As I Am

Chapter 3

The itch was intolerable. All she wanted was a quick hit, anything, just a small ounce to set her back on track and help her finish out her day. It was inconceivable, really, for her to even imagine how she would get through the rest of the day without it. She couldn’t even see past the next five minutes. She glared at the two heavy weights lurking in the shadows behind her, as she stood rubbing the side of her arm by the pool. She had dipped her feet in, thinking it would cool the rising heat now flushing over her body. That didn’t work, in fact it only made the itch stronger. She just wanted one hit.

" Do you need some sunblock?" She was so caught up in her on little world that she didn’t realize he was in fact talking to her. She had watched him come from out the side entrance and even watched him discard all his clothing until only his swimming trunks were left. She didn’t let herself appreciate the smooth lines of muscles that donned his chest, or the crafty tattoo that was perfectly crafter on his left bicep. Instead, she had glanced quickly, before her eyes went glassy and her thoughts went haywire. She hadn’t spoke more than two words to him since she been there, and after two weeks, she hadn’t even considered that he would make any attempt to talk to her now. So it wasn’t until Justin stood directly in front of her, holding a bottle of St. Tropics Island Sun Tan Lotion towards her, that she broke her previous train of thought. She stared at the lotion, then back at him, waiting for the situation to process within her. Her mind was jumbled, and she wasn’t focusing, it took her moment to realize he was offering her sun tan lotion because he assumed the deepening red mark on her arm came from sun burn.

"Here, you need it." he opened the bottle and turned it upside down, waiting for her to open her palm.

" I don’t." but she opened them anyway, and let the coolness of the lotion pile up in her hands. She wish he had something more to offer, something stronger. But the fact that he was even offering her this, shunned her into silence and she just watched as he lathered himself up. She had come out to the pool first, growing bored inside the studio. She never understood why Johnny had a pool at the studio, but on this hot and boring day she was thankful. He had arrived shortly after, but had opted to sit on the only other chair on the other side of the pool- away from her- instead of in any one of the seven beside her. She ignored him then, like she had all week, and decided that the boy just had an all day every day attitude, that had nothing to do with her. She wasn’t going to lose sleep if he didn’t talk to her, she would -though- if she didn’t find a way to get rid of her fucking itch.

" You looked like you were about to scratch your skin off." His back was turned to her, which is why her voice surprised her all the more. The fact that he had been watching her and noticing that alarmed her as well as intrigued her. When did he ever take notice in her?

" Yeah. I have sensitive skin." and no resistence, she thought to herself as she began to smooth the lotion over the soar spot on her arm.

" So why are you out here?" he still hadn’t turned around, in fact to anyone else it looked like she was holding a conversation with herself. He damn sure had a lot of questions all of a sudden, and if he was going to ask them he could at least turn to look at her.

" Why do you care?"

" I don’t." he smirked and stretched his arms over his head. Every muscle in his body seemed to have contracted with that very movement, alarming Lourdes when she realized her own body’s reaction. At that moment she was thankful his back was still to her, she didn’t want him to think he had any effect over her.

" I needed some air." she saw that he was about to jump in and so answered before he did so. The muscles in his leg and shoulders relaxed, as he stopped himself and turned to look at her. Lourdes didn’t know if it was the sun, and the way it touched his eyes, but somehow it looked like he stared at her through a pair of sapphire diamonds. She felt the pull in her stomach, as an inward groan moved through her chest, down her stomach to her...

" Maybe you should put it all over then. It looks pretty bad there." Her hand instinctively went to her forearm, and she hoped he wouldn’t come any closer. The lotion had helped, but it also made the scars she dug into her flesh all the more visible. She didn’t know why she wasn’t comfortable under his stare, she didn’t know why she wished he wouldn’t come any closer. " Does this usually happen?" he was walking towards her, his eyes squinting in the sunlight. She moved up so that her back was now erect against the lounge chair, placing her hand over her forearm in attempt to shield the scars.

" Yeah, I’m like worse than michael jackson." she attempted a laugh, but it didn’t make it pass her throat the moment he touched her. He had taken a seat on the lounge right beside her, and grabbed for her arm. His eyes flashed his concern, before they abruptly moved towards the cause of it. She tried to gently pull her arm back, but he held it in place, causing a wave of insecurity to wash over her. He examined her arm, his hand grazing her flesh, stopping whenever she winced in pain. The itch was now driving her crazy, causing her to shift uncomfortably in her chair, she could feel the beads of sweat starting to cover her body. She was nervous and very much anxious, she needed something fast.

" This doesn’t look like sunburn." His eyes moved back up to hers, searching for an explanation. She offered none, not really knowing what to say. Everyone else assumed it was sun burn, why couldn’t he just accept that it was? The one time he decides to talk to her, and he’s questioning the very thing she didn’t have an answer for. There was no way she would give him the truth, not when he already looks at her like the dirt beneath his shoe. Only today was different, he had the same air about him, but the way his eyes looked deep into hers- the way his concern spread across his face, almost touched her heart. Almost.

" Yeah well it is. " she snatched her arm back and placed her hand back over the reddened area. She didn’t care if he didn’t buy it, he wasn’t someones opinion she really cared for.

"You should be careful." he had turned his eyes back towards the pool, his appearance looked disinterested, though his words were powerful and full of warning. Lourdes ignored him, unable to properly attend to the sudden surge of curiosity that filled her concerning him. She didn’t understand him, and pretty much decided that she didn’t want to. She had her own problems, and adding him as another one was just not an option for her.

" I am." she hissed, standing to grab her towel and leave. She hoped his blazing blue eyes were still watching the pool, and not her as she all but ran towards the door. She couldn’t help but look back, just one last time before stepping inside. Sure enough, his eyes were on her.

The day by the pool was the only reminder that Justin had actually known she existed. Aside from that lone encounter, Lourdes couldn’t think of one other time where he had even so much as glanced her way. That day was strange all on its own, and then she had him and his sudden interest in her to try and figure out. She was doing just that when she felt two strong arms snake around her waist and pull her body against them. Taking in his musky scent, Lourdes already knew that it was JC.

" Joshua." she smiled and leaned her head against his chest. She could feel him laugh, and relished in the warm feeling of him. He was so comfortable, so welcoming.

"How are you today beautiful?" he turned her around in his arms and placed a small kiss on her forehead. Lourdes closed her eyes and sighed, he was adoring, and it made her feel special

"Confused." she gathered her eyebrows together in deep thought, which only made JC laugh as he pushed a few stray curls behind her ear. Lourdes loved when he touched her, it was the sweetest of sentiments, a feeling she wasn’t used to.

" Don’t fret too much over it. It’ll give you wrinkles."

" Wow. If that wasn’t cheesy." Lourdes laughed moving to take a seat in the swivel chair beside them. Like she spent most of her days, Lourdes found herself trapped within the walls of Wright Studios. Although it wasn’t much to look forward to, it was a far cry from the boredom guaranteed if she were to stay at home. Her father was a busy man, and of the two weeks she’s been there, she may have seen him twice. He was gone more than he was there, which made no never mind to Lourdes. It just meant she was free to do what she wanted. Only there wasn’t much to choose from, since her only source of entertainment came from whatever she found in the studio. Since ‘NSYNC was prepping for their promotional tour, they were in the studio night and day. Although her closest ties were with JC, she was beginning to warm up to the rest of them- all excluding Justin. He still acted as if she were a fixture in a room, like that day by the pool never happened. She wondered what she would do when they finally left for tour, and she was stick there by herself.

" Hey lovebirds!" Chris called out to them. He was walking down the hall, and couldn’t remember which conference room they were in, so decided to do a general call out. Rolling their eyes, JC and Lourdes poked their heads out and smiled at Chris.

" Damn you got good timing." JC teased, as if him and Lourdes were in the middle of something hot.

" Oh gosh...did you grab my panties?" Lourdes winked towards Chris who hall but shit two bricks. JC and Lourdes stumbled out of the conference room laughing, at the crazy expression on Chris’s face

" You two are disgusting." he sneered, then straightened his mouth. " Which is why it is SO important that I invite you guys to the impromptu cookout over J’s house."

" I’m game." JC shrugged. Lourdes looked between the two and bit her lip. She wasn’t quite sure if she was even welcomed, it wasn’t like Justin was nice to her.

" Lourdes?"

" I..."

" She’s coming." JC answered for her, before she could protest. Chris, satisfied with the answer, bounced down the hall to spread the word. JC grabbed her hand and pulled her back into the conference room. Once they were alone, he slowly backed her up against the door and placed his hands on either side of her head. The look he gave her warmed her soul and touched her heart in such a way that all she could do was sigh.

"Don’t worry about Justin." he whispered against her cheek placing a light kiss on it before moving to catch her lips. Lourdes just nodded, his words easing her anxiety as his kiss moved over her lips and gently moved them. He was so soft, so subtle, it felt like rose petals were brushing lightly against her lips. It was the first time he ever kissed her since they met, and she realized that she really enjoyed the kiss. She enjoyed him. She loved his conversation and the consideration he always showed her. He was always attentive, always engaged in her. She knew without having to really know his popularity in the world, that his attentions toward her were special. When he pulled away from her, she just looked at him, a pleasant smile spread across her face.

"What was that for?" she beamed up at him, his eyes smiled down at her.

" I couldn’t help myself." he breathed before kissing her again. She fell into the kiss, allowing him to press her body against his and lift her off the floor. He carried her to the center table, her legs wrapped around his torso, and placed her on it so that she know sat eye level with him.

She knew any minute someone could come storming through the door, and they did.

" Whoa." they quickly broke apart and turned to see Justin standing there with his mouth dropped open and his eyes glazed over in shock. JC made no move to leave from in between her open legs, which made Lourdes a little embarrassed as she sat staring at Justin. He held her gaze briefly, then just as quickly dismissed her and turned to JC.

"We’re out. Chris told me to come tell you." his voice was normal, a regular pitch, but Lourdes could have sworn she heard something else behind it. He didn’t wait for a response, just backed out of the room and closed the door. Lourdes was happy to see him leave, and it wasn’t until the door slammed shut, that her heart returned to its normal pace. Something about Justin Timberlake made her uneasy, and for the life of her, she couldn’t figure what it was.