old age.” I shrugged. My eyes fell on a nearby clock. Three in the morning. I shouldn’t be here. I had a boyfriend. I remembered the missed calls. Shit, I had a boyfriend. I shouldn’t be here. “Doesn’t this feel wrong to you? Like…like…Couldn’t this…shouldn’t this be considered cheating on my part?”
He smiled softly, moving back over to the couch. He’d been standing in between me and the door before. “Only if you’re feeling the same way I do. But that could never feel wrong to me.”
“What are we doing, Justin? Huh? What the fuck are we doing?” I was staring at the door, so I turned my back to it to face him again. “Why do you have to keep having these fucking heart-wrenching monologues? Can’t we just talk and be stupid? Stupid is happy. I mean, look at the Jackass guys, Britney Spears, Andy Milonakis, Paris Hilton, George Bush”they’re all happily stupid. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to be happy?”
He didn’t bother with trying to respond, he just sat on the couch wordlessly as his eyes searched mine for some clue or answer that I’m almost certain I didn’t want given.
Looking away, I watched the toe of my sneakers for awhile before sighing. I’d changed into these sneakers as soon as we’d gotten back. I hadn’t even remembered leaving them here, but I was glad to see them. They gave me an excuse to come back.
Taking a deep breath, I glanced at the door, at the clock then back at him, sitting on the couch, staring at his own feet.
Staring at my feet again, I said, “Look, I’m not trying to be mean. But as you’ve already said, it does come naturally to me. So here’s the deal. When I met you, I needed someone to need me. Someone who would miss me when I'm gone. You just happened to be that someone at the time. Otherwise you can bet your pop-singing tryna be movie-acting ass that I would have never agreed to that deal otherwise, ambushed into it or not."
"Everyone needs that..."
"I don't!" I cried, shaking my head and lowering my voice I added, "Not anymore. I did."
I was watching him now, as his eyes found something interesting on the floor to stare at. He sniffled and just the thought that he might be struggling against that dreaded liquid made me want to kick my own ass. But I’d already gone this far, nothing left to do but put us both out of our misery. It was late. I needed to go.
"What happens now?" He said, his hands palms up, shoulders straight. He looked suddenly serious, more serious than I think I’ve ever seen him and I would have given anything for him to say or do some goofy thing that might have been slightly embarrassing if we were in public.
I shrugged and said the only honest thing I could say at the moment, "Don't know, it hasn't been written yet."
Those sea foam blue eyes peered at me as his mouth opened and closed, wordlessly. His eyes were speaking volumes, but I wasn’t really trying to comprehend what they were saying as I kept my own eyes bouncing around the annoyingly quiet room. It was late. I needed to go.
"Why does it have to be this way?"
"Why not?" I shrugged again, watching him frown at my using his favorite answer to any ‘why’ question. "You're a charming little fellow...least you are when you choose to be. You'll find someone new."
"What if I don't want to?" His voice raised and so did his body, but he caught himself before he could fully do either.
"You will."
"But what if..."
"Trust me." I smiled. "You will. Your kind always does."
Confusion crinkled his forehead. "My kind?"
"Y'know the romantic hero type. It's only a matter of time before you'll come in and swoop some unsuspecting woman right off her feet."
He seemed to be considering this for a moment, before he asked, "Is that what I did to you?"
I smiled. There was just something about him that made me smile even when I didn’t have anything to smile about. "Yes." I sighed. "And no."
"Explain."
Explain, he says. This ain’t no essay test. "You messed up and let your intentions be known." I said, my eyes bouncing from the clock to his face and back again. "I saw the arrow coming and dodged it."
"So you never loved me?"
I let a few beats pass in silence, as I distracted myself with swallowing guilt and unshed tears and breathing, which had suddenly become a chore. I turned my back to him and started towards the door again. I had my hand on the handle, when I forced myself to face him again.
"Never." I said, shaking my head.
"Never say never." He said, his voice heavy with emotion that cause clouds to cry and women to gorge on chocolate, but his eyes were still shining with hope.
As much as the overly hopeful had annoyed me in the past, on him, at that moment, I found it to be admirable. But it didn’t change anything. It was late. I had a boyfriend. I shouldn’t have been here. Missed calls. I had to go.
I let a few more moments pass before reiterating, “Never."
He smiled, slow and tiny. "So is this it?"
"You want more?" I asked, my eyebrow slightly cocked.
He nodded, raising to his feet as if he’d decided he wasn't going to take this sitting down. Without thinking, my hand went back to the door handle.
Seeing the hope still ever-present in his sparkling baby blues, I smiled softly; It was late. I had a boyfriend. I shouldn’t have been here. Missed calls. I had to go.
My grip tightened on the handle. I was going to miss him.
I sighed. "Guess you'll just have to wait for the sequel like everyone else."
