Infatuation by Lily
I sat in my car in the driveway of Daddy’s house until I could gain the courage to actually go inside and tell him what it is I have to tell him. I’m only a month pregnant, I’m not going to start showing for another few months, I don’t really see the reason why I should tell him now. Justin seems to think it would be a good idea to tell him right away because Daddy will be more upset if he found out from someone else. I’m trying to be more of an adult, and Justin’s solution seems more adult then my childish solution.
Enough is enough. I took a deep breath and stepped out of my car before grabbing the chocolate cream pie I made. I need to be brave. As I walked through the house I tried to think of what I was going to say but I’ve been up all night trying to think of what I was going to say and I couldn’t think of anything. Instead I stayed up all night baking. My house is full of baked goods.
Daddy was in his office on the phone so I just went in and sat down. He smiled and waved at me before putting his finger up to tell me to wait a minute. I nodded my head and sat quietly with the pie in my lap.
He hung up the phone and moved away from behind the desk to kiss my forehead, “How are you doing sweetie?”
“Good, I missed you.”
“I missed you too, I haven’t seen you in awhile,” he sat down next to me.
“I made you a pie,” I smiled as I handed it to him.
“Chocolate cream, my favorite. What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean?” I hate that he can tell something is wrong because of my baking. I know I shouldn’t have brought it but then he’d come to my house and see that I have a whole fucking bakery in there and he’d be real worried.
“You’re baking, what’s wrong?”
“I just… I have something to tell you,” he looked at me with that concerned look that only a father can give, “You’re going to be mad, you’re going to hate me.”
“What is it?” he asked me while resting his hand on my leg. He gave me that tone like what the hell is it? Like he’s annoyed or he knows he’s going to be pissed. But then he puts his hand on my leg like he’s telling me it’s really all right.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I told him because I couldn’t see his reaction, “I’m pregnant,” I whispered. I’ve only had to say those words three times and every time I’ve said them I’ve only been able to whisper. There was no response from my father and I slowly opened my eyes to see his reaction.
Then I quickly closed my eyes again.
He was just staring into space. It was like he was pretending he didn’t hear anything. The look on his face was killing me. I felt like I was going to cry but I knew I couldn’t cry, especially not in front of him. I don’t cry unless I’m in the shower and I can’t take a shower right now.
“Daddy, say something.” I opened up my eyes again and he was still staring into space.
He cleared his throat, “Who is the father?”
“Justin Timberlake,” I answered softly.
Daddy nodded his head, “Are you dating him?” I shook my head, “What are you doing?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t ask you if you were sorry I asked you what you’re doing.”
“I don’t know, I don’t know Daddy. I messed up, big time. I made a huge mistake.”
“Does he know?” he broke in.
I nodded my head.
Daddy nodded his head. “I want to meet with him tomorrow at four. Just him and parents, no one else, no managers or agents or publicists; just Justin Timberlake, his mother, you and I. “
I nodded my head even though I’m scared of what he is planning on doing or saying.
Daddy stood up, “I have a meeting. I’ll see you tomorrow at four.” And with that he walked out of the room leaving me alone with my chocolate cream pie in my lap.
How do you break up with someone? I’ve had my share of breakups but I don’t remember ever having to go through with the actual breakup. I sat down on the couch next to Jennifer. She was talking but I wasn’t listening, I was trying to think of a way to do it.
The truth is most of the time when she talks I don’t listen. She’s just a complainer and most of the time she’s just telling stories that no one gives a shit about. At the beginning I spent a lot of time listening but quickly learned when I can tone her out completely.
That is proof that the relationship is not working. We’ve only been together about a year. Not really only. I should have broke up with her a long time ago. If you’ve been with someone for a year you should either be in love or breakup. I guess this is the point where I finally step up to the plate and break up.
“Jennifer… this isn’t working out.”
“What isn’t working out?”
“Us. You and me. We’re not working out.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I think we should… take a break. Or break up. I can’t do this anymore.”
“You can’t do this?” she repeated but her voice was a few decibels louder, “What the hell does that mean? You can’t do this. What is it you can’t do? What makes me so unbearable that you can’t do it anymore?”
Oh great, here it goes. Bad choice of words I guess. What’s better? I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m sick of your bullshit. I’m not in love with you anymore, fuck that I never was in love with you. I just like to have a girlfriend and I hate being alone so I’ll pretend it’s working even when I know it’s not just so I’m not alone.
“I’m sorry Jennifer but it’s just not working. I want to end it. I’m ending it.” I probably could have been a little more sensitive about it. Honestly I just want her to leave.
“That’s fucking great Justin. I’m glad you came to the conclusion that it’s not working after standing me up last night. There’s someone else isn’t there? Who is it?”
I took a deep breath; yeah that’s exactly where I want to go with this. “There’s no one else Jennifer, come on. I just think we’re not right for each other, we’re better off as friends.”
Oh yeah, and there is that simple fact that I fucked your arch nemesis slash ex-best friend and got her pregnant. But I really wouldn’t call Ray someone else. It’s not like we’re getting married or anything. I just can’t deal with the fact that I’m going to be a father while dating the girl I cheated on while getting the other girl pregnant. Damn. That’s some Springer shit. Who would ever know my life would be one that would make Jerry Springer look amateur.
Jennifer didn’t leave right away. She decided to talk to me a lot and let all her anger out. When I say talk I mean scream, there was definitely a lot of screaming. I just sat there and pretended to listen. I figure I’d give her the chance to let it all out. Then she left while screaming something and that was the end of it, or at least the end for now. I’m sure that’s not the last I’ll see of her.
I went upstairs to take a shower so I could clear my mind. The cold water flowing over my head makes me feel better. There’s just something about being in the shower that just makes me feel like there’s no other problems in the world. It’s like being in your own world.
I thought about how I was going to tell my mother and then thought about how I was going to deal with the look I was sure to get. She’s so good at those looks. The ‘I can’t believe you’ look. The look where she wonders how she raised her son to cheat on his girlfriend and have sex with another girl while not wearing a condom and getting the girl pregnant.
I will in return give her my version of the look, which is far less intimidating. My look just says I fucked up. It says that I’m sorry and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. I am a 26-year-old man who got a girl pregnant and doesn’t know what to do so I’m asking my Mommy for help. Awesome.
I went to dinner with my mother. She knew something was going on, of course she knew. Mothers always know. I tried to play it off as much as I could but then she started getting worried so I told her that I’d tell her when we left. She was in a rush to finish her meal, so much so that she asked for the check before I was even done with my food. They brought us free dessert and she told them to wrap it up.
“What is going on baby?” she asked as we made it into my house.
“I broke up with Jennifer,” I thought I’d start slow and work my way up to the other news.
“Oh no, what happened?”
I shrugged, “Nothing. It just wasn’t working. It’s not a big deal.”
“What else?”
“What do you mean?” I thought I’d play dumb a little even though I know she knows something else is going on.
“What else is going on? I know that you breaking up with Jennifer isn’t that big of a deal. You were never into her. There’s something else or you wouldn’t be acting like this.”
I nodded my head, there’s no use in pulling it out any longer, especially since I told Ray she should tell her father right away. “I’ve been hanging out with Ray. Rainbow Dontayo.”
She looked at me for a second, “Who is that?”
I felt a smile come over my face; it’s a little refreshing that she doesn’t know who she is. “John Dontayo’s daughter.”
“The director? Her name is Rainbow? He named his daughter Rainbow?” I nodded my head and she smiled, “Well good for you sweetie, I’m sure she’s wonderful.”
“She’s pregnant.” I answered quickly, “She’s having a baby.”
My mother gave me the look, “Are you the father?” she asked in a whisper.
I nodded my head.
She nodded her head.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“I don’t really have anything to say. What are you going to do?”
I cleared my throat before speaking and ran my hands through my hair, “She’s going to… she’s going to have it. And I’m going to… do whatever, I mean I’m going to be the father right?”
“Of course.” I didn’t really mean it as a question but she definitely took it like I was asking if that’s what I should do… or what I had to do.
“I know, I didn’t mean…” I trailed off, there’s no need to explain myself to my mother she knows what I meant.
“It’s good. Right hunny? It’s good.” She nodded her head as if to assure herself that it was good that I’m going to have a child, “When is she due?”
“April.”
She nodded her head as she tried to do the math in her head. Yes mom, your dear angel son did get a girl pregnant while he was dating someone else.
“It was stupid.” I admitted.
My mother grabbed onto my hand, “Don’t you ever say that. A baby is a gift from God. You’re going to be a wonderful father. Sure, maybe you didn’t want to have a child so soon, but you were meant to be a father.”
My cell phone ringing gave me a minute to get away from this talk that I knew would be coming at some point. I looked at the caller ID to see it was Ray calling, “I have to take this Ma, I’ll be right back.”
As I walked into the other room I flipped my phone open, “Hey Ray.”
“Did you tell your mother?”
“Did you tell your father?” we both asked at the same time.
“Yeah,” we answered together.
“Daddy wants to meet you. He wants to talk to you and your mother and that’s it. No one else, no suits. Just the four of us.”
I nodded my head, “Alright.”
“Tomorrow at 4,” she spoke softly. She sounds scared, I wasn’t worried but the tone of her voice tells me I should be worried.
“Should I be worried?”
It was a few seconds before I heard her response, “I don’t know, I don’t know what’s going on.”
Well, that’s reassuring.
“If um… if you want I can come to your house and you can follow me. Or we can meet somewhere so you can follow me.”
“We’ll pick you up.”
“Are you sure? I mean…”
“Yeah, it’s not a problem. What time do you think around 3:30?”
“Yeah, thanks Justin.”
“Of course, we’ll see you tomorrow at 3:30. Bye Ray.”
“Bye Justin.”
John Dontayo wants to have a meeting with my mother and myself.
No suits. .
No witnesses.
Usually my intuitions are right.
I’m feeling like this is not going to be a good meeting.
I hope I’m wrong.
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