Chapter 13-- Justin's POV

We've been back home for about a week but it hasn't been very pleasant. I have a constant attitude problem when it comes to Ashlynn and she is very emotionally unstable. My battle wounds haven't faded yet so every time I look in the mirror, I'm reminded of the shitty night. I remember Tony beating the fuck out of me, I remember Ashlynn coming in and I remember her killing him. That last part still makes me sick to my stomach. Ashlynn has murdered someone and I watched that someone take his last breath. Every time I close my eyes, I see him laying there, motionless, just staring up at the ceiling. Sometimes, I have to get up out of bed at night to throw up because my dreams are haunted with all of this shit. And Ashlynn, oh god, Ashlynn. Every time I see her I want to throw up. When she touches me, my skin crawls so I avoid all physical contact with her whenever possible. I know what you are saying, it's not her fault that Tony turned out to be a psyco, and that I should give her the benefit of the doubt. I know all of that but still, look at what has happened to me. I'm paranoid and jump at any loud noise, I can't sleep through the night anymore and I've lost weight from all of the throwing up I've been doing. I can't help but think that Ashlynn is the cause of this.

She's trying to be so strong through and I know I'm hurting her, I know I am. The other day I was in the kitchen making a sandwich and she came up behind me and hugged me. Just the feeling of her skin up against mine made me literally sick. I actually gagged when she was touching me. As you probably know, that didn't make her feel all that great and she spent the rest of the afternoon upstairs, crying. I don't know what to do and sure as hell don't know how to get over this. Trace suggested that maybe I should talk to somebody but I'm not gonna pay some dumb ass to listen to me talk for an hour just to have them tell something that I already know. That's bullshit.

I take a sip of my beer, set it back on the table and close my eyes when the breeze washes over my body. I hear the patio door open and then click shut and I sigh a little as I see her delicate form move one a chairs away from mine and then sit down, "Hey." She says softly.

"Hey."

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" I didn't mean to sound that harsh.

She lets out a sigh of her own and looks out across the pool, "Sorry I bothered you." She mumbles as she stands up out of the chair and walks back into the house.

You see what I mean? As soon as she says something to me, I just lash out at her and make her leave. She didn't even do anything to me just now but show her face. I stand up and follow her into the house and see her in the kitchen, pulling out pots and pans. I walk into the kitchen and stand opposite of her, "What are you making?" I ask.

"Spaghetti."

"Hmm. Look, I'm sorry about the way I spoke to you out there."

"You don't have to pretend to be sorry Justin. Just go back outside."

Her response suprises me, "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. You've been lashing out at me all week. If you were truly sorry about it, you wouldn't do it anymore."

She's right but I'm not going to admit that, "Ashlynn, don't start with me okay? I've got a headache and I'm not in the mood to fight with you."

"Whatever Justin."

"I try and apologize to you and this is how you treat me?" I ask.

"What about the way you treat me?! You've treated me like shit ever since we've been back and I haven't done a goddamn thing but love you." She says staring at me.

"Yeah, you haven't done anything but almost get me killed." Oh shit. I shouldn't of said that.

She nods her head and lets out a fake laugh, "So we are finally getting to it. You're still blaming me for all of this Tony stuff huh?"

"No, that's not what I meant-"

"Then why did you say it?"

"It slipped out Ashlynn."

"No it didn't. Things just don't 'slip out', Justin."

"I am so sick and tired of doing this with you." I say as I start to walk away.

"Why?"

"Because you're a fucking bitch that why! I don't know why you like to start shit with me Ashlynn." I walk into the living room but she's right on my heels.

"I start shit because we need to talk about this. We need to talk about what happened so we can get over it. It hasn't been easy for me either Justin." She says softly as she places her hand on my upper arm.

I jerk away from her and look at her like she's crazy, "Don't touch me." I practically growl.

I steps back and looks at me with wide eyes, "Why won't you let me touch you?" She asks softly.

"Because you make my skin crawl. It makes me sick knowing that a murderer in touching me."

Her eyes glaze over with her all too familiar tears and she turns from me and heads upstairs. I rub my hands over my face and jog up the steps and into the bedroom where she is throwing her clothes into a suitcase.

"Ashlynn-"

"Don't!" She sceams, "Do you think I wanted this happen?! Do you honestly think that I wanted you to witness something like that?! It is not my fault Justin! It is not my fault!"

She wipes her face harshly with her hands but doesn't stop packing, "Ashlynn just calm down okay?" I walk up behind her and place my arms around her waist. I try not to gag but... I do.

"Get the fuck off of me!" She screams as she slaps my hands away from her body, "You can't even touch me with out throwing up and you want me to believe that you don't blame me? You are sucha fucking bastard!"

I've never seen her so upset before but that doesn't phase me right at this moment, "You are a class act you know that Ashlynn? You are not the one that deserves to be angry. In fact, you are the last person to be calling me a fucking bastard."

"Oh? And why is that you selfish prick?"

"You know what? Get your shit and get the fuck out of my house!" I scream at her and going into the closet to collect some of her stuff.

Her voice softens but that doesn't stop me, "What Justin?"

"I said get the hell out! I will not take this bullshit from you." I throw some of her belonings on the bed and return into the closet.

"No, Justin-"

"I don't give a fuck Ashlynn! If you don't get out, I will put you out." I say throwing more of her stuff on the bed.

"I'm sorry Justin, okay? Justin please, I'm sorry baby."

She walks into the closet with me, falls to her knees and scootches over to me. She wraps her arms around my legs and presses her face into my jeans, "I'm sorry Justin! I love you baby okay? I'll be good from now on and I won't bother you baby."

"Get off of me Ashlynn."

"No Justin please."

"Get off of me!" I move forward causing my knee to slam into the middle of her face.

She lets go of me and her hands fly to her face, covering her nose. She moves her hand away from her face and my eyes widen as I see blood smeared on her fingers and palm. She looks up at me in disbelief as blood gushes from her nose and thenjumps up from her place on the floor and runs into the bathroom. Guilt and fear now runs through my veins as I follow her. As soon as she see's me, she tries to shut the door but I stop it with my hands.

"Ashlynn don't. Just let me see"

I force the door back open and my stomach twists with even more guilt as I look at her. Her face is a mixture of blood and tears, and neither of those things have stopped flowing. I reach out to her but she viotently hits my hand away and starts swatting at me to get me out of the bathroom, "Ouch, Ashlynn stop!"

I grab one of her petite hands but the other slips away from my grasp and plants itself on the side of my cheek forcefully. I let go of her to hold my cheek and she pushes me roughly, causing me to stumble backwards and out of the bathroom. She slams the door and locks it, I can still hear her crying. Oh god, what have I done? She's bleeding because of me. I knock on the door, "Ashlynn please let me help you."

There is no response but her crying increases, "Please baby? Please?"

My own tears have started to well in my eyes and before I know it, they are falling freely down my face. I loud sob escapes my throat and I fall to the floor, wailing just as hard as she is, "I didn't mean to hurt you baby. I didn't mean too, I swear Ash. I would never hurt you baby."

Still, there is no response. I pick myself up off of the floor and carry my heavy body into the guestroom. I fall on the bed and just let all of the pain engulf my body. The pain from Tony, the pain I've caused in Ashlynn and the pain of hurting her. I hug a pillow to my body and cry loudly into it. How is she going to trust me now? Where is this going to put us? What does this make me; a woman beater? An abuser? Hurried footsteps break of my of my thoughts and I take off out of the room after the noise. I catch a glimpse of Ashlynn as she flees out the back door. I run after her and make it outside just as I see her backing out of the driveway in her Mercedez. I call out to her as she screetches off down the street and don't stop watching until she rounds the corner and is out of my sight. More tears slip down my cheek as I walk back into the house and fall into the couch.

Marty comes around from the laundry room and looks at me with big brown eyes as if he's saying, 'you've fucked up buddy', "I know I have Marty, I know I have." I say collecting him up in my arms and petting him softly.

Only one question plagues me now.

Is this the end of us?

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