Chapter 7

Needless to say, but these last few months have been pure heaven. Justin and I are just inseparable, we called each other probably 500 times a day, no joke. We are just another pair of lovers, whispering terms of endearment to each other and smiling for no apparent reason. Those couple always used to make me sick but now that I’m apart of one, it doesn’t bother me so much, especially with just Justin hanging off my arm. Ever since that day in the garage, you know when we did the nasty on top of his cherry red Mustang, I’ve morphed into this whole new person. It’s actually kind of scary that some guy can do this to me. But on the other hand, this isn’t some guy we’re talking about here; this is Justin. Beautiful, baby-faced, strong but yet sensitive Justin. What is there not to love about this man?

When I told Olivia about us having sex on his car, she almost flipped out. Now she is the queen of kinky and public sex but I had finally topped her. Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen, Ashlynn Marie Summers is now the reigning freak-a-leak, to quote Petey Pablo. She too has noticed my metamorphosis, she’s really the one that brought it up. She said that I’ve become a lot freer with myself and sort of like a free-spirit. I dress a lot sexier than I used to, that’s for sure. Instead of putting my hair in a bun when I go to work, I just let it flow over my shoulders. I’m not so nervous when I meet new people and come to think of it, even my boss has noticed this sudden personality change in me. Damn, I must have been horrible before I met Justin? But anyway, like I said before, I feel it to. I just feel… different, a good different, you know? I’m not so self-conscience and I like it. I love it.

“Earth to Ashlynn! Hello? Do you not see me here?” I hear Olivia say as she waves her hand in my face.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I kind of spaced out there, what were you saying?” I say taking a bit into my chicken Caesar salad.

Olivia smiles at a waiter as he goes by and scoffs at me, “You were thinking about Justin again, weren’t you? Ugh, you guys make me sick. Can’t you go three seconds without thinking about each other?”

“You’re just mad because I am now the reigning champ of sex.” I laugh.

“Ha, ha, very funny. Anyway, we haven’t rated Justin yet.”

I see the smirk on her face and feel one of my own forming on my lips, “Liv, we are no longer children. Rating our sexual partners is very trivial and juvenile.”

“Oh whatever, you always want to know about my boyfriends. Okay, on a scale from 1 to 10, how is Justin in bed?”

I think for a minute, “Oh I’d say about…60.”

She erupts in laughter, “You devil you! He is that good?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Oh my god, I’m jealous! Before we get into to details, on a scale from 1 to 10, how big is Justin Junior?”

Again, I pause to think, “ 70.”

“Oh my god! No wonder you’ve been walking funny! Are you being serious with me?”

“Yes, I’m being serious. He is a sex GOD.”

“What does he do in bed?”

“What do you mean, what does he do?” I ask.

“You know, like what positions does he like and does he kiss you in Ashlynn junior and all that good stuff.”

“That is private information Olivia.”

“Oh come on! I always tell you about my sex partners. Spill it.”

“Okay.” I laugh like a school girl, “He is so rhythmic and soft and gentle when we have sex but at the same time he’s assertive and almost controlling, you know? He’s very playful and his thrusts are like butta.”

Olivia leans back in her chair, “You are one lucky bitch. I have never had a fuck buddy that was soft and gentle but playful and controlling. Damn you.”

I laugh at her and take another sip of my Sprite, “You don’t have to tell me that I’m lucky. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have even spoken to him.”

“Yeah, that's true. So once again, I get credit.”

It gets quiet for a while, but Olivia clears her throat. She only does that when she has something important to say, “Um, I don’t want to bring down the mood or anything and I’m only going to ask this because I think it’s important. Have you told Justin about Tony yet?”

I feel myself tighten immediately and she senses it too, “Ashlynn, I know this is hard for you to talk about but I think he needs to know. You’ll never get anywhere if you hide it from him.”

“Olivia, you know I don’t want to talk about it. He is just…” I can feel the tears already starting to form.

Even after all of these years, that bastard still has me scared shitless. Olivia gets up from her seat, sits next to me and wraps her arms around me, “Baby, don’t cry. He is not going to hurt you anymore. He’s gone, forever and he’s never coming back. The only way you are going to get over this is by talking about it. If you want this to be a committed relationship with Justin, you need to tell him. Plus, you’ll get rid of all of these demons that continue to plague you.”

She’s right. I need to get over this and I need to talk about it, just like she said. I nod by head into her shoulder and try to compose myself again, “Your right. I’m just scared. I don’t want Justin to see me any different or leave me because of all of this baggage I’ve been carrying around with me.”

“Justin isn’t like that and you know it. He’ll admire you for letting him in your life like this. He’ll want to protect you from everything and anything and that’s a good thing. He’ll understand.”

“You think so?” I say wiping under my eyes with my napkin.

“I know so. Honey, this relationship with Justin is the single most gratifying experience for you and I don’t want ghosts of Tony fucking it up for you. You deserve to be happy.”

I nod my head in agreement as she continues, “Plus, I think your feelings for Justin are a little deeper than you are willing to admit.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask her.

“Well, what I’m trying to ask is, are you in love with Justin?”

I look down at my hands and bit my lip. Am I in love with Justin? Is this what this is? I mean, he makes my stomach flutter when he touches me and he makes me weak at the knees when he kisses me and I get goose bumps when he smiles at me. Oh my god.

“I’m in love with Justin Timberlake.” I say more to myself than to anyone else.

Olivia shrieks in excitement and claps her hands together, “I knew it, I knew it! You are so in love with him! When are you going to tell him?”

“Liv, I just realized that I’m in love with him, and with all of this Tony stuff. I think I should just wait and think about it before I do anything stupid.”

“Oh shut up. You analyze shit to death, you love him, he loves you. Don’t be a damn baby and just tell him. You need to lighten up and be free with him.”

I sigh, “Olivia, you know it’s been hard for me every since Tony to admit-“

“Just stop.” She says holding up her hand, “See? This is what I mean. Justin is NOT Tony and he never will be. Do not let your fear get in the way of this Ashlynn. Justin is the best man you have been with in your entire life and if you play your cards right, there could be wedding bells in the future. I say this again, don’t let Tony fuck this up for you.”

I nod again. I’m not going to let Tony mess this up. For the first time since we’ve been apart, I’m letting Tony go.

________________________________________

It’s now 10:45 and Justin and I are settling into bed over at his house. I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, brushing my hair while he tells me about his day from the bathroom. He shuts off the light and walks in to the bedroom and turns on the TV. I set my brush down on the night stand as he props his pillow up against the headboard to get comfortable. It’s now or never Ashlynn.

“Umm, Jay, can we talk?”

“Sure baby. What’s on you mind?” He asks while turning the channels to ESPN.

“It’s really important Justin. Can you turn off the TV?” I ask quietly.

He looks over at me and must note the seriousness in my face because he turns off the TV and takes my hands into his own, “Are you okay baby? What’s the matter?”

“Um, I am becoming really comfortable with you Justin. I feel so different that how I used to and I just… I really like you.” I laugh nervously, “And if we want this to be a committed relationship then I need to tell you something about a past relationship of mine and just get everything off my chest and put it on the table.”

I take a deep breath and begin my story, “When I was twenty, I met this guy named Tony Washington in college. He um, he blew me away. He was kind and sweet and loving, but then things started to change when we finally got together.”

I feel Justin squeeze my hands and I continue, “You see, once we got together, he stopped being all kind and sweet and showed me a different side of him. He... He um…” My tears begin to cascade down my face and my hopes of getting through this story without becoming emotional are shot, “He began to hit me. They were just little slaps across the face and he always apologized but after time passed, they became punches in the face. He began throwing me around and just beat the crap out of me on a daily basis. He got into drugs and alcohol and things just got worse and worse and worse for me.”

“He used to call me names, terrible names and he used to tell me that I was nothing but a slut and a whore and that the only reason he was interested with me in the first place was because he thought I was easy.” I’m shaking now because I’m crying so hard, “He cheated on me left and right, with everyone. Friends, family members, everybody. But I loved him and I kept telling myself that things would get better but I was so stupid. At night, when he would come home from drinking he would… rape me.” I bring my hands to my face to cover it in shame. I just sob into them and I feel Justin pull me into his chest.

“He would force me to do all of these nasty, degrading things and he would tell me that if I ever told anyone, that he would kill me. I never said anything! I never said anything to anybody because I knew he would do it. So I stayed with him for three years and let him torture me day in and day out. I was such a coward! I was such a coward.”

I just break down then and cry into Justin’s chest. I can faintly hear him telling me that it’s okay and I swear I hear a small sob escape his lips. He squeezes me tightly and gently rocks us back and forth, kissing me in my hair and whispering comforting words in my ear. He lays me down gently and I close my eyes, trying to will the disturbing flashbacks out of my head while still sobbing like a newborn baby. He tells me to lift my arms above my head and shrugs off my shirt, leaving me bare-chested. He moves his hands down to my boyshorts and removes them.

“Baby, look at me.” He whispers.

I lift my head and meet his teary eyes. His tears slide down his cheeks and hit the sheet but he makes no attempts to brush them away.

“I love you.” He whispers to me.

I close my eyes again and drop my head back on the pillow. Another load sob leaves my lips and I feel him hover over me, “I love you too.” I whisper back to him and his lips crash on top of mine.

We both naked now, sitting in the middle of bed with my legs and arms wrapped around his waist and back. We’re not doing anything, we are just holding each other and crying. He kisses the side of my face and whispers that he loves me again and I begin to cry harder. Why has God placed such a man on earth? More than that, why has he given him to me?

“I love you too, Justin.”

He lays us back down and pulls the comforter over our naked bodies. He grabs a hold of me again and squeezes me into him until I feel like we’ve meshed into one being. One of his legs snakes in between mine and he kisses me on my nose one last time. I feel myself begin to doze off and the last thing I hear from him is, “I’ll never let anyone hurt you baby. I’ll never let anyone hurt you.”

I believe him when he says it. For the first time since I’ve been with Tony, I lay my heart in another mans’ hands.

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