I can't escape the magic in your eyes
Is there a way to make you realize
There's no one more special to my heart
While he was there, forgetting about the world, he lost himself completely in deep self-reflection.
At first, he was so angry at Allie for the things that she'd said She didn't know what his life was like. She didn't know what this business was like. She didn't know the things he'd gone through.
Lies from all of the women he'd ever dated. Secrets kept from him by people who were supposed to be his friends, and betrayal from both. People everywhere were constantly using him to get ahead any way they could.
All he wanted to do, was make music, but there was a whole other world of shady people and messed up situations that came with his dream.
The more he thought about it all, the more he realized that he wasn't really mad at her, he was more angry with himself for letting it all get to him, and then taking it all out on her.
He realized how correct her statements were. He was afraid to let anyone in after all that he'd been through. That included his fans, and her as well.
He loved her, he knew that, he'd told her. He'd heard her say that she loved him back, and he wanted so bad to believe it but he was so scared that this all would eventually fall down around him and he'd be left alone and heartbroken again.
He was jaded, and maybe just a little bent from past events that he couldn't seem to leave behind.
On top of it all, he was feeling guilty because he hadn't made one effort to go home, or even call home because he couldn't face her yet.
He appeared so confident and in control to almost everyone, but that was the line of the tightrope he walked to keep from falling and being broken even more then he already was.
However, he was also realizing that change had to come from within and Allie made him want to change for the better. That change had to start with him admitting his insecurities and stripping off that thick skin.
He knew now that he needed to force himself to be a man Allie needed him to be, and take the first step on the walk to redemption.
-----------------A few hours later, he was standing on his front step, trying to muster the courage to open the door and face her again. He opened the door, and called out for her. But there was no answer.
He assumed she was still upset, and ignoring him so he checked the rooms downstairs and even peeked into the backyard but she wasn't there. Then he climbed the stairs and checked the guest room, still calling out for her. Finally he made it to the end of the hall, and opened the door to the master bedroom.
"Allie, are you in here?" He asked timidly, expecting her to come walking out of the connected bathroom, ready for his explanation. But she wasn't there.
His heart stopped when he noticed a peice of paper... a note, lying on the bed. 'No... no, no, no.' His mind raced as he sat down on the bed and unfolded the piece of paper, to read the words she had left for him.
With every word, his heart broke a little more.
Justin,I want to tell you first, that I didn't lie when I told you I loved you, but I think there are some things you need to figure out on your own. I understand that you're scared, of what exactly, I'm not entirely sure. But if there is one thing I do know, it's that you need to stop running from your fears before you lose yourself in them. You can't let them run your life. You don't get more then one shot at this and it's your choices that will define who your are and who you'll become. I know that deep inside you is the man that I've fallen in love with, and the man that loves me. I need him, not the mask he's hiding behind. Please don't come looking for me, not now. The only thing I've ever wanted from you, was honesty. I wanted you to be honest with the world, with me, and most of all with yourself. Just know, that when you finally figure out who you are, I'll be waiting for you... we'll be waiting for you.
Love,
Allie.
As he reached the end there was no way to stop the tears falling from his eyes. He sank to the floor, leaning his back against the foot of the bed and holding his head in his hands. The letter fell to the floor beside him.
It was too late. He'd finally realized what really mattered, and it was too late.
He'd lost everything.
He wasted no time stumbling down the stairs to find his cell phone. It was resting on the counter where he'd set it down when he passed through just a few minutes before.
He flipped open the phone and scanned through the phone book for the cell phone that he'd given Allie. He pushed a button and held it to his ear waiting for an answer.
But if possible, his heart fell even further when he heard the sound of the phone ringing from somewhere upstairs.
He followed the sound, and found the phone, hanging up his own. Then he flipped through that phone book in hopes of finding her parents number, but he found that it had been cleared completely.
She'd thought of everything.
He sank to the floor again, this time not even trying to stop the tears from coming. He hadn't wanted it to end like this.
After a few moments of losing himself in the sadness, he heard his phone start to ring and he reached for it instantly hoping it might be her.
But it wasn't. He pushed the button on the side to silence it and then went back to wallowing in self-pity.
He planned on calling anyone and everyone he could to find a way to use all of his contacts to find out where she was. After all, there was a name to her face and over half the country knew who she was, someone was bound to mention seeing her sooner or later... it was only a matter of time.
He would start his search later, but for now...
For now he just wanted to curl up next to the pillow she used, pull the covers over his head and hide away again.
So much for turning over a new leaf.
Why did you take away your love
When did you think to just give up
How am I supposed to carry on now
Without you
