How in the hell could I let something this bad happen? I mean I could have sworn we were always careful. I make sure I take my pill everyday and I make sure we were always stocked up on condoms. How the fuck could I be pregnant? OMG what am I gonna do? Instead on going to lunch I asked for the rest of the day off and Trace and Justin took me home. I don’t think I’ve said much else since I talk to my boss.
“Snuggles you sure you don’t want me to get you something to eat?” I hear Justin ask.
“J maybe we should just stay here with her and when she is ready to talk then she will come to us.” Trace says when I don’t answer.
“I’m worried about her. We’ve been here for an hour and she hasn’t said or done anything.”
“I know you’re worried. I’m worried about her too, but we can’t make her talk to us.”
I hear Trace and Justin walking up front. I don’t even bother getting up to go join them. I’m still too much in shock. What am I gonna do? I’m pregnant with the man I hate the most baby and the man I’m head over hills for and want to be with has no clue and all he knows is that his best friend is with child from someone they hate. Oh what a web I have weaved.
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My heart is completely out of it. I don’t mean the organ in my chest, but the woman that I love so much. In my head I had hoped that when I heard this news it would be Anais telling me that she was pregnant with my child. This day could not be any better if I had planed it myself.
“Justin did you hear a word I said?” Trace asks me.
“What? No I’m sorry Trace. I just can’t believe this is happening.”
“I’m sorry man. I know that when something like this happened we were supposed to be celebrating it. Not wondering what she’s gonna do about it.”
“I should have told her.” I whisper
“You should have told her how you felt?” Trace asks
I sit on the couch with my head in my hands. “Yea I should have told her a long time ago. Maybe it would have saved us a lot of heartache.”
“Justin you can’t think like that. There could have been a good chance that things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to. I’m not trying to put a damper on things it’s just that she may not have felt the same way about you.” Trace says.
“Thank you for helping me look on the bright side of things.” I reply sarcastically.
Trace sits down next to me and I know that he means well but damn it I don’t want this to be happening. However I know that in the back of my mind he could be right. One of the main reasons I never told her how I felt was because I was so afraid of ruining our friendship. I don’t believe she feels like that for me. I don’t believe her heart could ever belong to me.
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I don’t know how long I’ve been laying here but my mind is so blank at the moment. I don’t even know if Trace and Justin are still here. My body is telling me I need to get up and take care of something’s but my mind is just not agreeing. Finally I get the motivation to get up and go into the bathroom. I take a nice long shower and then head into the kitchen.
I don’t even know why I am bothering trying to find something to eat when I feel sick to my stomach. I noticed Trace and Justin are still here but they are both sleep and I would feel horrible if I woke them up when they have been here for hours. So I head back to my room and call my other best friend.
“Talk to me sexy.” Misty answers
“Hey Mist. I was wondering if you could come over here for a little while.” I say knowing my voice is really giving me away.
“Yea sure. What’s the matter hun?” Misty asks.
“I just need someone to talk to. Besides I would much rather talk to you face to face.” I answer.
”Ok well I just need to throw on some clothes and I’ll be right over.” Misty says
“Thanks Mist. I’ll see you in a few.” I say as I hang up the phone.
I make my way back in the living room and watch the guys sleep for a little while. I feel so lost at the moment. Honestly I wanna wake them both up and tell them to go in the guest room so they can be more comfortable, but I don’t want to disturb them. God only knows how long they were up worrying about me. I stare out the window blankly for a little while wondering just how I’m gonna get myself out of this mess.
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Damn she looks so beautiful right now. Then again she always looks beautiful. I don’t even think she’s noticed that I’m awake and that I’m just laying here watching her. I guess I should go ahead and make my presence known. I slowly sit up and continue to watch her for a bit longer. She looks so hurt and confused right now. I just wanna take her in my arms and take her away from all this.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I whisper.
She doesn’t even turn to look at me. “Just looking out for Misty. She told me she would be here soon and I didn’t wanna wake you guys up.”
“Oh.” I say a little disappointed that she won’t look at me. “What time is it?” I ask
“About 1:50am.” She says still looking out the window.
“I didn’t even realize it was that late.” I get up and head in her direction.
“Yea it is. Thank you guys for staying. I know that you’re gonna say you don’t have to thank us and that you weren’t gonna leave anyway, but still thank you.”
I watch her intently for a few more minutes before I make another statement.
“You’re going to be alright Snuggles you know that.” I say more as a statement than a question.
“I don’t know anything anymore Justin. This is all just so wrong, and I don’t know what to do.” She says softly as she lays her head on my chest.
I know she’s about to start crying. This whole situation is just starting to take its toll on her. I think in the last month and a half she has been through hell and back. I hold on to her tightly as she cries softly in my arms and for once I’m more than heartbroken cuz I don’t how to make this better for her. There are so many questions floating around in my head at the moment. Like if this weren’t Devon’s baby and it was mine would she still react this way? Does she think she could have this baby?
I sigh as I look out the window. Soon I notice that Misty has pulled up and I pull away from Anais a little bit.
“Hey Snuggs Misty is here. Why don’t you go clean your face and I’ll let her in ok?” I ask
She just shakes her head at me. I watch her head towards the bathroom while I make my way to the door. As I’m walking over there I hear Trace get up.
“Is she doing a little better?” He asks as I open the door for Misty.
“It’s hard to tell. It’s like she’s here physically, but mentally she is just gone.” I say
Soon Misty is at the door and she greets Trace and I with hugs.
“What’s going on over here?” She asks.
Trace looks over at me. “Maybe you should go talk to Anais about this Misty.” Trace says as he heads back in the front room.
Misty slowly heads towards Anais room and as much as I wanna go in there with them I force myself up front. I sit down across from Trace back in deep thought.
“So has she said anything to you about what she wants to do?” Trace asks.
“Nope and I didn’t think asking was going to be such a good idea.”
“Yea I hear ya. You think she’s gonna tell her parents?”
“I have no idea. Hell we don’t even know if she is gonna keep the baby.” I say
Trace and I sit there quietly just thinking to ourselves. How do you stay and deal with a situation that you don’t want to be happening? I really wanna run away and pretend like this is not happening. I want it to all go away. And to think I’m the one saying all this and I’m not even the one with the huge problem!
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I heard Misty come in my room. I shut off the water and dry my face trying to look somewhat presentable even though I know that when I tell her this the water works are gonna start all over again. I take a deep breath and then head back into my bedroom. I see Misty sitting in a chair across from my bed looking very puzzled.
“Hey babe what’s going on? Why are Trace and Justin here and why is the mood in the house so sober?” She asks in one breath.
I look at her and I open my mouth to say something but all that comes out is the soft whimper of crying. I lose it and break down again. Misty comes rushing towards me.
“OMG! Anais what’s wrong? You have to tell me what’s going on baby.”
I try and take a deep breath and focus on telling her what’s wrong but it’s just so hard at the moment. Finally I pull it together and I get my words together.
“I’m pregnant.” I finally get out.
“You’re what?” She says shocked.
”I’m pregnant.” I say again
“By who? Please tell me it’s not Devon’s!” She says and all I can do is cry again
“Oh sweetie I am so sorry. Is that why Justin and Trace are still here?”
I shake my head yes. “Even though I haven’t told him how I feel this is supposed to be Justin’s baby!” I say hysterically but still not loud enough for Justin to hear me.
“I know sweetie I know.” Misty says as she rocks me back and forth.
I continue to just cry softly in her arms. While I’m crying all I can think of is how am I going to have this baby?
