She could hear beeping. It sounded like those heart monitors on ER, the show she would always TiVo old episodes of just to catch glimpses of George Clooney. She could feel a hand. It was warm and squeezing hers every five seconds, she counted. She could see a face. It was tear stained and had blue eyes. . .

“No!” Stefani screamed as she sat up abruptly. Her IV shifted with her movement as well as every other machine attached to her body. Justin rested his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her as well as his rapidly beating heart.

“Stef! Stef!” he called, “It’s okay. It’s okay.” His cooing seemed to relax her as she quieted and took in her surroundings.

“Where?” she asked simply.

“Hospital,” he told her sadly, “Oh, Steffy.” he whispered, causing her mind to flood with memories of her attack.

“No,” she said in disbelief, “I have to. . . I have to. . .”

“You have to rest,” Justin said, “It’s okay. Relax.”

“Patrick!” she told him, gripping his arm, “Patrick. . .”

“He’s fine,” Justin told her, “He’s at my house.” With that peace of mind, Stefani sat back onto the bed and stared into space. Her absent state of mind made Justin uneasy.

“How-” He cut his question short. What kind of question was how are you? in a time like this.

“I’m fine,” Stefani answered shortly, “I. . . I’m just in pain.” Justin burned him up inside.

“We’re going to find him, I swear.”

“Them,” she corrected.

“What?”

“There. . . there were two. . .” she whimpered before tears welled up in her eyes. Justin took her hand and squeezed it.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” she told him, offering a fake smile, “It was mine.”

“Stef-”

“I sat in that house like an idiot,” she said softly, “I felt something was wrong and I just kept saying it was Patrick, it was Patrick. . .”

“This is not your fault,” Justin stated firmly, “Those bastards took advantage of you.”

“I gave up,” she continued as though she didn’t hear him, “I just. . . let them."

"What were you suppose to do?" Justin asked, "You against two men? You can barely fight Pat." Somewhere along his comforting, Stefani was insulted.

"Exactly," she said softly, "I'm weak. I can't even. . . defend myself."

"That's not what I meant," Justin told her quickly, "I mean. . . Stef, you must've been terrified. And it was two against one. . . There was just no way." She looked down at her feet. They were covered by the white, boring sheets of her hospital bed. A wave of guilt and self-pity washed over her.

"I wanna go-" She almost said 'home', but how could she call that a home again?

"You can't yet," Justin said, "The doctors needed your consent for a couple of tests." She closed her eyes as if his words had been painful, but nodded.

"Can you get them?" Justin squeezed her hand one last time before standing and leaving the room. Stefani watched as he walked past her window and disappeared further up the hall. She sighed and fell against her pillows. Fear ran through her as a chill ran up her spine. She hated hospitals. She hated why she was here. She hated taking test.

She began to wonder if her parents knew. If Patrick knew. She was sure they did if Justin knew. She felt embarrassed and ashamed. Justin's sympathetic looks killed her. How was she suppose to stand the stares of the rest of her friends and family? She was sure that word would travel and pity would practically consume her.

"Hello, Miss. Anderson." Stefani looked up from her hands and saw a middle aged nurse walking towards her, Justin trailing behind. The woman had blonde hair and green eyes. She reminded her of Lynn, Justin's mother, with her southern twang and it comforted her some.

"Hello," Stefani whispered, finding some of her voice.

"My name is Natalie, darlin', and I'm going to take you to a lab up the hall to run some tests," she began to explain before turning to Justin, "Sir, if you don't mind waiting out in the hall while I explain the procedure." Justin immediately got that defensive, overprotective look and Stefani stopped him before he began to whine.

"It's okay," she assured, "I'll be fine." Justin relunctantly exited the room and Natalie continued as she pulled out papers from her clipboard.

"I know that what you've been through has been a very traumatizing experience, but if you consent to these tests, they can help assist you in finding the person responsible." Stefani felt tempted to correct her with 'the people responsible', but the thought of saying that again almost made her vomit.

"Okay."

"These papers," Natalie said, placing them on Stefani's lap, "Give me permission to extract any resedue from your body. Semen and such." Stefani sucked in a breath and felt the urge to cry again.

"Okay."

"These," she handed her another small packet, "Explains exactly how I take the samples and if you sign the last page, it'll give me permission to give the evidence to police officials." Stefani nodded as she tried to follow along.

"Okay."

"So, if you sign these, we can get this over and done with so you can go home." Stefani nodded and took the pen Natalie offered her. She didn't even bother reading anything because, quite frankly, she didn't care. Reading was the last thing on her mind. All she wanted to do was shower.

"Can we go now?" Stefani asked tiredly as she handed over the papers. Natalie accepted them and nodded as she stood. She walked over to a corner of the room and rolled out the wheel chair that had been sitting there. Stefani watched as she placed it on the side of her bed and offered a warm smile.

"Just climb in and we can roll." Stefani had wondered if that had been a joke, but didn't see the humor in it either way. As she began to slide herself from underneath the covers, the numb pain between her legs became sharp and she hissed and paused. Natalie seemed saddened by this and helped her from the bed and into the chair. Stefani didn't thank her though, far too embarrased to even speak. When Natalie opened the door and began to push her out, Justin appeared by her side with his parents.

Stefani saw Lynn's concerned eyes and looked down. She didn't want her pity and she didn't want to cry. Lynn, however, knelt down beside her chair and cupped her face in her loving hands.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she whispered. Stefani nodded, not knowing what to say as continued to avoid her eyes.

"What's happenin' here?" Paul, Justin's stepdad, spoke up.

"We're going down to the lab for testing," Natalie explained. Lynn finally tore herself away from Stefani and stood up straight.

"Testing?" she asked.

"Yes, for evidence," Natalie explained. They both nodded knowingly and Stefani looked up at Justin when he squeezed her shoulder softly. It hurt a bit, but Stefani didn't complain.

"Can we. . ." Stefani said softly, Natalie nodded.

"You guys can wait in the family room. We'll be right out." As Natalie pushed her up the hall, Stefani looked over her shoulder and watched as the family she claimed as her own watched her roll away with sad eyes. Stefani turned forward and stared down at her hands, unable to hold back the single tear that graced her cheek. As she rode down the hall, she felt as though all eyes were on her, looking at her with pity and disappointment.

"Sorry, it's a lil' chilly in here," Natalie apologized as the entered a secluded room at the end of the hall. Stefani looked around the room and spotted a single bed, propped up like a chair with small tables covered in silver, sterilized tools. She shivered, not only from the cold, but from the realization that she was going to be sitting on that table.

It took only five minutes before her fears were confirmed and she was sitting uncomfortably on the craft-matic bed. Natalie silently prepared some scooping device and Stefani looked away. She had a good idea where that was going and it almost made her cry. In fact, it did make her cry.

"I know," Natalie comforted, "It'll only be a second, I promise." Stefani wanted to ask if she really did know. If she had been raped. She doubted it. Most people who claim they know have no idea.

"It's cold," Stefani squeaked out, trying to stall the inevitable. Natalie walked over to a closest and pulled out a blanket. She placed it over Stefani's legs.

"Better?" She nodded. "Okay, Stefani, I'm going to need you to prop your feet up here." Natalie pulled out to long, foot rest from underneath the bed and patted them.

"Why?" Stefani asked worriedly.

"I need a clear view of the area," Natalie informed her. 'The area?' Stefani wanted to ask in disbelief. She couldn't believe that just twenty-fours before she was sure that only her future husband and herself would have access to her most private area, but as she propped her feet up and Natalie slapped on her latex gloves, there will have been three against her will.

"Ow. . ." Stefani hissed as the scooping tool entered her and probbed her body. It was cold and hard and it was painful, but it only took a second, as promised, and Stefani was grateful.

"Okay," Natalie said, "Test two." Natalie slide the foot rest back under the bed and Stefani's feet hung idily. She watched as Natalie put on orange goggles and pulled out a small flashlight-looking tool.

"What's that?" she asked curiously. Natalie walked over to the door and rested her hand against the light switch.

"This is something that allows me to see any hiden bodily fluids. All I have to do is switch off these lights and let it work its magic." Stefani nodded before the lights were switched off. Her eyes struggled against the darkness until Natalie switched on her flashlight tool. The light was tinted in a blue color and was shrone on her skin. Stefani couldn't see anything unusual, but Natalie began to swab away at her thighs and the side of her face. She then turned on the lights and placed the cotton swabs in a small plastic bag.

"Okay, just one more sample," she said, getting a tongue depresser and a long swab. "Open your mouth, please." Stefani did as told, her mouth quivering as her began to choke up when her attack replayed in her mind. "Okay, that's it." She removed the swab and put that in a plastic bag as well.

"I. . . I can go home?" Stefani asked. Natalie nodded and Stefani slide from the table slowly, her bare feet hitting the cold floor. Natalie helped her into her wheel chair again and they began their travel down the hall. Stefani bowed her head in shame the entire time. She looked up when she heard Justin's voice as she was rolled into her room.

"Are you. . . all right?" Stefani nodded. "I brought you some clean clothes." Stefani looked up at her bed and saw a small pile of folded clothes on the edge of it. "Not the cutest outfit, but it's the best I could do." He chuckled lightly and Stefani smiled weakly at him.

"Thank you." Natalie had long left the room and Justin stepped out into the hall when she said she was going to change. Stefani slowly began to remove the two hospital robes covering her. She allowed them to drop to the floor and ran her hands over her bruised, naked body. Her skin crawled when her fingers grazed a bandage covering up the cuts on her shoulders. As she looked over herself, she felt out of place. The body she was in didn't feel like hers. It felt dirty. . . used. . . disgusting.

She got dressed quickly and ignore the pain she was feeling as she walked out of her room. As she turned the corner to the waiting area, she saw Natalie speaking with Justin and his family. They were nodding and listening intently as she slowly made her way over to them. Paul was the first to spot her and he smiled gently. Everybody turned and face her then, haulting their previous conversation. She hated them for it. She wasn't a child. She had a right to know what they were saying because she knew it was about her, but she didn't speak.

"Stefani, I'll be sending the samples out today and the officials will get so much help from these, so thank you for your coroporation." Natalie placed her hand on her shoulder lightly and Stefani looked up at her. "Get a lot of rest, dear." Rest. As if she'd ever close her eyes again.

"Okay," Stefani mumbled before turning to Lynn, "Can we go now?" Lynn nodded before turning back to Natalie.

"Thank you." They began to make their way out to the car and Justin was walking beside Stefani, talking about something she wasn't listening to. Her eyes were taking in everything around her, looking for any sign of danger. She found herself walking close to Justin as he spoke. He took it as a sign to wrap his arm around her shoulder comfortingly. Stefani didn't say a word, but having him touching her made her body tense. As soon as they reached the car, she detached herself from him and slipped into the backseat of their car. Justin slipped in beside her and Lynn sat in the passanger seat. She turned and smiled weakly in Stefani's direction before Paul got into the driver's side and rode off.

Pressing her head against the glass window, Stefani couldn't think of anything. Her mind was blank, for once in her life. Nobody said a word during the ride to the Harless household. Nobody spoke during the parking or unloading of the car. Justin had held the door open for her and Patrick ran down the stairs to hug her, but she didn't hug him back, unable to move as she stared up the steps longingly.

Stefani dragged herself up the steps after Lynn offered lunch and she declined. She had safely made her way into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She undressed and turned on the shower. The water steamed up the mirrors and she slowly stepped into the warm water. As soon as it touched her skin, Stefani began to peel away the bandages. It stung a little when the water hit her back, but she continued to peel them off. She grabbed the first bar of soap she saw and began to wash. Her scrubbing was light at first, but then she began to scratch herself, wanting to remove the dirt. She grabbed a bottle of shampoo and poured it into her hair carelessly. She rubbed, scrubbed, and scratched her skin to the point where it was red. The water cooled down some and she opened up the hot water more. She continued to wash, her skin burning and she not caring. She wanted it to be gone. All the pain, all the guilt and regret, all her soiled skin.

Tears ran down her cheeks and mixed with the shower water. Her finger tips were wrinkled and her skin was irritated by the friction and the harsh water pouring on her. Her skin still crawled and she was still scrubbing. Scrubbing away the shame.