I awoke to my cell phone going off. I don’t even remember what time I finally went to sleep. I stayed up so long worrying about Anais that I was restless for a while. I really don’t feel like getting up, but I know I need to just in case it’s important. I make my way out of the bed and over to my pants where I left my phone. By the time I got to the phone it stopped ringing. I noticed that the missed call was from my mother. I quickly call back.

“Hello?” She answers.

“Hey momma it’s me. You just called?” I ask sitting back down on the bed.

“Oh hey sweetie. Yes I did just call. I tried the house and I didn’t get any answer. I was just calling to check on you. Is everything ok? It’s still pretty earlier there and I didn’t remember you saying anything about having anything to do.”

“Um I’m not sure how things are. I spent the night at Anais place. She’s having some problems and Trace and I decided to stay with her.” Wondering if I should tell my mother what’s going on.

“Is she ok? What’s wrong with my girl?” She asks very worried.

“Mom if I tell you this you have to promise not to say anything to Anais parents.” I say checking to make sure nobody is by the door.

“Of course. Honey what’s going on?”

I sigh before I let the words fall from my lips. “Anais is pregnant.”

My heart hurts a little because when I said these words to my mother I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be telling my mother that she was about to have a grand child. I notice that she is quite for a while on the other end.

“Mom, are you still there?” I ask

“Did you just say Anais is pregnant?” She asks

I sigh. “Yea I did.”

“OMG! Justin is it Devon’s baby?” She asks

Once again I sigh. “Unfortunately yes. Mom I have no idea what to do. She spent a lot of time crying last night.”

“Did she just find out?”

“Yea yesterday. Trace and I brought her home and we just crashed here last night. Her friend Misty is here. Mom she has no idea what she wants to do and I don’t know how to make this better for her.” I say.

“Honey there may not be a way for you to make this better. Just be her friend and be there for her when she needs you.” I hear my mother say

“I don’t want to be her friend I want to be her everything. I want that to be my baby!” I practically yell into the phone.

It doesn’t occur to me until after I have said it that this is the first time I am admitting to my mother that I want to be with Anais. I quickly close my eyes cuz I didn’t mean for that to come out. Not right at this moment anyway. I hear my mother chuckle a little.

“What’s so funny?” I ask

“Well it’s about time you finally admitted that.” She says.

“Excuse me?”  I ask completely confused by what she said.

“You heard me! It’s about time you finally admitted that.” She laughs again.

“What? You could tell how I feel about her?” I ask shocked that my mom knows.

“Well Justin I am your mother. But trust me she has no idea. I think you two would make a cute couple, but then again we were never sure which one of you she would end up with.” My mom says.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well myself, Debra and Julia use to sit up and talk about you kids when you were younger. Wondering which one of you Anais would choose when you all got older. Honestly we thought it would be she and Trace considering you went off to become a star. But I think you and her make the better couple.” She says.

I sigh in frustration and lay back on the bed. “So how long have you known?” I ask

“I could tell very much when you all came up here for Rachel’s wedding. Just the way you looked at her when she wasn’t looking.”

“Mom what am I gonna do. I was all ready to tell her how I feel and now this. She was up most of the night crying and I feel so helpless cuz there is nothing I can do to make things better for her.” I say

“Well honey this isn’t really your fight. I know you love her and care about her deeply and I do to. She’s like a daughter to me, but you have to let her go through this on her own. Just be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on.”

I finished up the conversation with my mom and then I sat and thought about what she was saying to me. I know she is right and there really isn’t anything that I can do. I just have to be there for her. Still it hurts that this can’t be a happy time and that it’s not my child. I should have said something a long time ago. I hear a knock at the door.

“Come in.” I say. I watch Trace walk in.

“Wasn’t sure you were up yet.” He says as he sits on the bed.

“Yea my mom called. I was talking to her.” I say a little distracted.

“You ok man?” Trace asks.

I look up at Trace. “Did you know our mothers use to sit up and talk about which one of us Anais would end up with?”

He looks a little puzzled. “Are you serious? They actually did that?”

“Yea. They actually thought for a while that you and Anais would end up together. My mom knows how I feel. She actually knew before I started babbling on about how upset I was that the baby’s not mine.”

 Trace laughed then his expression turned serious. “This is really hurting you isn’t it?

“Yea it is. I mean even if there was a chance between us it’s my own fault for not saying anything to her.” I say picking at my shirt.

“What time did you finally make it to sleep?” Trace asks

“I don’t even know man. I was to busy worrying about Anais and listening to her cry a little every few minutes.” I reply

“Well I know that she and Misty are still in bed. So you wanna go and grab them some breakfast? Maybe see if she will try and eat something today?” Trace asks

“Yea that sounds like a good idea.” I say.

I get up and head into one of the bathrooms to get dressed. Still thinking about what my mom said. I know life is never just that simple. I turn on the shower and let the water run over my face. I wish I could take away all her pain.

********************************************************************************

I didn’t really get much sleep last night. Actually I know that I cried myself to sleep but I probably only slept for about half an hour. Misty stayed up with me and rubbed my head told me everything would be ok. I think my biggest thing is I really don’t know what to do. I would be happy if the father of my baby wasn’t such an asshole. I feel Misty stir.

“Hey Babe. How you feeling?” Misty asks as she rolls over to face me.

“I feel like shit.” I reply.

“You having morning sickness already?” She asks puzzled.

“No it’s not that. I just feel so lost and I know this baby didn’t ask for it’s father but the fact that it’s Devon’s baby just makes me feel really shitty.”

“Oh baby. I’m sorry this is such a bad situation. You still don’t know what you want to do about it though?” Misty asks sitting up some.

“No I’m still not sure. I mean if I have it then I would have to tell my parents and then deal with Devon and his family and that’s just something I don’t want to do. But I really don’t want to have an abortion if there is no need to you know?” I say.

“What do you mean if there is no need to?” Misty asks.

“I mean if there is no chance of birth defects or anything like that. Something that would hurt the chances of the baby being healthy. I also don’t want to do the adoption thing. If I have this baby then I want to raise it.” I say.

“Well you know we would all be here to help you. Me, Trace and Justin.” Misty replies rubbing my arm.

“That’s another thing on my mind. I wish this were Justin’s baby. I should have just told him that night he came by and Trace said we should talk. Hell I wouldn’t have even felt this crazy if I had gotten pregnant after that one time.”

Misty doesn’t say anything she just sits there for a minute. I watch her head to the bathroom and I sit up in the bed thinking even harder. I pull the covers off me and head to the kitchen to make some coffee. I see a note on the counter and I pick it up to read.

Hey gorgeous,

Trace and I went out to get some breakfast, so don’t go trying to cook something or making some cereal. We should be back soon. Just try and rest till we get back. I'm positive you didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.

Love J and Tray

I smile and I see Misty coming into the kitchen.

“Well that’s something nice to see.” She says.

“Yea. Trace and Justin went to get us something to eat.”

“Oh ok. You were getting ready to make some coffee?” She asks.

“Yea you want some?”

“You know what? Why don’t you sit down and I’ll make it.” Misty suggests.

I sit at the table and wait for the coffee to be done and the guys to get back. I hear the phone ring so I get up to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Anais please tell me you are coming into the office today? Things are a mess here.” I hear my boss say.

I sigh. “I’m not really feeling all that up to it.” I say

“Please Anais just for an hour at least. I really need you here.” She pleads.

I sigh a little more frustrated. “Fine give me about 45 minutes I should be there.” I say then hang up.

“What was that all about?” Misty asks handing me a cup off coffee.

“Jackie needs me to come in for a little while.” I say heading to my room.

“You sure you really feel up to it?” Misty asks following me into the room.

“Not like I have much of a choice now.” I say and close the bathroom door.

********************************************************************************

I open the door and smell coffee so I know the girls are up. Then I hear the TV and I call out for somebody.

“Misty, Anais you guys here?” I ask

Misty comes into the kitchen. “Yea we are. Anais is in the shower. Jackie called her into the office.” Misty says.

“What are you kidding me?” I ask

“Nope. She’s in there getting ready right now.”

I leave Trace and Misty in the kitchen while I go into Anais bedroom. Just as I walked in she was walking out the bathroom in a towel. I had to force myself to stay focused on my reason for coming in here instead of thinking about sex.

“Why are you going into work today?” I ask

“Cuz Jackie says they really need me there and it’s only for an hour. If you’re really that worried you can drive me.” She laughs.

I sit on the bed. “Are you sure you’re really up to this?” I ask

“No, but I already said I would come.” She answers throwing on some sweats.

“Ok fine. But I’m taking you up on that offer to go with you.” I say

She laughs and walks out the room. I get up and follow her. This could possibly be a very long day.

********************************************************************************

I walk into my office and I see exactly what they are talking about as far as things being overly crazy. I know that we have 3 photo shoots coming up that we need to get ready for, but I have never seen things this bad.

“Thank God you’re here!” Jackie says to me.

“Why are things this crazy here?” I ask

“2 of our shoots got moved up so we are scrambling to get things done. I need to make sure you are done with Beyonce’s outfits and Jay-Z.” She states.

“I have them all ready I’ll go get them.” I say walking in the direction of my office with Justin behind me.

“Oh and I also need Chad Michael Murray’s outfits as well.” She yells down the hall.

Justin and I walk in my office and he closes the door behind us.

“I have never seen things that bad.” He says.

 “I know it’s weird.”

After about and hour and 15 minutes of being there I finally had all the outfits together with Justin’s help and we take them down to Jackie’s office.

“Oh thank you Anais you are a doll!!!” She replies.

“No problem. Now I am gonna go back home and get some rest.” I say

As Justin and I are walking back to my car I see a champagne color car pull in. When the person gets out I didn’t even pay attention until they said something.

“Excuse me. Anais is that you?” The person asks.

As I turn around I realize that it’s Devon’s mother.