Mariah’s POV
I couldn’t believe it, for the first time in a long time, I was actually enjoying myself. Strangely, I was allowing myself the pleasure. It felt really amazing. My whole body was lit up and I was so energetic I couldn’t believe it was still me. I guess he has that affect on me. It's a good thing too.
It's OK to let yourself feel. I hard to learn it this way, but hey, least I learned it. I was mind boggled with questions. I wanted to know so much without seeming nosey. All I know if I haven't stopped smiling yet.
Who knew I had a smile? I knew I had teeth, but a smile? Nah… I was really happy. I also I had this feeling I was going to lose 5 pounds just on laughing. I had no idea Josh would be this funny. It wasn’t one of those dry humors that you have think about to get it. It was smart but it was just funny. I missed that.
I would have these moments where I would just stare at him after a laughing fit, he caught me and would just smirk and that would make me laugh even harder. The oddest thing would happen. My whole mind was cleared of the clutter that held me closed for so long.
Well, I wouldn’t say my life was as worst as a vagabond, it certainly felt that way to me. Sometimes I would get these strange nightmares where something would stab and leave me to bleed to death. I had these nightmares frequently. I would wake up in sweat and than take the inevitable abuse that ensued from the day.
When I say abuse, I mean social services, belts, hands, fists, black eyes, scratches, abrasions, deep-sedated injuries stemming from just being there as their daughter. My father would beat me more than my mom. My mom was always a weak bitch when it came to actually physical abuse. My father was the winner in the matches. I mean that, he always won. I didn’t know what was wrong, one day I was just sitting there and than the next… BAM, right in the temple. I got used to him saying “take it, stop crying”. He is what he is and fuck him to hell for it.
My childhood was barely a blip on the radar. I knew who I was at school, but others thought different. People thought I was seriously disturbed all because I didn’t run my fucking mouth all the time. I wouldn’t talk to people. Most would stay away because of the obvious abuse. Everyone thought I was white trash or something. No one sought out a helping hand offering. I wouldn’t say I was completely alone, but it got worse for me when I hit high school.
Things were messy when I would attempt anything. I would try at something and get distracted often. I guess you could say I was pretty emotional for a lot things. Mostly all girls are insecure at some point in life.
I would keep diaries but never really commit to them. I find that writing out my thoughts only reminds me of what I lost and the pain I deal with. I felt like nothing would change for me. I wasn’t a lost cause but I was certainly a case study for Time Magazine. In a way, I was an individual, but I guess that’s a fancy word for alone.
That’s what I hated for the most part. And people didn’t understand me because of it. I always said, what’s the point of crying if you’re crying alone? There isn’t and the same thing goes for writing. What’s the point of it, if you do it ALL for you? Somehow its incomplete if you’re doing it for selfish reasons. I was that girl, still am that girl.
I think we all want to be liked secretly and society is just high school on a periodic cycle. It’s brutal but what we had learned of most Americans is that they get offended so easily its fucking insane. Typical American attitude is that the white men rule the world with an iron first while the intellectuals suffer a slow agonizing death of destroying the first amendment while the rich white man triumphs so he can fill his fucking fat ass pocket.
One of the big things I’ve learned from just dealing with people in life is the fact that dishonesty is notarized as a regiment of daily life. Sad. Should I worry? Probably not, as long as there’s a Josh, its OK.
I was curled up on the couch sitting aimlessly watching some reality show with Josh on my right. We were making fun of how the TV is overpopulated with too much reality TV and that anyone who likes the shows have extremely low self-esteem and should be left bleeding to death under the moonlight.
Well, the last part was in my thoughts and not vocalized but a girl can dream right?
“I can’t believe what the world is reduced to even 80s TV would have been a better choice than what we’re force-feed with this shit. It’s a crime you know? Someone should be tried.”
He laughed, pushing me playfully, “Just give me the names, a good fact checker, and some high ass attorneys to boot and we’re good to go. We’ll make a good team.”
I rolled my eyes, if only dreaming if it was that easy, “Yeah, I can see it now in bright lights, our claim would be thrown out the second I get it notarized. I think I’ll just stick to putting around for quality TV until then…”
He points his finger at me, “Sounds pretty optimistic, I’m too lazy to sue anyone now too. While we’re at it, wanna watch something else?”
I was picking at nails and biting them a little, “I guess, what else is on?”
He snatched the remote from the lamp stand next to him and started surfing. It seemed like all that was on was shit and more shit. TV is really dominated from that crazy reality shit. It’s hopeless, TV makes my head hurt.
I folded my arms as Josh thumbed through the end of the line of channels. The was nothing on, well nothing remotely interesting.
My head started to ache again and I turned my body around swinging my legs around, placing them on top of Josh’s lap. He jumped at my gesture and looked a little confused. We were close enough for this, right?
“Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?”
“Not really, just surprised a little.”
I nodded carefully, “OK, just thought you wouldn’t mind maybe. I think we talked about everything tonight. Well, everything we could stomach.”
He cradles my feet and starts rubbing them. I relax a little more as he does this. “Not everything. Tomorrow’s a new day. I literally just met you 7 days ago. There‘s always more to talk about.”
My eyebrow raised, “Like what? I felt like Paris Hilton the way I was talking about myself. Well, only my boobs are real.”
“I’ll be the judge of that. I’m a certified doctor in my own right.”
“What right is that, Doogie Houser MD practice?”
“Close, I used to have hats on this.”
“Ah, sounds like they missed someone on To Catch A Predator.”
I liked this, we were obviously joking, but I was really enjoying this game. I wanted to see how far he would go. I can last as long as it takes.
He rubbed a little harder than before. “Ouch! Josh, come on, I was kidding.”
“I know, I just wanted to hear you moan again. When was the last time you had your feet massaged?”
Good question. I’d remember something like that, “Don’t know. I guess you’re the first. You popped my feet cherry.”
I poked at his dimples. He seemed to look more at my feet than me. As long as he’s doing what he’s doing, I don’t care either way.
“Yeah, guess you could say that. There’s officially nothing on TV. What’s on the agenda now?”
“Well, no pressure right? I don’t know, you wanna go swimming?”
Why did I say that?
Josh’s POV
I jumped back a little, I was kind of shocked she would say that. Swimming? Umm… “I don’t have a suit.”
Lame answer, not sure why I was saying no. Maybe because it was her that asked. But in a way, I was relieved she asked.
She placed her hand over mine, I felt its heat, wasn’t sure what to make of it yet. “That’s OK. You just wear what you got on. I will too.”
Mariah? Swimming? Wearing hardly anything? Oy… not sure where this is going. Can I handle it? I barely know her, but there’s nothing else going on.
“OK, you wanna go now?”
She hoped off the couch and I knew what she was about to say. “Sure, let’s go. I’m so bored.”
I reluctantly got up, sort of dragging my body behind her. She placed her hand on my chest.
“Can you wait outside while I change?”
My eyes crossed each other slightly, “Oh, OK. I guess I’ll do the same out here. I’ll wait for you outside, OK?”
I didn’t know what I was doing but I wanted to see where it would go. She nodded and stepped into the room to change.
I took a huge breath and thought about something. But what was there to think about? I started putting away those feelings as I stripped down to my boxers.
I felt a little weird. I took a seat on the loveseat behind me and waited. I picked my clothes and placed them next to me on the couch.
My body had grown stiff all over since she mentioned swimming. How was I supposed to react? What would you say? All these things bothered me as I heard the door open and I saw her walk out.
It was obvious she was scared too as she started pulling her over-sized T-shirt down to her knees. I couldn’t stop staring at her legs. I felt frozen until she walked closer to me. I kept my distance, just in case.
We walked quietly outside as she leads the way. There were towels already laying near the poolside on top of the recliner lounge chair.
I was really cold now. I shivered where I stood but I instantly warmed when she held my hand. I looked at her with a smile on my face. She had this mischievous expression I couldn’t decipher.
“Come on, do you wanna just jump in or you wanna try the spa first?”
Tough, “Spa maybe, than we could jump in and scream at how cold its gonna feel.”
She rolled her eyes, “Scream? Who’s fooling who? You’re gonna squeal.”
She stuck her tongue out and I just laughed at the silliness. But she’s probably right. Gotta admire the accuracy still.
I follow her to the navy marble bath. I was so cold I just dove in as Mariah turned up the bubbles. She climbed in the far corner.
As the bubbles accelerated into the warm water, I started to relax. I almost started to close my eyes a little than I forgot I had company. I felt like I could sleep in here but I fought myself to keep calm.
Things were quiet again and it didn’t sound good. I thought this was over with. It was than that I looked over at her. She was biting her lip, avoiding my glare. She caught my eyes and I instantly turned away.
“What? You look like you wanna say something?” Her voice was small and quiet.
Among other things, “Actually, this was so relaxing I almost dosed off there. Its been a while since I’ve done anything like this. So…”
I was playing with the bubbles, collecting them in a pile and letting them dissolve into the sullen liquid.
“Same here. I’m not really a spa person anyway. I just wasn’t sure what you wanted to do. You seemed kind reluctant anyway. Having fun there?”
She gestured to my bubble game, moving closer. I was feeling more at ease too again. “Yeah, you should try it. It’s my own little way of not being nervous.”
Fuck, why did I do that? She interrupts my little game by clamping her hands onto mine. It didn’t scare me but I’m glad she brought me out of my distraction.
“Its OK. I do that too. You’re just more obvious about it.”
“Probably, can I have my hands back now?”
She lifted her hands up as something else started to lift up at the wrong time. I guess willing it down what do shit. Great, just fucking great. What if she noticed? Well, yeah, she had that look again.
She giggled and I instantly turned crimson.
Story Tags: jc
