Mariah's POV

We sat on the outside patio. The sun had already set thank god. I would have said forget it right there. Seems silly but after what he's put me through the past year, I wouldn't give him any chances. But here I was, opening my door so freely. I knew why I just hated the reason.

But why did he come back? Why now? I was going to confront Dina later after I get my answers.

"What is this all about, Josh? What did you come here to tell me?" I had no idea what the fuck was going on but I was gonna find out.

He fidgeted in the chair, almost like he had something deep on his mind, "None of this has been easy for me. I didn't know I could just up and come here until Dina called me. I had to sleep on it so this morning I took an early flight here."

"That's a nice story. Still doesn't answer my question."

"Come on, I'm trying here. I made an effort. The effort I should have made last year. But I didn't really know what I was losing then."

"Josh, I'm a different person now. You coming here will only distract my chances at building a new life. Isn't that what we both wanted?"

"It used to be, but I wasn't thinking then. You have to believe me. I know what I want and I won't be the crazy guy I was to let it go again."

This is ludicrous. He was talking about soul mates and shit that's out of reach. We met at a hospital, fucked a couple times, said some things we shouldn't have, and he left. That's where the story should end. It wasn't meant to be. Which was it. I didn't want to deal with this drama again. Its enough that Dina was trying to fuck with me, why this? I didn't want to hear why or anything else anymore. It was too played out already. I was finished.

I stood up and cornered him with my eyes, "This is not the way to go. I don't need you coming here, pretending to be all heartbroken for whatever reason and expect me to just go along. I'm sorry Josh, but what you heard, what you thought you heard was just, I can't do this now... I can't trust you with something so personal. We're not in high school anymore, play time's over."

I turned around and marched to the brandy cabinet. I was hardly a drinker but I need something to fizz the darkness rumbling inside me. I pulled out a shot glass and popped open the brandy, pouring it to the rim of the glass. Ugh, I hated this taste. The alcohol was burning all the way down but my head felt a little better.

"Look, I don't wanna fight. I came here to tell you things are going to change. I regret not doing this sooner. But its now or never. I want you in my life. For real this time. I'm not playing games. And you can't tell me that nothing you were going through was real. Come on, I know you better than this. I know these are just words, and I've said them before, but this time I'm not kidding around."

My eyes opened, but I didn't dare turn around. "What's different now? How will know I can trust you?"

I didn't know why I was feeding into this but a lot of this stuff had been unanswered for a while. I felt curious.

His hands cupped my shoulders. "I'm going to prove it to you this time. I know things could be better if you can give me a chance. I know now, I know how I've hurt you and I couldn't live with that. I'm willing to make it up to you if you let me."

I closed my eyes than opened them as I took his hands off me, "Please don't promise me something that we both know you can't keep."

"You don't know that. I'm not messing with your mind here. Its serious and I had to come here to prove it to."

I turned around, leaning against the counter, "Josh, all this just sounds too sweet. I can't get pulled into it again. I spent too much time thinking about everything. Now, for you to come here and tell me you've changed. It sounds good on paper but it’s a little too late for that."

He knelt down to look at my eyes on the ground, "It’s never too late. I hope you see that. Come on, come over here."

I refused, folding my arms again, staying where I was, "Josh, no. Damn it, I feel like I'm training a dog here. Just give up now."

He gave me that annoying look my cousin gives me. I hated that look. I always gave in after he would do that. And it happened again.

I shook my head not knowing what I was getting myself into. He took my hand and we sat on the couch. Its been a while seen I've done this in a calm way I'd have to admit. I guess this was it. I could have said something before to stop this but I hadn't yet. Maybe part of me wanted to hear him out. Part of me still loved him regardless of what he did to me. Why do I do this to myself?

I took a deep breath as he drew circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. He used to do this a lot before. I'm starting to notice it was a pattern.

"So tell me, what's been bothering you? I want to know what I missed from your life." He used that soft tone of his that made my heart melt.

Still finding it hard to believe he cares so much. But maybe its not just him, its everybody else. The image of him closing himself up flashed in front of my eyes and I shook it off like a shiver.

"Well, I've been living here for the past year. I don't have to work or go to school. But I see a therapist twice a week since 3 months ago. I don't know. I don't do very much. Just caught up on rest and relaxing. Dina's here most of the time because she works at home. She had permission to work here because I was staying. She's cool. I mean, she's my mom's sister, but she's not as vicious as my mom. Its easier a little bit. I talk to her sometimes. I assume you did to."

He laughed, "She's the one who called me. I thought it was someone else until I called back. But all she said was to get here and bury this rift we have. I really mean it Mariah. I want to start over. I'm finding it hard enough to move on without you."

"I can't do anything with these easy words. I would like to believe you but it’s all sweet fluff."

"Do you ever just shut up?"

Huh? "Beg the pardon?"

"Aren't you tired of fucking around with this front? You're more closed up than I was last year. Would it be so bad if you gave in for a change?"

I pulled my hand back angrily, "Where do you get off? I'm not closed off. I'm just a lot smarter then I was."

"OK, if you’re not closed off than why are you so mad at me?"

I turned my head. I couldn't let him see me cry. Not giving the pleasure of hurting me again. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself for loving you all this time."

He inched closer I felt it and turned my head, "Really? I mean, not the mad part, but do you still love me?"

I pushed at his chest, trying not to say yes. "Please, its all about you isn't it?"

He ignored my refusal and pressed his lips on my neck, "No, this is about us. It was always us."

My eyes closed despite myself, "Since when? I was fine here starting my life over."

He pulled away a little, only to touch his forehead to mine, "I was doing the best I could. But I was cold without this. Just give me another chance to prove to you I meant what I said. I'm ready to show you how much I love you."

"You can't just change in a year, Josh. There's too much to consider. I can't just give you another cha--" He interrupted me by placing his finger on my lips.

"Can I say one thing?"

"Don't be overly dramatic, OK?" I didn't wanna be stuck in The Days of Our Lives scene again.

"Promise. Do you wanna go out? Like I don't know, get something to eat?"

"Isn't it late for that?"

He nodded, "I know, but, I didn't eat anything on the plane, and I feel like going out and getting some air."

I sighed and covered my face with my hands, "I guess I could go out. But not like this. Let me change."

He laughed at me, "Don't worry about it. You're fine. We're just getting some food."

"You mean take out?"

"No, we could eat it there. Come on."

I was still reticent but was agreeing to this. I am a little hungry.

"Alright, I just have to let Maggie inside first. If Dina founds out, her dog will have issues."

"Fair enough. I'll meet you at the door." He kissed my hand and pulled his roll-on suitcase next to the couch.

I walked over to the screen, opening the lever and locked it shut when she ran inside. The night sky was so dark it looked like an onyx. I had the feeling something weird will happen. Than again, it is me. And I'm weird. I smiled and shook it off.

Things were OK. But once I trusted him, there's no going back. I was only afraid of that.

"Are you alright? We don't have to go out if you don't feel like it."

I took a deep breath, taking a risk, a big one. But I had to. I needed him now.

"Yeah, I'm good. Let's get out of here."

Josh's POV

The commute to the place was longer than I excepted. Thanks to Mariah's directions, I was off by 20 minutes.I told her it was OK. She gets so mad with herself if she doesn't know the answers. I wanted to pull over and give her some time to clear her head. Maybe there's something she wants to say but she doesn't know how to come out with it.
We got some food but she didn't want to eat it there. It was too loud and crowded. We decided to go back home.

She scared me a little when she jumped up in her seat. But luckily she had a smile on her face.

"Hey, maybe we could go to sawmill. There's this hill overlooking the creek that's been there for a while now and everyone used to up there to, well..." She trailed off.

I looked at her, "To what?"

"Make out." I couldn’t hear her very well but I think I heard right.

"Huh?"

"They go up there to mess around. Its like, have you seen Pleasantville?"

"Yeah, what about it?" I liked where this was going, I was having fun.

"Its like that. Like Lover's Lane or something weird like that. But its quiet there surprisingly. Anyway, do you wanna go? We could have it there."

"Mariah, I promise I won't try anything. There's nothing to worry about. Besides, I already made out with you before so it doesn't matter."

She looked out the window, "Its just been a while. I'd rather not talk about it."

She was growing distant. I didn't blame her. It was going to take a lot to really convince her. I only just got here, who knows what might spark. I hope to god she can believe me this time. I've spent too much time thinking and being skeptical about everything. I hated what I was doing. When I could be here, where I should be. The only reason why she's here is because of me.

I want to be the man who saves her. Its like that Jerry Maguire thing, I can't help but think of those words. When I put her first, I start to fall into place. I'm not being selfish.

I heard a moan as she exhales deeply. It was just like the first time I heard it, only it sounded more relaxed.

"I'm glad you're here JC."