I sit uncomfortably across the table from him, feeling his gaze locked on me. I carefully twirl the spaghetti on my fork and pretend not to notice. He hasn’t stopped staring at me since we sat down to eat which I suppose would be the natural thing to do if your girlfriend wasn’t acting like she was supposed to.

When I got on the internet to do a little information hunting it had a few things listed about our relationship, one being that we’ve been together for about four years with some details added but not enough to really give me an idea as to how I ended up here.

“Are you mad at me?”

I look up at his puppy dog face, begging for some sort of answer at to why I’m probably not acting like his girlfriend, “No, of course not.”

He twirls the pasta on his fork and hesitantly takes a bite before looking back up at me, “Then what is the problem?”

“Nothing,” I remark, having noticed that my voice comes out harsh. I don’t mean for it to come across like that, I just react that way when I’m trying my best not to act scared. There is no room for fear back home or wherever the hell I come from.

Justin places his fork down next to his plate, “Is there anything you want to talk about? Maybe get off your chest?”

I shake my head and he sighs, picking his plate up and taking over to the sink, washing it off. He looks sad, like an ache that just won’t go away.

“Who missed me?” a voice bellows throughout the house as blonde bounds through the kitchen and wraps her arms around my neck, catching me off guard.

“Hi,” I say slowly.

The girl points at Justin, “And you, nice to see you’re alive.”

Justin turns around and smiles, “Hurricane Harper, long time no see.”

She stands on her tippy toes and hugs him, “We missed you, though it was nice having not to listen to your crap every day.”

“Pshh, your so full of it Harper. Glad to know you still live here.”

The girl rolls her eyes dramatically and comes over, plopping herself at the table and takes my fork out of my hand and eats the food of my plate, “Ally wouldn’t have it any other way,” she says, winking at me.

I watch Harper for a minute as she and Justin exchange comments at one another. I suppose this girl is a friend, though she seems a little happy go lucky than anyone I can ever imagine befriending.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a flash of light and I see Damien sitting on the counter, surveying our dinner. I begin to choke on my drink loud enough for the two of them to stop what they are doing and look my way. Harper jumps up, “You okay?”

I nod, trying to catch my breath, “Yeah, it just went down the wrong tube. I’ll be right back,” I say, excusing myself from the room and going into the first bathroom I can find. I turn the facet on and splash my face with cold water as I reach for a towel to dry my face off.

“Having fun?” a voice asks from behind me.

I spin around and clutch my chest, “What did we discuss about the popping out of nowhere thing?”

“I forgot,” he says simply.

“Liar,” I mutter under my breath.

“I can hear ever word you think just in case you were wondering.”

“So you are a mind reader too? I thought that was less God, more Wicca.”

Damien gives me that stupid smug look again, “You can run your mouth all you want but in the end it won’t do you any good.”

I sink down onto the toilet seat and sigh, “So what are you here for now?”

“I’m here to tell you to get a move on the reason you’re here.”

“Which would be?”

“I’m not stupid Alana, I’m not about to make this easy for you.”

“Of course not!” I say throwing my hands up in the air, “I’m supposed to be working on the reason I’m here even though I have no idea what that reason is and I’ve been dropped here with this guy I don’t even know who expects me to act like his girlfriend. I’m doing just great so far. Stop me if I’ve left anything else out.”

Damien waves his hand and suddenly the way go invisible, allowing us to see strait into the kitchen, “The girl there is Harper.”

“That much I gathered.”

“She has been your best friend since…. Well you’ll figure it out but for quite some time. She stays with you when Justin goes on tour so you’re not in the house by yourself.”

“Can they see us?”

“Of course not, don’t be silly.”

“You just made the walls go invisible and I’m the one being ridiculous?”

“Have you talked to him?”

I look at Damien, “Who?”

“The president of the United States. Justin of course,” he says dryly.

“Of course not, what would I say?”

“How should I know, strike up a conversation. You’re very slow to move considering you were pinning away in your little and might I add cold apartment not twenty four hours ago.”

“I’ll tell you what, why don’t you just take me back there and I’ll never do it again.”

Damien looks at me and waves his hand again, pausing the two of them. I stand in shock as the clock stops ticking and Justin and Harper seem to be frozen. I grab on to Damien’s arm as we start to float over to the two of them, seemingly going through walls.

He sets me down gently and points to Justin, “Give him a kiss goodbye.”

“What?”

“You said you wanted to leave, so in order to do that you have to kiss your fate goodbye.”

I hesitantly lean over and kiss him on the cheek as I close my eyes. I wait for something to happen but when I feel nothing I crack my eyes open to see Damien with his arms crossed, “Not on the cheek.”

“I am not kissing some guy I don’t even know.”

“You are the one who said you wanted to leave. Do it.”

I hold my breath and lean in, connecting out mouths together. His lips are surprisingly soft and I hang onto them for dear life as I feel something swirl around me. I hear a groan and open my eyes to see Justin as I feel his mouth moving against mine. I pull back in shock and put my hand up to cover my mouth. Justin smiles at me, “Well that’s what I’ve been waiting all day for.”

I try to understand what I did wrong when I see Damien smiling behind Justin. “You liar,” I say in my head.

He just winks at me and disappears into thin air.

“Alright you two, I’m going to get going so I don’t have to see anymore of that. I’ll call you later Ally.”

“Bye Harper,” Justin calls out and she waves, making her way out the door.

To my dismay, Justin picks me up and places me on the counter before I can protest, kissing me hard before pulling away to catch his breath, “I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you.”

I swallow hard as he kisses my neck before making his way down to my chest, starting to unbutton my shirt really slowly. It take about a minute for my fear to finally come to head and I push him away slowly, “Get away.”

He looks confused and he reaches out for me, “Alana, what is going on?”

I back up until I feel my back hit the wall, “I don’t want to have sex.”

He can’t help but look adorable as he shakes his head, “I don’t understand.”

I laugh out loud, “No kidding.”

Justin lets his hand slide back down to his side and backs off, “What is going on Alana? Look, I know you were mad at me while I was off on tour but I thought we had fixed all of it.”

I feel the weight of the world sitting squarely on my shoulders, “It’s just that I’m really tired alright? I’m going to go to bed.”

“Why don’t I come with me? We can lay together.”

“I’m okay,” I insist, climbing up the stairs two at a time.

________________________________________________________________________

Her skin gleams as the light from the moon makes her look like a figure of my imagination rather than my girlfriend. Her hair is splayed out all over the pillow like she fell onto the bed. Her hand placement is one under her head and the other on her hip, daring me to touch her. She’s the only thing that has ever really made any sense in my life. The least complicated and most heart throbbing thing that I could have ever asked for. It’s not complicated because when you really love someone, you just love them. Not complicated. It’s when we do something that isn’t loving is when it gets complicated.

I lean over and touch her face gently, knowing that at least at this point she doesn’t want me touching her. She might as well tell me not to breathe. Touching her is a necessity in my life. I can’t go very long without touching her, which probably explains the weekly call for her to fly out to me on tour just so I can be with her. And that is the pattern that has taken shape for most of our relationship. At least, most of it. One slip up and I’m banished from touching her. The thing I need most.

Don’t believe what they tell you. Sure, women forgive. But they never forget.

She stirs under my touch and I pull away, pretending not to be the reason she was woken from her slumber. Alana sits up in bed and looks around, waiting for me to move. She’s not stupid, she knows I’m not sleeping. In spite of myself I look over at her, “Hey beautiful.”

Alana grabs her pillow in her hand and a blanket from the end of the bed, “I’m going to go sleep on the couch,” she whispers.

I grab on to her arm, “Alana please don’t go.”

She pulls away from my touch, “I just want to be alone.”

“I know that’s what you think you want but believe me, if you stay we can work things out.”

“There is nothing to work out Justin. Just relax alright?” she says, like that somehow would make everything okay.

“It’s not about you,” she says sympathetically, trying to make me feel better.

“Sure it’s not.”

“Justin please, alright?”

I reluctantly let her go and watch her move herself downstairs. God I love her.

__________________________________________________________________

I set up my stuff on the downstairs couch as I make myself a bed. I fix my pillows and reach for the blanket on the floor only to feel a hand. I have learned my now not to scream but it doesn’t give my heart any break, “You are going to give me a heart attack.”

“If you are not careful that’s exactly what you’re going to do to Justin.”

My eyes roll, “You have got to be kidding.”

“You are making him feel very guilty, thinking that the reason you don’t want to be with him is his fault.”

“I’ve told him it wasn’t his fault.”

“Well that should make him feel better.”

“Why don’t you disappear?”

“Just remember Ally, anything you do here is all you. You push people away that’s exactly what you are going to get in return.

I tug my blanket over my head and groan, “Just go away.”

“Whatever you say Alana. Good luck.”

“With what?”

“You’ll find out.”

“I hate you in case you had any doubt,” I call out as he disappears and I snuggle in for some sleep.