February 15, 2004

Dear Diary,

Like I said, Valentine’s Day is the worst Holiday out of the year. Well, I can admit yesterday that I did have a great time with Justin. I know! It must sound completely insane, but I just have to remember to have my number as unlisted. He just showed up at my door, looking entirely too good, for his own good. He surprised me when he gave me a bouquet of my favorite flowers, Lavender Lilies. When he came over, we talked for awhile. He asked me about the baby, and I still didn’t have the heart to tell him. But then we talked about Valentine’s Day, and how much I disliked it. Because I always spend it by myself. Then out of nowhere he suggested that we spend the day together. I was a little hesitant at first, but I decided ‘what the hell, I wasn’t doing anything anyway’. So, I agreed to go out with him.

Stopping by his hotel, I met his best friend, Trace. He was a nice guy. A little immature, but nice. While I was sitting in the den waiting for Justin’s return, I did a lot of thinking. But I still couldn’t come up with a solution to the mess that I’m in. When Justin came back in, we talked again. And then he tried to kiss me! Lord knows how much I wanted to, but the Lord also knows that I am a married woman. So, I pulled away from him.

When ended up having lunch at Big Mama’s House. More talking was done. A debate over whose Grandma’s homemade after meal sweets had started between us. And of course my Nana’s sweet potato pie wins, hands down. Just don’t tell Justin I told you so. I asked him about Cameron, but he told me that things didn’t work out. I tried to pretend I wasn’t a little jealous at that. He didn’t know that every time I saw him on the cover of a magazine, that I would buy it, or whenever I saw him on TV, I would record it. Corey just think I have an obsession with celebrities. But that’s not it.

Leaving the restaurant, we got bum rushed by the paparazzi. I had never been so scared in my life. How did they know that he was here? How did they know where to find him? Were all the questions I had in my head. And speaking of questions, the paparazzi were relentless in their quest for information. It kind of scared me to hear that they knew more about the paternity of my pregnancy than the actually father of my baby.

It was dark by the time I had arrived home. Justin walked me to my door, as we said goodbye. Walking into the front door of my home, Corey appeared from nowhere, scaring the life out of me. He started asking me questions about my whereabouts. And I was dancing around the subject. He told me about the surprise dinner that he wanted to take me too. And he finally remembered my favorite flowers. I wasn’t understanding why he was getting so upset at me, when he had done this to me, so many times in the past.

He got angry and walked up the stair, but not before giving me my Valentine’s Day present. I read the card that was attached to the gift. It brought me to tears. I opened the gift he got for me. Diary, it was so beautiful. It was a heart-shaped locket, with his picture on one side and the picture of our baby’s sonogram on the other. He also had it engraved. I immediately felt guilty. We slept in separate rooms last night. When I tried to talk to him this morning, before he left for work, he just shrugged me off.

Diary, what am I to do?