Copyright 2007
Written by: Jelisha J.
Prologue
I want to know that I have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now, give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive
- “Anything But Ordinary” by Avril Lavigne
I’ve never been truly comfortable with the communication thing - I keep to myself at all times - even when I’m with my folks back in Memphis, I stay to myself. It isn’t like I’ve been through something really irrational that has secluded me to being this way. I rather be by myself than to be with others.
My mother, Mabel, has always claimed that my father must’ve dropped me on my head a few times when I was an infant because I’m the youngest of five children but I am also the most unsociable out of the Kennedy clan.
Growing up in a town like Memphis, you have to prepare yourself to always have your business on display for others because there is nothing to do here but gossip - that’s why when I turned eighteen; I caught the first flight out of Tennessee.
My parents hit the roof when I told them my wishes of attending the University of Texas in Austin - damn the fact that I had total free ride because of my GPA - they were more focused on the part that I wasn’t attending Tennessee State, like my siblings before me. I chose to differ myself from my clan, to separate myself from them and this weird city, and for doing that…I became an outsider to them.
I wasn’t surprised my parents turned me away from them - from the start, I had always been the outsider of our family. My eldest sibling, Jade, had the beauty to exceed her into bit acting roles in Hollywood - and of course, my mother was beyond thrilled that her oldest child was associated with the likes of Ryan Gosling and Hilary Duff.
My other three sisters (in chronological order: Maria, Patrice, and Zora) owned a local business in Memphis that had something to do with playing matchmakers - let me not get started on this because I find it completely ridiculous that someone pays thousands of dollars to have someone else find their “perfect match”. If you’ve seen the movie “Hitch” then in milder terms - that’s what my sisters do for a living.
I, on the other hand, wanted to become an English teacher for young children. I’ve always been the quiet type, yes, but secretly I desired to have a major impact on my society and no one, to me personally, has a greater effect on our environment than that of an average American schoolteacher. Scott and Mabel had scoffed at this profession; my father had raised us to be the best that we can possibly be - he never settles for less than the best and he sees the profession of teaching as low as a person can get.
Whatever. That is why I got away from them when I had the chance. And I’ve chosen not to keep in contact with any of my family members except for my sister, Zora. Zora and I are a year and a half apart and so therefore, growing up in our close knitted family - I turned to her for comfort.
Like I said before, I don’t do the communications thing but with Zora, it seemed easy to confide in her because she wasn’t judgmental or manipulative like our parents (majority of the time it was my mother) - she was more of a friend than my older sister. In honesty, she happened to be the one to convince me to take that scholarship in Texas.
Besides Jade, being the prodigal child of our family, Zora always seemed to come a close second. She had a strikingly resemblance to Jade - with her dark strawberry blonde hair and deep, brown eyes - she could’ve had any job that she wanted but her sophomore year in high school she became pregnant and everything she had once dreamed of was put on hold for her son, Kyle.
Of course, my parents were disappointed with her pregnancy but they overlooked it - focusing on my shortcomings more than anything. Anyway, I’ve kept close to my sister for the past four years and held her as constant mentor and friend. I’m proud of her and what my other siblings have done with their lives because they are successful and somewhat happy but me?
I don’t think I’ve ever truly been happy. I thought by running away from my problems would be a great release but it only made things more complicated because I don’t like socializing with others and I tend to have anxiety attacks when I’m in front of a huge crowd so you could guess that I didn’t have guys lined up outside of my dorm.
I’ve never dated, never been kissed, or probably never been thought of by the opposite sex. Sad, isn’t it? I’m twenty-two and I have never even had a boyfriend! I don’t think about things like this though because it isn’t worth whining or complaining over because I’m the type of person who is meant to be alone - I’ve always been alone and I will remain alone.
But sometimes, it would be nice to know that someone, anyone, could or was interested in me. I guess it’s my punishment for dodging my parents and my hometown. Memphis is truly not that bad but I’ve been there my whole my life - I’ve never seen anything more than the country side until I came to Austin.
And to be honest, I don’t like Austin that much, either. I guess I’m just picky. But I’ve never lived up to this lifestyle. I haven’t gone out to a party or gotten into any act of drinking, smoking, and I don’t think I’ve ever cursed, to be honest. I’m what they call the “good, innocent” type. I don’t do anything because if I want to be a teacher, I have to be clean and pure. Or that’s what I assume a teacher should be.
I never in a million years would have returned to Memphis after earning my degree if it wasn’t for my sister, Zora. From the success of their business (which was called “Find a Catch”), Zora had earned more than enough money to support herself and my six-year old nephew. She had bought a small house for the two of them and had encouraged me to come back to Memphis to begin my career.
I had nowhere to go, really. I didn’t know what the next step was for me after completing my four years in Austin - I didn’t know where to begin my life. Zora claimed that I could stay with her until I got back on my feet and that I didn’t have to associate with our parents if I chose not to.
My only friend was Zora - so I find it extremely ironic that I am now purchasing a middle-class ticket from Austin to Memphis. I never thought I would have to face my boring, pathetic past - but here I go.
Lord, give me strength - I know I’m going to need it.
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