“I’m not ready. I can’t do this,” Shay gripped the door handle, trying to will herself to get out of the car. Her knuckles were white. It had been two months since her life had pretty much ended. She was not ready to face the aftermath just yet.

       “Come on. We’re already late,” Rachel was beside her in the driver’s seat. She wanted to offer some sort of comforting words, but she had said everything she could think to say within the past two months. She had even repeated them on the way to the church.

       “What if I freeze? What if I sound like a babbling idiot?” Rachel got out of the vehicle, ran around to Shay’s side, and threw the door open. Shay’s eyes went wide. She couldn’t believe this was really happening.

       “You won’t! Now you look hot as hell, and you have a best friend to support. Nobody is going to stand in the way of that. Now get your ass out of the car,” Shay sighed and timidly stepped out of the vehicle. Baby steps. She kept thinking this term. Where the hell were Trace and Justin? They had promised her they would be there, but she didn’t see any sort of familiar car.

        “What if I hyperventilate? What if I trip in my heels? What if I suddenly have the urge to throw up?” She felt her whole body start to shake. At first she thought it was her nerves, but then she realized that Rachel had begun to shake her.

         “You won’t do any of that stuff, because you’ll only be paying attention to me,” She snapped her head around to the voice behind her.

        “You know, could you have been any fucking slower?” She put her other arm firmly into Trace’s, “And where the hell is Justin?”

        “He’s already inside. He had someone else drop him off. Anyway, shall we? Don’t even look. Act like the only person you see is me in my underwear.” Shay didn’t know whether to laugh or purge. She loved Trace in times like these. He was an excellent jokester. He kept her mind where it should be, not on where it shouldn’t. She wasn’t even thinking about it anymore, even as she felt the cold breeze on her naked arms. She didn’t even stop to look at the one thing she was supposed to be forbidden to look at. Her eyes immediately, instead, started searching for the one person she needed most right now.

        “I’m so sorry,” Andrea ran up to her and hugged the life out of her. If it weren’t for her comment, Shay wouldn’t have had a clue what she meant, “She wasn’t supposed to be here. I did not invite her.” The one mistake that Shay promised herself she wouldn’t make, was now being made. In an instant everything came gushing back to her. It was like all the pain she had suffered was all surging back up to make it’s final hit right where it hurt the most. Was it bad that five minutes after walking into the door she felt the room already beginning to spin? She wanted to respond, but she didn’t have the words.

        “Shay Elizabeth! Happy late birthday hun!” She wasn’t even aware of arms sliding around her body. She was only aware of the now constricting pain. She was supposed to be thrilled to see this person, at ease, but at the moment she couldn’t feel anything. What was she doing? She was acting weak, when everybody else was strong. This had to stop. She could get through two days of hell. She would survive this.

        “Please don’t remind me. Your son did enough of that for a lifetime,” She stood up straighter, put a smile on her face, and squeezed the life out of the woman in front of her. She wasn’t sure if she was that happy to see her or if she was getting some pent up frustration out.

        “Yes, I do recall him telling me about you clawing his eyes out. Way to go!” Shay laughed at her second mom. Throughout most of her life, she had called Lynn mom. She didn’t know when it had started, but it had never stopped. This was possibly due to the fact that her own mother had never been in the picture much due to a big explosion between her and her dad. Her mother always visited, but her dad had primary custody. Since her younger days, however, Shay had accepted her mother into her life like she had never left. She was always taught to forgive and forget, so that’s exactly what she did.

       “You made it! I’ve been trying to call your phone,” Justin’s voice was low and full of uncertainty. He didn’t know if she was going to break down any second. He was practically cursing ever since he had walked in the door and seen what he didn’t want to see.

        “Sorry. I left it at the house. Rachel practically dragged me out like a rag doll. I could have forgotten everything,” Rachel shoved her side, and she smiled, “I even wore these uncomfortable shoes. I forgot I was going to be here late decorating.”

        “Are you okay?” Justin’s breath tickled her ear, sending her whole body into convulsions full of goose bumps.

       “Peachy. Thanks!” She gave him a reassuring smile that perhaps faltered a little bit somewhere between the beginning and the end. She had put Justin through hell with all of her drama, and for one night she wanted them to be like they used to be.

       “Alright ladies and gents! The party is here so lets get lined up. The order of girls is Marie, Tiffany, Noel, Tera, Rachel, and Shay. For the guys it’s Paul, Adam, Michael, Justin, and Trace. I guess just get lined up and link arms. Andrea wants everybody to walk and then split. We’ll have tape to mark your spots.” Shay was glad to be by herself, standing in the back. Listening to Haley Esposito talk, however, was like knives on a chalkboard. What better to have a retarded voice and a retarded last name? Well, maybe she shouldn’t pick on the last name so much. The line started moving. It was just a given that by the time the person in front of you reached the fifth pew up, the next person would move.

       Shay was the last to go, by herself. She had tried to talk Andrea into doing something different, but she wasn’t budging. It wasn’t as if she wanted to walk down with him, but at least now she wouldn’t be walking down all alone with everybody staring at her. At least she wouldn’t be staring at him in the eyes as she did so. At least it wouldn’t feel like what should have happened.

        “Who giveth this woman away?” She was sure that she was going to tear up tomorrow. Undoubtedly she would. Absolutely she would. She almost teared up now. It also had nothing to do with him.

        “I do.” As Andrea’s father stepped back, Shay took the bouquet that she had spent hours making out of bows from all of the bridal showers. She took Andrea’s place and Andrea took hers. She hooked her arm in Duncan Esposito’s, elbowing his side. He winked at her from the side. He was the kind of gentleman that anybody would want to be.  Standing up here like it was her wedding made her want to cry and run back down the isle. Zoning out may be the best thing she could do. Maybe it would make time pass slower.

         “Why thank you gorgeous,” Andrea took back her brightly colored bouquet and started the reverse walk down the isle. Her heart had never hammered so hard. This was it. The flower girls were already halfway down the isle. Taking those steps reminded her of everything that was.

       The moment her arm linked in his, it was like slow motion. She could hear the tick in her ears. She could feel the throbbing of her heart. Her feet moved, but she didn’t remember moving them. They moved her all the way to the end of the isle. She parted with him, not speaking. Instead, she watched Justin and Trace walk down the isle.

        They were both looking at her quite curiously. She had a grin on her face from ear to ear, much like the time when she graduated from high school. She was so glad to be free of that burden. Her arms wrapped around Trace and Justin’s shoulders. Rachel suddenly ran over and rung her neck to show support. Everybody stepped back, looking at her in a daze. Maybe they were waiting for the choir to sound, but none of that was needed.

        “I’m free,” She was still smiling, something that none of them would forget. This was the first day she had smiled and forgotten him in a long time. Forgiving, no. But certainly on her way to forgotten. Things were looking up.

  “Let me not to the marriage of true minds
admit impediments. Love is not love
which alters when it alteration finds,
or bends with the remover to remove:
Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark.
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
it is the star to every wandering bark,
whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
within his bending sickle's compass come;
love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
but bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare has empowered many, and willed people to love.

I remember the first time I laid eyes on Andrea, back in grade school. I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. I knew from then that if we ever crossed paths, that we would be friends forever. I remember her sitting with me at lunch in the tenth grade. Here I am sitting there eating from the pizza line, and she plops down and starts talking to me like I’ve known her my entire life. Normally, due to friends that I have and love, I would be cautious about somebody. But just looking at Andrea, I knew she was the real deal. She was my savior.

Since that day a long time ago, we’ve had so many journeys together. We’ve laughed and cried together. She’s always been by my side, comforting me when I needed it the most.

Duncan, this is the woman that you get. You get Andrea, who will always be there no matter what. You get Andrea, the girl who once streaked through the fraternity just for redemption. You get the Andrea that nobody else has ever seen. With that, you get a piece of me.

           To Andrea and Duncan, may your journey never end.” Tears slipped down her cheek as Andrea hugged the life out of her. She didn’t have a speech prepared. She had a poem, the rest she was going to make up, and she did. It was all she could do to hold it together. Shay grinned and sat back down. Her friend was married. MARRIED! There was such a time when she remembered when it was supposed to be her standing at the alter.     

        He looked perfect in his suit, like always. She couldn’t help but glance over there every now and then. Listening to his best man speech, really left her speechless. His speech was full of emotion and hopefulness, but was he really those things? She knew him. Whoever was on his arm tonight, did not. It was funny how he hadn’t even said a word to her. He had given up on her the moment he saw her run out of that club, because they had never spoken again. Rightfully so, however.       

          “Where is the fucking love?” A familiar arm draped around her shoulder, dazzling her out of her reveries.       

         “Up your ass and around the corner. Who needs love when I have you?” There was a nice chuckle that came from the man beside her.       

        “Are you planning on staying?” She looked up at him with a smile so bright she could have lit up the dim room.        

       “Lets go home cowboy,” She wrapped her arm around his waist like she always did. She looked back one last time at her past. She was supposed to get married a month ago. Her and Andrea had planned their wedding a month apart on purpose. They wanted to have something to share, something in common. Her and Harper were supposed to walk down the isle after three years of romance. Duncan, the guy that her best friend had just married, happened to be Harper’s best friend as well. The thing about love, however, it can end as abruptly as it started.       

        One night at a club, she found herself backed against a wall making out with him. She didn’t know what had happened, but a fire was building inside of her just waiting to ignite everything around her. That night started three years of passion and love.      

         The thing about guys you meet in a club one night is, you never know when they are going to meet another girl just like you in a club just like the one you met in. You never know when you’re out celebrating your last month of singledom with your best friend, who just happened to start on his second album, what exactly you will find.        

         She was a good person, a really good person. She prayed every day, she had chosen the right path in life, but love was not something she ever wanted again. She never wanted to feel that pain again. She didn’t know what she had done to wrong the love gods, but it must have been something monumental.      

        It wasn’t long after she caught Harper cheating on her that she learned that it had been going on for a year. It was funny because it had started two weeks after they were engaged. As much as he promised her he loved her, how could you love somebody when you constantly lied about everything you ever stood for?

        But the night Justin took her home, the night of Andrea’s wedding that was how she knew that she was a new person. She no longer thought of Harper as a person in her past. She didn’t think of him at all. She was a new woman. Love meant nothing anymore, so she might as well be the best damn friend to everybody she could possibly be. This meant makin.g up the past two months to Justin, Trace, and Rachel. How she was going to do that, she didn’t know