“You’re a fucking liar, man,” Joey exclaims and JC is shaking his head, grinning giddily.

“I swear on my life dude.”

“She did not!” Joey says, smacking his band mate’s shoulder and JC nods.

“She did!”

These are the kind of conversations I have to endure while riding on the tour bus with the group. We’ve been on the road for nearly five hours now, the majority of which, I have been fighting with the four other guys for Justin’s attention. Between fart jokes, and play fights, and talk about girls, getting him to focus on Early Medieval Art has been virtually impossible. Especially since his mother isn’t here to rein him in like usual. Justin was practically bouncing off the walls when he told me that she was going home for the next couple weeks for her and his stepfather’s anniversary. He says it’s really because she didn’t want to spend another second on the bus with five guys and needed a break. He misses her.

“No fucking way, man,” Justin chimes in, looking away from his book for the umpteenth time. “That girl was grade A pussy. She did not just drop those panties. You know what you had to do.” He makes an obscene gesture with his tongue and fingers that makes me press my thighs together. Yeah, he misses his mother but he’s enjoying the freedom.

I smack my hand against the page, causing him to whip his head around to look at me. “Focus, Justin,” I sigh.

“Sky, why don’t we call it a night,” Justin yawns, leaning back against the seat and stretching, a thin piece of skin peeking from between the top of his jeans and his t-shirt. I look away.

“Justin,” I say lowly, and he leans in to hear me, casting a weary glance at JC and Joey who are still arguing playfully and not paying any attention to the two of us. “We’re really behind.”

“I know, but I’m tired babe,” he sighs and I can tell he is.

They haven’t had a day off in nearly two weeks now, interviews all day, shows at night, club appearances after that and then all-night bus rides like the one we’re on now. I glance at my watch and see that it’s nearly three in the morning. He yawns again, scratching at his stomach before running his hands over his face and sighing.

“Okay…” I say, giving in and he closes his eyes thankfully. “And don’t call me babe,” I add in a quick whisper and he grins at me, his foot rubbing against mine underneath the table. I give him a small smile back.

Chris comes from the back of the bus and falls into the booth next to me with a sigh. He lays his head on my shoulder and I laugh a little. Justin’s eyes narrow before he relaxes his face, pursing his lips as he watches Chris sit up again. He’s getting better at controlling his emotions, better at keeping his hands to himself. He still looks at me in that way he does, a mixture of adoration and lust, and he still smiles that giddy smile, but he’s getting better.

“I’m huuuuuuuungry,” Chris whines, very much like a child and I can’t help but giggle. He’s the oldest of the group but sometimes he’s just like a little kid.

“Me too,” Justin sighs, looking out the window, resting his forehead against the glass.

“Food?” Joey asks finally pulling from his conversation and JC turns his head, hollering at the driver.

“Hey, James! You think we could stop for some grub?”

“Yeah, there’s a town coming up,” James’ muffled voice calls from the driver’s seat and I yawn a little, looking out the window and watching the trees roll by.

“Tired?” Justin asks and I glance over to find him looking at me somewhat concernedly and I give an almost imperceptible shake of my head; the you’re-doing-it-again nod. He looks down.

“I’m fine,” I say, stretching a little and watching as we take an off ramp, curling down towards a small town, lights glittering in the dark night.

“Oooo IHOP!” Justin exclaims, placing his hands on the glass of the window and bouncing a little.

“IHOP!” Joey exclaims and cranes his neck to see out the window. “Score!”

“You think we should get Lance?” Chris asks as we pull into the deserted parking lot and JC shakes his head.

“Nah, let him sleep,” he says, glancing back towards the bunks and Joey shakes his head.

“He’ll be pissed if we get pancakes without him,” Joey says standing up, “LANCE!” he yells as he makes his way back into the bunks and I jump slightly. “We’re getting pancakes get up.”

“You comin’?” Justin asks as he slides out of the booth and my stomach growls in response. He laughs. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he says holding his hand out to me.

I step out of the booth without his assistance, but my hip bumps his affectionately as we file off the bus, JC and Chris already well ahead of us, Joey tugging a very sleepy Lance behind us.

Tiny and another large, hulking member of the security team, Eric, are already waiting by the door of the restaurant. Tiny’s eyes meet mine briefly as I pass him but I look away quickly. He hasn’t said much to me since the museum but I have felt his quiet disapproval every time he’s near. This has been happening for a month and a half now, Justin and I together. Well, not together but we’ve been doing this for a month and a half…fucking. I wince at the thought as we enter the near empty restaurant.

“How many of us are there?” Chris says turning around and squinting as he counts, “eight… Curly get over here and help me move these tables,” he adds and Justin brushes past me moving to help Chris pull two tables together.

“Miss McKibbons,” Joey says, sidling up to me and offering me his elbow, grinning at me cheekily.

“Mr. Fatone,” I respond, hooking my arm through his and we walk to the table, him pulling out the chair at the head of the table for me and bowing as he guides me around the seat. “Why, thank you,” I giggle as I sit and he falls into the chair next to me, grinning lasciviously.

JC plops down on the other side of me, grabbing a menu and opening it. The table is filling up, Lance falling sleepily into the chair next to JC, Tiny sitting next to Joey, Chris sitting next to Lance and Justin is standing at the head of the table, looking down the length at me, slightly annoyed.

“Come on, Curly. Sit down,” Chris says, motioning across the table from him.

“You can handle not sitting next to Skylar just this once,” Eric teases, taking his seat at the head of the table as Justin sits down next to Tiny.

“Fuck you, man,” Justin says, snatching a menu and discretely eyeing me down the length of the table.

The waitress comes and brings us water, introducing herself nervously. She’s young, maybe my age and her eyes are flitting to Justin nervously. He smiles at her encouragingly as she sets his glass in front of him and she stutters a little when he thanks her. So it seems I’m not the only pervert in this world.

“So Sky,” Joey says, his eyes flitting across the table to JC who does his best to suppress a grin and I don’t know what’s coming but I try to prepare myself as best I can. “What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?”

My eyes widen slightly and even though I know I shouldn’t my eyes flick to Justin who is leaning over the table, eyes locked on me. I glance around and find that all eyes are, in fact, on me. I swallow hard. The truth is… Justin is the best sex I’ve ever had. I hadn’t really thought about it but now, when the question is posed, my stomach turns. A seventeen year old boy is the best sex I’ve ever had. I’m pathetic… or Justin really is the stud he portrays himself to be. I giggle a little to myself at the thought.

“Well Joe,” I say, leaning towards him and grinning at him flirtatiously. “What’s the best sex you have ever had.”

“No, no, no Skylar,” Joey admonishes, chuckling a little. “I asked you first.”

I look around and find the rest of the men at the table smirking at me. Justin is looking into his lap and trying not to fidget. I can feel my cheeks redden. I can’t believe I’m about to say this.

“It was in the shower,” I say quickly and Justin’s head snaps up but no one notices because they are all too busy whooping and hollering and watching me blush.

“In the shower!” JC exclaims and I duck my head, my face searing hot.

“Nice and slick, back pressed against the tiles,” Joey teases and I regain some composure lifting my head and grinning as I say:

“Actually, he bent me over.”

I laugh as the table erupts again but it quells quickly because Justin has just spit out the sip of water he’d just taken.

“Damn Justin… popped a little quick there,” Chris says as Justin sputters and wipes his mouth, glaring at the older man.

“It happens, man,” Eric says, clapping Justin on the back. “Especially if it’s your first time.” The rest of the table sniggers. I look at my lap.

“Shut the fuck up. I am not a virgin,” Justin grumbles, his hand going to flatten his curls in that nervous way that he does.

“Oh really?” Joey asks, craning his neck to see Justin. “Tell us about it then.”

“Hey,” I say, smacking Joey’s arm. “I told you mine. You tell me yours. Best sex you’ve ever had.”

“Oh, homegirl saved your ass, man,” Eric says, nudging Justin with his elbow and the younger man scowls.

“She did not. I’ve done shit you assholes have only dreamed of,” Justin mutters, scowling down at his menu and a chorus of “oooo’s” follows his statement.

“Oh really?” Chris says, his eyebrows raising in contest and I can feel a rush of panic run through me.

“Come on Joe,” I poke him again and he looks at me. “Tell me.”

“You’re certainly interested,” he says grinning and I wiggle my eyebrows at him which causes the rest of the men to laugh. “Alright since you’re just dying to know, it was with this groupie-”

“This is how most of his stories start incase you haven’t noticed,” JC interrupts and Joey purses his lips, flipping his friend off and receiving a laugh before turning back to me.

“There was this groupie, I think it was in…” he squints looking at JC, “Munich? Was it Munich that I was late for that radio interview?”

JC shakes his head. “No, that was Hannover.”

“Oh yeah!” Joey grins. “Munich was the chicks in the hot tub. Hannover was the jello.”

My eyes widen. “Jello?”

“Just let your mind wander,” Joey grins and then he laughs at the astonished look on my face.

“Are…” I pause shaking my head. “Are all you’re groupies like… like that?”

“Like what?” JC asks grinning, sharing a look with Joey.

“Well…you know,” I say shifting uncomfortably. “It just… just happens like that?”

“Yep!” Joey laughs loudly. “In hotel rooms.”

“Dressing rooms,” JC adds.

“The bus,” Chris chimes in.

“Everywhere,” Joey grins, wiggling his brows and I shake my head at his antics.

“That shit doesn’t happen to me,” Justin says and I can see his eyes flitting to me, speaking to me in silence. I look away.

“Yeah it never has…” Chris says and then grinning widely. “ever.”

“Yes it does!” Justin exclaims and then his eyes flit to me again. “I mean it… it doesn’t, but it could. I just…I don’t do that stuff. I’m not like that. Not to say that I couldn’t be like that…I’m just not… because I don’t… I mean…” he trails looking at his lap, his face contorting in confusion.

“See what happens when you lie, Justin,” Eric teases and Justin scowls at him. “You’re a virgin,” he says shrugging and then laying a hand on his shoulder in mock sympathy, “and that’s okay.”

The rest of the table sniggers. Their chatter stops for a moment when the waitress comes back and takes everyone’s order, smiling shyly at all the guys but stuttering to the point of idiocy when talking to Justin. He smiles sympathetically at her and she scurries away, Eric claps Justin on the back.

“You could have had her right, J?” Eric teases. “You’re just not like that.”

“Shut the fuck up, man. I got stories,” Justin says pouting and I tense again.

“Dude… Joey’s jello story was good but Chris has the best one,” JC says, leaning over to look down the table at Chris who laughs.

“No, dude, your group shower trumps my naked twister,” Chris says pointing down the table at JC.

My head is spinning slightly, looking back and forth between all the members of the group watching them laugh and reminisce. Talk of strip or dare, sex dice, strip poker, these guys have done it all, in every position, all over the world. I’m more than slightly shocked. I’m dumbfounded. Never in my life would I have thought that from these guys. I mean I saw the girls, the women, throwing themselves at them every night but I never dreamed…

“Look at Sky,” Joey says after a particularly scandalous confession. “Acting all innocent. Girl, I know you’re a freak in those sheets.”

I can feel my face flush and my eyes involuntarily flit to Justin who is chuckling to himself. “Oh I am not,” I say, blushing furiously.

“Don’t lie, Skylar,” JC says, poking me with his finger and grinning.

“Yeah, we’ve seen that Girls Gone Wild shit,” Joey grins and I laugh.

“Okay, all college girls are not like that,” I snort and Joey looks at me appalled.

“Hey…hey stop ruining my fantasy!” he exclaims and I laugh as the waitress comes with our food.

All talk turns to food for the moment, the passing of butter and scrapping over different syrups taking over the conversation. As we settle in to eat I look around the table, watching them all. They are exhausted, every single one but they are vibrant and caring and just normal guys. This fame thing, it’s just a fluke. It doesn’t change them. Sure it gives them the opportunity to have cars and women and anything else they want, but it doesn’t change the fact that Joey is a huge flirt, that JC is quiet until he knows you and then watch out, that Chris…well you should just watch out from the start with him, that Lance is shy and good natured, that Justin is… Well, Justin… my brain jams as my eyes fall on him, watching him shove pancakes into his mouth, his jaw working slowly, barely swallowing before cramming more in. He’s just this sweet kid who got thrown into this crazy life. He’s just a sweet kid…

“OH!” Joey exclaims, breaking me from my thoughts and all eyes turn to him and he slaps the table. “Justin!”

Justin looks over at him bewildered, struggling to swallow his mouthful of food before responding, “What?”

“Guess…” Joey says, allowing his eyes to flit around the table giddily, “who is opening for us next week.”

The rest of the group sniggers and Justin looks around slightly confused and then a look of realization dawns on his face and then something else that I can’t place.

“No…” he says, laughing slightly as he looks around, his eyes falling on me and then looking around again and saying a little more panicked this time. “No!”

“Oh… oh yeah… she is,” Joey grins, nodding. “You gonna get that pussy, J?”

Justin shifts uncomfortably and I struggle to understand what is happening, watching him, just like everyone else at the table.

“I-I dunno,” he says, pushing his food around his plate with his fork.

“Come on, man!” Chris exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. “You’ve talked about this girl non-stop since I fuckin’ met you.”

I struggle at not letting the shock register on my face. Justin never told me about another girl. He certainly never talked about one non-stop. Then again, if we weren’t studying we weren’t usually talking.

“They’re talking about Britney.” It’s JC that says it and my head whips to him and he smiles at me softly. “She was on this TV show with Justin and I. She’s gonna be our opening act for next week.”

And suddenly I remember sitting outside at the Getty museum on wooden benches, eating ice cream, Justin telling me about a girl he was once with. The way his eyes had saddened a little when he talked of their parting of ways. A pang of something ignites in me and I frown, not quite being able to place it, just knowing that it’s an unpleasant sensation.

“I do not talk about her non-stop!” Justin insists, looking at me and I don’t meet his eyes.

“Well, maybe not so much anymore but for the longest time you did,” Chris says, forking more pancakes into his mouth.

“You gonna hit her one more time, Curly,” Joey teases, and Justin rolls his eyes. “Isn’t that how the song goes.”

“Come on, you guys,” he says and I watch the blush creep up his neck. “She’s a nice girl.”

“A nice girl,” Joey sniggers, “with a nice rack,” he chuckles and pointing at Justin he adds, “and her ass ain’t bad either.”

“Guys, stop,” Justin says, his face serious and the table quiets, conceding to Justin’s stern admonishment.

I watch as he pushes the remainder of his food around on his place, ignoring the conversations around him. I can’t see his eyes so I don’t know what he’s thinking, but the dynamic has changed. The guys have stopped teasing him and he’s quiet now. I don’t know who this girl is but I know she means something to him and I’m shocked to realize that I actually care and I realize that that unpleasant sensation I’d felt earlier was nothing less than jealousy.

***

“You got it?” I ask suppressing a yawn and he nods, yawning himself, his eyelids drooping.

After getting back on the bus, Justin had asked if we could go over some more art pieces and after picking my jaw up off the floor I had agreed. He has been incredibly focused, listening and not once joining in on the conversations around him. We worked as, one by one, the other members of the group went to bed and now at five-thirty in the morning we are both slow and groggy, unable to focus our eyes.

He’s looking at me bleary eyed from where he sits next to me on one of the lounges in the front of the bus. It’s quiet, the only sound being the tires on the road and the soft hum of the engine. He sighs, fumbling with books and papers, setting them aside before scooting closer to me and resting his head on my shoulder, his arms wrapping around my waist. I let my eyes close as he sighs, his breath rushing against my neck. My arms wrap instinctively around his shoulders, savoring the warmth of his body.

“What the guys were saying earlier was just bullshitting,” he mutters and my eyes snap open.

“What?” I ask, my sleep deprived brain jamming a little.

“About Britney,” he says, nuzzling against me.

“Don’t worry about that,” I say quickly, pulling away from him and he whines slightly and I give him a look.

“Sky, really-” he says and I shake my head at him, silencing him instantly.

“I said it’s not a big deal. You know, it’s probably better you start finding a girl your own age anyway,” I say and the words are bitter in my mouth.

His brows knit. “I don’t want a girl my own age.” And then quietly he adds, “I want you.”

He’s looking at me with such sincerity that I have to look away. I fidget nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. This thing between he and I is purely physical. This is what I keep telling myself. This is what is true. He just has to realize it.

“What I want is for you to do well on your next test,” I say, smiling brightly at him and he nods in concession, then he grins slyly.

“What’s in it for me?” he asks, his tongue sneaking out to wet his bottom lip.

“I’m serious, Justin,” I say sighing. “Your grade is low right now.”

“How low?” he asks, his brow knitting and I sigh.

“Low.”

“How low?” he asks more sternly this time and I sigh again.

“You’re at a 72 right now,” I say and his eyebrows disappear into his hair line.

“I have a C!” he exclaims, his face panicked and he shakes his head. “How the fuck did that happen?”

“How do you think it happened, Justin?” I ask and he looks away.

Everyone has commented on how much work Justin has been putting into his studies. They think he really enjoys it. That he’s really getting in to this art thing. They tease him about leaving the group and becoming a painter. He plays the part well. This is only because we’ve been “studying” a lot lately. If by studying you mean tearing each other’s clothes off and ravaging each other then this would be an accurate depiction.

 “No… no that can’t be right. I don’t get C’s.”

“It’s right, Justin,” I say and I jump when he growls back at me.

“No! I don’t get C’s. I get A’s.”

The look on his face is so much more than a pout. It’s anger and I’m surprised by it because Justin doesn’t get angry like this and especially not at me. I watch his eyes close and he runs his hands over his face, leaning forward and sighing, holding his head in his hands. And then I realize he’s not mad at me. He’s mad at himself. I reach out, rubbing my hand in slow circles over his back, his muscles tense. I know what he’s feeling because I’ve felt it to. Disappointment in yourself is something I’m extremely familiar with. I always think I could have worked harder, done more, pushed just a little bit farther.

“Justin,” I say softly and I feel him heave a deep sigh before sitting up again and looking at me. “Your midterm is coming up. If you can swing an A on it that should pull your grade into a high B,” I say and he scowls at me but it softens when I continue on, “and that will set you up to raise it up to an A over the next couple sections.”

“What’s on the midterm?”

“It’s cumulative. Everything we’ve done so far.”

“Skylar!” he whines, hiding his face in his hands and I grip his wrists and pull till I can see his face again. He gives me a weary look. “I can’t remember all that shit.”

“Justin, if you get an A on your next test…” I trail, eyeing him as he sighs. “I’ll let you do whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?” he questions, laughing slightly and I nod.

“Whatever you want,” I say slowly and I watch his eyes widen.

“Oh…” he says swallowing hard.

“Yeah,” I nod, trying my best to suppress my grin and he shivers, grinning sleepily back at me. “Okay, now go to bed. I’m tired.” I add because really I am.

He moans a little, his eyes sliding shut and he reaches for me again. “I miss sleeping with you,” he whines and I pull back.

“Go to bed, Justin,” I say softly and his eyes open, nodding as he stands.

“Can I get a kiss first?” he whispers, grinning uncertainly down at me and I look around the bus, afraid that someone is watching even though the only person around besides the two of us that is awake is driving and out of sight.

“No,” I say softly, shaking my head and he pouts.

“Please?” he says, cocking his head to the side and tugging his plush bottom lip between his teeth and I close my eyes.

“Justin,” I whine, running a hand over my face and I can feel him lean over me.

I open my eyes and his face is centimeters from mine, his hands bracing himself on the back of the couch on either side of my body. His breath fans my face and a smile is tugging at his lips, his blue eyes dancing as he presses his mouth to mine. I let my eyes close slowly, watching him kiss me for a split second before giving in to the taste of him. I push at his chest when he starts to deepen it, knowing this is dangerous, far more dangerous than our usual trysts because we aren’t behind closed doors.

“Goodnight,” he whispers softly, one of his large hands cupping my face as he presses his mouth to mine one last time before straightening and staggering back to the bunks.

I watch him climb in and swish the curtain to his bunk closed before finally settling back against the couch. There is a blanket and a pillow folded up at the end for me as there always is when I spend the night on their bus but I just don’t have the energy to reach for it. The couch is warm from Justin’s body and I hate it when I feel a pang of longing for him. I don’t want this residual warmth I want his skin and his mouth and his…just all of him.

I call quietly to James to hit the lights and I’m suddenly shrouded in darkness, the only light coming mutedly through the blinds as cars pass. I let my eyes close, fighting the images of every sexual encounter we’ve ever had as they race tantalizingly through my brain. I can feel my body begin to succumb to sleep, barely registering the thud of feet on the floor. I know this sound. It’s the sound of one of the guys jumping down from the top bunks. I try to ignore it. I try to just fall asleep but I can already feel my body start to heat up and I wait, anticipation coiling in my belly.

“Skylar?” the voice is soft and questioning and I feel a hand on my shoulder. An unfamiliar hand.

My eyes fly open and I jolt a little as I take in JC’s face hovering over mine. He jumps back a little, ripping his hand from my shoulder and grinning sheepishly down at me. He scratches at the back of his neck embarrassed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he says softly. “I was just trying to see if you were awake.”

“Well, I am now,” I say, laughing a little, struggling to sit up and he chuckles, falling onto the couch across from me.

“I just… I wanted to talk to you about something,” he says, his blue eyes shining eerily through the darkness. Something about his stare unnerves me. I look away.

“What about?” I ask, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear nervously.

He sighs, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at the floor. I regard him curiously, watching as he rubs his hands together and I know he’s thinking about what he wants to say. This can’t be good. My heart begins to race as he looks at me, his eyes boring into my soul and I know right then and there…

“You and Justin have gotten pretty close, huh?”

He knows.

“Well, you know…” I say, trying to seem casual but my heart is threatening to burst from my chest. “we spend a lot of time together. He’s a good kid. Really smart. A little unfocused, but really smart.”

“Oh, he’s focused,” JC says chuckling to himself and I fight the urge to widen my eyes, “just not on school.”

This is bad. This is really, really bad. The way he’s looking at me, his eyes penetrating me, it’s like he’s looking into my soul. My soul that’s screaming guilty! chanting it over and over again. He blinks slowly, sighing before giving me a small smile, leaning back against the couch

“I mean, you’ve seen him onstage.”

I try not to shiver. “Yeah,” I say swallowing hard, “he’s talented.”

“He’s beyond talented,” JC says nodding. “Justin has what it takes to be…” he trails, looking out the window and sighing. “He has what it takes.”

We’re silent for a moment, JC gazing at me intently, me avoiding that gaze. He clears his throat and scoots towards the end of the couch, leaning close to me again.

“Look, I’m just saying… I know Justin. We’ve known each other… shit for like… almost five years now,” JC says, gesturing with his hands and falling back against the couch once more.

He looks at me and I look at the floor. He leans forward again, taking a deep breath, rubbing his hands together nervously.

“I see the way he looks at you,” JC says softly and I try to keep my face stoic and unaffected while my insides twist and twist until I feel like I’m going to explode. “I’m not accusing you of anything, but I’m just saying… he looks at you like…”

He trails and I meet his eyes and I know, I know, he knows. My heart is threatening to burst from my ribcage and it takes all my willpower to keep my breathing even. I contort my face into a look of what I hope is perplexity and amusement.

“He looks at me a certain way?” I chuckle but it dies in my throat when I see the look on his face.

“He’s young,” JC says, shrugging but his gaze is still intense. “He’s got a crush.”

“Yeah,” I say, returning his look and we’re just staring now, speaking in undertones, weaving a web of white lies and omissions. “He’s a sweet kid.”

“Just go easy on him,” JC says, his eyes boring into mine. “Just be careful.”

I stare steadily back at him. “You have nothing to worry about JC.”

“Okay,” he says sighing.

“Okay.”

He leans back and I do the same, each of us just staring at the other, eyes saying things that he won’t flat out acknowledge and I refuse to admit. He gives me a quiet nod of his head, as he pulls himself from the couch, placing a hand on my shoulder before trudging back to the bunks.

I sigh, falling back against the couch cushions, curling up into myself. The sun is beginning to peek through the blinds, the inside of the bus lightening and there’s no telling when we’re going to stop. I could ask but my eye lids are heavy like my heart is heavy. How long is this going to continue? How many people are going to warn me before I give him up? What is it going to take?

What is it going to take?