Chione curled her up in the blanket she was wrapped up in when the cooler than usual California breezed whipped by. She smiled as she watched Lynn and Dionne in the yard together, Dionne dressed in the new clothes that Lynn had bought for her the previous day. Chione had ended up staying with Lynn and Paul longer than she expected but it always felt like going home when she came to visit Lynn. It was just a warm, loving environment, who wants to leave a place like that? And Lynn made it so damn hard for her to leave, every time Chione announced that they would be leaving, Lynn would come up with some kind of excuse for them not to go. But, she just wanted to spend time with her granddaughter, the last piece of the son she used to know.
"Hey, look what the cat dragged in."
Chione turned to Paul to voice and smiled at the man behind him, "Trace."
She stood up and embraced him, and giggled as he pulled back and looked her up and down, "Damn girl, and you had a baby how many months ago?!"
"Oh shut up. God it's been a long time, you look so good Trace."
"Aww thank you, and so do you. Where the little one?"
"Out there with Lynn." She pointed to them out on the lawn as Lynn turned toward them and waved.
The three of the waved back and took their seats on the patio, "So how’s life been for you?" Chione asked Trace.
"Oh you know, pimping all over the world."
"Quit playin', you couldn't pimp a prostitute if your life depended on it."
Trace clicked his teeth, "Ha ha, very funny. Nice language around your daughter."
"Right and you are going to be father of the year pimp."
Just then, Lynn walked up onto the patio with Dionne on her hip, "Well if it isn't a sight for sore eyes. How are you doing Trace?"
Trace stood and kissed Lynn on the cheek and then accepted Dionne from her, "I've been pretty good momma Lynn, how have you been?"
"I've been just fine, just fine."
"I'm starving, how about I go out and pick up some grub?" Paul said, standing to his feet.
"That's a great idea honey, you two hungry?"
"Yeah, sure, I could eat." Chione said.
"You know me, I'm down to eat anytime." Trace said bouncing Dionne on his knee.
Paul and Lynn laughed, then kissed each other goodbye, "she looks so much like him." Trace whispered after a few minutes of silence, while studying the baby.
"She looks more and more like him everyday, even acts like him sometimes. How's he been?" Chione asked just a quietly.
Trace shook his head and looked down at the ground, "You sure you wanna hear this momma Lynn?"
"He's my son Trace." She answered firmly.
He sighed, "Not good. Before he was sentenced to rehab, he was... insane. Everything he did revolved around the drugs. He started messing with them nasty ass hookers and I would find him in these nasty, broken down crack houses. Then, the first day he's home from rehab, he drives down to city and gets high in an alley. When I found him, he was so high he had pissed his own pants. He lost a lot of weight, he doesn't eat, and if I didn't physically have to bathe him, i'm not sure he would be doing it on his own. He's just agitated and paranoid all the time."
The despairing news threw the two women for a loop. Even after rehab, he still couldn't keep his hands off of that shit, "Is he at home now?" Lynn asked.
"Yeah, he was pissed off because I threw out his coke. I just... I can't help him anymore momma Lynn. He's way past gone and I had to walk away from him today, I had to."
Water glistened in his eyes and he put his head down, to embarrassed to show the women his true emotions. As he bounced Dionne on his knee, trying to fight back the tears, Lynn put her hand on the back of his neck, rubbing his slowly and softly, letting her motherly instincts take over, "It's okay Trace. You did all that you could for him. Sometimes, you just have to walk away."
"I know but... he's my best friend momma Lynn."
"And he was the love of my life, but we had to walk away Trace. He pushed us away from him." Chione said, grabbing his free hand and squeezing it gently.
"He still thinks about you, I knew he does. I would catch him looking through old pictures of you guys and sometimes I could hear him crying at night. I know he was crying over you and this baby girl."
Chione couldn't say anything but her heart skipped a beat. He thought about her, he thought about Dionne. It wasn't much but it was something, the old Justin was still in there somewhere. Trace shook his head roughly, rubbing the tears from his face and let out a laugh. He raised Dionne over his head and smiled at her, "Let's not talk about this anymore, let's get the baby inside before she freezes to death."
A few hours later, after everyone was full and Dionne was asleep, Trace and Chione sat together in the living room, flipping though the channels aimlessly. Lynn and Paul had retired upstairs to take a nap themselves and the house was filled with a comfortable silence.
"So is JC still stopping by to see you?" Trace asked.
"Yeah, he comes by pretty much every week to see Dionne and give me some money, which I feel terrible for."
"Don't worry about it, he's got the cash, he doesn't mind. Are two still... you know." That all-to-familiar smile spread across his face and Chione pushed his shoulder roughly.
"That is none of your business asshole."
"I knew it! Look at Chione gettin' her pimp on."
"Oh stop it. It's not even like that."
"I know, i know," Trace said, settling down, "I understand babe, after spending all that time with the little one, you need some adult conversation. I got you."
"JC's a good guy, you know? I just don't want him to feel like i'm using him and I don't want to lead him on."
"He won't think that. We both know JC."
I got silent between the two of them again, "Has he mentioned the baby to you at all? Has he asked any questions about her?" Chione asked.
Trace shook his head no, "No, I told him when you had given birth and told him what hospital you were at. He told me he was going to go see you but he went out and got fucked up, that's the last time we said anything about it."
Chione looked around the living room. That little hope she had in Justin died with Trace's last statement. He knew about Dionne but was to selfish to come and see his own daughter, "I wasn't lying when I told you he still thinks about you earlier. Sometimes, when I would have to go pick him up from where-ever the hell, he would call me Chione. He would ask me if the baby was okay and tell me that I was a good mother."
"For the longest time, I wondered if he still thought about us. I wondered if he still cared and apparently, somewhere deep down he does, he just needs to get away from the drugs. I still love him Trace." Chione cried.
Trace pulled her into his chest and rubbed his hand up and down her back, "I know you do girl. But I can't tell you if you are ever going to be with him again."
"I know that, I just want him to have a relationship with his daughter, they both deserve that."
"Maybe something will click for him one day and he'll reach out to you. He'll have to reach rock bottom before he can start making his way to the top again."
"I had a feeling that you weren’t telling us all of what's been happening earlier."
He laughed, "Who are you, Sylvia Brown now? Are you gonna start making appearances on the Montel show?"
"Shut up. Tell me."
Trace sighed and looked down at jeans, "He's been cutting himself. I can't tell for how long but he has scars everywhere. I had to take him to the hospital one time cuz I walked in on him passed out in his bathroom, bleeding from a cut on his side."
Chione's hand flew to her face, "My god." She whispered.
"If he doesn't get help, he's gonna kill himself." Trace said lowly.
"We have to get him some help Trace."
"What are we going to do Chione? He doesn't want to hear anything I have to say and he'll treat you the same way."
"I don't care, I don't want to turn on the tv and hear that he was found dead in some alley!" Chione stated agrily.
"I don't want that either but you don't know him anymore. He is not that person that you fell in love with anymore. Don't you remember how he treated you? Don't you remember calling me in the middle of the night because he beat you up-"
"Yes Trace, I do remember! I had to live through that shit so don't you dare try and act like I'm being the stupid ex-girlfriend. I lived through his rages first hand."
"And you think that I didn't? How do you think I felt during all of that bullshit? Having to be in the middle all the time, taking care of you when he beat the shit of you and then having to go over and bathe his ass cuz he pissed himself. So I lived through it too Chione, I lived through both of you guys bullshit."
The silence had taken over again, but this time it wasn't all the comfortable, "I'm sorry okay? I don't like hearing you being all caught up in him still."
"He needs the help Trace. You said it yourself, he'll kill himself if he doesn't get any help and support."
He sighed deeply again, "Okay, what do you wanna do?"
"I wanna see him."
"I don't think that's a good idea Chi."
This time, it was her time to sigh, "What the hell did you think I was talking about when I said we needed to get him help? He won't trust a complete stranger."
"He won't trust us either."
Chione threw her arms over her chest and tapped her foot against the floor, "Why are you being so indecisive? You just said that you want to help him and now it's not a good idea for me to see him?"
"You are not gonna like what you are going to see, that's all."
"I don't care about that. Are you going to help me or not?"
Trace stared at the TV for a second, weighing his options, "Yes."
"When can I see him?"
"Whenever you want. He's still living at the same place."
"Okay."
"But, we are not taking Dionne with us. She might only be eight months, but I refuse to let her see that kinda shit."
"Deal. Thank you Trace."
"Don't thank me, remember, I tried to talk you out of it."
She smiled softly, "Noted."
"I hope you are ready for this."
"You know that saying when it rains, it pours?"
"Yeah."
"Well, it's been raining for a long time and i'm ready for it to stop."
Author's Chapter Notes:
long time, no update, lol. Sorry, here's the new chapter and again, if you see any his/him/son/braelynn instead of her/daughter/dionne, let me know. I'm pretty sure I got them all but i could've missed one or two. Thanks for reading guys :)
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