Chapter 8

He loves me. Justin Timberlake told me he loves me last night. I love him. I really like saying that, you know, that I love him. It felt so good to say it though; it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I had been thinking that I was in love with him for a while but I really didn’t realize it until I talked to Olivia yesterday. That girl is wiser beyond her years, I tell ya. As I lay here, naked, in Mr. Timberlake’s arms, I feel free. Free from Tony mostly. I had been carrying him around for way to long and now I just feel free of him, of our past relationship and free of that low self-esteemed me. To quote Ace Ventura, I have exercised the demons!

Did I tell you that he loves me? I did, huh? Well, I’m going to tell you again. He loves me. God that feels good! We are lying on our sides, my back up against his chest and his arm is draped over my stomach. He is breathing softly against my skin and a smile creeps up on my face. This beautiful man, this sexy, heavenly man, loves me. A giggle escapes my lips and I quickly cover my mouth with my hand so I don’t wake him. I close my eyes and take in his scent once more before I begin to wiggle from under his grasp so I can make breakfast. I take a quick shower and raid his closet for a pair of boxers and a shirt before I skip down the stairs and walk into his lavish kitchen. I spot a small radio sitting on the floor next to the patio doors and pick it up and plug it in. Instantly, the Black Eye Peas Don’t funk with my heart fills the kitchen and I begin to move to the beat.

As I move around the kitchen, gathering all of the materials I need for pancakes, I feel two strong arms wrap themselves around my middle section. I jump and scream at first but laugh when I feel his feather soft lips on the side of my face. I low chuckle rumbles from deep in his throat and it vibrates against my skin, sending soft chills up my spine.

“You are so damn sexy in my clothes.” He whispers in my ear and kisses me again.

“Thank you. I hope you are hungry because I’m about to cook up a storm.”

He laughs again, “Good, I am hungry. You need any help sweetness?”

“No, I want to do this for you. Just sit down and relax.”

Again, he kisses me and takes a seat at the kitchen table. I can feel his eyes on me and I turn to look at him, “What are you looking at me for?”

He smiles softly and motions for me to join him, “Come ‘mere.”

I saunter over to him and take a seat in his lap and throw my arms around his neck. He looks over my face for a minute and then raises a hand to wipe away some hair that had fallen in my face, “You’re beautiful.”

There’s something in his eyes that means a lot more than just ‘your beautiful’. I can tell he’s thinking about last night and something in his face is telling me that he’s disturbed in a way. He continues to look me over and puts his arms around me and squeezes me a little, “You… You blew me away last night Ash.”

I look down at my lap, a bad habit that I need to get rid of, “I know.” I say barely above a whisper.

His index finger places itself under my chin and lifts my head so I am now looking back in his eyes, “It’s not you baby. It’s just… I’m really happy that you opened up to me like that, but at the same time, hearing all of those things that he did to you upset me, deeply. I can’t fathom what you had to go through with him and I swear to you, I will never, ever, treat you like that. He was not a man Ashlynn and what he showed you was anything but love. I had a really hard time falling asleep after we made love and I…”

He cut his speech short and just looked at me again. I sucked in my lip and waited for him to continue. He let out a deep sigh and looked away from me and outside to his patio. When he turned back to me a few seconds later, his brilliant blue eyes were glassy with tears, threatening to spill from his deep blue pools. A lone tear makes its escape and trickles down his slightly pale cheek. My heart swells with passion and pain and I wipe away his emotions. More plump tears travel down his warm cheeks and I’m struggling to wipe them all away.

“I don’t want you to hurt because of me Justin.”

“No, it’s not that. I just can’t bear to think about you hurting like that. Feeling like you were alone and trapped. It just makes me so damn mad to think about you having to endure that kind of pain.”

“That was a long time ago and for the first time, last night, I set myself free of him. You make me forget all of that Justin and I love you for that. I love you for being the man that you are.”

“And I love you. Now, where’s my food woman?”

We share a laugh together, but we don’t move. I kiss him softly, tell him I love him again and return to our breakfast. I am so lucky to call Justin my man, you have no idea how amazing that feels.

______________________________

“Hey babe, I have to go into the office to pick up my laptop. I forgot it yesterday after that meeting I had.” I call to him while lacing up my Nike’s.

“Okay, so you’ll be home in like thirty?”

“Yeah, then we can go out and do something okay?”

“Sound good baby.” He says leaning over the couch and kissing me on the cheek.

I smile and stand to my feet and grab my purse from the coffee table, “Is it okay if I take the Mustang? You know I love that car.”

“You know you don’t have to ask. Just get your sexy ass back here as quick as possible.”

“Okay, okay.”

I’m almost out of the front door when Justin calls to me again, “Ashlynn?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.” He says smiling.

I giggle, “I love you too Timberlake.”

“Good, you should.”

I slam the door in response but laugh all the over to the mustang. I start it up and start my decent into the city. I pull up at my building in no time and pull into a parking space in front because I don’t plan on being in there long. I say hi to Janice, the receptionist and jump into the elevator that someone was kind enough to hold for me. It reaches my floor and as I’m walking through the office, my secretary, Stacy stops me.

“Ashlynn, there is someone waiting in your office.”

“Someone in my office? I’m not expecting anyone, I wasn’t even supposed to come in today.” I say bewildered.

“I know and I told the gentlemen that but he told me to just get you on the phone. I called over at Justin’s but he said that you were on your way.”

“Well, did you get his name?” I ask still puzzled about the mystery guest.

“No, he wouldn’t give it to me. Do you want me to call Jeff?”

Jeff is the security officer for the building, “Um, no. I’ll handle this.”

I swiftly open my door and begin to speak, “Um, can I help you?”

The mystery man is sitting in my chair, but with his back to me. He chuckles deeply and slowly turns to face me. When I get a look at his face I almost faint, I can’t breathe. The tears instantly well up in my eyes and my chin begins to tremble. He couldn’t have found me, he couldn’t have. Jesus Christ.

“T-Tony?”

“Yes sweetheart. You haven’t forgotten my baby?” He says smugly and smiles at me, “Close the door.”

I can’t move I’m so frightened at this moment. I can’t even move when he gets out of my chair, walks over to me and then reaches past me to close and lock my door. I let out a sob as he backs up from me and looks me over.

“You look good Ashlynn. You’ve changed a lot babe.”

I still don’t speak, “What’s the matter honey? Cat got your tongue?”

He slides his index finger under my chin but I jerk away from him and find some strength, “What are you doing here?” I ask trying to sound confident.

“You mean, how did I find you? Well, it was hard and it took me almost a year but here I am.”

“What do you want from me Tony?”

“I want you baby. I love you Ashlynn and we were meant to be together. I was heartbroken when you just up and left me back in college, I thought we were in love.”

I let out a laugh, “Love? You call beating the shit out of me love?”

“Baby, you made me angry. If you have just learned to keep quiet and do what I told you too, you could have saved yourself the pain.”

He turns away from me and walks back over to my desk. He picks up a recent picture of Justin and I and turns back to me, “Who is this?”

“None of your damn business.” Where is this new found strength coming from?

He laughs again, “None of my business huh?”

“That’s what I said isn’t it.”

He smiles and looks at me, “You sure have got a smart mouth on you. You know I don’t like-“

“I don’t give a fuck what you like. Get the fuck out of my office you piece of shit.”

He’s shocked that I’ve spoken to him this way. He looks back at the picture and then places it back on my desk, “Alright, I won’t cause a scene. But, don’t think this is the last time we’ll see each other, Ashlynn. You belong to me and no faggity-ass white boy is going to take you away from me. Don’t make me go after him too, okay?”

He walks over to me again and kisses me on my cheek. The contact makes my skin crawl and I close my eyes and grit my teeth, “I’ll see you later Ashlynn.”

And with that, he opens the door and walks away. Stacy looks at me from her desk but I motion that it’s okay and shut my door again. But as soon as it’s closed, I slide down to the floor and pull my knees into my chest and just cry. How could he have found me? And now he knows where I work and he knows about Justin. God, I can’t let Justin get hurt, I can’t. What if he knows where I live? What if he finds Olivia too? I must be crying loud now because Stacy is now banging on my door. I can barely hear it though, I’m so far from reality, it’s not even funny. I have no idea how long it’s been but I hear Justin’s voice come through the door.

“Baby? Baby, it’s Justin honey. Open the door for me.”

I stand slowly, grasping on to the handle of the door to steady myself. I open it but loose control of my legs and Justin catches me and holds me to his body. He walks me over to my chair but I fight him horribly; I don’t even want to sit in that chair anymore. So instead, he sits me on the desk and kneels in front of me, rubbing his hands on my thighs softly.

“What happened Ash?” I don’t answer him, “Baby please tell me what happened. Stacy told me that someone was waiting in here for you when you got here. Did he hurt you? Who was he?”

He’s frantically searching my body to see if there are any marks or evidence but he finds none. I can’t tell him that Tony was there, he won’t love me anymore for pulling him into this situation. With each passing moment, I can feel myself slipping further and further away from reality. I don’t want this to happening right now, especially when things were getting to be so good. I can’t loose Justin, if I do, I’ll die. I’ll just die and then I’ll be alone again. God, I hate to be alone. I look into Justin’s eyes and see hurt and panic and… pain. I can’t do this to him, I have to tell him.

“Tony.” I whisper.

“What did you say? I didn’t hear you.”

“Tony. It was Tony.” I say louder.

Instantly, I see a transformation take place in Justin. He tenses up and his eyes go from pain stricken to dark and angry, “Your old boyfriend Tony? The one you told me about?” His voice is harsh and dripping with anger.

I just nod and he looks away from me as to regain his softness. He looks back at me and takes my face in his hands, “This is not your fault. He will NOT hurt you, okay? I will not let that bastard hurt you. I’ll do whatever the fuck I have too to keep his sick ass away from you, you got it?”

I nod and start crying again, “I promise you Ashlynn. I will protect you from him this time. You are not alone anymore.”

I wrap my arms around his neck and through my legs around his waist as he stands up. He grabs me firmly, picks up my laptop and makes his way out of my office. He assures Stacy that I’ll be okay and then proceeds to carry me all the way out to our cars. I see his friend Trace in the Mustang and I try to smile but I can’t even manage that. Justin puts me in the passenger seat of his Escalade, starts it up and soon we’re back at his place. He’s holding me again in his living room and telling me that everything will be okay and a part of me believes him. But the other part of me knows Tony, and when he says that he’ll come after you, he will. I just don’t want Justin and Olivia to get hurt, I don’t care what he does to me.

I look out of one of the windows from Justin’s living room and look over at my once peaceful sanctuary that I call home. I shudder at the thought of Tony possibly knowing where I live. I can’t even look at my own home now, and I close my eyes and try to keep the bile from rising in my throat. I hold on to Justin tighter and wish that today hadn’t of happened. I can’t keep my breakfast down much longer and I jump from Justin’s grasp and run into the bathroom where my vomit stains the once white, porcelain toilet bowl. Justin pulls my hair away from my face and rubs small circles on my back until I’m finished being sick. He let’s me wash out my mouth and jogs up his stairs to grab my toothbrush and hands it to me when he returns. When I’m finished, he wets a washcloth and dabs it along my forehead and then down my cheek bones and along my jaw line. I dissolve in to tears again and he picks me up carefully and carries me up to his room.

Before I know it, I’m asleep in his arms. I wish this would never end.

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