Emily is sleeping so soundly that it’s easy to slip out of bed the next morning unnoticed. She doesn’t even stir when I stumble around her room trying to change into my clothes from the previous night. Having some common sense, I write her a quick note and leave it on the pillow beside her and then exit her room.

I should probably stay until she wakes up. I’m not quite sure how she’ll take waking up alone in bed after last night. But I can’t be here when she wakes up. She looked so good sleeping beside me that I might do something really stupid if she were to open her eyes and say good morning with a smile. Just because I broke up with her doesn’t mean I don’t still want to kiss her every single time I’m near her.

The apartment isn’t dark like I thought it would be. It’s only seven but there are lights already on in the kitchen and the door to Lola’s bedroom is open. Shit. I didn’t encounter her last night when I arrived and I think she was sleeping already. I was hoping to sneak out without bumping into her. She’s made it no secret that she thinks I’m dirt and it’s a little early for verbal abuse.

I know there’s no hope in tiptoeing out of the apartment without her knowing but that doesn’t stop me from trying. Ten steps from the front door, I hear her clear her throat behind me.

“I thought I heard you last night.”

I turn and find her standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “I needed to talk to Em.”

Her arms cross over her chest but she doesn’t seem too defensive. “When you called last night I didn’t think you were actually going to come over here.”

She’s too calm. Ever since the breakup I’ve only gotten Angry Lola. I’m don’t know what to do with Calm Lola. “She gave me a key.”

“I know that.”

“We talked.”

“I assumed so.”

These short sentences are putting me on edge. I don’t know why Lola is suddenly not yelling and insulting me. Given, it’s been over a week since I’ve seen her, but you would think that time would only fuel her fire, not quench it. I know that I should just take it as what it is and leave, but I can’t help but give into my curiosity.

“Do you suddenly not hate me anymore?”

She looks down into the mug of coffee she’s holding and then back at me. “I never hated you. I just wasn’t a huge fan for what you did.” She looked back at the coffee. “I’m still not,” she says, almost as an afterthought.

“Uh huh.”

“But I know that she still likes you. And I know that you like her. And Ben is the problem. Well, you’re still a problem, but not the main one.”

She’s beginning to ramble and my eyebrows draw together. Lola’s normally a very eloquent speaker and doesn’t just go on and on without making much sense. I don’t know what to make of this.

“Look, I don’t know why she let you stay over here last night after you didn’t call for a week or why you’re sneaking out of here before she wakes up. I don’t get why I was the one who was pissed off at you for breaking up with her and she just accepted it. I can’t figure any of that out so I’m not going to worry about it.” She points her finger at me. “But you better not hurt her again like you did before. She doesn’t deserve that.”

“I know that.”

“Then sort your shit out and be careful with her.”

With those as departing words, she turns and goes back to the kitchen. I stare after her only for a second before walking the few remaining steps to the door. I leave without a sound and don’t allow myself to think until I’m sitting in my car.

I know I can’t do the same thing to Emily again and allow anything to happen. I know all this perfectly well and I’m honestly going to try and keep it innocent between us. I can do that as long as she does the same thing. So maybe it won’t be the easiest thing in the world to do but after that week away from her, it’s what I have to do.

Losing Emily as a girlfriend is awful. I can’t take losing her as my best friend.

* * *

Two hands slide over my eyes and a smile grows on my lips when I inhale the familiar scent of Justin’s cologne.

“Hey, Justin.”

The hands disappear and he comes up beside me. “How’d you know it was me?” he asks as he pushes some things across my desk so he can hoist himself up on it.

“If you’re trying to be subtle, don’t douse yourself in cologne,” I reply, keeping my eyes on my computer screen and pretending that I’m not as happy to see him as I am.

“You need to stop with that cologne thing. I put on normal amounts of cologne and I’ve never gotten complaints.”

I smile but only respond by clicking the mouse on the link for the website I order makeup from. After a second a foot kicks the underside of my chair and I turn my head to look at him.

He looks incredibly good today. He has on a pair of torn up jeans that are low on his hips and a blue t shirt that’s just tight enough to show some of his chest definition. Even though we’re indoors, his sunglasses are firmly planted on his face and a smirk is covering his lips.

I force myself to quit staring and turn back to my computer. “Are the fluorescent lights particularly bright today?”

He laughs and pulls his sunglasses from his face. “I feel more celebrity when I wear these everywhere I go.”

I can’t help but smile and turn back to him. “I don’t think you need the sunglasses’ help.”

“Maybe not. So what are you doing? Are you really busy?”

I prop up my chin in my hand and let my eyes run over his face. He didn’t shave today. “Not overly busy. Why?”

“Could you leave work now if some pretty fabulous plans came your way?”

“What kind of plans?”

A slightly guilt look comes over his face. “Um, well my aunt and uncle are coming over for dinner tonight and I told them I’d cook something but-”

“But then you remembered you don’t know how to cook anything?” I finish for him, raising my eyebrows.

“Basically.”

“And now you want me to help you make dinner?”

“Sounds pretty fabulous, hey?”

I roll my eyes but smile anyways. “What’s in it for me?”

“See I was trying to figure out what would convince you to do this for me. And I think I’ve got it. If you help me, I’ll come to your Thursday night thing this week.”

I perk up. “And actually watch CSI with us?”

His nod is one of resignation. “If that’s what it’ll take for you to help me out tonight, then yes.”

I had lost the bet I made with Lola that I could get Justin to watch CSI in a month’s time. But that had been right around when he had broken up with me so she had let it slide. It would be sweet victory if I were able to get him to watch it though. This has been a goal of mine ever since I met him. I would have been cooking him dinners a long time ago if I knew this was all it was going to take.

“Deal,” I say quickly before he can back out of it. “But you can’t ditch on Thursday.”

“I’d never do that.” He narrows his eyes at me. “You guys don’t like sit around and discuss it afterwards, do you? Because I’ll be forced to leave if you do.”

I punch him in the arm. “Don’t be a loser. We don’t do that.”

He laughs and hops down from my desk. “So let’s go then. It’s already three and they’re coming at six.”

“I take it you have no food in your house.”

“Not unless you’re going to make a meal out of pretzels and a half empty carton of milk.”

My nose wrinkles and bit as I shut down my computer. “How are you surviving on that?”

He shrugs and throws me my coat. “I order in or go out.”

“While we’re getting food you’re going to get some fruits and vegetables,” I state as I make sure I have everything I need.

“You sound like my mother,” he replies, leading the way out of my office.

An hour later, we’re in his kitchen and I’ve put him to work peeling potatoes. He looks absolutely ridiculous wearing this frilly apron he found at the grocery store that he insisted on buying and he hasn’t let me stop laughing since we left Avidity. I had forgotten how much I’ve missed just hanging out with him. Not that I don’t want to go back to dating him, but if this is what I’m stuck with for now, I’ll take it.

Of course, that doesn’t stop my mind from wandering while I pound some chicken breasts into flat strips for chicken marsala. When I look at him I don’t see Justin, my friend. I see Justin, my previous boyfriend. I keep thinking about the last happy time we were together as boyfriend and girlfriend.

It had been a Monday, the day before he had broken up with me. He had convinced me to call in sick for work and we had gone to the beach. It had been so nice out and he had surfed while I laid in the sun and worked on my tan. Then we had gone back to his house to watch a movie. After spending all day out in the sun it had felt great to curl up in bed with him and watch an old black and white movie from the huge TV in his room.

I can still remember how good he smelt that day. His skin had smelt like the salt water of the ocean and a hint of suntan lotion. He had felt so solid beside me while we were watching the movie and I had known that he didn’t actually want to watch it because he kept distracting me with kisses throughout it. Finally he had gotten impatient and simply turned it off before pouncing on me, muffling any protests I might have given.

At that exact moment it had felt like nothing could go wrong. Hard to believe that only a day later it all went to shit. I guess that’s life.

“Do you have some pent up frustration there, Chief?”

Justin’s laughing question pulled me from my thoughts and my hand that’s holding the meat cleaver stills.

“Those are pretty thin pieces of chicken.”

I look down at the meat and realize I had pounding them a few times too many. “Oops. I was daydreaming.”

“What were you thinking about?”

A blush spreads across my cheeks as if he can read my thoughts and know exactly what was going through my mind. “Nothing. Are you done with the potatoes?”

“Sure am.”

“Fill a pot with water and put them on the stove,” I instruct and then turn back to the chicken and my thoughts.

When I had woken up the day before, Justin was already gone from my room. He had left a note on his vacant pillow saying he had a meeting early in the morning and he thanked me for the night before. Lola had told me when I got up that she had seen him leave around seven and she had only talked to him for a few minutes. Then she pointed out that if he’s sleeping over, it shouldn’t be hard to get back to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. She knows that even with that week where I didn’t see him and was extremely pissed off at him that I still want to date him. I haven’t quite decided yet if I’ll pursue it and try pushing him a bit. But the more time I spend with him, the harder it is to imagine never being able to kiss him again. I don’t even want to think about the possibility of us just always being friends and him eventually finding someone else who isn’t me that he wants to date.

“So how long is this all going to take to bake?”

I look up at Justin and the words about to exit get caught in my throat. He’s stretching his arms above his head, his shirt riding up and exposing an inch of stomach. I have the biggest urge to go over and run my hands along that skin of his hips exposed.

I should respect his decision. I should accept that all he can be is my friend because of Ben. I should stop staring at his stomach.

I’m not going to do any of those things.

I wet my lips and try and focus on his question. “Um, like forty minutes.”

He drops his arms to his sides and his shirt falls back down again. “It’s already five thirty so that’s perfect.”

“I should go,” I blurt out. I need to figure out how exactly I’m going to pursue anything with him. I can’t just do something rash and than have it backfire.

“You’re sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?”

“It’s a family thing.” I’m moving around the kitchen at super speed, gathering all my things. Maybe I’m the only one who feels it, but the tension in this room is so high I can hardly breathe. “Call me later about Thursday.”

“Okay.” He looks a bit confused by my sudden change in demeanor but doesn’t comment on it and instead simply walks me to the front door. “Thanks for your help.”

“No worries.”

I’ve never made a faster exit out of his house. Within seconds I’m in my car and backing out of my driveway.

Yesterday Lola officially named it “Operation Make Justin Want You So Bad He Says ‘Screw Ben’”. And now I’m officially jumping on that bandwagon.