Lance sat on the couch with Joey in the living room crossword in hand. His work was forgotten for the moment because his thoughts were on the conversation with Joey despite trying to work on the word puzzle as a distraction. It hadn’t surprised him that Joey wanted to drink, especially with everything that had happened lately. But talking with Joey had opened his eyes to see that maybe it was time to let up on him a little.

Lance sighed when he realized he didn’t know what would be the best solution for Joey and turned back to his crossword. He was in the middle of writing in a word when a body jumped on the couch, causing it to dip and the pen in his hand to draw a line up the center of the page.

“Chris!” Lance cried in aggravation, as he glared to his right. But Chris ignored him and watched as Joey flipped through the channels on TV.

“Go back,” Chris said to Joey.

Joey shook his head. “I’m not watching Maury. It’s just like Jerry Springer.”

“But classier,” Chris added.

“No, Chris,” Joey said.

“Let’s settle this the old fashion way then,” Chris suggested. Joey sighed but nodded. Lance watched as the two of them laid their left hands flat in midair and pounded their right fists into their left hand before showing their weapon of choice. Chris chose paper, but Joey had scissors.

Joey smiled victoriously. “I won.”

Chris shook his head. “No you didn’t. You can’t cut my paper. Your scissors are the wimpy ones that can’t cut anything.”

“Even if my scissors were wimpy like the childproof ones you got in kindergarten, they’d still be able to cut through paper,” Joey reasoned.

Chris crossed his arms. “Fine.”

Lance shook his head, not believing how childish his friends could be, before turning back to his crossword puzzle. Before he could get another answer down though, his attention was averted by Justin coming into the living room and heavily sighing as he threw himself into the armchair next to the couch.

“I take your appearance as a sign that talking to JC didn’t go well,” Chris said, breaking the silence that had fallen upon the living room when Justin had entered.

“You went to talk to JC?” Lance asked, looking mildly surprised. He had thought they were going to wait for JC to come talk to them, but then again if they waited for that to happen they’d probably be waiting for a long time.

“J and I went to check on him. He was awake and Justin was going to try to talk to him,” Chris answered before turning his attention back to Justin. “And it didn’t go well?”

“I think I made it worse,” Justin replied.

“How?” Joey asked.

“I let it slip that I read his notebook,” Justin said.

Lance looked more surprised than before. He wouldn’t have expected Justin to do that because from all the years Justin and JC had been friends, Justin knew how much JC valued his privacy. It had been something he really learned when he went into JC’s mind a couple months ago. “You read his notebook?”

“What notebook?” Joey asked.

“The one that he writes all of his thoughts and feelings in. He’s really pissed,” Justin said.

Chris leaned forward with a curious look etched on his face. “What did it say?”

“I think we should respect JC’s privacy and wait for him to tell us,” Lance replied.

“What’s there to respect? Justin’s already invaded his privacy,” Chris pointed out. “Besides, we have a right to know.”

“But-“

“He’s right,” Justin interrupted Lance’s objected. “JC’s already pissed at me. It’s not going to change anything if I tell you guys. Besides, this is for his own good. He’s had plenty of chances to tell us.”

“All right.” Lance sighed and reluctantly nodded. He still felt that what Justin was about to do wasn’t right, but he also knew there wasn’t anything he could do to stop it.

“So what did it say?” Joey asked, repeating the question Chris asked earlier.

“I only read a couple of the most recent entries, and it was all about how he felt guilty about everything that has happened like he could’ve stopped it.” Justin paused. “But there was something missing.”

“What?” Chris asked, voicing the question that Lance was thinking.

“He didn’t write about the therapy session,” Justin said.

Joey raised an eyebrow. “Nothing?”

“Nothing,” Justin confirmed. “I figured he would’ve written something about it.”

“Maybe he didn’t know what to say,” Lance suggested. What he had heard about what had happened, he could easily see that as the case. If he were JC, he wouldn’t have known what to write either just because so much had happened.

“Well, he better know what to say when I ask him about it.” Chris stood up. “I’m going to get him to come out of hiding. He’s been in there long enough.”

“Give him a little more time to cool off,” Lance told him, standing up and put a resisting hand on his chest. “He’ll come around.”

“Let’s hope for his sake he does because if he doesn’t I’m going to pull his ass out of that room kicking and screaming if I have to,” Chris said.

JC angrily paced the length of his bedroom. He couldn’t believe that Justin had invaded his privacy by reading his notebook. Although he knew that it probably wouldn’t have happened if he had put it away. But in the haste of getting upstairs and taking care of Lance, he had forgotten all about the notebook that he had tossed to the side until Justin mentioned it.

Spent from all the pacing he had done, he heavily sat down on his bed. In all honesty JC was madder at himself than he was at Justin because he knew that Justin was just worried about him. He probably would’ve done the same thing if he were in Justin’s position because he knew he would do whatever it took to make sure his friends were OK, even if it meant them being mad at him.

Thinking back to last night, he felt bad that he hadn’t stayed to see how Lance was doing. He just took off without a word to Joey or Chris and left them to deal with Lance. But that guilt was alleviated at the thought that Lance was back to normal. At least something good had come out of the fight he’d had with Justin. It was nice to know that the risk JC had taken going into Lance’s head hadn’t been for nothing.

JC’s eyes fell onto his alarm clock and he sighed. It was going on afternoon and he knew that it was time for him to face the guys. He didn’t really want to, but he had come to the decision that if he really wanted to protect his friends from any more demon attacks he wouldn’t be able to do so from his bedroom. But that didn’t mean that he was looking forward to all the questions they’d have about what had happened, and he knew there was no way he would be able to get out of answering them.

Unlocking the door JC stepped out into the hallway, leaving his bedroom door open behind him. He turned left and walked down the hall before he made another left to descend the stairs. Once his feet reached the cold wood of the foyer, he walked into the office to get his notebook. It was his plan to put it back upstairs where no one else would stumble upon it and read it.

JC found the green notebook sitting on the end table, not the couch where he had left it, which was proof of Justin reading it. His right hand reached out and grasped the thin notebook. Staring down at the rectangular object in his hand, he felt all of his emotions rising up in him before rage overtook him.

Angrily he opened the notebook and began to tear the pages out one by one. His left hand held it while his right hand reached for the top of the page and ripped in a downward motion. JC repeated this motion over and over, moving from one page to the next. He took all of his anger out on the object that held all of his thoughts, feeling, and recounts of the events that had taken place over the last couple years.

It wasn’t fair what had happened to them, and just seemed to be one thing after another. Him almost drowning, Lance breaking his leg, Lance almost died, Justin’s nightmares, Justin passing out…twice, and Lance’s suicide attempt. They never asked for any of it, but that didn’t stop it from happening. It didn’t stop the demons and their hell-bent need to hurt his friends just to torture him. And what for? JC had no idea and didn’t know if he would ever find out. If only Justin knew about this and how it only added on to the guilt he felt.

Not that it was his business anyway. How dare he read his notebook? It didn’t matter that he was worried. That was something private and for his eyes only. JC continued to rapidly tear through the notebook, his thoughts making him pick up his speed. Why couldn’t the guys leave him alone? They were always hovering, making sure that he ate and slept, and fussed when he did neither of those things. If they would stop mothering him maybe he would be able to think and prevent these things from happening. Couldn’t they understand it was his job to protect them?

As he ripped page after page, his breathing and heart rate steadily increased. JC was so consumed by what he was doing that he didn’t realize he was panting so hard that he could barely take in air that would carry oxygen to his lungs, or the sound of footsteps coming down the hall and stopping beside him. Someone gently placed a hand on his shoulder and called his name.

“JC?” the voice JC recognized as Lance said and shook his shoulder. “JC…notebook…let go.”

JC shook his head and tightened his grip on the notebook. He didn’t want to let go of the notebook, if that’s what Lance was saying, because he had to finish tearing apart the thing that taunted him about all of the bad things that had happened. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lance move only to stand in front of him. Lance’s hand grabbed the opposite end of the notebook and wrenched it out of his hands. JC fought weakly but gave in, the lack of oxygen making his head pound and it hard to focus.

Before he knew what was happening he was pulled out of the study and into the hallway. Once he was in the hallway, he could feel his anger start to melt away, leaving him feeling raw and exposed. Lance stepped forward and wrapped him in a hug. That comfort had been something JC had needed after everything he experienced the night before but denied himself, and it meant even more that it was coming from Lance because it’d been a long time since Lance had been himself.

JC could feel his heart hammering against his chest and his breathing was in tune with it. As he felt Lance rub his back, he could hear Lance whisper, “Got you. Breathe. It…’s all right.”

JC could see Chris, Joey and Justin over Lance’s shoulder. Joey and Chris were looking uneasy as if they wanted to help but didn’t know how to. Justin, on the other hand, was standing back to let the other guys handle it.

“Calm down, JC,” Lance said. “In…out…”

With Lance’s coaching JC could feel his body finally start to return to normal but exhausted at the same time. He felt his knees buckle, his oxygen deprived body too weak to hold him up anymore. But he didn’t fall to ground because Lance lowered both of their bodies to the floor, letting JC rest against the wall.

“Just relax,” Lance told him. JC wanted to refuse, but he was too tired. His anger and lack of sleep left him completely wiped and depleted of energy. He could feel his eyelids close, leaving him to welcome sleep.

“What now?” Joey asked, causing Lance to look up.

“Help me carry him to the couch,” Lance replied. Joey nodded and helped Lance to lift him off the floor. Together they walked the few feet down the hall that it took to reach the living room and gently lowered JC onto the couch.

“What the hell was that?” Chris asked as he and Justin walked into the room.

Lance inclined his head towards the kitchen. “Let’s talk in there so we don’t wake him up.”

The four of them settled themselves around the table. Silence reigned over the white tiled kitchen before Chris spoke up. “Seriously, what just happened?”

“He had some kind of freak out,” Lance said.

“Why?” Joey asked. “I thought overall he was fine?”

Before Lance could answer, Justin cut in. “It’s my fault.”

The other three looked at him in surprise. They watched as Justin brought up his right hand and began to bite on his nails, something he did when he was upset. Lance cleared his throat before he asked, “Why do you think that, J?”

Justin momentarily pulled his hand away from his mouth to answer. “Because I read his notebook and pissed him off.”

“It’s not your fault, Curly.” Chris, who was sitting next to Justin, leaned over and put a hand on Justin’s shoulder. “JC was probably already screwed up before you got to him.”

“Chris!” Lance admonished.

“What? It’s true,” Chris replied.

Justin shook his head. “You saw how angry he was. He completely tore it apart.” Justin looked up at Lance and Joey with misery dripping off his face. “I made him do that.”

“Justin, it really wasn’t your fault,” Joey soothed. “Chris and I were there when he went into Lance’s mind, remember? It was easy to see afterwards that he was freaked out. Nothing you said made him do that.”

“So then why did he?” Justin asked, abandoning biting his nails. Lance was sure that despite their best efforts to make Justin believe that JC’s freak out wasn’t his fault, Justin would probably still harbor some guilt over it.

“Everything probably just caught up to him at once. You know he doesn’t ever deal with anything until he’s forced to,” Lance reasoned.

“So you think maybe seeing the notebook triggered something?” Chris asked, sitting back down.

Lance shrugged. “Maybe.” He paused. “It might’ve even been a combination of that and being in the study again.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Joey asked.

“You guys said that his therapy session was in the study. It probably brought back memories of it. You saw how he calmed down once we forced him into the hall,” Lance replied. The other three nodded in agreement.

Silence blanketed the room for a minute before Justin asked, “What do we do now?”

“We see how he feels when he wakes up,” Lance said. “This could’ve been a turning point for him and things might get better from here.”

Chris raised an eyebrow. “Do you really believe that?”

“I believe we should hope for the best instead of thinking the worst,” Lance replied.

“Well while JC’s sleeping, I think I’m going to try to catch a few Zs,” Joey said, rising from the table. He left the room without waiting for a reply. Chris watched him leave before he silently stood up and followed Joey.

Chris walked upstairs and down the hall before he reached the bathroom. He knew that Joey would be getting ready for bed. Chris leaned up against the doorway and watched as Joey brushed his teeth. After a minute Joey looked up.

“What are you doing?” Chris asked.

Joey shot him an incredulous look and removed the toothbrush from his mouth to say, “What do you think I’m doing?”

“Dude, you’re spraying toothpaste everywhere,” Chris complained, wrinkling his face in disgust.

Joey rolled his eyes, but resumed brushing his teeth. Once he had spit into the sink and rinsed his mouth out, he turned to look at Chris. “What’s up, man?”

“Seriously, Joey, what are you doing?”

“I’m getting ready for bed,” Joey answered, with a frown. Chris knew Joey didn’t know why he was asking him this and knew that he would have to plunge right into what he wanted to say.

Chris shook his head. “No. I mean, what are doing here? Don’t you think it’s time for you to go home?”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Joey asked half jokingly.

“You know you’re welcome here, Joe, but…”

“But what?” Joey prompted when Chris trailed off.

“You should spend some time at home and make things right with Kelly,” Chris finished. Despite the chaos of JC going into Lance’s mind, Lance waking up, and JC’s freak out, he hadn’t forgotten what Joey had confided to him. He wanted to tell Joey to fix this and make things right with his family, but he didn’t want to force him because it wasn’t really his business. But that wasn’t going to stop him from at least suggesting it.

“I want to, but I don’t want to leave you guys alone to deal with everything,” Joey said.

“Deal with what? Everything’s over, but even if it wasn’t we’d call you if something happened,” Chris replied.

Joey hesitated, and Chris knew he was lying about not wanting to leave them alone. Realistically everything seemed to be over now, so there was nothing keeping Joey here except for his unwillingness to deal with his own problems. Chris wanted to tell him that he couldn’t use their problems as an excuse to not deal with his problems, but knew that Joey would come around in his own time and go home.

“I just want to spend a couple more days here. Just to figure out what I’m going to do,” Joey said.

Chris nodded and patted Joey on the shoulder. “All right, but at least think about calling Kelly. OK?”

“OK,” Joey agreed. “You going to get some sleep?”

“Nah, I think I’m going to watch some TV with Justin in the basement,” Chris said, stepping out of the doorway to let Joey into the hallway and get to his room. He clapped Joey on the shoulder one more time and watched him walk into his room.

Once Joey’s bedroom door closed, Chris walked down the hall and downstairs. He poked his head into the living room on his way to the basement and saw Lance curled up on the loveseat sleeping. Grabbing a couple blankets from the hall closet, he walked into the living room to cover Lance and JC with a blanket. Neither of them stirred and Chris left the room as quietly as he entered and wandered downstairs.

His eyes adjusted to the dim lighting that was only provided by the flickering images on the TV and found that Justin was sitting with his left arm propping up his head. It wasn’t until he got closer that he realized Justin’s eyes were closed in sleep. Chris wasn’t too surprised by this because Justin, like the rest of them, hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep and probably tired himself out from beating himself up over his guilt of JC’s freak out.

Chris settled himself on the opposite end of the couch and watched the channel that Justin had left on before he’d fallen asleep because he didn’t feel like getting up to grab the remote to change the channel. Before he knew it, his eyelids felt heavy and he nodded off.

A few hours later JC woke up to the sound of someone running into the coffee table in front of the couch and a mumbled “shit.” Immediately he opened his eyes to find Justin scowling.

“What happened?” JC mumbled as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

Justin averted his eyes and looked guilty that he had woken him up. “I stubbed my toe when I was picking up the remote that Joey left on the floor!” The last part was shouted to Joey who was in the kitchen.

JC stood up and folded the blanket that he had slept with before he tossed it on the back of the couch. He watched as Justin took the remote and sat himself on the loveseat across the room while avoiding his gaze. As the sleep cleared from his mind, he remembered the fight he’d had with Justin and his ripping up his notebook afterwards. No doubt Justin was probably blaming himself for what had happened and thought JC hated him.

“Justin,” JC said and waited for Justin to look at him before he smiled at him to show that everything was OK between them. Justin smiled back.

“Pizza is on the way,” Joey announced as he walked into the living room with Lance.

“How you feeling?” Lance asked JC.

“I’m fine.” JC saw Lance’s raised eyebrow and added, “Really.”

Lance nodded and JC knew that he was letting it go. For now anyway. “The pizza should be here soon. We got a couple of pepperoni pizzas and Joey got a large with a bunch of gross toppings.”

“They’re not gross,” Joey objected.

“Pineapple and mushrooms are nasty enough alone, but together…” Chris shuddered as he walked into the room.

“What are you complaining about? It’s not like you’re going to eat it,” Joey said.

“Good thing,” Chris replied. JC smiled slightly. It was nice to see that no matter what happened nothing changed with them.

“Is someone going to pick a movie?” Justin asked, rubbing his head slightly. JC noticed and frowned. It was obvious that Justin had a headache, but he wasn’t going to draw attention to it because everyone was in a good mood. Even if he brought up his concerns to the others they might think he was crazy, especially after what happened in the study.

“I am!” Chris ran forward to pick a movie. After a minute of searching, he held up the movie and Justin and Lance groaned.

“Titanic?” Lance asked.

Justin shook his head. “Dude, your movie picking privileges have been revoked.”

“I don’t know why you’re complaining, Lance. This is your movie collection. You obviously like it or you wouldn’t have it,” Chris said.

“I have it because it was a gift,” Lance replied. “From you might I add.”

Chris laughed. “All the more reason to watch it then.”

“No way!” Joey cried.

“We might as well let him put it in,” JC said. “Clearly Chris needs to meet his chick flick quota for the month.”

Chris pretended to look offended. “Dude, I’m hurt.”

Just then the door bell rang. “I’ll get it!” Joey called and headed towards the front door.

While he was doing that Chris put in the movie to get it ready. Joey came back in a minute later and set the pizzas on the coffee table. Lance, who had gone into the kitchen to get plates and drinks, placed those next to the pizzas. Once everyone had a plate of pizza, they started the movie.

JC wasn’t very hungry and ended up nibbling on one piece of pizza all evening while the others stuffed their faces. He knew that he should eat something, but he had this pit in his stomach that wouldn’t seem to go away. Putting food in his system just made him nauseous. The movie was actually holding their attention, which he was grateful for because the last thing he needed was the guys to notice that he hadn’t eaten much. His attention was drawn from his thoughts when Chris and Joey stood up and started to act out the movie as it was playing.

“I’m the king of the world!” Chris shouted, spreading his arms out.

“Hey, why am I the chick?” Joey complained.

“Because you won rock, paper, scissors earlier,” Chris said before he took a deep breath and spoke in a bad impression of Leonardo Dicaprio. “Now…you must never forget me. Don’t let go.”

“I won’t let go, Jack,” Joey said, in a high voice as he gripped Chris’ hand.

Chris yanked his hand back. “Dude! Don’t touch me!”

Joey smirked. “That’s what you get for making me be a chick.”

“Oh yeah?” Chris lunged and wrestled Joey to the ground. JC couldn’t help but smile and shake his head. His friends were one of a kind and seemed to know exactly what was needed to make everything return to normal.