“Your game is shit today.”

I frowned and lowered my golf club to the ground. “I’m aware, thank you.” I wiped my hand across my forehead. “Maybe golfing today wasn’t such a good idea.”

“You’re the one who wanted to go.”

“I thought it would take my mind of things.”

“Things as in Emily Baxter?”

“Trace…”

“You’re not seriously going to deny it, are you? I saw you guys last night.”

I finally looked over at Trace. “What are you talking about?”

“At the club. You guys were…well that was something else on the dance floor.”

“We were just dancing.”

Trace began to laugh and I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I really question why I talk to him about anything.

“That was not just dancing. You looked like you either wanted to start going at it or confess your undying love to her.”

I stared out across the greens before looking back at him. “She’s Bens’ ex.”

“So that’s the issue.”

“Of course that’s the issue. Why else would I be skirting around this if there wasn’t some huge issue standing in my way?”

“Is it really that big of a deal?”

“He’s my friend, Trace. I don’t think I can do that to him.”

“He’d really care that much?”

I gave him a look. “He’d kill me. He’s still hung up on her.”

“But she’s not. Considering that note in her apartment you saw last night.”

Yeah, that note was something else. For a while I had had some suspicions that Emily was feeling something towards me. She just did those things that girls always do when they’re interested like laugh a lot at my stupid jokes and randomly touch me for no real reason. But until last night when I had saw that note from Lola, I thought maybe all she wanted was to have a fling or something. She’s one of the worst liars I know and she hadn’t been very convincing when I had asked her about it. She had looked like she wanted to keel over and die of embarrassment.

But that note had let me know that she was interested. And interested in dating. I’m really not the type to move from girl to girl. I like being in a relationship and lately it’s like all I can think about is what it would be like to date her. It would be so amazing.

“Doesn’t really matter if she’s hung up on him or not. She and Ben used to date. I can’t just forget about that.”

“Well you’ve got more will power than me. If Emily wanted to date me, I’d go for it. Who cares who her ex is.”

I watched as Trace lined up his shot and swung his golf club. His shot was much better than mine and I sighed. I was used to beating him at golf.

“So what are you going to do about her?” he asked as we went back to our golf cart.

“What I’ve already been doing. Nothing.”

“Yeah and how long is that going to last?”

I didn’t say anything simply because I didn’t know. I haven’t acted on anything about Emily for two years and it’s getting progressively harder. Really, someone tell me how to deal with this.

I put my club in my bag and ran a hand over my head. “Well what would you suggest?”

He only shrugged but I expectantly waited for an answer. After a minute of silence, he sighed.

“Shit, I don’t know. If it were me I would just say screw it and forget about Ben.” His cell phone began to ring and he reached in his pocket. “But you aren’t like that.” He gave another shrug and then raised his phone to his ear. “What up?”

I sighed and was prepared to go sit in our golf cart when Trace’s words stopped me.

“Hey, Em. We were just talking about you.”

I turned back to him and sent him a deathly glare. What the hell is he doing?

“Me and Justin…Just about how hot you were looking last night.” He let out a loud laugh. “Yeah, exactly.”

An uneasy feeling had settled in my stomach. Trace better not say anything stupid.

“What’s going on?…Oh awesome…Yeah, that’s cool…No, he always turns off his phone when he’s golfing…Yeah hold on.”

I snatched his phone from him when he held it out to me. From now on, he is no longer allowed to talk to her.

I tried to make my voice sounds as casual and collected as possible. “Hello?”

“Hey, guess what!”

I had to pull the phone away from my ear. It sounded like she was yelling into the mouthpiece. “What?”

“I got a raise!”

“Really? That’s great! How come?”

“My boss just said that I’ve done a really good job and he wants to reward me for that.”

“That’s so great.”

“I know. I love this place so much.”

“You’re still at work?”

“I’m on my lunch break. So I want to celebrate.”

“Totally. Do you want to go out somewhere?”

“I’m still recovering from last night. My legs are killing me. Is it just me or did we dance for an abnormally long time?”

“Yeah we did.”

Insert awkward silence here.

“So, uh, how about we get some people together for dinner or something at my house?”

“Okay. I can call some people.”

“When’s Dickie’s shift over?”

“Four, I think I’ll call her.”

“Okay well call whoever you want to come and then give me a call back.”

“Are you going to turn your phone on?”

I smiled. “Yes, I will do that just for you.”

“Kay, I’ll call you back in a bit.”

“Sure. Bye.”

“Bye.”

“What are you doing tonight?” I asked Trace as I handed him his phone back.

“Got a date with Missy.”

“Who the hell is Missy?”

“That waitress from last night. I told you I’d get her number.”

“Oh. Well we’re going to have a celebration dinner cause Emily got a raise.”

“Yeah. I’d cancel but, hey, you saw Missy.”

I smiled a bit. “Yeah I saw her.” I sat down in the golf cart. “Are you ready to move?”

He got into the cart beside me. “You ready to get your ass whopped, boy?”

“You wish, man,” I snorted, even though I knew he was going to beat me today considering the state of my mind. He can just get his ego up this time and by time we play again, I’ll have figured everything out and show him why exactly I’m the pro golfer here.

* * *

“So I’d like to formally apologize for this pitiful celebration dinner,” I said as I let Emily into my house later that night.

She giggled and shed her jacket. “It’s okay. At least you and Trace are here.”

“Yeah, about that,” Trace said, coming up behind me. “I’m kind of on my way out.”

Her mouth dropped open and she put her hands on her hips. “Trace!”

“I have a date with Missy,” he protested.

“You’re ditching us for someone named Missy?” she asked incredulously. “Are you freaking serious?”

He smiled and slipped past her to the door. “You know I love you, Em.”

“Whatever.” She was trying to act mad but I could see she was in too much of a good mood to be even a bit pissed off.

“I’m sure you and Justin will have a better time alone anyways,” Trace said and then quickly left, closing the door behind him. That little bitch. Of course he would say something like that and then leave.

Emily raised her eyebrows at me. “So it’s just us then,” she said.

I smiled. Good, she wasn’t planning on acknowledging Trace’s dumb comment. “Guess so. Whatever. We don’t need them. Besides, that just means more champagne for us.”

“Champagne?”

“Well we’re celebrating, aren’t we?”

“Yeah. I just didn’t know it was going to involve champagne.”

“Getting a raise is a big deal. Worthy of champagne.”

She laughed. “Whatever you say.”

I took her coat from her and hung it up and then went with her to the kitchen. While she was busy looking at the label on the champagne bottle, I took the opportunity to examine her.

She was looking really good tonight. She must be wearing a new pair of jeans because I would have noticed how amazing they made her ass look. Not that I’m constantly staring at her ass, but hey, a guy notices these things. She had on a simple black shirt but it hugged her upper body just enough to get my attention. And her hair was loose and down around her shoulders and it looked so soft and touchable.

Damn, it would be so much better if someone else were here to distract me. I’m going to have to put my willpower to work tonight.

“Justin?”

Her voice caused me to break from my trace and I focused my eyes on hers. “What?”

“I asked what we’re eating. Or are you just planning on getting me liquored up.”

“Oh, uh, I was just thinking we could order some pizza. I have no food here.”

“Perfect. I’ve been craving pizza all day.”

“The pizza fliers are in the drawer by the microwave. You can decide what you want.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t care. Order whatever you want.”

“Okay.”

She grabbed a flier and leaned back against the counter as she looked at it. While she was distracted, I couldn’t help but to examine her again.

I don’t know why I never realized how beautiful she was before now. Maybe it was because she was dating my friend or maybe I had just never really thought about it before but she was gorgeous. Her body was amazing but it wasn’t that. I’ve always loved her blue eyes and how expressive they are. And don’t even get me started on her mouth. Her lips always look like they’re begging to be kissed.

And she had that girl next door quality that I’ve always been attracted to. She was kind and sweet but you know there’s that fire inside of her that’ll come out when you’re least expecting it. And she has this innocence about her and it can make her hot as hell.

Ben was such a moron for giving this up.

“Hawaiian okay?”

I grabbed the phone. “Yep.”

After I called for delivery, I broke out the champagne and we toasted to Emily’s raise. Having an entire bottle of champagne between the two of us probably wasn’t the best idea considering it seems like I need to constantly be aware of myself around her and having alcohol in my system might allow me to not think about how Emily is Ben’s ex girlfriend.

Emily is Ben’s ex girlfriend. That’ll all I needed to keep telling myself and everything will be find tonight.

We chilled in the kitchen while we waited for the pizza and Emily told me about the rest of her day at work. By time we were sitting downstairs in the den eating our pizza, I knew all about her current finances and her revised budget with the extra money she would be making. Yeah, so it was kind of boring but I liked to listen to her talk so I was fine with it. And it helped keep my mind off of how good she was looking right now.

I was doing fine until we finished eating and she turned on the TV and then sat beside me on the couch and poured us some more champagne. I was drinking slowly and I could handle the alcohol but I couldn’t handle her beside me. She kept staring at me and I could feel her eyes on me and I tried to ignore it but every once in a while I’d look over at her and she’d quickly turn her head away. She wasn’t making this very easy.

“What time do you think Trace will be back?”

I turned from the TV at the sound of her voice and found her once again watching me. This time she kept the eye contact. “Not sure. Probably not until late.”

“So we have the place to ourselves for the rest of the night.”

When I had made that similar statement the night before, I had been more joking than anything but her voice sounded very…thoughtful. Like she was thinking of the possibilities of us being alone.

I rubbed my hands on my denim covered thighs. When had my palms gotten so clammy?

“I’ve been thinking about getting a smaller house so it doesn’t seem so big when I’m here alone,” I said, simply trying to find something to fill the silence.

“You have?”

“Well maybe. I like the space though.”

Her hand was suddenly reaching over and I gulped as she picked up one of my hands in hers. “Do you get lonely here?”

I wet my dry lips as she began to play with my fingers. “Uh, sometimes.” I watched as she bent my fingers in towards my palm and then straightened them.

“I think if I lived in a place this big I’d get lonely.”

“You’re just used to your apartment and living with Lola.”

She shifted on the couch and when she settled, her knee was resting slightly on my thigh. Shit, did she know what she was doing to me?

“I guess.” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and stared at my hand she was still holding. I found myself unable to look away from her. I had told myself I wouldn’t get into a situation where I would be feeling like this. But how do I just get up and leave this?

Even though I knew better, I tentatively moved my free hand to her knee and rested it there. I knew this was getting a little risky but I couldn’t just sit there with no contact on my part. This just felt so much better. The moment my hand touched her knee, she leaned a little further into me and smiled. I swallowed hard. What were we doing?

She’s Ben’s ex.

“I really like your cologne,” she said. “Is it new?”

I swallowed again. “No. Same as always.”

“Weird. It smells different.”

I simply shrugged and moved my fingers in small circles on her knee. I tried to make some witty comment about how maybe I just wasn’t dousing myself in cologne like she seems to think I do but the words wouldn’t leave my mouth.

She smells pretty amazing tonight. Some kind of mixture of perfume and shampoo and just natural scent. It was making me dizzy but in a really, really good way.

She’s Ben’s ex and I’m totally encouraging this. I have to stop.

So I did.

“I should wrap up this pizza before it gets completely disgusting,” I said and pulled myself completely away from her as I stood. She stared at me for a second before blinking a couple times.

“Oh. Right.”

I grabbed the pizza box and the champagne bottle and then started upstairs. Emily followed behind me.

Things were different when we got to the kitchen. Of course it was weird in the den. I had lit a fire down there and the lighting had been dim and there was the champagne. I was basically setting the atmosphere.

Up in the kitchen though, with the bright lights and cold tile floor, things were different.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” I asked as I wrapped up the pizza and put it in the fridge.

“We could I guess.”

I glanced over at her as she came over to me and leaned back against the counter. “Do you not want to?”

She shrugged and ran her hands over her stomach. “Does it ever seem to you that we watch a lot of movies?”

I laughed a bit. “Not really.”

“Maybe I’m just bored.”

“Bored with what?”

“Life I guess. I need something to spice things up.”

Suddenly things weren’t so different in the kitchen. Emily was suddenly looking a hundred times better. I tried to distract myself by wiping the counter but it was no use. It’s like when you have an intense craving for something and the more you try to forget about it, the more intense it gets.

Sometimes you just have to give in to the craving.

Emily didn’t even try to move away when I stepped in front of her and when I leaned forward and kissed her, she responded more than I had initiated.

I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t thought about kissing her many times before but this was a thousand times better than anything I had ever imagined. Her lips were so soft against mine and she tasted so good. A mixture of champagne and just…Emily. This was so worth it.

I was a fool to think that one kiss would take away the craving because as soon as I slightly pulled back, I was moving in for another kiss. There was this insatiable hunger in me now. This time I let my hands touch her face, cupping her cheeks and I tilted my head to get better access to her mouth. She was running her fingers along my scalp, through my hair and it felt so so good. Her mouth was working against mine and she was so into this. I knew she would be.

The more this went on, the more I needed to be closer to her. I moved one hand from her cheek to wrap around her body and pulled her up against me. A smile formed on my face through the kiss. I knew she would fit perfectly against me.

Wow, this girl is seriously an amazing kisser. She knows just what to do with her lips, with her tongue, and it’s driving me crazy. She’s amazing. She’s perfect. She’s-

She’s Ben’s ex.

When that suddenly wormed it’s way back into my head, I broke away from her and let my arms drop. I was breathing heavily and I stepped away from her and moved to the side. Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on the counter and laced my fingers behind my neck, a string of whispered curses slipping from my mouth. What the hell did I just do?

It was silent for a brief moment before a breath of air escaped Emily’s mouth and she said, “I didn’t realize kissing me was so horrible.”

I lifted my head to glance at her and then dropped my head back down. “It wasn’t.”

“So why did you stop?”

I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut. It was quiet for too long of a time before I said anything. “You and Ben used to date.”

“But we don’t anymore.”

“But you did.” I straightened, my hands still around the back of my neck. I let out a large breath of air. “Shit, we shouldn’t have done that.”

“I don’t get what the huge deal is.”

My arms dropped to my side. “The huge deal is that you’re Ben’s ex and I’m his friend.”

“But-”

“I know from that note last night that you want to date me.”

A blush formed over her cheeks at the mention of the note and she looked to the side, not saying anything.

“Don’t be embarrassed. That’s exactly what I want too.”

A glimmer of hope went through her eyes. “Really?”

“I didn’t think I was being that discrete.”

“I wasn’t sure.” She smiled a bit. “Then…well if we’re both on the same page…”

I shook my head. “You’re Ben’s ex.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“I can’t do that to him, Emily.”

“Do what to him? I don’t get it.”

“I can’t date a girl he used to date. That would ruin our friendship.”

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“What do you think would happen if Lola and Mitch broke up and you started dating Mitch? How do you think Lola would react?”

That shut her up for a minute. Finally, “That would be different.”

“How is that different?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Because he cheated on me. He doesn’t get to have a say in me dating, regardless of who it’s with.”

I stared at her and didn’t say anything. All I really wanted to do at this point was kiss her again but I refrained. I shook my head and leaned back against the counter, resting my palms against the edge. “This can’t work.”

“Well than what are we going to do?”

What WERE we going to do? How exactly do you go from a kiss like that to nothing? How stupid was I to think that I could kiss her and that would somehow stop this desire to be with her.

“Justin?”

I reached up one hand to rub my forehead and shut my eyes. “I don’t know.”

She sighed and I opened my eyes to see her move to stand in front of me. My eyes followed her hand as it slid down my arm to rest on the top of my hand. “This doesn’t have to be so hard, Justin. If we like each other than nothing should be preventing us from doing what we want.”

I looked up from our hands to her eyes. “Ben would never forgive me.”

“We don’t have to tell him,” she said. “We could just keep it a secret and no one would have to know.”

I stared at her and bit the inside of my cheek. I had planned on sticking to my decision regardless of what happened. But after that kiss, it was too hard. Maybe if Emily had just accepted my reasoning, it would be so much easier. But she was fighting it and I was giving in.

I moved my hand and intertwined my fingers with hers and then lifted our joined hands between our bodies. “You want to keep it a secret?”

“If that’s the only way than I don’t care. But it’s not fair to not do anything just because of Ben.”

“We really would have to keep it a secret from everyone.”

“I know.”

“You suck at lying though.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not that bad.”

She really is that bad. “What are you going to do if someone comes right out and asks you if there’s something going on between us? What will you say?”

“The only person who would ever do that is Lola and she can keep a secret. I say if we have anyone we need to worry about, it’s Trace.”

My brow furrowed. “What’s wrong with Trace?”

“Justin, he has such a big mouth. If you tell him the whole world will know about it.”

“I’ll talk to him. If it’s important he won’t say anything.” I breathed in deeply. “So Lola and Trace and that’s it.”

“Okay.” A smile formed across her face and she looked so genuinely happy. “This is so great.”

I couldn’t help but smile back at her. “I know.”

Her smile grew a little more until she looked like she was going to burst. With a giggle, she pulled her hand from mine and wrapped her arms around my neck and practically jumped on me in a hug. I laughed and circled my arms around her, hugging her back.

This was amazing. Really amazing. I just hope this wasn’t going to cause a huge amount of problems. I mean, how long can you really hide a relationship from your friends?

My mind was going on overload but then when Emily leaned back and pulled my head down for a kiss, I was somehow able to forget about everything but her.