Mariah’s POV

I realized there was no turning back. During the ride back to hell house I dreaded every minute I’m about to face. Holding Josh’s hand simmered the stress to a certain extent. There was this sharp pain in the pit of my stomach. We were almost there and I couldn't control this feeling. I wanted to scream out in the street and collapse on the pavement.

My head was spinning in circles and began to feel so sick. This is what they call a second chance? I wasn't going to make anything better with coming back.

I hadn’t a clue what I was going to do, say. I was trying to pace myself. You know, that whole clearing your mind thing? I could never do that.

I glance out the window as the car rounds the last corner. I’m literally counting the seconds back. I took a deep breath, suppressing my nerves to the best of my ability. I feel his hand squeeze and I turned around.

He held a sympathetic look and I was dying to know why can’t he just tell me what’s really going on. He’s been through the same act, why do I get this feeling that he’s a big fat liar. I hate being lied to. Just creates more drama you don’t need.

Josh pulls up near the driveway and parks on the curb. I drop his hand for the first time and hug my arms together. I shivered uncontrollably.

When it was completely silent I finally took in some air. “I guess this is it. See you in heaven.”

“Hey,” he touched my shoulder, “it won’t be like that, I said I would go inside with you. My parents will be there too, least this way we can face them together.”

I wasn’t phased. I wanted so badly to believe him but this was different. This was them. The people that weren’t human. They once even lied to a social worker when I was talking with the school therapist and let some things slip. They’re always hide who they really are to anyone. Now you know why I hate liars.

I open the door dismissively and I really didn’t care to say anything. What good will it do me? I closed the door and joined Josh on other side as we walked to my door.

I could feel myself getting cold and hot the closer I got. I began to walk backwards but Josh caught me like a butterfly net.

“Come on, I’m right here, I promise I won’t anything happ--”

“No Josh,” his grip wasn’t strong so I slipped away, “this is different. I don’t want you to get involved. You don’t know who they are.”

His eyebrows crinkled, “What do you mean? Weren’t they there at the hospital?”

“Yeah, but that’s not why they were there. Its too complicated, I don’t want you to get attached. Its not going to make it stop.”

He was getting a little upset, “Make what stop? What’s going on?”

Oh shit, I think I did it again. Flashbacks of high school scattered in my head. I hadn’t felt this way in 3 years. It seemed like forever to me. I guess I pushed it out so far I nearly forgot.

But that’s the problem. Once its here, it stays. Never leaves. All I can do is cry and scream at everyone.

I was going to break down. But I didn’t want to in front of him. He already knows too much.

I bolted my way past him and ran to my door. I couldn’t get the keys out fast enough as I heard footsteps trumping in my ear. I was struggling but I managed to get it opened. Success! I was free.

Shit, now we’re both inside. My stupid butterfingers. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I have no choice. Come on, I’m not going anywhere. I told you that.”

Why won’t this nightmare cease? I slammed the door closed and began looking around for the parentals. I ran in the kitchen only noticing that everything was just like it was last night. I shook my head running every which way, calling out to them.

I didn’t bother checking my room. They never go in there even if they had the chance. Last place I checked was the backyard and the pool area. Normally I wouldn’t give a shit if they left in never came back, but something’s fishy here.

Where could they be? Did they come back and leave early? I rubbed my tired eyes and sat on the recliner behind me.

Josh finally caught up to me, almost out of breath. “Where are they?”

Fuck if I know, “Don’t know. They didn’t call me last night or today either.”

Why wasn’t I happy about any of this? I racked it over in my brain, going through all the scenarios. Did I care? Maybe.

“Weird. They can’t be still out with mine. But maybe they did come back last night and just went out.”

“But everything is exactly the same. Ugh, I don’t give a shit anymore.”

But everything was weird. They never go out much at night and than go out again in the morning. Well, hardly. My mom had some court dates some days but they’re always here.

Am I going crazy again? I covered my face with my palms, talking deep breaths. This never used to work but I thought I’d use it regardless.

I felt him sitting next to me on the couch, still trying to catch his breath. “I guess this is a good thing. Would it have made a difference if they were here?”

Are you kidding? “No, its just like how it always is, but I still get appalled. Maybe because I think things are going to change.”

“You want them to notice you? Is that the problem?”

Suddenly I found that I was spilling my life to a complete stranger. “Sometimes it is. But other times its out of my control. But its OK, I’m bothered so much by it anymore.”

“Clearly your strung up on it. But I won’t harp on it, not my place.”

“Good. Wouldn’t want you to lose a testicle.”

I looked over my shoulder and smirk as he starts laughing. “Ever hear of Tom Green? Lance Armstrong? I’ll still be alive. But at least I’ll have more room in my jockeys.”

I winked at him, “Good to know. So what do you wanna do now?”

“Is the Soup on?”

“No idea, I’ll check.”

I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. I was on in a couple minutes so I just set it on the end of E! True Hollywood Story. It was a rerun. I rolled my eyes at the subject and placed the remote on the arm of the chair.

“Got a couple of minutes left. I’m so fucking hungry.”

I felt him get closer a little. Kind of scaring me but I liked it. “I could make something for us.”

“You? Make something? OK, the extinguisher’s in the corner.”

“Uh, was kind of hoping you would assist me? Come on, it’ll be fun.”

I protested with my hands, “No, I’ll miss my favorite show. I’m not getting up now.”

I folded my arms, staying solid in my position. I noticed the intro loading up and I smiled. I was so into watching the show I didn’t notice when Josh lifted up the recliner as I screamed for him to let me down.

Shit, I didn’t think he could hold me there that long.

“Josh come on, stop it.”

I started giggling and I fell down on my knees and flipped on my back. It smarted more than hurt me. You know those moments for you put humor over pain. This is one of those moments.

“Shit, god damn it Josh! Alright that’s it! Fuck you and get away from me.”

I got up as fast as I could and ran to the end of the hallway but my short legs were no match. I knew I was caught when I was held in place.

Fuck, snickey bastard. I didn’t this time but I felt his breath on my neck.

I was dead. My heart was racing. Everything inside me was certain. It all pieced together somehow. I closed my eyes and gulped slowly. I know he heard it. He knows I heard it. I was more than just caught in his arms.

It was the web of desire I could escape from. For so long I wished for excitement, this surge of beginning contentment. I wasn’t sure it was the real thing, but if I turned around I would find out how real.

Was I brave enough to do it?