I open my eyes groggily and push myself up on the bed. This is all too familiar and I realize I’m back in my apartment. I look to my side and see Justin waking up as well. He opens his eyes hesitantly and holds his head as he sits up, “I had the weirdest dream.”

“It’s not quite a dream,” I respond.

Justin opens his eyes fully and looks around, “Where the hell am I?”

“My apartment. In reality,” I add.

Justin pulls the thin blanket around himself, “It’s freezing in here.”

“That’s because they turned my heat off.”

He raises his eyebrows, “Why?”

“I haven’t paid my rent in two months.”

“Are you serious?” he asks like he’s never heard of such a thing.

I get up and tug a sweatshirt I’ve had since high school on, “I’m between jobs at the moment.”

I watch as he surveys the apartment with a little shock mingled in with distaste. I never really thought about it in terms of that but after having spent some time at Justin’s palace in the sky I have to agree. His eyes come back to me and I give him a small smile. He licks his lips, “You don’t know me do you?”

“No,” I say sympathetically.

“So all that time we spent together and you had no idea who I was?” he asks, sounding a little betrayed.

“No, I mean I know who you were after I looked you up, I just don’t know you personally.”

He looks confused, “So you’re not really Alana?”  

“I am, I just don’t remember you. Damien said that things are coming to me that will fill in the gaps. I remember some stuff, but not enough to really feel like it was my life.”

Justin nods rather solemnly as he looks at me, “What happened to your hair?”

I glance in the mirror over my shoulder and realize I have six inches more hair than I had before I fell asleep, “This is what I look like here in this world.”

“This is so weird,” Justin comments.

All my clothes are back which mostly consists of stuff I’ve had for at least eight years. I get up and follow Justin around the apartment, not that there is much to look at. He goes into the kitchen slash living room slash dinning room and opens the fridge. He looks at me then back to the fridge, “There is nothing in here.”

“Yeah, I haven’t really gotten to the shopping.”

“You live a very eventful life,” he says closing the fridge.

“Not all of us were born to be superstars.”

Justin pauses, putting his hands in his pockets, “The guy said that in this life we don’t even know each other.”

“We don’t. In fact, I had never even heard of you until this whole thing happened to me.”

“Why did this happen to you. To us,” he corrects himself.

I sit down on the couch, “I was complaining about my life when my heat was turned off.”

“Who could blame you,” Justin says, opening the cabinets to see no food.

“So Damien appeared and told me he was going to allow me to see what my life would have been if I had done something different.”

“What did you do different?”

I laugh, “If I knew that you would be you right now and I would be back here without you. If you can help me figure that out everything can go back to the way it was.”

Justin leans against the counter, “But I don’t know how my life is. All I know… is us.”

I bite my lip, “Maybe we could find out.”

“How?”

I shrug, “Damien said it was for you too now. I would imagine this is going to involve you.”

“You really don’t know me?” he asks, more out of desperation.

“Sorry,” I offer.

He sighs, “Don’t be sorry. I understand you more know. The stuff you did.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

  “It’s fine. You and I don’t really exist right?” he says, taking a deep breath.

“Right,” I respond.

“Then there’s nothing to be sorry for Ally.”

I nod and look down at my hand for the first time. Everything else is the same except for that one thing, “The rings.”

“What?”

I remove the rings from my finger, “Your rings, they are still here.”

Justin stares at me, “Keep them.”

I look up at him, “Are you sure?”

He shrugs, “All this isn’t real. Just keep them.”

I remove the chain from around my neck and slide the rings on them, securing it and letting it fall down between my breasts, “I’ll just keep them on a chain for now.”

“What now?”

Suddenly Damien appears, “How are my two favorite people?”

“Confused,” Justin remarks.

“I take it you’ve filled him in,” Damien interrupts.

“Yeah, were are not sure where to go from here.”

“Down to the arena of course.”

I frown, “What?”

“You two are late for the arena. I suggest you get yourselves over there now.”

“The Regional arena? That’s twenty minutes from here.”

“So?” Justin says.

“Says the guy whose used to having things. For those of us who don’t have money, we also lack transportation.”

“But he doesn’t,” Damien adds, pointing out the window.

Justin and I get up and look out to see his Cadillac parked on the street, “Thank God,” he mutters.

“But what do we do when we get there?” I ask and turn around to see Damien gone. Figures.

“Come on, let’s go,” Justin says, reaching into his pocket and pulls out keys.

I grab my jacket and run outside with Justin and climb into the car, pushing the address into the GPS system as Justin drives. I put my seatbelt on and lean back against the seat, “This must be something to do with you.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

I turn to him, “Sure.”

“Were you excited to see what your life would have been like?”

I pause, thinking about it, “No, not really. Does anyone want to see something they can’t have? It’s like saying if you invested in this stock you would have made a billion dollars but because you didn’t, you know shuffle along the street. It’s not fun.”

“What do you think my life is like?”

“I don’t know.”

“This is so cool,” Justin says, stepping on the gas.

I wonder what his life is like.

________________________________________________________________________

We pull up to the arena and we go through security, nothing that is unknown to me. We park the car and we both get out, going through the gated areas into the arena. People buzz around us and as we get closer, posters cover the walls with the word LOVESTONED plastered all over it with my picture.

Lovestoned?

“Hey man where have you been?”

Both Alana and I turn around to see Trace coming towards us, “Nowhere man,” I say, slapping him on the back.

“Whose the girl,” he asks, looking at Ally.

“It’s Ally,” I say, realizing just what that means to him. Nothing.

“Hi Ally,” he says, shaking her hand carefully all the while eyeing her up and down. He disapproves, I can tell instantly. Probably because of her clothes. A little makeup, decent outerwear and a haircut would solve everything.

He pulls me to the side and hisses in my ear, “Don’t you think this will upset Jessica?”

“Jessica who?”

“Funny man but she’ll kick your ass for that comment. You know how she feels about the whole casually dating thing.”

I look back at Ally who seems so insecure about the whole environment. God, she still has the same habits in this world. Biting her thumb nail.

Someone comes over to me and places cd’s at my side, “This is for you to sign,” he mutters, stretching his back and walking off.

I look in the box and pick up a cd, “Lovestoned. I made this,” I say in awe, holding one up for Ally to see.

She nods silently, somewhat confused, “Okay…”

“Ally, I’ve never made this cd before.”

“Oh,” she says quietly, moving closer to see the thing in my hand.

Suddenly I feel hands come up behind me and kiss my neck, “Hey you.”

I turn around to see a brunette who lunges for my lips before I can get one word out. I’m lost for a moment as she crashes against me before pulling away, “Where have you been?”

I clear my throat and try to speak but I’m at a loss for words. Trace comes up and saves my ass as usual, “He was just hanging out with me.”

“Whose that,” the girl says, gesturing behind me.

I turn around to see Ally backing up slowly from us, “Oh that’s just…”

“A friend,” she finishes.

“Yeah Jess, chill,” Trace says.

Jess must be Jessica. Ally holds out her hand to Jessica and they shake hands firmly. Trace steers me away from the two of them, “Alright dude, are we going out to celebrate your multi platinum success or what?”

I stand there floored, “Are you serious?”

Jessica laughs, “You’re so modest Jay.”

I laugh too as I’m surrounded by dancers all at once. Someone brings in champagne and pops the cork, letting the liquid fly everywhere as people yell. Trace grabs a couple of glasses, handing one to me and one to Jessica.

“Cheers to the most successful singer out there,” Jessica proposes.

“And the most arrogant son of a bitch who gets laid more than the rest of us,” Trace adds, nudging Jessica with his elbow.

I let it all take me over and smile, sipping the champagne, “Thanks guys.”

It’s only when I turn around that I notice Ally is gone. I look around for her but Jessica grabs my arm, “Come on, let’s go party.”

I take one last look for Ally but assume she must just be in the crowd and allow Jessica to lead me to the party. What a change.

________________________________________________________________________

What was I thinking? I barely fit into his life as his wife let alone some random girl just hanging out near him. I lean against the truck, wondering what to do with myself. I could go home, but I have no money. I can’t take Justin’s truck because it’s not mine nor do I have the keys and finally I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be here.

“Having fun Alana?”

I turn around and roll my eyes, “No.”

“Why not?”

I shrug, “I just want to be alone alright?”

He smiles. God I just want to wipe that stupid grin off his face.

“Ally, I can read your mind.”

“Then stop grinning at me alright?”

“Why shouldn’t I? This is what you wanted remember? I’m just carrying out what you demanded.”

“I didn’t realize it would be like this,” I say, falling to the ground.

“Like what?”

“Like this,” I say, gesturing around me, “all alone.”

“You were the one who was uncomfortable with Justin. You felt that if you told him it would make everything easier.”

I bite my lip, cursing, “I didn’t realize that his life was so much better without me in it. This changes everything. He’s going to know from now on that I was the thing holding him back. He won’t treat me the same.”

Damien sinks down next to me, “Why do you say that?”

“Did you see how happy he was in there? He made a whole ‘nother album when I wasn’t around. He has a girlfriend that looks like she could be on TV.”

“She was.”

I put my head in my hands, “Not helpful.”

“Sorry, he says, putting his arm around me. I sigh, “I really do fuck up people’s lives. I don’t suppose you could just make it like it was?”

“Nope.”

“I can apologize for ever complaining about my life. This is so much worse.”

“It’s not about that Alana.”

“Then what is it about?” I ask rhetorically.

“You know I can’t tell you.”

I let a single tear slip down my cheek, “He’s better off here isn’t he?”

“Ally just because there are some things in this life he likes doesn’t mean there aren’t going to be things he misses.”

I lean my head on his shoulder, “I’m surprised God even bothers with me.”

Damien just squeezes me shoulder, “Would you like me to wait here with you until Justin gets done?”

I nod pitifully, “Yeah. How long have you got?”

"I've got all the time in the world."