I don’t think I was ever truly mad at Justin until this point. At the barbeque, he went on and on about how we needed to be friends again. About how he missed me. About how it was KILLING him to not talk to me. And I really truly believed him. He wasn’t putting on an act. I can read him perfectly and I know when he’s bullshitting. And he wasn’t. He was really sincere.

At the barbeque it was easy to not really have to interact with him too much. And that worked well for me since I was still a bit of an emotional wreck and not quite ready to put on an act in front of all my friends that I hadn’t just had my heart broken.

My spirit had risen a bit after that night though. He did want to be friends like we had been. And I had thought a lot about Lola’s advice to pursue him. It had seemed stupid at first but the more I thought about it, the better sense it made.

Justin and I were still attracted to each other. He didn’t break up with me because he didn’t love me. He broke up with me because of Ben and solely because of Ben. And if that’s the only reason and I don’t just accept it…Well I’ve had success in the past with getting Justin to go along with things I want so I figure this can’t be too much different. Maybe a bit more of a challenge but hey, who doesn’t like a good challenge?

I laid in bed that night and for an hour plotted out exactly how I was going to do this. Every single step was set in my mind and I went to sleep with an ounce of renewed hope. Maybe this would work and Justin and I would be together again.

My step by step plan fell apart even before I could set it in motion.

Justin didn’t pick up his cell phone when I called it. His home phone also went unanswered. Texting him was met with silence and he always returns texts. I tried his cell one more time and left a message to call me back and then decided I needed to stop or it would look completely desperate, which I’m definitely not. I honestly expected him to call me back that day. At the very least, the next day.

Eight days have passed since I left that message and I have heard not one word from him. In the entire time I’ve known him, the only time we’ve gone this long without talking is when I ran off to Ohio after my break up with Ben. But that was different.

I’m too proud to call Trace and demand to know where Justin is. I know he’s not dead and that he got my message. He’s ignoring me and my previously broken heart is now being grinded into millions of pieces.

He told me he wanted us to be friends. This isn’t how you treat your friend. And this definitely isn’t how you treat someone you claim to love. This is the act of a selfish person who is only interested in fixing himself and not the other person hurt by his actions.

Lola’s plan was thrown out the window after three days and by the fourth day I was completely pissed off at Justin. Screw him. I don’t need someone in my life who is going to be a complete ass and ignore me.

That realization helped me make the decision to accept Lucy’s blind date offer she had been pestering me with for the past three weeks. Justin was clearly moving on with his life without me so why should I stick around waiting for him?

Tonight I went out with Lucy’s cousin, Brent Morrison. He took me to a standard dinner and movie and I actually had a good time for the first time in what seemed like forever. I’m not sure if there was any actual sparks there or not but at least it was something other than sitting in my apartment, stewing over Justin.

I have a renewed sense of hope in men when I return to my apartment at eleven o’clock. Maybe Brent Morrison isn’t my prince charming but at least now I don’t feel like I’m going to end up a crazy old lady living alone in an apartment filled with cats and plants.

The apartment is dark when I unlock the door and I go in quietly, figuring Lola’s already in bed. For the past week when she’s not at work she’s sleeping and I’ve only seen her a couple times and briefly at that. I make a mental note to suggest that we go for dinner when she has a chance.

I walk through the dark apartment by memory and reach my closed door. My mind still on Brent’s charming smile, I ease the door open. All thoughts of anything are stripped from my brain when my eyes connect with Justin.

He’s sitting on my bed, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. He looks up from the watch he’s playing with when I open the door and his eyes connect with mine.

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come

Justin sitting here was the very last thing I expected to see tonight and I’m at a loss for words. My arms merely fall limply to my sides and my shoulders sag a bit as I stare at him. What the hell is he doing here?

He seems perfectly content to simply stare at me and I realize that I’m going to have to make the first move. I quietly shut the door, my eyes never leaving him, and then speak.

“What are you doing here?”

He wets his lips and slips his watch back onto his wrist. “You gave me a key.”

I take a deep breath and will myself to stay calm. “I didn’t ask how you got in here, I asked what you were doing here.”

His head drops and then rises so his eyes meet mine. “I wanted to see you. I haven’t seen you for a week.”

“Eight days actually,” I correct him, a hard edge in my voice. “Have you forgotten how to use a phone?”

He looks ashamed. “No.”

“Did you voicemail malfunction?”

His eyes drop from mine. “No.”

“Did you get beamed up by aliens and held hostage for a week?”

“No.”

“And now you think you can just waltz in here and give some big story about how you want to see me when you’ve outright ignored me for eight full days. What the hell is the matter with you?”

He stands, shoves his hands into the pockets of his pants, and looks up at me. “I wasn’t trying to ignore you. I’ve been in Miami recording.”

I raise an eyebrow. “There are phones in Miami.”

He sighs and his shoulders drop. “I know.”

“Considering everything you said to me at the barbeque I really thought you still wanted to be friends.”

“I do,” he says.

“Then why the hell haven’t you even bothered to phone me for the past week? That doesn’t seem like something someone would do who wants to be friends. Or did you just say all that so you’d feel better about breaking up with me?”

“I meant everything I said, Emily,” he states.

I can’t help but roll my eyes and I push past him to get to my dresser. I open the top drawer and pull out some pajamas.

“Lola told me you were out on a date.”

I don’t turn around to face him. “So?”

“You’re dating already? It hasn’t even been two weeks. Who the hell is this guy?”

I whip around to face him. I feel my face get hot as some anger rises in me. “Are you kidding me?”

“What?” he questions.

My eyes narrow and I take a step towards him. “You break up with me. Then you give this entire speech on missing me and wanting to be best friends again. Then you proceed to ignore me for over a week. You have NO right to come in here demand answers about ANYTHING!”

He seems taken aback but still asks the next question, although his voice is softer. “How can you already be dating again?”

A large breath of air escapes me. “I went on one blind date to shut Lucy up about me being single.”

“Are you going to see him again?”

“You DON’T get to ask me these questions, Justin,” I snap. “You lost that right when you decided to ignore me.” I run an agitated hand through my hair. “Seriously, what are you even doing here?”

His head drops down to his chest and he’s staring at the floor. If he thinks he can just act pathetic and everything will be right again, he’s really mistaken. He’s not just going to give me sad puppy dog eyes and I’ll forget the fact that he ignored me for an entire week. Only a good explanation is going to make me forget it and I have yet to hear that.

I’m about to tell him to leave so I can go to bed when his head lifts up and all words immediately die in my throat. He’s crying. And not just shedding a couple tears crying. There’s tears streaming down his face and his nose is running and he looks miserable. The only other time I ever saw him crying was when he came over after breaking up with me and that was nothing compared to this. He’s actually breaking down in front of me.

He raises his hand to his face, bumping his nose as he wipes it. He rubs the heals of his palms into his eyes not that it does any good because as soon as he pulls them away, more tears replace the ones he just wiped away.

I’ve never seen him like this before. He has a pretty good handle on his emotions and doesn’t just lose it over anything. All anger at him immediately disappears as I realize how torn up over this he is.

Ignoring the little voice inside of me telling me to be strong, I cross the few steps between us and pull him into a hug, bringing his head down to my shoulder. His hands grip me tightly and I can feel his tears sliding down my skin as we stand there. I stare over his shoulder at the wall, a little shocked at this. He had unexpectedly gone from indignantly demanding answers to crying in my arms.

My motherly instinct takes over and I run one hand in circles on his back and the other I bring up and rub my thumb over the nape of his neck. I can feel his fingers flexing the back of my t shirt that he’s clutching but he makes no other moves. He’s a complete dead weight in my arms and eventually I can’t support him anymore. I think he realizes it at the same moment as me because just before I’m about to try and get him to sit down on the bed, he pulls back and takes a step away from me. Running his hands over his face, he sits down on the edge of my bed and takes a few deep breaths.

Gingerly, I sit down next to him, facing him and tucking my legs underneath me. “Are you okay?” I ask softly.

He gives a slow nod. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, Justin.”

“No, I’m sorry about this past week.” He looks up at me with bloodshot eyes. “I just thought that maybe if I wasn’t around you it would be easier to deal with breaking up. That maybe I would be able to just accept it and find a way to get back to normal. But I don’t know how to.”

I don’t say anything but pick up one of his hands in both of mine and squeeze it.

“I was an asshole for not calling you all week.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” he states, his voice a bit steadier now. “I keep screwing up everything over and over and you keep forgiving me for it and you shouldn’t. I don’t deserve it.”

I moved forward towards him and gave him another hug. Sometimes he messes up without even knowing it and when he realizes what he’s done and how it’s impacted people, guilt over takes him. He needs to know that I don’t hate him. Quite the opposite actually.

I wait until his breathing is steady before cautiously pulling my head back. I’ve never seen him quite like this and I don’t want him to break down again by saying or doing the wrong thing.

“Do you want to stay here tonight?”

He doesn’t raise his head from my shoulder but he did nod and utter a “yes.”

I pull myself away from him and stand up. Grabbing the pajamas I had discarded on the floor earlier, I quietly leave my room and go to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I almost feel in a daze as I go through the familiar routine of washing my face and brushing my teeth. This was the last thing I was expecting when I came home tonight. I thought I’d just be going to bed, maybe watch some TV. Now everything had changed.

Justin was sitting on the edge of the bed when I came back into the room, his head back in his hands. I go over to him and gently run my hand over the short hairs on his head. He raises his head at the contact and stares at me with red eyes.

“You still have those clothes in my dresser,” I say softly and he nods silently. I move as he stands up and while he’s retrieving the clothes, I crawl into my bed, facing away from him.

I stare at the wall across from me as I listen to him change his clothes. I keep staring when the lights flicker off but my eyes flutter shut when the covers are pulled back and Justin’s warm body slides into bed beside me. His arm goes around my stomach and I’m pulled back against his body and the contact is so welcome that it warms my entire body.

His forehead rests on my back in between my shoulders and in the quiet room, I can hear him draw in some shaky breaths. Maybe I’m imagining it, but for a moment I think I can feel his lips brushing against my skin.

I allow myself to weave my fingers through his on the hand that’s around me and I grip him tightly as we lay there. Maybe this isn’t the best idea considering our current situation, but it’s all I can think up to do.

An hour previous I had been so mad at Justin for all he had put me through and now, finally seeing his true emotions coming to the surface, I can’t help but want to forget about everything bad that’s gone on between us and just focus on how good it feels to have him laying here with me, holding me tightly.

It technically doesn’t mean anything and yet it means everything

All the Same-Mad Puppies