"True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen."
-La Rochefoucauld
Me and you, we're different
Don't always see eye to eye
I was sitting at my vanity mirror, tugging on my curls. Justin was downstairs, screaming over a victory he'd just made over Richard on some video game they liked to play so much. Richard was typically a good sport, win or lose, but when I heard a pause before I heard Justin's raised voice say, "Hit me one more time, loser and I'm telling Fionna," I just shook my head, smiling to myself. How did I manage to marry such a special idiot? Yeah, the marriage thing threw me for a loop, too. Looking at my left hand, two years later it still makes my heart flutter a little and my brain wonder what he slipped into my drink to get me to do something like this.
You go left, and I go right
And sometimes we even fight
But long before Justin ever gave me a heart attack over white dresses, churches, and lifetime committments, first Justin and Richard had to kiss and make up. The ping pong game that we'd been playing with me as the ping pong had to be resolved and the boys resolved it in a way that only guys could or would. Or at least that’s the way it seemed it was all heading, I even had gotten my popcorn ready.
That don't mean that I won't need a friend, oh
You and me, we're in this 'til the end, oh
"I'm not coming out!"
Justin sighed, loudly, like I was just being difficult for no reason, before he recuited some assistance. "Will you help me out here? Please."
I could just imagine Janice rolling her eyes and getting up, going over to the door. She knocked. "Fi, look you can't stay in there all night. You said you would go to the dinner with him."
"Fi, didn't agree to go. Fi-on-na agreed to go.” I snapped. “And that I was before he hit me."
There was a moment’s pause before I heard Janice shriek. "You hit her?"
"I--well, I...it was..." Justin was stammering. I was smiling. See, I wasn’t just being difficult.
When I heard a ‘shit’ that sounded like the air had been violently pushed out of him, I figured Janice had elbowed him in the stomach. When I heard the second ‘shit’ and a crunch, I figured she’d followed it up by stomping on his toes. And before I could decide whether to feel bad for him or not, she knocked on the door again. I let her in and she locked it right back, slamming it in front of Justin’s hunched over form.
Probably holding his stomach, I heard him press his weight against the closed door with a groan. "It was an accident!" He sighed. "I was turning around, I didn't know she was standing so close and then...the next thing I know, my elbow connects with her nose and..."
"She's bleeding!" Janice said, going into Nurse Janice mode and searching for something to use to tend to my injury.
"Yeah, and I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean to do it."
"I know you didn't do it on purpose, but you know I'm not going anywhere in public with my nose looking like this!"
"But Fionna, c'mon, you gotta go, I told all the guys that you'd be there."
"Then tell them I'm sick. Tell them I broke something. Tell them the truth that you fucked up my nose and I'm not going."
There was a second’s pause before there was thuds against the door that sounded like he was banging his head against it, softly. I hope he didn’t think that was going to help him think any better, it’s not like the boy can afford to lose any brain cells. Then he said, "At least let me see what it looks like. You didn't even let me see it."
I let a few moments go by in silence, while Janice continued to fuss over my nose before I swatted her away and opened the door. I stood there with tissues crammed up my left nostril. The moment he saw me, he started laughing. I screamed in frustration and slammed the door closed. He’d made the decision for me. "No, hell no. I'm not going now."
"I could ask them to come here." He said, laughter still on the tip of his tongue.
Opening the door, I let my body reappear in the doorway, one eye at first and slowly the rest of me, part by part. "You wouldn't."
He shrugged.
"You asshole!" I stepped out to punch him in the arm. "Fine, if you want them to meet me for the first time with me looking like the poster child for battered women, fine. But then all bets are off for getting me to pretend to be sweet and nice."
His face softened at that. "But they're my friends...."
"And this is my nose," I pointed at it. "So if you get to hit my nose then your friends are fair game now."
"I didn't do it on purpose." He sighed.
I smiled. "Oh, I won't hurt 'em too much. Not on purpose anyways."
"Sugar Pie..." He cooed, moving in closer, like I was seriously going to let him coodle me into being nice.
Waving him off, I said, "No, nope, it's too late for that."
That’s when the door bell rang and I pushed my way past him and opened the door. Staring up into the green eyes of Richard, I wished I would have remembered that I had tissues wadded in my nose, before I’d rushed to open the damn door.
For once in all the time I’ve known him, Richard didn’t greet me with a smile. He frowned down at me, curling his finger under my chin and tilting my head up, as he studied my face. "Who did this to you?"
There was a tension about his body that had been there since I first opened the door. His body was strumming with violent energy. I'd never really seen Richard mad before, and it wasn't until that moment that I really noticed his size. He was six-four, maybe, I was never that good at eyeballing height. His broad shoulders were tense, his muscled arms seemed larger than the last time I’d seen them. I’d never looked at him as the typical tall and lanky basketball player build, but I had never really paid attention to just how…built he was.
I stared at those arms which had once held me, at his chest which I only had memories of from times when he’d taken off his shirt to play a game of b-ball with Justin and wondered why I had never gone all the way with him. We’d kissed. Made out on several occasions. Touched, but never below the waist. Just as my mind was going south of border, Justin thankfully spoke up before I lost myself on thoughts I wasn’t allowed to be thinking anymore.
"I did."
Justin was standing up beside me now, his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into him and essentially away from Richard. It had been nearly a year since Richard and I had broken up and Justin and I had gotten together (or back together, depending on how you looked at it). Justin and Richard though they claimed to still be friends didn't ever seem to get back to that ease around each other that they used to have. Seemed like they were always subtly poking out their chests, trying to out do each other. The competitiveness and the dares that resulted were annoying to say the least. Just goes to show you can take the kid out of high school, but you can't take the high school out of the kid.
"You hit her?" He asked his voice, low, calm. His hands fisted at his side.
"Richard!" Janice cried, bounding into the room with a warm smile that Richard barely acknowledged. Too busy staring Justin down. "Oh my god, I didn't know that was you at the door. Well, come in, come in." She said, ushering Richard in, past Justin and me.
Janice managed to get Richard seated, but the entire time his eyes stayed on Justin and his hands never relaxed. "Why did you hit her?" His voice and face were still calm, terribly calm, but that strumming of violence was getting stronger. The fact that he'd been able to keep his anger out of his face was amazing, but where it didn't show there, it came out in the flexing of his arms. His big, rippling muscled arms, not an overwhelming body-builder definition in his arms, but just enough. Damn, was he always this sexy? Damn, what the hell was I thinking?
Justin gave me a gentle squeeze that brought my attention back to him. When I turned to look at him though, he was still having his stare down with Richard. Justin said, "It was an accident."
"An accident, huh?" Richard was losing his control over his voice and I didn't know why Justin was letting it get this far. Why didn't he just say what had happened, instead of dragging it out like this? Did he just want a fight? Was that it? All the tension, all the bullshit dares, all the competitions, was that all just leading up to one big fight? Growing up with three brothers, I'd learned that sometimes guys just needed to knock each other around a bit to get over something. They weren't always smart enough to just talk it out and be civilized about it. I wondered for a second if I should just get out of the way and let it come to blows, if that's what was neccessary to get them back to being real friends again. When Richard stood up to his full six-foot-plus with his anger riding him like a jockey on a horse, all I saw was his size, and he was fucking intimidating. I guess his usual gentle, laidback ways helped to downplay just how much bigger he was.
And even if Justin's head was too testestrone clouded to see this, mine wasn't and I was going to put a stop to this before Richard put Justin in the hospital over some bullshit. Stepping up, putting my body slightly in front of Justin's, I said, "What he means, is that he just turned around too fast and I was standing too close, bending down to pick something up. So when I was moving to stand up, he was turning and...his elbow collided into my nose. It's actually kind of funny if you think about it." I said, forcing myself to laugh. Justin and Richard were still glaring at each other.
Tearing his gaze from Justin to look at me consideringly, Richard said, "So you're not hurt?"
"It hurts, but he didn't do it on purpose. So no harm, no foul. I'll get him back for it in time. Isn't that right, Honey Bunch?" I said, putting on a baby voice for Justin as I turned to look at him. He was still glaring at Richard. Rolling my eyes at him, I had to nearly literally drag him over to the couch and then push him into it and even then he barely looked at me.
That seemed to have pacified him, because Richard had gone back to being his usual calm and easy-going, relaxed self, leaning back into the couch he was seated on. Justin was still glaring at him and I didn’t know why. Maybe I’d missed something. No matter, I was annoyed. I watched Justin's face as I put my hand on his knee, then slid it up to his thigh, resting there for a moment, before sliding it down to his inner thigh, drawing small, slow circles---normally that would have gotten his attention off of most anything, to get him to focus on me. But this time, he just kept staring at Richard, though the glaring was done. I started to take my hand away, when his hand wrapped around it, linking our fingers. I looked up to his face, into his eyes. He was smiling now. At me. Leaning into me, he dropped a few little kisses on my forehead. Sighing, he whispered, "I'm sorry. About your nose and about being a potential jackass a second ago."
"Potential?" I laughed. Then I sighed, realizing if I didn't try to fix this now it might be like this forever and it was far too annoying for this to continue on much longer. Having decided that, I said, "I want you two to stop fighting."
That announcement got me two frowns and a smile from Janice as she came back from the kitchen, dropping drinks for everyone into our hands. She always did like to play good hostess.
"I agree." She said, though she got no frowns for it. They were both still watching me.
"You two used to be such good friends." I said.
"Well that was before." Justin said and did the mature thing, by slinking down into the couch and crossing his arms against his chest.
"Before you both meet me." I sighed. "I know. But guys have that stupid saying 'bros before hoes' for a reason."
"You're not a ho, Fionna." That was from Richard.
"She knows she's not a ho." That was from Justin.
"That's not the point dummies. The point is that you were good friends, I got in the picture, now you're not good friends. I'm not even sure you can call whatever y'all are as friends in general anymore. And don't you think that's fucked up?"
"No." That was from Justin. He was sulking now.
"Richard?"
He just shrugged.
I groaned, holding my head. "You guys really are incapable of doing it this way aren't you?"
"Incapable of what?" Justin asked, frowning softly.
"Talking like a normal person to each other." I said, getting up and pulling the coffee table out of the way. Janice stood up, without a word and began helping me.
"What are you doing?" Richard asked, with a beginning of a frown on his face.
"If you two can't be civilized and work out it through talking, fine. If you two have to knock each other's teeth out, fine."
Both of them just sat there and watched Janice and I moving the furniture out of the way, until there was a nice open area. Janice and I stood in the space we'd created and glared at the two men. Janice at Richard and me at Justin. "So what are y'all waiting on?"
"I don't see what your point is." Justin said, staring at me.
"If fighting is the only way to make you stop fighting, then fine, fuck logic and just fight."
"I didn't come over here to kick Justin's ass."
"Kick my ass?" Justin laughed, sitting up now. "That's rich, Richy."
"Good! Keep going. Actually, hold on, could you keep up what I'm sure in your minds are witty comebacks, until I get some popcorn popped? Do you wanna share a bag with me, Janice? Or do you want your own?"
Before she could answer, one of the two frowning faces that were staring at me said, "So what, are we fighting for your amusement?"
"No," I said, staring at Richard, who'd been the one to ask it. "You're fighting because that y-chromosome must have fucked y'all up, because you're too stupid to just talk it out."
Justin said, "I'm not stupid.”
"Could've fooled me." Richard said.
They were both up off of their couches and moving toward each other now. I said, "Wait, wait, just a few more seconds guys. My popcorn's not ready."
Richard turned from Justin to frown at me. "So if we were to really fight. Right here in your family room, you wouldn't stop us? You'd just sit back and eat your popcorn and watch the show?"
"Uhh," I said, pretending to think about it. "Yeah, yeah, I would."
"I get what you're trying to do." He said and his face softened down from a frown.
"Do you?"
"Yeah.” He nodded. “You think that we have to fight and would fight, but as long as you appear nonchalant about it and act as if it's some kind of entertainment for you then we won't fight because even we aren't that stupid."
"But you are." I smiled when the mircowave dinged. I dumped half into one bowl and half into another and handed one to Janice, before sitting down to watch from the kitchen. "Well, get on with it then."
Richard was shaking his head. I think he might have smiled if he wasn't fighting a frown at the same time. "I'm not going to fight him."
"Yeah, me either. And it's not because I couldn't have taken him."
Richard did smile at that though. "Justin, how did we meet?"
"What?" Justin frowned at him.
"Do you need me to say it slower?"
Rolling his eyes, Justin sighed. "On a playground."
"And what was happening on this playground?"
Justin sighed again, his head down as he muttered, "I was getting my ass beat."
"Yes, and who pulled her off of you?"
I resisted saying "her?" and laughing at Justin, because this might be the moment that I was banking on them having together.
He sighed once more, raising his sea foam blues to meet Richard’s emerald greens. "You did."
"And what did you say?"
Justin smiled then, big and genuine. "I could have taken her if I wanted to. I was just going on easy on her, cause she was girl."
Richard laughed and nodded. "And then I said, if we're gonna be friends now, you're going to have to learn to fight better than that."
"And I said, who says we're going to be friends?"
"Then I looked around the playground and back at you and the nice little shiner you had on your eye and said, I may be the new kid here, but you look like you need friends worse than I do."
Laughing, Justin said, "And you were my best friend ever since."
"One of them. Trace gets a little touchy about that."
"Being so short and so aware of it, he's just touchy in general." Justin smiled.
"Then maybe you shouldn't make fun of his shortness so much."
"What fun would that be? What's the point in having friends if you can't make fun of them?"
Richard chuckled, shaking his head. "That's why you and Trace used to get into so many fights back in the day."
"He just didn't know how to take a joke."
"But he sure knew how to throw a punch."
Rubbing his jaw as if he was having a powerful flashback, Justin frowned thoughtfully. "Believe me, I know that."
Richard smiled and extended his hand to Justin. "So we can avoid looking like dumbasses and fighting over a girl...again. Remember Heather back in sixth grade?"
"Or Toya in eighth?
"Or Shawna in tenth?" Richard laughed. "Anyways, we're older now and supposedly smarter, so I don't have to kick your ass to get over it."
"Who said you were gonna kick my ass?"
"The fact that I kicked your ass every time we fought."
Laughing, Justin said, "I could always tell you were holding back though. Why was that?"
"I didn't really want to hurt you too bad. Your Momma's no joke. Hurting her precious baby is one of the worst things you could do to her."
Justin laughed, nodding "True, true. That's why I always had to save your ass by blaming it on Melvin."
"I always wondered why Melvin would nearly shit himself when Lynn would come around."
"Well, now you know." Justin finally took Richard's hand and shook it. "Friends again?"
"Never stopped."
That’s when they hugged. Well that man-hug thing that’s not really a hug, but an embrace nevertheless.
"Aww," Janice said, smiling at the two men.
"Aww," I said. "What a waste of popcorn."
I was glad when they finally got past that. Not that that one time meant that it was completely over, but it was mostly better. And mostly better was so much better than what it was that I couldn’t complain. Well, I could complain, but what’s the point? It wouldn’t change anything.
One of things I’d learned from being with Justin was not to try to fix everything and just let some things be. So I was letting it be.
“I’m leaving now, Fionna.” Richard called up the stairs.
Yelling back, I said, “And?”
I barely made out his chuckle before he said to Justin, “That’s your wife.”
I smiled to myself, then managed to hear Justin say, “And don’t you forget it.”
I heard some more laughter, before I completely stopped trying to listen. Yeah, I was definitely glad that they’d gotten better. Otherwise, then we would’ve missed out on the many arguments between Richard and Trace over which one of them was bestiest best man (and yes they’d actually used the word ‘bestiest’ with straight, serious faces), since Justin had given up on trying to choose between the two and just named them both the best man. Trace initiated most of the arguments, but Richard took to the bait rather easily.
Surprisingly though, despite all of the pre-wedding fiascos from finding out a week before the day that the churched had double booked us with a funeral to Christina Ricci’s crazy ass somehow making her way into Justin’s bachelor party cake (though it did serve him right, since he’d gotten on his high horse when he’d found out that Janice was planning on getting strippers for my bachelorette party, claiming how he’d never allow such things to go down at his party)”well none of that quite compared to the shock of the proposal.
I think we're on our our way
"Oh my..." I gasped, eyes widening as I pulled my hand out of his. "You think I'm pregnant, don't you? I gained a little weight and you think I'm pregnant."
"What?" He frowned, raising up from his on bended knee stance. "No, no, that's not it at all."
"It's not? Then..." I trailed off, as my mind tried to form a logical thought as to why Justin would have proposed to me. "You're using this as some sick ploy to my heart. Dangle the prospect of marriage out for poor silly Fionna and watch as she foolishly takes the bait. You're punk'n me aren't you?"
"No..."
"This has got to be a joke. Where's the cameras?" I said, looking around the room and that’s when I noticed them. All those eyes watching me, some mouths whispering, but all eyes watching. We were still standing in the middle of the floor. The dance floor to the prom re-do that he’d set up for me, simply because he knew I’d never gone to my own prom. And according to him that was unacceptable. Watching all those eyes watching me, I wanted nothing more than to run away. Before I could get one foot set in that motion, he reached out for me, hand around my wrist, as if he just knew what I wanted to do.
Taking my hand, he led me away from those nosey eyes and whispering mouths. We didn’t stop walking until we were standing outside, no one but us and the crickets chirping. Releasing his hold on my hand slowly, he said, "There's no cameras. No Ashton, I don't think now nor did I ever think you were pregnant."
"Then, what the hell are you doing?" I frowned at him. Feeling the frown slide off the edge of my face, I said, "Oh, shit. You're dying? Right? No, no...I'm dying?"
He sighed softly, his head lowered to stare at the concrete. "Fionna."
Ignoring him, I pushed myself further into my comforting delusion. "I'm dying and I don't even know it. How much longer do I have?"
"Fionna!" He said, his eyes up and staring at me.
"There was so much I wanted to do. So many things I haven't gotten to do. I should make a list like what's her face in A Walk To Remember."
"Fionna!!" He shook me by the shoulders slightly, gently, but enough to bring me back to my senses. Slightly.
Barely. "What? I'm dying, why the hell are you yelling at me?" I said, shaking off his grip on my shoulders.
"You're not dying." He sighed, sounding more tired than annoyed. But annoyed didn’t sound too far away.
"I'm not?"
"No, you're not." He shook his head.
"Oh god...” I trailed off, looking even sadder than before at him. “then. You are."
Frowning, he groaned as he shook his head again. "No one's dying."
"Of course someone's dying. Some one dies every single day. Just like some one is born every single day."
"Yes, but the point is that those someones are neither you nor I."
I thought about that, seriously had to take time out and think about it, because none of this was making any kind of sense to me. "So, you're not dying. I'm not dying. I'm not getting Punk'd. You don't think I'm pregnant. Then what else could it be?"
"I love you!" He yelled, running his hand through his curly hair (which he’d grown back for me) aggravatedly. "That's what it could be. That’s what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. I love you, though I'm beginning to wonder why."
"You're only just now starting to wonder?" I laughed, nervously.
Clearly unamused, he said, "Did you hear what I said?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
"And..." I trailed off. "Are you sure something traumatic didn't just happen to you? Are you on drugs, Justin?" I was dead serious as I added, "You're an illegal alien and the only way to stay in the country is to marry me?"
"Fionna, seriously? Are you hearing yourself? Are you listening to the nonsense that is streaming out of your mouth right now?"
"Justin, this isn't funny. I'm serious." I whined.
"And that's the sad part, cause I was really hoping you were joking."
He was staring at me now. Expectantly like people do when they’re waiting on an answer. I decided to take that moment to become interested in my shoes. My really uncomfortably high shoes. Like I needed the boost.
"So is that a no?"
The dejectedness to his voice drew my eyes to his. "To what?"
"To us."
He was toying with the ring. The ring which matched the diamond heart necklace. The ring which as soon as he’d pulled it out and went down on one knee, I’d never wanted to run away from and towards someone so bad in my life. Watching him toy with it now, I couldn’t help getting watery in the eyes. But dammit, if I didn’t try not to though. "Are you sure one of us isn't gonna..." I said, making a movement like someone's getting their throat cut.
"Yeah,” he laughed. “I'm sure."
"Why?" I whispered, fighting a losing battle against that dreaded liquid. "Why me?"
"Why not?"
"Why is that always your answer to 'why'?"
He just smiled at me for a moment, softly, warmly. Like he loved me and those weren’t just words, weren’t just ways to get into my pants. Like he actually meant it. His thumb swiped gently down my cheek, brushing away tears I didn’t realize I’d cried. "Because it's the best answer you could give."
Six or seven headache-packed months after the proposal, I, Fionna Mackenzie Houston, dressed up in the most girliest, princess-y styled white wedding gown and what was even more shocking than the truth of that statement was that I didn’t hate it. Aw, hell who am I kidding”I loved it. Loved every minute of it.
Walking down the aisle, which by the way I shockingly managed not to trip once, my eyes were locked on his. He was grinning so wide that I was sure his cheeks had to be aching from it. But then I couldn’t really crack on him when my own cheeks were hurting.
I’d never seen him look so good before, but his looks didn’t matter. Cause if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times if Lance just gave me one good look (and I know he’s gay but he could pull an Anne Heche or something), I’d be on him like white on rice. But when I looked at Justin I wasn’t just seeing the present gorgeousness of him, I was seeing the sweet and sour moments that had brought us here.
Through all the lows and highs
I need you by my side, singing
“I can do better. I mean, I have done better. Usually… it’s better. I dunno what happened.” He said, running his hands through his curls, pulling on them slightly. When I didn’t say anything, he turned to me, where I lay face up staring unblinkingly at the ceiling with the covers pulled up close to my chin. “That’s never happened to me before. I-I’ve never had this problem before. Usually, it’s badabingbadaboom…you know? Not a quick thing or anything”cause I can go all night. But if it’s done right, you don’t need all night.”
“Justin.”
“What?”
“You’re rambling.”
“I know.” He sighed. “It’s just that you’re not saying anything at all. And usually nowadays I can’t get you to shut up, so this silence is making me nervous.”
“How would you know what the silence is going to do to you if you keep yammering so much that there’s no room for silence in the first place?”
Nodding, he laughed.
The creak of the bed as I rolled off broke the wave of silence. I wasn’t sure where my panties were, but I found my jeans and my t-shirt and bra, so I settled for just those things. That was good enough. I got dressed.
“Where are you going?” He propped himself up, watching me dress. The sheet falling down low on his waist, he wasn’t worried about his modesty. Hell, I’d already seen everything anyways, but for some reason I felt the need to be dressed. Fully dressed and out the door. Or at least on my way out the door.
“Home.” I said, finding one sneaker and slipping it on as I began to root around for the other one.
“Why?”
I found the second one in the bathroom. I have no idea how it get in there, we hadn’t even been in the bathroom. I said, “It’s not like anything is happening here anyways.”
He frowned and I almost started to tell him that I didn’t mean that to sound the way it came out, when he said, “So you’re just going to leave? Don’t you want to try again?”
I watched him, staring at me, staring at me with nothing but a sheet keeping him from being fully exposed. He was comfortable with his body. I was not. Not with my mine, not with his, not with ours together naked. I’d tried, I’d tried not to think too much to just let it happen, just relax and let it happen. But when…it didn’t happen for him. When he couldn’t get himself to fully rise to the occasion, I wasn’t going to blame it on performance anxiety.
I needed clothes, needed them on, needed myself gone from here. I swallowed and said, “No, not really.”
He nodded, eyes downcast. “Okay.”
I was out the door, walking down the stairs, when my feet stopped moving. I tried to force them forward but they were some stubborn bastards when they wanted to be. Here was my chance to escape and they wanted me to stop, give myself some time to think. I didn’t want to think. I sighed and turned around. In the doorway of his bedroom again, I said, “You’re going to sit here, all pathetic like all night aren’t you?”
He simply shrugged, causing his pathetic factor to escalate.
“Okay, just checking.” I said, walking out the door again. I got to the bottom of the staircase, walked all the way down, before I wound up turning right around. “You’re really going to sit there like that? All night long?”
He shrugged again, this time adding a sigh to his shrug. When his head fell into his hands, I sighed too. “Alright, so I…I’m just going to…yeah.” I nodded, moving to the door again. But this time I only made it partially through the door. “Ah, hell,” I sighed, throwing my shirt up over my head. “Third time’s a charm, right?” I said, leaping on the bed and onto him.
“But it’s only going to be the second time though.” He laughed, rolling us both over so that he was on top. For as carefree as he could be, he had control issues.
“I know.” I smiled, kissing him.
I think we're on our way
To better days, better days, oh
I was seeing the beautiful future that was in store for us that included our wonderful family large or small…hadn’t decided which yet. I was seeing the first stumbling steps, the first words, the first crush, first heartache, first homecoming dance, first prom, first graduation of our first child. I was seeing it all and it all looked so good I couldn’t resist the goofy ass smile from dominating my features.
And when he’d pulled my veil up over my head, I swear those drops coming out my eyes…that wasn’t tears.
Being with Justin may have gotten me more in touch with my emotions, or whatever, but I refuse to become some blubbering, cry at the drop of a hat type of woman. Oh no, that wasn’t happening.
Let's say we turn the page
Move on from all the times
But no sooner than he had been able to whisper, “You crying, baby?” with that damn smirk on his face, did I look into his water logged eyes and see the same trail of moisture coming from his eyes.
Should've laughed, not cried, feeling
What is there more to say? (Say)
I’d wiped away his non-tear as he wiped away mine.
The day was perfect except for the fact that my mother didn’t get to see me get married. Not because she couldn’t, I’d sent her an invitation. She just simply wouldn’t. Daddy didn’t even walk me down the aisle despite his wanting to. His loyalty to my mother was strong enough to allow him to choose sides.
Guess his love for me wasn’t strong enough.
This is usually when Justin would have cut in to say something about how my daddy doesn’t love me any less because of what he did, he was just trying to keep the peace. Yeah, well fuck that, I’m not trying to hear that.
After Justin and Lynn had their mother/son dance and I was supposed to have my father/daughter dance, I got my weirdo brothers instead. All three of them. Their stupidness of bumping each out of the way to dance with me made me laugh so much I didn’t have much time to think about how Daddy was supposed to be here for this. My brothers might not be good for much, but they were always pretty good at cheering me up.
I think that we're on our way
“We just want to talk to him.” Charlie said.
Justin and I had been engaged for a week or so, before I decided it was time to tell my brothers the good news. I’d decided to do it in person, so I was standing in an old park that we used to love to go to as kids, because, well, it was easier than going to the house and having to face Paula, if anyone was going to rain on my parade then I’d rather it be the knuckleheads (aka my brothers). I’d have to find a way to tell Daddy at another time.
“Yeah,” Kevin nodded, cracking his knuckles. “Talk.”
“I’m not gonna have y’all harassing him.” I said, making eye contact with each of them so that they would understand I was serious about this.
John frowned. “Aww, c’mon. We won’t be too bad.”
“Promise, we’ll be way nicer to him than what we did to Greg.” Charlie laughed. Then all the guys started laughing. Not a good sign.
“See,” I said, shaking my head. “That evil laughter right there is why I won’t let you do this.”
“We’re going to have to meet him eventually. So it might as well be sooner rather than later.” Charlie said. “Unless…”
“Unless what?”
“Unless you’re embarrassed of us.” Kevin finished for Charlie. All of them were frowning at me now, arms crossed against their chests.
“For once, try something new,” I frowned back. “And don’t be stupid.”
Kevin smiled. “So if you’re not embarrassed of us, then let us meet your little Pop star.”
“Okay,” I sighed. “But at least try to be nice.”
“We’ll be nice.” John said. And I would have believed him if it wasn’t for the fact that they were all smiling smiles now that made me want to take it all back.
“Actually, I had planned on y’all meeting him. So I brought him with me.”
Their smiles grew. Yep, this definitely wasn’t looking like a good idea anymore, but then Justin had pulled the same ‘are you embarrassed of me?’ argument when I’d said to just let me go and break the ice first and then he could come and meet them later”so maybe he deserved this. Whatever ‘this’ turned out to be.
Johnny said, “So where’s the prettyboy?”
“Behind you.” Justin said, smirking as he moved out from where he’d been hiding and eavesdropping into plain view.
Without turning to face Justin, John said, “How long was he standing behind us?”
“Long enough.” Justin said, coming around to stand beside me.
They (my brothers) were frowning now, but I was smiling. “Justin these knuckleheads are my brothers. And John, Kevin, Charlie”this Pop singing freak is my fiancé.”
All the men were frowning now at me, so I just smiled wider and shrugged. “Well, should I leave y’all to the interrogation now?”
A smile started to creep up on Kevin’s face as he nodded and said, “Yeah, that would be good.”
“Play nice.” I glared at each one of my brothers. “Justin will fight dirty.”
I didn’t really want to go, but since I’d agreed to this I had to pretend that they were all mature and could just talk to each other like the adults that they all claimed to be. I wandered off, but not too far. Far away enough that they were a good distance away, but close enough that I could still watch them. At first, it was pretty boring. They were just talking. I was yawning and looking around wondering why there wasn’t any kids around at this park anymore. Everybody used to come here back in the day. Maybe they’re all holed up in their rooms on their computers and video games and missing a perfectly good sunny, blue skies, knee scraping weather day.
I yawned again, long, loud and completely unattractive (the best kind) and seriously considered heading back to the car to wait for all of them in the air conditioning when it got…interesting. Justin was the first to frown. Then frowns slowly spread around the group. Not sure who started it, but before I knew it, the fight was on. I ran toward them screaming all the way, “What the hell are y’all doing?! Stop!”
When they finally did stop, each one of my brothers was holding Justin. John had him in a headlock, Kevin had one of his legs and Charlie was twisting one of his arms. Just the fact that despite that it was three on one and they were still having to struggle, if only slightly, to hold Justin down made me smile all proud-like. Each of their chests were heaving, all out of breath, but still angry and willing to fight once they got enough air to do so, I just shook my head and started to laugh at them.
“Why is she laughing? Justin said.
“I’m gonna take a swing in the dark.” Charlie said. “But I’d have to say it’s probably because she thinks something is funny.”
“More like pathetic.” I said. “Y’all couldn’t just talk. What did your testersone driven stupidity tell you was necessary to fight over?”
When they all gave me silence for an answer, I frowned. “Kevin?” I tried, but he didn’t say anything. “John, tell me.” He didn’t say anything either. I turned to the last of my brothers and probably the most sensible one. “Okay, Charlie be the bigger person and tell me.”
Again, there was silence. I sighed softly, shaking my head before fixing my eyes on Justin. When he didn’t hold my gaze, I smirked, knowing that he’d be the one to break. “Justin?” I called to him sweetly, getting those sea foam blue eyes to roll up to meet my chocolate browns. “Justin, remember who you have to go home with.”
Johnny, who still had Justin in a headlock, squeezed just a little, but that was enough to piss Justin off. Pushing away from John abruptly, Justin said, “They started it.”
And just like that it was on again. I threw my hands up and sat down and watched the show. With three idiot men already in the family, I just had to go out and add another one to the bunch.
Together, we'll weather
Many storms as family
After that though, they all got along like Justin could have been the fourth Houston brother, which is kind of disturbing if you think about it. Daddy even calls him son more than his real name. Everything seemed like it had finally fallen into place for me.
That bond is forever
It can take almost anything
“Fionna, do you know where my socks are?”
“You mean, the socks that I always put in the same place, which is mysteriously called your sock drawer?”
The love I feel for you grows everyday, yeah
The more we get to learn from our mistakes, yeah yeah
“Yeah,” He laughed, paused, then asked, “So where is that?”
I rolled my eyes. “Third drawer down on the right.”
“No socks there.”
“On your other right.”
I think we're on our way
“Oh, okay. Here they are.” he said, bringing them to show to me as I pushed a grin on my face and nodded as I watched him putting them on, letting him know what a big boy I thought he was for opening the drawer and putting the socks on all by himself.
“Why are you putting on more clothes? I thought you were going to be taking clothes off.”
I think we're on our way (ha)
A slow grin curved the edges of his lips. “Less than fifteen minutes go, you said I was so annoying and…”
“And if I sat around waiting for you to stop being annoying, we’d never have sex.” I smiled at him, leaning back into the bed, propping myself up against the pillows and hoping it looked seductive, though I wouldn’t have been able to even get mad if he laughed.
He smiled wider, tossing his socks off one by one, flinging one to right and the other to the left. I tried to ignore that fact that it’s stuff like that that he does that annoys me. Now was not a time for bitching, there would always be time for that later though.
I think we're on our way
“You can stop trying to sweet talk me. You already got me, Sugar Pie.” He said, crawling toward me. He was so much better at being seductive than I was. It bugged me sometimes, but most times, like now he just mesmerized me.
I watched him, coming closer, closer, smiling, enjoying watching the muscles in his arms and back work as he worked his way to me. I let out a little short girly giggle when he pulled me down the bed towards him. Once I made sure there were no more girly sounds about to come out, I said, “For keeps?”
He was directly over me now, his upper body hovering over mine, getting lower, lower, nearly touching. God, how I wanted to touch him, but I knew this game. Touch and he pulled away. I was supposed to wait. So I waited. While he hovered, I waited. His lips lingered near my lips, as he breathed against my mouth, “For always.”
What is there more to say? (no more to say)
I think that we are on our way
“Good,” I smiled as he kissed me, wrapping my legs around him. I’d waited long enough. “Now let’s get naked!”
No more to say.
No more to say. Yeah.
Yeah, I’d definitely say everything has fallen into place for me lately. Which is so much better than when everything used to just fall to pieces.
No more to say. Ha.
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This chapter featured: Christina Aguilera “On Our Way”
