I should be worried, I know I should be worried because of the way she said: I have something I need to tell you . That’s never a good sign. This is the part where she tells me she has herpes or crabs or something. Or the part where she tells me she doesn’t want to hook up anymore. I don’t know what the fuck is going on but I do know that I was supposed to be hanging out with Jennifer tonight. As soon as Ray called me I told Jennifer I had to work late. That’s the truth.
“What is it?”
“ I don’t know how to tell you so I’m just going to come right out and say it.”
“Go for it.”
She nodded her head before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. her voice came out in a whisper, “I’m pregnant.”
…
…
…
“And um… I went to the doctor and she told me when it was and um… you’re the father.” She didn’t even look up at me as she told me. She puffed her lips out a little and kept her eyes squeezed shut. “Can you just say something?”
I tried to say something but the words just wouldn’t come out. Instead I found myself standing up and pacing around the room. Did she really just say that she’s pregnant and I’m the father? I think my heart just stopped. “I don’t know what to say.” I was quiet for a minute trying to sort out all my thoughts, “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Positive.”
“And you’re sure it’s mine?”
“Yes. She narrowed it down to the week and you’re the only one I slept with that week. After the Grammy’s.”
Fuck.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugged, “What should I do?”
“It’s your decision.”
“No, don’t make it my decision. Please don’t make me decide.”
“But it is up to you. I could tell you what I think but it’s ultimately your decision. You’re the one that’s going to be carrying it for nine months.”
“Then tell me what you think.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking”
“I don’t know what I’m thinking,” she opened her eyes for the first time and spoke honestly, “I’m thinking that if I have a baby my life is going to be over. And… I don’t even know you. I’m thinking that Daddy will disown me and…”
“Your father will not disown you,” I stopped pacing to look into her eyes.
“You don’t know him.”
I nodded my head, “I don’t know your father. But I know you’re close and he’s not going to disown you. You’re 26 it’s not like…”
“I’m 24.” She broke in. She’s 24? I did not know that. She’s right we do not know each other at all.
“Still, it doesn’t matter. It’s not like you’re 13, then he would disown you.” I’m pacing again. I should probably stop, I’m sure it makes her nervous. But hell, telling me I’m going to be a father makes me nervous.
“What are you thinking?” she asked me and I took a deep breath. I don’t really want a kid. But I don’t think I want her to get an abortion. I always was pretty pro-life on that issue. At least I don’t think you should kill the kid when you can give it a good life. It could suck real badly, but we have the money to at least give this kid a good life.
I nodded my head, “I think if you got an abortion you’d regret it… we’d regret it. I mean, it may sound like the fix but it’s really only temporary. I think you’d wake up every day wondering what it would have been like if you kept it.”
She nodded her head, “I don’t want to have an abortion.”
Good, that’s settled. Even though I don’t really want a kid I’m sure if she got an abortion I’d be thinking about what could have been for the rest of my life.
“So now what? What do we do?”
“You went to the doctors and everything?” she nodded her head, “When are you due?”
“April 20th”
“420” I laughed, that is pretty interesting, at least I will never forget it’s birthday.
Ray did not find the humor.
“Did you tell anyone?” I asked.
“Just Izzy. I know that like… I hate your girlfriend. But like… I didn’t
mean for this to happen and I don’t want to hurt her that much,” she said softly, “I mean we were friends and…”
I nodded my head, “I know just… don’t worry about her, I’ll take care of it.” How exactly I’ll take care of it is the problem.
“Are your parents going to flip?”
“Nah, are you kidding? My mother has been looking for grandkids since I was 20.” I tried to make a joke but she just wasn’t having it. She looks like she thinks it’s the end of the world. It’s going to suck and of course I wish she wasn’t pregnant but worse things could be happening.
My mother will probably flip, truth be told. She has been looking for grandkids but the fact that the mother of my child is going to be someone I hardly even know, not even to mention the fact that I do have a girlfriend. She’s going to be disappointed. Disappointed.
I stood up, “Are you leaving?”
“Nah,” I looked over at Ray and she looked like she could not be left alone right now, “I’m just getting my phone, I need to order that pizza.”
“You’re going to stay?”
I nodded my head, “Do you want me to leave?”
“No, I want you to stay. I really want you to stay.”
“I’m staying. I’m just starving.”
“Can you get the cheesy bread too?”
A father. I’m going to be a fucking father. How ironic is it that the same day I had to sit there and deal with Janelle for a few minutes and thanked god that I do not have a child of my own is the day that I find out I am going to be a father.
It’s not that I don’t want kids. I always wanted to be a father. But I wanted to be a father when I was married and in love. I also would have liked to be older when my life is over or at least my career.
I drove home from Ray’s house the next morning and sat in my driveway for a few minutes before going inside. I was never planning on staying over but Ray seems like she’s taking this whole thing really hard. It does suck but I think we’ll be able to get through it. Worse things could happen.
Trace was sitting at the kitchen with his head buried in the paper when I walked in. “Where the hell were you?”
I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down next to him.
“Jen was looking for you last night, she called the house at least five times.”
“Oh shit, really?”
“Where were you?” he asked again.
“Ray’s”
He laughed, “Rainbow… oh Rainbow, yeah Rainbow you like it when I fuck you like that huh Rainbow,” he mimicked.
“She’s pregnant,” I broke in so he would give it a rest. I’m not in the mood for his jokes.
“What?”
“I’m… the father.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I shook my head. I would not joke about that. “What are you going to do?”
“She’s having it.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he repeated.
“No man, stop.”
“Good luck.”
I nodded my head. I don’t know exactly how I’m going to tell her. I do know that I’m going to break up with her, maybe I don’t even need to tell her. The problem is that these girls obviously have a history and they like to get even with each other. If I tell Jennifer she will no doubt be pissed and most likely tell the world. All I know is I’m not really interested in being on the cover of every magazine that I got Rainbow Dontayo pregnant.
My relationship with Jennifer is over anyway. It has been over, in fact I don’t even know if it ever started. I’m more worried about telling my mother. I stood up and walked into the other room as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Jennifer’s number.
“God J, where were you?”
“I know, sorry Jen. Do you want to come over? We need to talk.”
“Where were you? I was so nervous, I thought something happened…”
“Nah,” I broke in, “Some shit just came up with work. Are you coming over?”
“Yeah, I’ll be over in a little bit.” She hung up the phone.
Next step: Call my mother.
“Hey Ma, what’s up?”
“How are you doing?”
“Good, want to go get dinner tonight?”
“Oh… well I was supposed to go get dinner with Frankie’s mother”
“Please?”
“Is everything alright?”
“I just need to talk to you.”
“Alright sweetie, what time?”
“Like 5?”
“Alright, are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yes. I’ll see you tonight Ma. I love you.”
“I love you too sweetie.”
Infatuation by Lily
Story Tags: Be the first to add a tag to this story
