Mariah’s POV
I stood in front of him on purpose so close. One, I wanted to get the words out quickly, and two, I was getting away with it. I could smell everything and it was bothering me. I didn’t want to get distracted again. I was doing perfect fine on my own, not thinking about what I would say or how I react.
I put on my brave face and stared him down. It was hard to stare at a place that wasn’t irresistible. I only hoped this would be quick. I prayed I could just sleep and not think about anything else.
“OK, well, what I’m trying to ask--can we sit down first? I just got a little deja vous there.”
I assumed he was referring to the time he was in my room. I sat down on the couch and he sat on the other side. I figure it was best we keep our distance. I breathed easy until he moved a little closer. I tried to move as best I could but I had no room left.
“Mariah, please, this isn’t easy for me. Look at me. Come on?”
I gulped and turned my head, cautious as I did so. “Say what you want to say Josh. I’m not in the mood for head games.”
“I’m not playing games. There’s no simple way to act like nothing happened here. We were both there. What we said, I haven’t forgot. I also haven’t forgot you disappearing last time. Why did you leave?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I had a feeling he was going to confront me. But if he is playing me for a fool, I won’t regret saying goodbye. What hurts me more than anything is this could be true. I wasn’t going to find out this way.
“Doesn’t matter. I don’t want to talk about this.”
He grabbed my elbow, forcing me to glare at him, “It matters to me. I thought everything was fine. If it was, what was going on?”
I struggled with my answer. I wanted to ask him, but I didn’t want it to be true. How long was I not going to bring it up? But there was something inside me that was saying just ask him. What did I have left to lose?
I pulled my arm back and stood up, walking to the fireplace mantel. I took a deep breath and shook as I felt his arms around me. Oh no, this is so not good. All the work of the past weeks just went away. It’s too late, I’m sucked in and there’s no way out.
“Why can’t you tell me? Do you know how much you mean to me? I know these are just words but you have to believe me. Please talk to me, Mariah. Please…”
I snapped my eyes shut, so much of that sounded too good to refuse. But I just can’t surrender. I know if I do, there’s some way I will get hurt. “I can’t, I just want to be left alone.”
“No you don’t. I can’t let you go. Do you know what I was thinking about all that time? Not what you did but where were you going. If anything happened. I was going crazy thinking about the worst things. It kept me up every night and I couldn’t sleep. I missed how everything made sense when you were there.”
“You make it seem like I’m your property. Knowing you has been very complicated, Josh. It’s not fair. I’m not going to do this to myself.”
He tightened his grip on me, I could feel his breath knowing what my body needs. I was shaking under his hold. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You never had me. I can’t do this.” I tried to mask what I could and pulled his arms off me and gripped the corner of the mantel.
“What is it, Mariah? Just tell me? I can’t stand seeing you like this.” The sincerity scared me and I knew if I faced him now, I’d be spilling everything at will.
“I shouldn’t believe you but I want to. I don’t want to be stupid though. I just want to forget about this.”
“Why, what is wrong? How bad could it be?”
Bad enough to ignore the call of my heart. It was stronger than anything I’ve felt in my life. I was giving up too fast. I knew I was. But the feeling that there’s someone I don’t know about, kills my chances to build something meaningful.
It just came out of me before I could stop it, “Who’s Bobbie?”
I finally looked at him, all the color drained from his face as he took in what I asked him. “How do you know about Bobbie?”
“Does it matter? Who is she, Josh?” I was on a roll, I didn’t know where it was coming from but I wasn’t about to break it.
“She isn’t in my life anymore. Is this what this is about?”
The tears I didn’t know of, fell blindly on their own, “Why do you carry a picture of her?”
This silenced him. I had him right where I wanted him. The fact that he had to take a moment to answer tells me everything I needed to know.
“How do you know about that?”
I smirked, smacking myself mentally for giving him the benefit of the doubt. “I knew it. I didn’t want to tell myself this but I knew it and THAT’S why I left you that night. I ask you a simple question and you can’t give me a straight answer. Because you don’t know…”
I wasted my time with this long enough. But he had the nerve to open his mouth again.
“No, its not what you think. I do know, its just complicated. She’s, well--she’s--”
“You can’t say it? What is she? Why is it complicated? Remember, it’s a yes or no? Is she a problem for you or not?”
“I loved her a long time ago, yes, but it was don--”
“Hey, Mimi, what’s going on here?” Jake all of a sudden piped into the conversation.
I was so close. Was it a sign?
Josh’s POV
Fuck, why him! Why now? I was so close to fixing this and this fucker comes in at the worst times. I should just spit this out while I have the chance.
“Mariah, listen to me, please…” I begged her to look in my direction.
She was gone. I lost her. She was looking at Jake with a strange expression. “Jake, what are you doing here?”
He looked closely at her face and came closer. “What’s going on here?”
Jake looked between us like the fucker he is and all I wanted to do was smash him into the wall for being so pretentious. But all this was sadly internally.
“Nothing, I need to just, nothing is going on. We’re done.”
I caught her arm before she had the chance to go anywhere. “Please, hear me out. I need to say this.”
She pulled away and folded her arms, “Say it.”
She looked so upset and it was because of me. I just wanted it all to stop, “She means nothing to me. I swear this. I couldn’t lie to you.”
She targeted me. I wasn’t sure what she was going to say but I knew, I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like it. “I have to go. Please go away.”
“Mariah, please, don’t do this, I…” I was on the verge of weeping, it was a sad sight.
I wanted to say I was sorry. But it was too late. She fled from me, almost as if I were watching it in slow motion. How did she know about Bobbie? Picture? Where was the picture she was talking about? I would know if I had a picture of her. I threw them all out. I didn’t burn, just threw them away.
Why did this have to happen? Why now when I start this incredible feelings. And I can’t share it with the one person who brought me here.
It was too bad. I felt like I was never going to be given a chance but I wasn’t about to give up so fast. It was like a sickness. This overwhelming urge to just be close. If I could have that, nothing would phase me.
I looked at her door, it bothered me more than I could admit. Too much, but that’s what I liked about it.
“What’s the big deal, man?”
I whipped my head around and I realized Jake was being an asshole again. Why did I bother? Oh yeah, he was obviously trying to be with her too.
“What’s it to you? It’s none of your business.”
He stepped closer, temping me into throwing the first punch, “She is my business. I’m not going to let you drive her to what she did before. I’m NOT going to let that happen ever again.”
I was fucking fed up with this loser, “You have no idea what she wants. You obviously don’t have a clue what she’s going through and you’re the “family friend”. Yeah, some friend.”
He held his hands up, backing up, “Look, you better listen here. What she needs is not someone who will try and fuck around. Its not your place to decide what she wants.”
“She wants ME. She doesn’t need anyone telling her what she needs. You don’t own her.” Damn, just give me a reason to punch the fuck outta this fucker.
“Just leave her alone, that’s what she told you now. You love her don’t you?”
I sniffed, “Don’t you?”
“Doesn’t matter. I never pushed her like you accuse me of. Just leave her alone, Josh. She needs to be by herself. She doesn’t want anymore drama in her life.”
Whatever, I was done with this mindless altercation, “Stay outta my way, Jake. I mean it.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t be a threat, unless I need to be. If you hurt her, I’ll make you regret it.”
“Get outta my way,” I pushed passed him and ran upstairs to her room.
I had to burst in there and tell her something, this couldn’t wait. For what its worth, it was in my hands. What she needed was me, no matter what she says.
I knocked on her door, there’s no eyehole so she can’t tell if its me anyway. I wasn’t going to let her get away like this.
I pushed the door open and looked around the room. I couldn’t find her anywhere. Something felt weird. I heard sounds coming from the bathroom. I quickly ran over and what I saw frightened me to the core.
Mariah lay slumped over the tub, razor blade in hand, revealing deep cuts upon her wrists going up to her elbows. Her face looked as if she had no will left. This is the time I was starting to actually cry. I can’t lose her!
Shit! I knelt down quickly, gathering her up in my arms and grabbed the nearest wash cloth, dampening it with warm water. The blood was blinding my eyes. I tried not to think about the worst. I was having almost an out of body experience but I had to be strong and not show any of this. For her sake.
“God… what’s wrong? Why would you do this to yourself?”
I was spewing out questions just like that to myself too. Makes me regret everything I’ve said to make her breakdown. She was going down a destructive path. It was horrible that she couldn’t control herself. I felt like if I left now, everything would fall apart.
I bet her parents and mine would still be down there until she finally closed her eyes. I shuddered at that thought. This was not good. I didn’t want to worry now, she’s right here, in front of me. That should be it.
“JC? No, don’t do that. I don’t need that…” She weakly started to push my hand away from cleaning her wrists.
“What is it? What do you want me to do? I can’t leave you alone now. Its too late. I have to do this. I love you too much to let you do this. Its not worth doing anything to yourself. Please, your parents may not see it, but you mean too much to do this.”
I resumed my cleaning and checked under the sink for some adhesive or wrap. I didn’t want to hide anything, but I needed something to stop the bleeding. It was pretty deep so I found some Neosporin before I wrapped it up tightly. I gently placed it down and picked her up a little more so her body wasn’t so slumped over. I grabbed the second wrap and began putting it on. I was too determined to fix this. Her woozy state was freaking my senses and I knew I had to move fast.
I could feel her eyes on me and even though they were barely open, they were pretty piercing. I would give anything to know what she’s thinking right now. Anything. Her life is in my hands and I was barely stable myself.
I know what this is all about. I knew what I had to do. Being here, was the hell that was killing her slowly, and if I don’t do anything, it’ll be over and I know I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened.
But its starting to. If I don’t change it. I realize I have to do this.
“You still love her?”
“Who? Still love who?”
She grumbled and it pains me, “Bobbie?”
I sighed after I wrapped the other wrist. “No… I need to get you out of here.”
Her eyes opened a little bigger, “I believe you, I’m sorry.”
Story Tags: jc
