Mariah’s POV
I could just watch him sleep all day. He’s one of those peaceful sleepers. One day I’ll be able to hone that. Considering what he’s been through himself, I find it hard to believe he just allows himself a fast recovery.
Joshua is a complicated creature. I loved his maturity. I respected it more. He’s one of those rare finds that seems to turn up once in a blue moon. I hardly looked at a guy this much. I never even cared to fall in love.
I think you have to believe in the idea before you allow yourself such an emotion. I wouldn’t call it anything yet mainly because I haven’t a clue what the fuck it is. Its most definitely not the romance taboo. Far from it. But I tend to have a habit of judging things to the elk before I know what it means. I’m strange, thank you very much.
But I wonder about it a lot. I wonder how your life can change with the feeling of those words. I think the women tend to picture men saying it first. Does it matter? Maybe it does, who knows what’s going on with people in love. Its an odd word to me now.
The only problem with Josh is that he’s, well, he’s not like everyone else. He’s not a robot. He listens more than talks. He’s sensual without knowing it. He’s too goofy for his own good. He’s kind of slow when it comes to punch lines. Now that one bothers me a lot when I have to explain why things are funny. He chews with his mouth open. OK, I do that too but he does it like its nothing! He does thing were he sucks in his lip when he’s trying to think. It’s actually really cute.
I lay still, my eyes open as I listen to the sounds. He doesn’t snore but its obvious he’s deep in the sleep. I felt like touching him. My body was screaming it like a siren. I was shaking, I did the stupid thing and willed it to stop but that only made it more egregious.
I wanted to touch him badly now. I wanted him to hold me. I didn’t feel cold but I shivered. But everything was moving so slowly now. I wanted to get away now without waking him up. I thought he was so deep into it maybe he won’t notice.
Then I felt him move around as if stretching. He did what I call the guy groan. It feels like I was in a soap or something post-sex morning. Only we didn’t have the sex.
While he was moving around, almost like I wasn’t there. When he hit my leg his eyes strung open. He looked right at me making me jump.
“Hi,” I wasn’t sure what to say.
He blinks his eyes, “Hey, what time is it?”
I look about the room and spot a crystal clock next to me, “8:43, I’m still feeling tired though.”
He took hold of my hand, shocking my semi cold skin with the warmth. “Let’s stay then. We can get up when you’re ready.”
I relaxed a little more and covered myself up. I tried taking his advice it was hard to go back. I was one of those that once I wake, I can never make myself sleep. Sucks, I know.
If I had my way, I could just lay here between sleep and awake and just daydream. There was a moment where I thought it would possible. Clearing your mind. Its harder than anything else.
I felt him fidget around, seems like maybe he can’t sleep either.
“Josh?”
He opened his eyes, “Yeah?”
“What’s going to happen now?”
“What do you mean?”
“With us, not in that way, I mean, are we going to try something again?”
“You mean?”
I nodded, “Yeah, what happens when we go back? Are you ready to face them?”
He rubbed at his eyes, facing me laying on his side. He wore a blank expression. “No, not yet. If I face them now, I’ll feel worse.”
I let out a breath. I was strangled with too many thoughts. They were about to burst in my mind and I felt like I was trapped. If I had my way, I say that a lot, I would stay here until I was ready.
But I can never face them. I don’t want violence to ensue as soon as I open my mouth. I didn’t need more stress piled high.
I knew if I did do anything, I would be signing my death warrant. I took Josh in my arms and all the cares slowly melted away. I want to stay here, just like this, its so easy, yet difficult to get away with.
“Hey, its alright. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I won’t let anything happen to you. I know these are just words but I promise you this.”
I pulled away, trying not to smother him anymore. I covered myself with the sheets, securing the absented warmth.
“I know. Its going to be hard though. How can I just go back there and live like nothing happened. I don’t want to go back to my life when I know that its going to mess me up again. Knowing that, I just need some space. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
I feel his hand reach for mine underneath the sheets. He was more like clasping my hand. I felt the urgency and the similar hold on the current situation. I really hope there’s a way to deal with what happened. I was so scared to go back there.
I wonder what are they thinking now that I didn’t come back. Their poor little daughter kidnapped at night. They probably think I scared Josh away or something. If he did, it’d be like in one of those Susanna Carr romance novels. Now that I think of it, everything about this sounds as if it was a book. But its one those stories that won’t get any reviews. I know if I was a writer, I could never earn anyone’s praise that easily. I swear you have to join a cult or something for anyone to notice you.
I wanted to get up but I was too glued down. He seemed so tried and I didn’t wanted to bother him. Especially when he graciously took me in when no one cared. I owe a lot to him.
Maybe if I just drift off, all my problems would just go away for good. Dare to dream of course.
Josh’s POV
I lay awake but with my eyes closed. I couldn’t fall asleep now that she’s not asleep.
I couldn’t say anything else because I was going through the same thing with my parents. The ones who supposedly “cared”. My parents weren’t fake or anything but they have a tendency to be busy a lot.
I would have times where they would call me every month and than it got longer and I haven’t spoken or seen them in a year. Then now this happens.
I ask myself what I did it. Why I decided to make this choice. The thing was, I didn’t have a choice. When you ask anyone why they are the way they are, you usually get a blank stare. But I know why I did this. I didn’t do it for attention or the fact the most of my life people were cold to me (it was a factor) I did it for me. For feeling. To feel something other than the same shit everyday usually.
A lone soldier most of my life, I sequestered myself. It wasn’t so much the people but it was the fact that my life was so apathetic. There was no room for mistakes anywhere. It would nice if I had a reality check now and then.
I was numb from the faces around me. Growing tired of the same tricks and games, I didn’t have a purpose.
College never worked out for me. I was never good at concentrating on homework or tests. I had no real passion to save myself. I don’t know if I want to get back to work. Not when I found her. She was resting her eyes. I wasn’t sure if she was napping or really sleeping. I watched her breath with naked eyes. The creases around her lips reveal more of her.
Despite the weariness, she still looked breathtaking. Her lashes rested gently upon her cheek naturally. I was still holding onto her hand. Her facial features motioned.
Her lips were to inviting for the calling. They looked incredulously soft. I shook at the thought of touching them with mine. It was really hard but I did my best to ignore it, just like all the other sensations I felt.
I wonder what she’s dreaming if she’s dreaming. Am I anywhere? I wonder a lot when its Mariah. Its more than protecting her. Its something I don’t know but understand all too well.
I felt this way since a long ago, when I was with her. Before it was cold and dreary. She just walked away, out of my life. No nothing, no writing, I was left completely alone. All too shocked to fathom the possibilities.
I looked outside, erasing the memory as my eyes danced among the trees and city life active as I sit in my passive position. I’m curious of a lot of things.
There I go, turning into crazy manic Josh like when I was 16. I feel her crawl onto my chest as I observe.
She grabs onto my body as a sort of shield. I embrace her gesture, feeling as if no one else mattered. What’s going to happen?
“Josh, I’m really walking on egg shells. Should I just stay here and don’t go back?”
In a perfect world, this would be so easy to answer. “I don’t know. Maybe we should call your folks just in case. I don’t mind you here but they are your parents.”
I cursed myself at how overly dubious I was being. I hadn’t meant to say that but it was either that or, getting arrested for kidnapping. Which will probably prevent me from being with her.
She picked up her head with blue eyes. They were normally dark but as I look they are glassy and red. She was like a girl who lost her puppy. I bottled that look and swore I would never cause her that much pain. I would try to.
“I can’t, I don’t want to go back there now. There has to be another way to deal with this. I really have no where else to go…”
She got up and covered her eyes. I got up with her and took her in my arms. She felt so limp and unfeeling. I was scared.
She cried on my shoulder, it was torture. How was I going to fix this. People like her shouldn’t have to bare such stress and worry. I just held her despite my misgivings and doubts. It was a sad picture. I didn’t dream of this.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen but would you like me to go with you?”
I suggested something lightweight. I didn’t want her to be alone with all that’s happened.
She pulls back as our lips only an inch apart. She singes back as if I would bite her. I wished she wouldn’t be so terrified around me. But maybe its not me.
“I’m sorry, I-- I didn’t know I was so close.”
Maybe it was best not to touch but I can’t control the urge. I thought about touching her all the time since she came here. But I knew if I did, I would make things worse for her than me.
“Its OK. I shouldn’t be so skittish. I just don’t do this. Have never done this that much. But yeah, I think it would be great if you came with me. Least for when I see them. I would like that.”
Music to my ears and I didn’t care if she gave me a straight answer. Things were going to be OK, I had this feeling ever since I was young.
Story Tags: jc
