As I Am

Chapter 2

She noticed him watching her even before he decided to walk over to her and introduce himself. She had hoped she didn’t give off the impression that she wanted to be bothered, because that would be more than misleading. She would be content, as she had been for the past week, sitting at her corner table in the cafeteria eating all of her meals alone. With the one glance she allotted herself during the course of his blatant staring, she realized she hadn’t seen him before and could only conclude that he was just intrigued. She figured he was just another hired hand, and dismissed him, regardless of the piercing gaze she still felt. It took him all of ten minutes to finally decide to come to her table, and Lourdes didn’t know if she entirely hated the fact that he decided to do so or not.

" Hey." his voice was smooth, like a song in the wind, unlike any other voice she heard before. She would say the curly haired blonde boy would have come close, but she was too annoyed with him to really appreciate - much less acknowledge- any of his fine qualities. In fact, she doubted he had any such qualities, not like the man that now stood before her smiling down at her. He carried his plate of food, and from the look of the steam floating above it, Lourdes could tell the plate was hot. She assured herself that was the reason why she allowed him to sit with her.

" You new here?" he asked, while moving his seat closer to the table. Lourdes wondered what it was about these people that they didn’t just immediately introduce themselves, but instead start up idle conversation. Like the other day, she ran into several other guys who all just assumed she would know them. They looked at her like she was crazy, when she looked at them like they were foreign. She later came to find that they were in fact members of a group called the Leftstreet..or whatever boys that were also signed with her father. She assumed, since he didn’t initially offer his name, that he was in fact a member of one of the groups her father managed.

" Yeah...just visiting." she eyed him suspiciously, trying to find a motive behind him talking to her.

" It’s nice to see a new face?" he had a really smooth way of dishing out the charm, so good that she didn’t realize she was smiling herself.

" Yeah. Well that’s all I’ve been seeing." she laughed when he stopped cutting his meat to look at her. Shock registered over his face and then curved into a handsome half smile.

" You mean...you don’t know..."

" No I don’t know you." She appreciated the fact that he at least attempted to reduce the vainness behind his words. He obviously hand some humbleness left, which couldn’t be said for the rest of them.

" Well..I’m Joshua Scott Chasez. Others call me JC. And you are?"

" I’m Lourdes. No one calls me anything, Joshua." she smiled relaxing even more as he laughed at her witty comment. She allowed herself to engage in aimless conversation with him, thankful for his kindness and his thoughtfulness to actually take the time and speak to her. Since she had been there, it was a more or less- speak when spoken to ordeal with everyone. That of course excluded Joey, Chris and Steve who seemed to always be ready to welcome her into any of their off beat conversations. She hadn’t seen much of Lance, he always seemed to be away doing something, but when she did see him he was a sweet hi and bye. The only person that she did see, quite frequently, was the one named Justin who acted as if the world balanced itself on the crack of his ass. HE never spoke, barely even looked at her, and acted like she didn’t exist. He’d been the one that frequented her father’s office the most, and she even heard him downstairs at Johnny’s house, one evening, in the midst of a heated discussion. She didn’t care enough to eavesdrop, and was sure she probably wouldn’t have a clue as to what they were talking about anyway, so couldn’t say exactly what it was that was going on with him. Either case, he didn’t have to be such a prick about it. But JC, or rather Joshua as she liked to call him, was another story. He was charming, sweet and a good listener. He asked her questions that no one else had dared asked her since she arrived. It seemed like he was the only one to take a special interest in her, and she appreciated that.

" So your mother, Ms. Natasha is dominican and black?" JC had long since finished his meal and was now leaned back in his chair listening to Lourdes ramble on about her mother.

" Yes. That’s where I get the eyes and hair from." She shrugged, looking down when she noticed JC taking note of them.

" Well your very beautiful." he breathed, his eyes showing his appreciation. Lourdes blushed under his gaze, and averted her gaze from him. She wasn’t used to such nice words coming from a man. The only men she encountered were dead weights and of course her father.

" Thank you. So are you." And he was, in every bit of the sense. He was a beautiful man. His jaw was chiseled, his eyes were a crystal clear blue and his lips were just....

" Damn man...we been waitin’ forever for you. What the hell?!" she didn’t even see him approach, but groaned inwardly when she recognized his voice from behind her. She had heard him talking enough this past week to know that it was Justin that now stood intruding upon their conversation.

" Yo chill...I just got caught up." JC sighed, his eyes warming when they turned to meet with Lourdes’. Justin, however, was not phased and in fact seemed to be even more angered by the revelation.

" For real tho, you couldn’t do this on your own time?" Justin still hadn’t acknowledged that she was there and instead focused all his attention on JC. Lourdes sighed inwardly, biting her lip so that she wouldn’t beg his pardon.

" Nah it coudn’t wait." All the while JC was ignoring him, his eyes settled on Lourdes- who shifted under his gaze. It wasn’t until Justin took note of this, that he turned his heated glare onto Lourdes. She couldn’t help but match his stare, unable to explain why he left such a bitter taste in his mouth. He looked her over, then dismissed her once again to turn back to JC. He was a complete asshole!

" Yo..I’m leavin in 20..you either come or you don’t." With that, Justin just stalked off, not even glancing once towards Lourdes- who sat there fuming underneath. How dare he act like she wasn’t even there, the audacity!

" I’m sorry about J..he’s a little rough." JC apologized, making no move to follow after Justin. Lourdes new that he probably had work to be doing, and besides she was starting to feel a little antsy with the itch slowly crawling up on her. She scratched her arm, and stood up abruptly, rubbing it against the length of her torso.

" You gotta itch?" JC laughed coyly, but Lourdes smiled hesitantly. If only he knew, she thought pulling her hair behind her ear.

" You should get going..I wouldn’t want Justin to get his panties all in a bunch." she tried to sound normal, but she was antsy and she was nervous and she was altogether just out of it. She needed to get home, and preoccupy herself, so that she wasn’t thinking about her itch, and she wasn’t thinking about JC’s pleasant company, and so that she could forget Justin altogether.

" That’s why I always suggest he go commando. He’s way to serious." JC laughed standing and taking her hand in his. Lourdes would have pulled away, but the touch of his lips against the back of her palm soothed her. " Can I see you again?"

" Sure." she swallowed hard, wondering just how and the hell was she going to pull that one off. Her father surely wouldn’t go for her mingling with his clients.

" Good." he backed away and headed out the entrance, leaving Lourdes standing there dazed. How could it be good when he didn’t even have her number? Just then he leaned back in, hanging on the side of the door, smiling like a little boy.

" I’ll call you."

The house was empty, dark, and very quiet when Justin pulled his car into the three car garage. He noticed none of his roommates were home, which was just as well, he needed some time to himself. He was tired, irritable and very much annoyed. He just wanted to relax, and forget about the pressing issues that has been clouding his mind. He just wanted to bask in the reverence of the silence that he found in his house. At least at home he wasn’t under the constant scrutiny of the free world, or continuously hassled about the actions that needed to be taken concerning his "love life", or stampeded by crowds of adoring fans. No he could come, relax, and do what he damn well pleased in the sanctity of his own walls. He briefly wondered on the whereabouts of his roomates- his best friend Trace Ayala and his older cousin Avery, but decided that it didn’t matter and just hoped where ever they were they’d come home with several cases of beer. He settled into his favorite chair and flicked the channel right to Tivo. He didn’t doubt that on every other channel he was destined to find a photo of him plastered across screen, or several commercials by chance. He knew better than to settle in and watch regular tv unless he wanted to headache that would soon follow. He had planned to watch every episode of House that would bring him up to date with the season, but was pissed to find that Trace had erased them all so that he could Tivo Laguna Beach. Justin decided that it couldn’t hurt to watch the news, perhaps maybe he would dip off into a nice tranquil sleep, when his phone began to vibrate on his lap. He thought about just ignoring it, maybe whoever it was would take the hint and leave him alone. The didn’t take to well, since the little black device hadn’t stopped ringing since it started. With a reluctant sigh, Justin turned the phone to face him. Johnny.

" Wassup."

" J have you signed the papers?" One thing about Johnny, was that when it came to business he got right to the point. And he was persistent, he was not letting up on this issue.

" Nah."

" You gotta do this man."

" Yeah, it seems that way." Jutsin groaned, not at all hiding the fact that he didn’t want to do this thing in the first place. He still wasn’t ok with the fact that he’d be signing away his freedom and right into a 2 year commitment in which he would play the part of Britney’s boyfriend. They were barely friends. The only thing the had in common was that they both had starred on the Mickey Mouse Show. But so had Keri Russell Christina Aquilera, but you didn’t see their publicist banging down his door and forcing him into a contract.

" You have until tomorrow J." The phone went dead and Justin just stared forward, completely lost of the relaxed demeanor he had previously found himself in. Standing up, he decided he couldn’t wait on Trace and Avery, he had to get his drink on now.

He knew he’d find them there, leaning against the rail of the VIP section while they stared at all the nameless faces below them. He wondered if they ever just wished they could go down there, be apart of the simple life, and not be restricted to their lavish floor furnished with velvety soft chaise lounges and mirrored walls. Justin scanned the area, recognizing almost everyone in the small area. He wasn’t impressed with the faces, and so joined his group over by the railing that separated the elite from the unknown.

" Hey...I thought you were in for the night?" Joey was on his way off to the dance floor, and thus noticed Justin approaching first. Justin offered a half shrug and accepted the unopened bottle of beer before Joey moved passed him. Without a moments hesitation, Justin popped the cap and threw back a large portion of the beverage. When he went to gasp for air, he realized he had damn near finished it’s contents. He nodded his head towards Chris, who had just flung his arm around an eager blonde, as he moved to a more discrete area. Justin wished he had it in him to pull one of the many women he knew without a doubt were staring at him, be he just didn’t feel like the hassle. Maybe later, maybe not at all. What he did know for sure though, was that he;d be having another drink. He slid off the stool he’d popped a squat on, and headed towards the crowded bar. Out the corner of his eye he saw her dancing slowly, completely in sync with the slow wind the music followed as it came through the surrounding speakers. He meant to just glance over, just because she happened to have caught his eyes, but he realized a moment later that he had completely stopped and was now staring. Lourdes had her head cocked back, with her eyes closed and her hands placed on top of whose ever hands stood behind her guiding her hips. A seductive smile played off her lips and she looked like she was damn near about to climax, with the slight parting of her lips unveiling the pink flesh of her tongue, her mouth looking as if it was beckoning him to come and taste her.

" Yo...you good?" Justin didn’t realize he was standing in the middle of traffic flow to the bar, and almost ignored the voice behind him if it hadn’t been that he recognized the voice as Avery. He turned to see his equally tall cousin grinning at him, his dark blue eyes searching Justin’s.

" Yeah man. I just thought I saw someone." Justin looked back to Lourdes and instantly recognized JC as the man who stood behind her. Not at all the one to partake in someone else’s grove, and not the least bit interested in doing so, Justin moved to follow Avery to the bar to grab another beer.

" Isn’t that JC?" Avery asked once they found themselves seated on two open stools. Justin didn’t even glance back over, but just kept his eyes on the TV screen that flashed scenes from the nights basketball game.

" Yea." he said cooly, taking another swig of his beer.

" Whose the girl?"

" Johnny’s daughter." Justin didn’t know why Avery was so interested, especially when he didn’t feel up to discussing JC’s mack game. If the boy wanted to step on toes and go after Johnny’s bitch of a daughter, that was his business. Justin wanted no part in the trouble she’d inevitably bring, plus her attitude just about killed any consideration on his part. As far as he was concerned, she was just a spoiled brat, and if JC couldn’t see past her smoldering hazel eyes or luscious pink lips than that was his problem. Not Justin’s.

" Damn she could get it." Avery was still watching her, and for some reason that annoyed Justin. There were plenty of other girls his cousin could be taking the time to lust after, why in the hell was he so transfixed by Lourdes?

" I’m sure she’s about to." Justin smirked, standing up to make his way to other side of the room. Surely Trace was over there laying his mack down hard on some willing female, and not so preoccupied with watching Lourdes and JC. He finished his beer, catching another glimpse of JC and Lourdes’ scandalous dance, before setting the bottle on the counter. With a disgusting taste in his mouth, Justin walked away putting the distance between him and them.