I feel like an outsider looking in. I mean, I know in some distant reality that we are together and somehow manage to make it work but I’m starting to see why that isn’t a reality. I’m like the third wheel he has to drag around despite his first inclination to get rid of me the first chance he gets.

My bare feet sink into the rug on the floor in front of the couch, watching him shoot a music video. Jessica is conveniently off to the side, watching his every move but knowing full well that out of the corner of her eye she’s watching me. Not that I blame her, I suppose it’s not easy to trust someone who’s constantly on the road and who shows up with another girl. He chose his words carefully though, being careful to sidestep the location which to where I am sleeping. That information may have made her head explode.

The couch sinks down next to me and I turn to see Trace leaning back against the red fabric, “So how’s it going?”

“Fine.”

The one thing I’ve learned about this Trace that’s a complete one-eighty from the non-reality Trace is that he is incapable of small talk here and he’s constantly watching Justin’s back as though the hundreds of people that are hired to do that exact thing aren’t doing their job. He shifts his foot a little, staring at it before glancing back up at me, “So why exactly are you here anyway?”

“I don’t know,” I reply as I stare out into space.

“Because Justin seems to be into Jess yet he’s dragging you along for the ride.”

I turn my head to glance at his face, only to reveal a poker face, “I’m not here to get in the way.”

“Yet you are,” he says, taking a sip of his beer.

I frown, “What is your problem?”

“You. You are my problem. He was fine with Jessica and things were going smoothly and then he shows up with you and your sleeping in his house but he seems more attracted to Jessica then he’s ever been. So tell me, are you pregnant?”

I laugh out loud, “Are you kidding?”

“I just want to know why he would risk his relationship with one of the hottest girls on the planet for someone who seemingly landed here from outer space unless she had something over him.”

“Don’t you think if I was blackmailing him or trying to trap him you would be the first to know?”

Trace shrugs, “He’s been acting pretty weird lately.”

“Trust me, I want nothing and I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.”

He looks at me skeptically, “Why?”

“Because I’m going to be on my way.”

“To where?”

I bite my lip, “Home I guess.”

“And where is that?”

I decide this is the perfect time to ignore him and rest my head back as Justin comes over with Jess’s hand locked in his, “Hey guys.”

 “Hey man,” Trace says standing up, “Are we going out to eat or what?”

Jessica smiles at Justin, “What about that new French restaurant. I hear they have wonderful food.”

Justin hesitantly looks to me, “Ally and I had plans to go and have dinner together.”

Jessica’s face falls faster than the top threatening to slide down her chest for a lack of anything to keep the shirt up, “What?”

“You can go Justin. I can find my own meal at the house.”

“House?,” Jessica interrupts.

“She’s staying with me,” Trace interrupts.

She seems satisfied with the response and tugs on his arm, “Great, we’ll see you later.”

Justin offers me a pity smile before being dragged off. Trace follows the two of them leaving me to find my way back to the house by myself.

________________________________________________________________________

I go through boxes of my things that I dragged to Justin’s, wracking my brain to the possible cause as to why I am here. Pictures of me in high school, a sweatshirt from an old boyfriend that I stole and continue to sleep in, a birthday card from my mother from my tenth birthday.

“Aren’t the two of you supposed to be figuring out this stuff together?”

I turn around, “Don’t you ever knock?”

“I could but what fun would that be?”

I roll my eyes, “You should really consider rethinking your career choice.”

“Oh, what would you suggest?”

“Something that involves the DMV.”

“The DMV?”

“Yeah. That’s the only place I can think of that purposely tries to piss of the American public and give them heart attacks.”

“Your too funny Ally.”

I throw some stuff to the side, “Is there a time limit to this discovery thing?”

“Nope.”

I lean my head back and sigh, “This is impossible.”

“It would help if the two of you were doing this t-o-g-e-t-h-e-r.”

“Shut up,” I snap.

Damien throws a pillow at my head, “Ow, what was that for?” I mutter, rubbing my head from where the button on it connected with me earring and tugged it off.

“I can read your mind remember? Thinking I’m a dick is not allowed.”

“There are way too many rules.”

The front door opens and Justin comes in with Jessica, only to see Damien and stop short. He turns to Jessica, “You know what? I think we’re going to have to call it a night.”

Jessica peaks around and only sees me, not the annoying he-devil to my right, “Because of her,” she hisses at him.

“No, it’s just I have to do some work tonight I forgot about.”

She sighs heavily, practically fogging up the mirror from five hundred feet away, “Fine, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The door slams behind her and Justin comes over and plops down beside me on the floor, “What now?”

“I don’t know, ask him,” I say, pointing at Damien.

“I was going to get laid,” he mumbles.

“Not my problem. You are supposed to be figuring out why this is happening to you. Hello, why do you think you’re here! It’s certainly not to get in some girl’s pants.”

“Fine, just point the fucking way and get this thing on it’s way.”

Damien rolls his eyes, “Call me when you’ve figured it out.”

He disappears as quickly as he came and I put my head in my hands and rub my eyes, “I’m exhausted. There’s nothing here and I’m out of ideas.”

Justin grabs a box and starts shifting through it, “Maybe you just need a pair of fresh eyes.”

“Go for it,” I respond, lying back.”

I hear him shifting through the box and stop after a few minutes, “Why do you have your dad’s social security card and birth certificate?”

I shrug, “It’s the only thing I have left from him.”

“But doesn’t he need this stuff?”

I laugh and sit up, “Why would he need that stuff?”

“Because it’s kind of hard to get around without a social security card. You can’t even open a credit card without one,” he says confused.

“What are you talking about, he’s dead. He died like five years ago.”

Justin frowns, “No he’s not.”

“No, believe me he is.”

“Maybe in reality Al, but not in our life. Well, my life.”

I stop smiling, “Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty sure Ally, we were with him last week for his fourth anniversary.”

“Fourth anniversary of what?”

“His marriage.”

My head starts to spin a little and I wince, “Wait, what?”

“He’s still alive Al.”

I rub my forehead, “I don’t understand what happened to cause such a difference.”

“I don’t know,” he says, moving closer to me, “So here your dad is dead? How?”

“They told me it was a heart attack.”

“They told you?”

“I wasn’t there when he died. I took off after eleventh grade with my boyfriend at the time who my dad hated. I was too embarrassed to go home after he left me. I finally decided to go home about a year ago, only to find out he had died.”

“What are you talking about, you never left after eleventh grade.”

I turn to him, “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure, we met at college.”

“What?”

I turn to Justin before we both yell, “Damien!”

“Wow, it took you two that long to figure this out?”

“So what now? I mean, my dad’s alive and I’m here. What does that mean?”

“It means you need to go back Alana.”

“I can go back?”

“You have to go back, the both of you.”

“Wait, both of us,” Justin says, motioning with his finger between the both of us.

“Yes, both of you.”

“But I’m happy here.”

I feel my checks burn, partly out of shame and partly out of the thought that he’s more content here than he was with me. It’s just a weird feeling I guess, knowing that you’re not wanted. He was fully content with the other version of me, but the reality is not what it should be. I guess it never is.

Damien cocks his head to the side and stares at me but I don’t meet his eyes, instead choosing to stare at the ground and try desperately to think nothing. Damien looks back to Justin, “You don’t have a choice.”

“Then what was the point of bringing me here?” he yells.

“It was to figure things out.”

“So you show me how perfect my life is and then rip it out from under me?”

A tear slips down my cheek but I brush it away quickly in hopes he won’t notice. I feel a warmth of a hand on my back and I look but neither Justin nor Damien are touching me. Suddenly I feel two arms wrap around my body and hold me. I look up at Damien and give him my best smile and mouth “I’m fine.”

Damien turns to Justin, “This is your reality Justin. Nothing is going to change that. You should do well to consider that this is all temporary and you might actually learn something.”

Justin throws his hands up in the air in defeat, “For who? I’m doing just fine in both realities.”

I take a side step away from Justin and glance up at Damien, “Look, why don’t you just send me back? I can tell people Justin’s working on an album and he’ll be back later in the week or something.”

“Yeah,” Justin pipes in.

“No,” Damien says firmly.

“Why not? He doesn’t want to go back so why can’t he just stay here?” I practically beg.

“Because it’s going to take the two of you to figure this out.”

“This wasn’t even about me, I just got sucked into this. I didn’t ask for this.”

“You were always going to be in this Justin. It doesn’t just involve Alana. You need your question answered just as much as she needs hers.”

“Bullshit. I’m doing just fine on my own before you showed up.”

Damien ignores him and the room starts to spin. I think about reaching out for Justin but decide against it, considering the fact that he doesn’t exactly want to even be with me at the moment. Probably longer than that.

Justin just rolls his eyes dramatically as it starts to spin faster and faster until I can’t feel anything else. Again.

________________________________________________________________________

I wake up in bed next to her and sit up, thinking that if we could just get on with this everything will go back to what I could only imagine in my wildest dreams. My life is perfect and now I’m just stuck along for the fucking ride.

Alana stirs and opens her eyes, only to recoil from me. She twirls a piece of hair around her finger before looking up at me, “Hey.”

“Hey,” I mumble, getting out of bed and leaving her there as I head downstairs for a much needed drink at seven in the morning.

I walk by pictures of the two of us, thinking it was all a lie the whole time. I thought this was my perfect life. My dream. Only to discover that it was all just shit. Footsteps break my thoughts and I turn around to see Ally. She surveys the bottles of alcohol I’m searching through but wisely says nothing about it.

She cleats her throat, “If you just give me my dad’s address I’ll go by myself.”

I give her a look that I have never given Ally in my life, “No, I don’t want to prolong this any longer than necessary. Damien said we have to do this together so that is what we’re going to do.

She stares at me before relenting, “Then I’m going to hit the shower.”

“You do that,” I respond, finally finding the vodka and pouring myself some.