Hollywood. The world of glitz and glamour. Movie stars and wannabes who admired from afar. A fantastic world of illusion gift wrapped in bright shiny ego-centric dreams.
Justin had become a part of that dream now. Well he was in the transition, who knows if it would actually work. But people had their fingers crossed. Even me, surprisingly enough. I'd been on the set with him for his movie a few times. Seen the passion he had for acting. I'd never seen a movie he'd been in before. Though there had been one. The Disney TV movie: Model Behavior. But I'm not sure if that's something he'd really want to be used as the stick to which his acting talent is measured by.
I was busy wondering why they called Hollywood...Hollywood (maybe it was named after a slut named Holly who loved 'wood'...nah, nah...Okay maybe Holly wasn't a slut. Maybe she was a lumberjack. Maybe she wasn't a she, and was a he. Not that women couldn't be lumberjacks. But why name a place after a lumberjack, female or otherwise anyways?) when I was suddenly pulled from my thoughts as Justin came barreling into his trailer, grumbling about something or other.
"What's wrong?" I frowned, the last thing I wanted to deal with was a grumpy Justin.
"These people act like it's a fucking game out there! The director's pulling these silly ass stunts to try to 'pull out emotions from us.'" he said; making quotes with his fingers agitatedly.
"Like what?" I asked. I was used to this dramatics by now, or at least you would think I would have been after several months of working for him. But it seems like no matter how much I learned to adapt to the quirks of his as they popped up here and there, I don’t think I’m ever going to get to the point where I’m completely used to his…um, uniqueness.
What can I say? I work for a weirdo.
“Like say if he wants us to be mad and thinks we aren’t getting mad enough, he’ll randomly come over and scream in our ears. If he wants us to be sad for a scene, he’ll pretend like he just got an urgent call from one of our family members and lie about some death in the immediate family. He had the fucking nerve to tell Christina that her sister, who’s been having serious health problems mind you, had just died of heart complications or some wild shit like that. After she started bawling, he quickly pushed us into another scene and after it was done and she said she had to go to home, he was all like ‘No, you don’t. Your sister’s fine.’ Who does that, man?! Who in the fuck does that?!” He cried in exasperation.
“Calm down.” I said, trying to hush him. “How is she now?”
“Well after she was told the truth, she started crying again and doing this windmill pummeling with her hands at him. He started screaming like a girl, screeching for security which up being pretty damn funny and then some of the extras pulled her off of him ‘cause I knew I sure as hell wasn’t going to.”
“So she’s okay now?”
“Yeah, she’s fine. Pissed but fine.” He paused a moment before starting again as if he was just remembering this detail. “And you know what he said after they had gotten her restrained? He was like “Good, you’re pissed, that’ll work well for the next scene.”
“What a bastard.” I said, doing my dutiful nod of sympathy, though I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I was doing it right.
“Yeah, I know, but he gets his job done.”
Do you hear that?
Of course you don’t, because there’s nothing to hear but silence. Lovely, beautiful, golden, sweet silence…damn I missed you.
"And then they kept staring at me. The whole lot of them. It's like their eyes don't know what else to focus on so they just watch me like I'm a fucking animal in a caged zoo for them to gawk at whenever they please." He continued, breaking into my oasis of quiet.
"Justin, do you hear yourself?" I asked, incredulously, wondering when he was actually going to get to the 'problem.' "Are you forgetting who you are? Where you are?"
He frowned, but remained silent.
"You're Justin Timberlake. The pop star trying to turn movie star. People stare at stars...there's a word for it even. It's called stargazing. And though to me you aren't nearly as interesting as the celestial beings of light in the sky to some...you are. So they like to watch you. Gawk at you. Gaze at you. Plus, it's not like you're sitting at home, twiddling your thumbs or something. You're not having dinner with your family. You're on a friggin’ movie set for a film in which you managed to snag one of the leads. So staring...sorry to break it to you, but well that comes with the territory, Honey Bunch." I said punctuating my words with a sardonically sweet smile.
He was quiet for a whole of five glorious seconds before he spoke up again. "Who asked you, Fionna, anyways!" Making a point not to call me 'Sugar Pie' the nickname that just would not die.
I shrugged, with a laugh. "I'm just saying."
"Well don't."
"Okay then, I won't."
"Good."
"Great."
I couldn’t even enjoy this silence this time. Not with all of his sighing and picking aimlessly at his pants so he wouldn’t have to look up and notice I was in fact still in the room.
"What's the customary time period that one of these 'Grrr, I'm mad but don't ask me why cause even I don't know why I'm mad' silences go on for? Five, ten minutes tops?"
Struggling not to smile, he exhaled deeply and shook his head before looking at me again. "You're a real piece of work, Sugar Pie."
"Thank ya, Toots, but compliments will get you nowhere.” I winked at him, before the realization of what I’d just done and said hit. Shit, I’ve been hanging out around him a little too much.
"Toots?"
Before I could answer, someone I’d only seen in passing suddenly popping their head into Justin’s partially open trailer door. “Hey, Justin, you got a little white dog, right?”
“Yeah,” He said, looking suspiciously back at me, while I shifted trying to appear as innocent as I could muster.
“Well, you better get her. Some of the crew members are chasing her around, pissed cause she got into some of their lunches.”
"Fi, you're supposed to be taking care of her." He chided me with a stern frown in place.
Oh yeah, that’s right. Sadie…
I must have forgotten about her when I came in here to find… What the hell did I come in here for? I don’t even know now. Maybe another chew toy or a treat, something along the lines of distracting her from her favorite pastime: bugging me all the time.
"Well how am I supposed to baby-sit both of you at the same time?" I shot indignantly back at him. "It's hard enough running behind you sometimes, then with Sadie that's four legs to be running after."
"You aren't supposed to be babysitting me."
"Yes, and I guess next you’ll be saying I'm also not supposed to fold your underwear and pair your socks up that you've been using to hide your little porn collection either." I said flatly. Knowing damn well there wasn’t enough money in the world to get me to touch his underwear.
His jaw dropped at that, shock skipping merrily across his face followed by its friend embarrassment with anger trailing behind both. "That was you!"
Smiling innocently, I said skittishly, "I don't know what you're talking about Bossman."
"I'm gonna kill you, woman!" Justin cried, chasing me out as I scurried out with a laugh.
"But don't put too much effort into it when you do, ‘cause I'm sure your wrist must be achin’ something fierce."
"Sugar Pie." He called sweetly to me.
"Yes, Honey Bunch?" I said, echoing his tone.
Briefly looking around, he must have notice everyone who was looking at us now, causing him to significantly lower his voice. "We'll discuss this later okay?"
"Alright, honey." I said, walking away before a thought occurred to me, halting me mid-step. "Oh, I almost forgot."
"What?" He asked, warningly.
I hesitated for about half-second then, debating on whether not I wanted to push him a little further. "If you're looking for the hot little pink thong that was in your underwear drawer, I threw that out."
His jaw dropped again even lower than before, if that’s possible, as watched me walk away. "That's not mine!" He squeaked after me, sounding all flustered.
"I'm not here to judge, Honey Bunch.” I said, turning to smirk at him, walking backwards now. “I'm just here to take care of the bitch."
"You mean, Sadie?"
No, I mean you. "Yeah, same difference."
Long blonde locks flipped over a shoulder, long dark lashes batted, long shapely tan legs crossed then uncrossed before crossing again. Janice was working her magic on yet another unsuspecting buffoon of the male species. A handsome buffoon, who I’m sure if they ever did get together in a permanent sense would undoubtedly help her to spawn super-model children who would grow to become the bane of my children’s existence.
Though at the stunning rate I was going in that department, it would be long, cold day in hell…also known as the sperm bank before I’d even have to worry about such things. Anyways, I had been standing off along the sidelines, entertaining Sadie with my dazzling conversational skills with subjects ranging from the ever interesting gum on the bottom of my shoe to how in the hell did I wind up doing this with my life. It was somewhere in between this talk so apparently deep that it had caused Sadie to close her eyes to better hear and comprehend my words that I looked up and noticed Justin noticing Janice and the man that had come on the set with seemingly one purpose: to flirt her into a giggling hysteria.
Now had he just merely looked and then looked away I would have never thought anything of it. But every time I glanced up his eyes were locked on the two of them as if he couldn’t find anything more interesting in the world to stare at the moment. So I did what any sophisticated individual would do upon noticing such a situation, I made sure to softly sing “Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush…” every single time I passed him.
I guess I must have not been walking fast enough, because one time when I doing that and was in the process of escaping, he suddenly pulled me back and whispered to me,“You don’t think…I mean, you don’t think that they are…”
Being sensitive to his distress over the situation, I finished for him. “Fucking like there’s no tomorrow?”
“Well…” He swallowed thickly, licking his lips nervously. “God, Fi, did you have to word it like that?” He grimaced as if he was getting a visual from it.
I simply shrugged with a small smile gracing my mischievous face.
“So, are they?”
“Oh, yeah.” I nodded knowingly. Now did I really know? Nope, this was only the second or third time I’d seen ol’ boy. But messing with Justin was just too much fun to pass up.
“For real?” He asked, looking at me fully now. Tearing his eyes away from Janice and the other guy long enough to fix those blue eyes of his that were getting all doey and sad on me.
Ah, damn! I’m going to have to tell the truth. “No.” I sighed. “I dunno nothing about them.”
“So you don’t think they’re…”
I rolled my eyes. “Damn, I don’t know.” I groaned, ready to be done with the conversation since he’d successfully sucked the fun right out of it. “And most importantly, I don’t care and neither should you, Mr. I-Don’t-Like-Her.”
This was when he straightened up, his voice resumed its usual cocky bastard inclination as he said, “Oh, what, I can’t be curious about her life without liking her?”
“Uh-duh.”
“Well, trust me, I don’t like that girl. I was just being nosey.”
“Whateva.” I said smiling at him knowingly.
Getting annoyed now, he frowned at the look I was giving him and said, “Damn, don’t you have something you should be doing right now?! I know I’m not paying you to be grinning up in my face like that.”
I laughed at his irritation, glad for once to have turned the tables around on him and nodded, hands raised in surrender as if I was metaphorically backing away from the subject as the words “Denial isn’t cute” escaped my mouth. Seeing the frown deepen on his face I added, “I’m going. I’m going.”
“Good.” He muttered.
“Hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush…” I whispered just loud enough for him to hear as I walked by, receiving a series of grumbles from him.
I wish could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Beautiful people with bright sparkling smiles surrounded me from all sides. Staring up at me from their places on the floor, where I'd strewn them out. I couldn't even remember now in this moment, what my purpose was for doing this. But I must have gotten into some kind of trance or a daze, because the more magazines I looked through, the more the beautiful peopled pattern spread, until it was infecting nearly half of my room's floor space. I'd stared at all of their faces. Drawing small lines here and there. A little on the nose. A little on the eyes. Dots on the cheeks.
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)
I don't know why I was doing it. I hadn't done something like this since I was a little girl, back in the fifth grade when magazines such as these with their happy-go-lucky perfection had mesmerized me. I could hardly take my eyes off of them and when I managed to pull my eyes away, there was always time to think about it. Think about how much I wasn't like them. How much work it would take me to get where they were. This led to the straightening my hair, awful unspeakable hair color changes, and clothes choices that...well, only went to prove how brain-washed I had become.
My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
And here I was, all these years later...fallin' back in the same trap. I was laid amongst the dubbed beautiful ones, my mind drifted off to its quiet place of doubts and what ifs.
But it's all the same
What if I were pretty? What if I sparkled and shine with a glow that was naturally mine?
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
Ding-dong, goes reality. Or in other words, the doorbell just rang, successfully saving me from further hammering on the nail of my many flaws.
I'm just trippin'
No sooner had I managed to peek out of the peephole and open the door, did Sadie come charging in, overflowing with excitement and ‘love me’ vibes as she proceeding to jump all over me, ruining my nice clean clothes with her white fur that clung to it like an extra-small on a body intended for a large.
The bitch was back. And I’m not referring to the four-legged wonder, who was currently frolicking about my house in search of God knows what. Turning to the reason I’d be having dog hair in my house for weeks to come, I said, “You know…” I trailed off with a frustrated groan, my mouth unable to form the words.
“Hello to you too, Fi.” He grinned, clearly reveling in the throbbing his presence had created in my left temple. This was supposed to be my off day, dammit! He promised me. Why the hell do I find myself wanting to pout and stomp my feet? “I know, I’d already given you the day off…but…my mom’s in town and she wants to ‘hang out’ with me.”
“Can’t y’all hang out with Sadie?”
“We could if we were just going to be loungin’ around the house. My mom…she…” He trailed off with a sigh. “She just recently got divorced from my dad a few months ago, which is a good thing. I love them, but they are two people that should by no means be married to one another.”
“Guess someone should have told them that twenty-four years ago.”
That clueless smile of his appeared for a hot second, before the genius must have been able to count up the number of years he’d been stuck on this Earth. “Ha ha, you’re hilarious.” He retorted, promptly sticking his tongue out at me. “Anyways, so she’s newly single and wants to go exploring the club scene.”
“With her son?” I asked, incredulously. I know I don’t know much about mother-daughter relationship, considering how I refused to believe that they way my mother treated me was ‘normal’ so I really had no clue what a ‘normal’ mother-son relationship should be like. But going clubbin’ with Mummy doesn’t sound very ‘normal’ to me.
“Yeah, we’re more like best friends though.” He added with a smile.
“Okay so you’re a Momma’s Boy…how lovely. But I’m still not seeing why now at…” I trailed off, glancing around the room until my eyes landed on a nearby clock. “Why now at three-twenty-eight in the afternoon do I have to keep Sadie.”
“Oh, that’s cause me and boys are gonna go play a game of hoops.”
“You’re going to play basketball?”
“No, we’re going to go hula-hoopin’.”
Rolling my eyes at his sardonic remark, I grumbled more to myself than him, “Well, that’s just fuckin’ fantabulous.”
I faintly heard him chuckling to himself at that, as my attention began to get diverted onto the loud giggling conversation that probably consisted of ‘No, no you’re more beautiful than me!’ coming from the beautiful people (Janice and her latest nameless boy-toy) seated in the other room, who had already succeeded in putting me into a funk once today. I really didn’t need an encore.
“Oh yeah, sure…you can come in.” I muttered, my attention focused on Justin again as he walked into my house without a word.
He still didn’t say anything, his eyes seemingly enthralled by the Janice and the nameless one. I should really start giving her guys numbers or something so I can keep track of them. Nah, I’ve never been that great with numbers. Fake names will probably do better. So I’ll call this one…
Angel. Because he kind of reminded me of David Boreanaz’s character on Angel, with all that deep, dark, mysterious brooding he had going on”that is when he wasn’t busy giggling like a little school bitch with Janice.
“I hate beautiful people.” I muttered to myself. “Especially the gigglin’ kind.”
Upon hearing Justin laughing, I realized I must being thinking out loud again. I really had to work on that. “Oh, shit, did I say that out loud?” I asked, smiling sheepishly.
“Yep, you did.” He retorted, glancing back over at the other two who were currently snuggled up together, whispering about whatever it is that beautiful would say to one another. “Yeah, hate them too.”
“You hate beautiful people?” I asked, skeptically. “Why? You are one of them.”
Shrugging, he simply replied, “I dunno, sometimes imperfections are more appealing.”
“Yeah, sure they are.” I said, rolling my eyes unconvinced that a guy like him who used damn near every reflective surface to stare at himself could actually believe that. “So says the six-times a week gym-goer. Mr. Do-These-Pants-Make-My-Ass-Look-Fat.”
Chortling, he shrugged again, “Hey, well, I never said those things looked good on me.” Sobering again, he added, “But y’know how some people have sex appeal? Well some people have something that’s even better. Natural appeal.” He said, gazing at me in a way that had me wondering if this ‘natural appeal’ mumbo jumbo he was sprouting off at the mouth about was supposed to apply to me. “Which is special, y’know. And I don’t mean special in no ‘special’ Olympics kinda definition. I’m talkin’ about it being special because it’s rare. ‘Real’ is rare in this manufactured world of artificiality. And it’s gettin’ harder and harder to find someone with natural appeal. Sex appeal though, that’s a dime a dozen nowadays.”
Did I have durr-stupid tattooed to my forehead today or what? Did he seriously think I was actually going to believe that he believed that shit he was rambling on about?
“Just admit that you’re shallow…deep as a thirsty raindrop.”
“I am not! I have layers…like an onion.”
“Hmmm.” I murmured. “Okay, Shrek, you have layers. Right.” I rolled my eyes at him.
A slow, cocky smile ambled across his confident face as he moved more into my face. “And if you’re nice, Princess, I’ll let you peel them off one…by…one.” He whispered, his warm breath tinkling my ear.
“Eww, see, I knew there was a good reason I didn’t like onions.” I retorted, nose wrinkled up in disgust. “And besides, have you ever heard of such a thing as sexual harassment?”
“You know you like it when I talk dirty to you.”
Sneering at him and taking a few large steps back, I replied, “Yeah, just as much I’d like to have a hunchback and starting tollin’ bells in Notre Dame.”
Without hesitation he began to pretend to be a hunchback, dragging one foot behind him as he said with a heavy lisp, “Do not ask for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that while I shook my head sadly at him. “You have got to be the weirdest, dorkiest cool person I know.”
“Why, I think that’s the first sorta compliment you paid me.” He drawled with a grin, before nudging me slightly. “Aww, I think I’m wearing you down.” He winked.
“Don’t take my momentary lapse into semi-niceness as some kind of victory.” I retorted, managing to suck all the amusement out of my face at that moment.
“Girl, shut up. You know like me!” He said, still grinning as he bum-rushed me, pulling me into an unexpected hug. “We gotta watch our movie together sometime.” He added, playfully pinching me in the side. I assumed ‘our movie’ was Shrek, as I rubbed my side, fixing a glare on him. “But right now I gotta run so I can get this game in and by back in time to get Sadie and get ready for tonight. My momma will kick my ass if I’m late.” He continued, unfazed my annoyance.
“Well, in that case what’s the rush? It’s not like there’s much of anything back there for her to be kickin’ anyways.” I laughed.
“You’ve been checkin’ out my ass again?” He asked, waggling his finger at me disapprovingly. “You know, Sugar Pie, there’s such a thing called sexual harassment, right?”
“Yes, Honey Bunches of Oats, I realize that. But…but…you’re just so damn sexy! I just can’t help myself sometimes.” I retorted, pretends to swoon.
Chuckling, he said, “Well, I know it’s hard, but you’re really going to have to find some restraint. Otherwise it’s off to the nunnery with thee.”
With a quick roll of my eyes, I replied, “Whateva…goodbye dear Hamlet.”
“Parting is such sweet sorrow.” He said, switching gears to quote Romeo & Juliet now.
“Not if you never leave!”
Laughing, he said, “Alright, alright…I’m goin’. Try not to miss me too much, okay?”
“Bye.” I muttered, my voice deadpanned.
Responding to my irritation in his typically aggravating way, he pulled me into yet another hug. Quick and tight this time. Dropping a small peck on the top my head, he said, “I’ll be back around…”
“Doesn’t matter, just go.” I frowned at him, shooing him out the door now.
”See ya later, Princess.”
“Yeah, uh-huh…bye, jackass.”
He frowned, looking slightly puzzled. “I’m Shrek, remember. Not the donkey.”
“Ahh, Jesus Christ, just go! For the love of God, leave!” I groaned.
“Alright, alright. Geesh! No need to get all huffy.”
I stood in the doorway long enough to watch him as he slowly made his way down the driveway and into his car, where he proceeded to incessantly wave and blow disgusting little goodbye kisses my way, before I responded by simply rolling my eyes and shutting the door.
God, that boy needed to get laid or something! Then maybe he’d leave me alone.
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This chapter features: TLC - Unpretty
