Sighing some Joshua followed the main path, in which he assumed he would find Christopher on. Heaven wasn’t what some may expect really. The term “Life after Death” was in fact the best way to describe where the angels called home. If anything, one may think of a small town, the type of place you wish your children to grow up in. Everyone had a small space to call through own, their surroundings were beautiful and peaceful, from here they could see God’s most remarkable creations and it was a sight that truly was breath taking.
Licking his lips, he walked towards the church many of them used to study and pray in. It was true God himself was approachable to them but many had learned to think and listen through prayer and they held true to the tradition. Sometimes you could only truly hear yourself when you weren’t saying anything. One never knew when God as listening, sometimes Joshua believed it was bets that way, you never knew if the answer to your problem was inspired by God or was found within your own heart. It gave one both confidence and comfort.
As he entered the church, his eyes moved towards the front of the sanctuary. Bowing on one knee for a moment, he returned to standing position before joining his friend close to the front. “May I join?” He asked once he had reached Christopher, he noted the other wasn’t in pray or deep thought before speaking, though he wanted to very much to speak with him he would never interrupt so rudely. Christopher just noted his head before moving further into the pew to give the younger male more room to be comfortable.
As Joshua sat down Christopher began speaking. “I don’t know what to do with him.” He stated simply, both of course knew whom they spoke of. “He’s young still.” Joshua answered. “We all had times where we were unsure and even stubborn. He’ll learn in time.” Christopher just spoke his head. “Not all are as bad. Yes, I understand there are mistakes and questions but none so frequently disobeys or takes reasonability so lightly. I fear he will allow harm to come to someone or himself. I cannot go through …” He just shook his head. “I won’t go through all that again.”
Placing a hand on the other’s shoulder Joshua grew serious. “James was not your fault …” Though he was unable to finish. “Don’t speak lies.” The older’s voice rise slightly in frustration. “Who else was there to blame?”
“We all make our own choices.”
The two were silent for a while, both in their own thoughts. Such a time had been hard for both Christopher and Joshua. James and Joshua had been friend, very close in fact, created at the same time they trained together and they grew together. Each under a different charge though and nearly complete opposites.
Though James was one that both angels attempted to disregard form their mind they never truly able to. Both of guilt and both of a longing for understanding and change.
“I fear he’ll turn out like your brother did.” Christopher confessed. The words were meant with a strong tensing of both his companion’s heart and body. “James acted much of the same way. He always took to heart his failures and his mistakes but he made them often.”
~
“James.” Joshua called out softly, looking to the left and then the right. He had sought out his friend nearly all morning and afternoon. He knew Christopher looked for him to. He was almost sure there was nowhere else he would be, nowhere else to hide. Listening careful he frown, James had never hid from him before, Christopher yes, but that was very different. As he moved across the plain to the edge of the cliff he looked over the water and down towards the sides.
A smile crept across his face, one of relief at the sight of James sitting on one of the lower ledges. Normally he would allow him his time but not today not after he looked for him for so long. Moving down, the young angel was able to be at the other’s side within moment. Truly, wings were a blessing, one he could not sometimes understand humans doing without.
“Did you fight again?” He half asked, half stated. “Christopher has been looking for you.”
“I don’t wish to talk about him. He doesn’t allow anything, I’m nearly finished in his charge and he does allow me my own watches.” His voice was bitter and his eyes flashed towards Joshua finally. “They do you though; Noah doesn't keep you by his side any longer. We’re of the same age yet not treated as such.” There was jealously in his voice, even bitterness. James, by anyone, had never directed such a tone at Joshua and he was unsure how to take it or how to react.
~
That memory was one f many, only the beginning really. Joshua was never told what the fight that morning had initialed, what was said or what started it and he wasn’t so sure he wanted to. Even more so, it wasn’t his business. All he knew though was after that day much changed, more and more James would leave, sometime he offered to take Joshua with him and once or twice, the darker haired males would go but not often.
James spent his times in places that were not made for their kind …
~
The music was loud and Joshua was rather uncomfortable. “What is this place?” He remembered asking.
James just rolled his eyes as he shoved their way through the crowd. As sat down at the bar Joshua grew even more uncomfortable, he’d never before been in or even near a bar. By the time his eyes were drawn back to James, he was in conversation with someone Joshua had never met before. All at once, he wished he would have just stayed home.
As he sat down off to the side he attempted to seem invisible, he’d just wait until James wanted to leave he decided … Soon enough though that idea changed as he was approached by another stranger. Swallowing hard he moved to get up as the other male stepped in front of him pressing his body to Joshua. This man wasted no time and in the and James was no help.
The dark haired unknown man touched and petted Joshua saying odd and disturbing things to him. He offered drinks and even drugs. The man grew bored it seemed after a while but it was only the first time Joshua would seem him, not the last.
~
Joshua had gone a few times more with James after that first night, only because his friend refused to stay in and Joshua was scared for him to go alone. The more he saw that stranger though the more of a clearer picture formed in his mind as to who he was. He knew they were angels and he wanted them … He even said as much.
The night he got far to close to Joshua … That was the night the male never returned to the bar and the night James never returned home.
Looking back now, he should have gone to Christopher or Noah but he had feared getting himself and his brother in trouble. Later he had confused to both and though they forgave him, he never did himself. Had spoken up James may have been saved from the man Joshua now knew as Joseph. He never spoke of any of this though, mainly out of shame and embarrassment. Part of him wished he hadn’t come to the church; he hated thinking of such things.
“He isn’t your fault Joshua.” Christopher stated firmly breaking in his thoughts. Christopher knew what Joshua thought of the past and yes, he had agreed Joshua was wrong but he had been child and never should have been put between his friend and his responsibility. Furthermore, since that night, he’d made up for sin and more.
Opening his mouth to speak, he wanted to ask what the fight had been able that day but he quickly looked away deciding against it. They all made their own choices and they all paid for their mistakes, one way or another.
Neither said anything for a long time, but in their own thoughts, each living in the past, remembering what had been lost and praying for what remained.
